10% Happier with Dan Harris

Rewire How You Talk To Yourself | Ofosu Jones-Quartey

December 31, 2025

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  • Self-compassion is a vital practice, described by Ofosu Jones-Quartey as the foundation that saved his life during a period of deep depression, contrasting with mere clinical mindfulness. 
  • Self-compassion is not about being cheesy or losing one's edge; it is the fuel required to maintain rigor, avoid burnout, and see difficult paths through to the end. 
  • The practice of self-compassion involves relating to oneself as one would a best friend, using inquiries like "what if I wasn't so hard on myself right now?" to challenge the inner critic and the 'trance of unworthiness'. 
  • Ofosu Jones-Quartey's song "In This Moment" served as a turning point, integrating his meditation practice with raw, honest artistic expression to write his way out of depression. 
  • The practice of observing one's mind, even when feeling worthless, allows for the recognition that thoughts and feelings are impermanent, which is essential for healing through kindness. 
  • The core message of the song emphasizes that the present moment is the only reality, and self-compassion, encapsulated by the mantra "I am enough," is required for rising again after setbacks. 

Segments

Introduction to Self-Compassion
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(00:00:04)
  • Key Takeaway: Harsh inner dialogue degrades resilience, burns people out, and damages relationships, necessitating Buddhist strategies for rewiring inner talk.
  • Summary: The harsh inner dialogue many people experience is often an ingrained habit believed to offer safety but actually erodes resilience and harms relationships. This episode of 10% Happier with Dan Harris features Ofosu Jones-Quartey to discuss Buddhist strategies for rewiring this negative self-talk. Key topics include the link between self-compassion and successful meditation, and practical ways to apply self-compassion.
Why Self-Compassion Matters
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(00:06:11)
  • Key Takeaway: Ofosu Jones-Quartey credits self-compassion with saving his life by providing the necessary foundation to navigate deep unhappiness and depression.
  • Summary: Self-compassion is the most important topic for the guest because it was foundational to his survival during a period of deep unhappiness and depression, especially when his rigorous practice alone was insufficient. He realized that noticing suffering (mindfulness) was not enough; an active response of caring for himself (compassion) was necessary for his practice and life to be whole. This realization helped pull him out of a deep hole and now prevents him from falling back in too deeply.
Defining Self-Compassion
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(00:15:34)
  • Key Takeaway: Self-compassion is developing a relationship with oneself akin to how one cares for a best friend, involving checking in on mental, emotional, and physical states and responding with truth and care.
  • Summary: To practice self-compassion, one must check in with their current state (mind, emotion, body) and then extend a thought experiment: what would I say to a loved one feeling exactly this way? Whatever response arises for the friend should be offered to oneself, allowing the corresponding movement of the heart to occur internally.
Resistance 1: Cheesy Affirmations
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(00:17:21)
  • Key Takeaway: Initial feelings of awkwardness or corniness when practicing self-kindness are natural, but they should be overcome by recognizing that one is already talking to themselves constantly, and kindness is a better default.
  • Summary: The initial resistance to self-compassion often stems from feeling it is cheesy, similar to the Stuart Smalley affirmations, which the guest admits feeling initially. The antidote is to start with baby steps, offering praise for basic actions like getting out of bed, recognizing that being mean to oneself is also a form of ‘dopey’ behavior. Since the inner talk is constant, listeners should examine what they are saying and try making it slightly nicer.
Resistance 2: Losing the Edge
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(00:23:34)
  • Key Takeaway: Self-compassion is the fuel for maintaining an edge and achieving goals effectively, not a form of self-delusion that leads to ineffectiveness or burnout.
  • Summary: The fear that kindness will cause one to lose their competitive or artistic edge is a common misconception; data suggests self-compassionate people are often more efficient at reaching goals. Self-compassion is not about letting oneself off the hook for responsibilities, as seen in practices like Muay Thai training, which are uncomfortable but essential. Positive reinforcement for being on the right path provides the fuel necessary to continue, preventing burnout.
Resistance 3: Selfishness and Illusion
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(00:29:56)
  • Key Takeaway: Self-compassion is a skillful means that helps liberate the self from injury and suffering, allowing one to access ultimate reality, rather than reinforcing the ego.
  • Summary: In Buddhist terms, wisdom (addressing ultimate reality like non-self) and compassion (addressing conventional reality) are inseparable wings of awakening. Self-compassion is necessary to heal internal injuries and make the self less ‘sticky’ and painful, which clears the way for transcendence. It is a practice aimed at liberating the self from suffering, not reinforcing the illusion of a separate, injured self.
Off-Cushion Practices
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(00:38:16)
  • Key Takeaway: Off-cushion practices include journaling to reflect efforts, using written reminders like ‘You’re doing the best you can’ to short-circuit negativity bias, and establishing accountability partners for mutual support.
