10% Happier with Dan Harris

Buddhist Strategies for Protecting Yourself from Everyday Chaos | Bart van Melik

January 11, 2026

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  • The distinction between being mindful of an object (like the breath) and knowing that one is aware provides a sense of 'protection' and a resting place during practice. 
  • Learning to say 'no' skillfully, without aversion, is a crucial part of practice, applicable both internally (to thought loops) and externally (setting boundaries with others). 
  • The experience of awareness itself is imperturbable and distinct from the content it knows (like anger or frustration), offering an opportunity to step out of psychological drama. 

Segments

Introduction and Guest Context
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(00:00:18)
  • Key Takeaway: Bart van Melik is featured as Teacher of the Month on the 10% with Dan Harris app, offering fresh guided meditations.
  • Summary: The episode introduces Bart van Melik, a meditation and Dharma teacher, who is the Teacher of the Month for January on the new app. Listeners are encouraged to sign up for the app, which includes a free 30-day trial. The conversation begins with executive producer DJ Cashmere interviewing Bart.
Bart’s Origin Story
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(00:05:18)
  • Key Takeaway: Bart’s path to teaching meditation was catalyzed by an exchange program in Kenya where he met his wife and later by reading the Dalai Lama’s ‘The Art of Happiness,’ specifically the phrase ‘Come and see for yourself.’
  • Summary: Bart recounts starting his journey after high school in the Netherlands by going on an exchange program to Kenya, where he met his wife of 30 years. His interest in the mind led him to study psychology, and a book by the Dalai Lama introduced him to Buddhism without institutional pressure. A pivotal moment occurred in Thailand when a monk instructed him simply to notice his belly rise and fall, leading to the realization that he could ‘know that I am aware.’
Transition to Teaching and Juvie Experience
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(00:11:06)
  • Key Takeaway: Studying with Joseph Goldstein and teaching meditation in a South Bronx juvenile detention center solidified Bart’s practice and revealed the honesty of young feedback.
  • Summary: After returning to the Netherlands, Bart began formal meditation study, including a retreat with Joseph Goldstein, which inspired him to move to New York. He began volunteering to teach mindfulness to kids, starting with six boys in a juvenile detention center who told him his meditation was ’lit.’ Teaching children provided honest feedback, reinforcing the joy of sharing the practice.
Awareness as Protection
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(00:16:21)
  • Key Takeaway: Knowing that one is aware, distinct from merely being mindful of an object, creates a spacious, protective resting place that empowers creative responses, especially with challenging children.
  • Summary: The difference between being mindful of something and knowing that one is mindful is accessing a space of ‘knowing’ that feels like protection. This awareness allows for more creative responses rather than reactive snapping, particularly when dealing with a child pushing buttons. When awareness is present, difficult morning routines can actually proceed more easily and faster because the bait of conflict is not taken.
Saying No Skillfully
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(00:26:23)
  • Key Takeaway: Practice involves learning to say ’no’ skillfully without aversion, which applies to setting firm boundaries with children and internally stopping repetitive, unhelpful thought loops during meditation.
  • Summary: A major point in practice is learning to say no kindly but firmly, whether to a child testing a boundary or to one’s own mind engaging in what-if thought loops. Repetitive mindful observation allows one to catch the moment just before reacting, utilizing that ‘protection’ to choose not to speak or act out of habit.
Imperturbable Awareness and Final Teaching
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(00:28:57)
  • Key Takeaway: The awareness that holds difficult emotions or thoughts is itself imperturbable, and the core teaching Bart offers is to ‘keep calmly knowing change.’
  • Summary: The awareness holding anger or regret is not itself angry or frustrated, which feels protective by allowing one to step out of the psychodrama. The practical key to connecting with this is simply to pause, which remembers that ‘it’s always now.’ Bart shares his favorite teaching from Venerable Analyo: ‘keep calmly knowing change,’ emphasizing the ease found in accepting impermanence.