10% Happier with Dan Harris

How Can I Meditate (Or Do Anything Else) When I’m in Pain? | Sebene Selassie

October 19, 2025

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  • The classical mindfulness approach of strictly "being with the experience" of pain may sometimes privilege the meditation over tending to the actual physical or psychological need, such as movement or medication. 
  • Physical pain, psychological pain, and emotional pain are processed in the same part of the brain, meaning that what feels unbearable for one person may not for another, highlighting the idiosyncratic nature of suffering. 
  • When dealing with pain or distress, a crucial step is to drop into somatic awareness to discern what the body specifically needs in that moment, whether it be a specific practice, movement, or external aid like a bath or ice pack. 

Segments

Introduction and Guest Context
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(00:00:04)
  • Key Takeaway: Sebene Selassie has extensive personal experience with both physical (cancer survivor) and psychological pain (divorce), making her qualified to discuss meditation during suffering.
  • Summary: The episode of 10% Happier with Dan Harris features Sebene Selassie to address how to meditate while experiencing physical or psychological pain. Selassie is highlighted as the Teacher of the Month on danharris.com, offering guided meditations and live Q&A sessions. The host also promotes upcoming in-person events, including a Meditation Party retreat and a live podcast taping benefit show.
Sponsor Messages
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(00:02:08)
  • Key Takeaway: Hosting one’s home on Airbnb while traveling is presented as a way to offset trip costs by getting paid to take a vacation.
  • Summary: The first sponsor segment promotes Airbnb hosting as a method to earn extra cash by utilizing an empty home during travel. The second sponsor segment highlights BetterHelp in recognition of World Mental Health Day, noting that their licensed therapists have assisted over 5 million people.
Addressing Pain in Meditation
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(00:04:53)
  • Key Takeaway: Classical mindfulness instruction often privileges staying with the experience, but this can sometimes mean prioritizing meditation over tending to acute pain needs.
  • Summary: Sebene Selassie acknowledges that her past advice on pain sometimes favored a classical mindfulness approach, which might inadvertently prioritize the meditation over tending to the pain itself. She notes that meditating with pain helps reveal the mental amplification of physical sensation, where thoughts about the pain increase suffering beyond the felt experience. Pain is described as a changing, impermanent physical sensation that can be experienced as vibration or tingling.
Cultural Judgment of Pain
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(00:07:37)
  • Key Takeaway: Cultural contexts, including Buddhist and New Age wellness culture, often impose judgment on pain, equating physical health with spiritual worthiness or progress.
  • Summary: Aversion to pain is a common human reaction, but cultural narratives often add layers of judgment on top of the physical experience. In some spiritual contexts, pain suggests one is ‘doing something wrong’ on the path, while wellness culture suggests physical health equals spiritual worth. This judgment makes the question of how to meditate with pain particularly tender and personal.
Personalizing Pain Experience
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(00:08:43)
  • Key Takeaway: Pain tolerance is highly idiosyncratic, requiring a personal practice to understand the felt experience versus spinning out into catastrophic thinking or self-judgment.
  • Summary: Selassie shares that her recent severe pain required varied interventions, including movement, medication, and practices like meditating in the bath. She notes that doctors’ pain scales (1 to 10) are subjective, and one must define what those numbers mean for themselves. Over-identification with pain, either by collapsing under it or boasting about tolerance, represents an unhelpful extreme.
Suffering as Universal Human Experience
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(00:16:05)
  • Key Takeaway: Reframing personal suffering through the lens of universal human experience, such as through the ‘why not me’ question, can reduce self-focus and panic.
  • Summary: Seeing an image of extreme suffering prompted Selassie to shift from ‘why me’ to ‘why not me,’ recognizing that suffering is universal and human. Dan Harris shares using the ocean/wave metaphor (‘You’re not the wave, you’re the ocean’) to reduce panic symptoms by acknowledging that the current experience is not unique or separate from the whole.
Determining Immediate Body Needs
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(00:18:08)
  • Key Takeaway: To determine what the body needs right now, one should drop into stillness, bring awareness away from the head, and sense into physical cues like tightness or constriction.
  • Summary: For those ready to work improvisationally, the key is to ask, ‘What does my body need right now?’ while feeling the belly, chest, and feet on the floor, rather than relying solely on thought. If not in acute distress, beginners benefit from sticking to one practice (like breath meditation) for a period to learn their system patterns. A simple technique involves following one inhale/exhale cycle and then checking in with the body’s current state before repeating.
Closing Remarks and Promotions
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(00:24:27)
  • Key Takeaway: Simplicity in practice is often superior, and listeners are reminded of Sebene Selassie’s ongoing companion meditations and upcoming live events.
  • Summary: The conversation concludes by emphasizing that simpler practices are often the most effective for building self-awareness. Listeners are reminded that Sebene Selassie’s guided meditations are available on danharris.com, alongside live Q&A sessions. Links are provided for the Meditation Party retreat and the benefit show taping with Pete Holmes.