  • Summary: Journaling provides a healthy feedback loop where one can write short letters recognizing efforts and offering support, which is especially useful when feeling low. Written reminders placed in daily sightlines, like on a bathroom mirror, serve as ’the pause that remembers,’ interrupting harsh thought proliferation. Accountability partners, rooted in the Sangha (community support), help sustain the habit by providing external check-ins on self-talk.
On-Cushion Practices
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(00:48:59)
  • Key Takeaway: Formal meditation practices for self-compassion include a gratitude body scan, tailored loving-kindness phrases, and a mind-body-heart reflection based on friend-like care.
  • Summary: A self-compassion body scan involves moving awareness through the body while offering appreciation and permission to relax to each region, acknowledging the hard work the body performs. Loving-kindness practice can be personalized by calling up an image of the inner child and offering specific words of reassurance based on current needs, rather than just using standard phrases. The mind-body-heart reflection involves checking in and then offering oneself the exact words and movements of heart one would give to a dear friend in the same state.
Teaching Self-Compassion to Children
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(00:59:49)
  • Key Takeaway: The most effective entry point for teaching children self-compassion is asking them: ‘How would you treat a friend of yours who is feeling the same way?’
  • Summary: Children develop the inner critic surprisingly early, often believing they are fundamentally not good enough when facing challenges. Parents should plant Dharma seeds by consistently posing the friend-inquiry, even if the child cannot immediately answer, to build a resource for later. The long game involves trusting that these suggestions will grow, leading children to develop resources like journaling and self-compassion practice for mental maintenance.
Sponsor: Quince Product Endorsement
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(01:03:47)
  • Key Takeaway: Quince offers premium quality items like Mongolian cashmere sweaters for $50, significantly below the typical $200 price point.
  • Summary: The speaker frequently wears Quince apparel, including cashmere sweaters, denim, and wool coats, noting their quality and fit. Quince partners directly with factories, cutting out the middleman to offer luxury pieces at half the cost of high-end brands. Listeners can receive free shipping and 365-day returns by visiting quince.com/slash happier.
Sponsor: Airbnb Hosting Benefits
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(01:05:25)
  • Key Takeaway: Hosting one’s home on Airbnb during travel can offset trip costs while fostering togetherness by providing comfortable lodging for others.
  • Summary: Traveling, especially with other families, boosts togetherness and cuts through isolation often driven by technology. Hosting your home while away allows you to help travelers feel comfortable and taken care of. Potential hosts can estimate their home’s worth at Airbnb.com/slash host.
Music Clip and Artistic Reflection
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(01:06:54)
  • Key Takeaway: Ofosu Jones-Quartey’s song “In This Moment” was a deliberate effort to create honest, Buddhist-themed hip-hop that reflected his reality.
  • Summary: The song played is the lead single from the 2021 album In This Moment, marking a shift toward music that was an honest extension of his practice. The lyrics detail a struggle with darkness and addiction, using the practice of observing the mind as a path out of depression. The chorus reinforces the core teaching: “All that you know is this moment. That’s the only thing that’s real.”
Lyrical Analysis of Self-Compassion
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(01:10:23)
  • Key Takeaway: A key realization in the lyrics is that personal pain often stems from unaddressed childhood suffering, necessitating self-compassion.
  • Summary: The verse recognizes the self as both the child and the parent, identifying that unaddressed pain turns into current fears. Observing thoughts and feelings reveals their transient nature, suggesting that healing is possible when viewed with kindness. The mantra “I am enough” is repeated as the necessary source of love and compassion.
Guest Contact Information
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(01:12:07)
  • Key Takeaway: Ofosu Jones-Quartey’s music and resources are accessible via his website, borniemusic.com, and his Instagram handle, borneusic.
  • Summary: All of the guest’s work, including music and dharma talks, can be found on his website, borniemusic.com. He is also active on Instagram under the handle borneusic. The guest expressed enthusiasm for future collaboration with Dan Harris.
Podcast Wrap-up and App Promotion
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(01:12:49)
  • Key Takeaway: Listeners can access the 10% with Dan Harris app with a free 30-day trial, which covers the upcoming New Year’s Meditation Challenge.
  • Summary: The 10% with Dan Harris app is available at danharris.com and includes a free trial period. This trial covers participation in the New Year’s Meditation Challenge with Joseph Goldstein, running from January 5th through the 11th. The host thanked the production team, including producers Tara Anderson and Eleanor Vasily, and engineer Pod People.
Sponsor: League One Volleyball
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(01:13:44)
  • Key Takeaway: League One Volleyball (LOVB) features world-class players in American cities starting January 7, 2026.
  • Summary: LOVB showcases high-energy volleyball with huge swings, massive blocks, and jaw-dropping digs. Teams will be located in Atlanta, Austin, Houston, Madison, Nebraska, and Salt Lake. Tickets for the return of the league can be purchased at lovb.com/slash iHeart.