On Purpose with Jay Shetty

The REAL Reason You Feel Behind (It’s Not What You Think!) Use THIS Simple Reset to Make Confident Decisions

February 6, 2026

Key Takeaways Copied to clipboard!

  • Feeling behind is a near-universal experience, stemming primarily from comparing one's internal struggles to others' curated external highlights and adhering to an outdated, non-existent life timeline. 
  • True progress is defined by consistency, not speed, and internal, invisible growth often precedes external results, meaning you are unfolding, not delayed. 
  • To overcome the anxiety of feeling behind, shift focus from external comparison to internal growth by comparing yourself only to your past self and reframing current challenges as preparation for the future. 

Segments

Sponsor Messages and Intro
Copied to clipboard!
(00:00:00)
  • Key Takeaway: Audible and State Farm offer well-being and protection resources.
  • Summary: The episode opens with advertisements for Audible’s Wellbeing Collection and State Farm insurance services. Jay Shetty encourages listeners to explore resources for leveling up parenting, career, finances, and mindset. The initial segment sets the stage for the episode’s core theme regarding feeling behind in life.
Prevalence of Feeling Behind
Copied to clipboard!
(00:02:24)
  • Key Takeaway: Seven out of ten adults feel behind in life areas like love or career.
  • Summary: Studies indicate nearly 70% of adults feel behind on their life timeline across various domains. This feeling is compounded because everyone compares themselves to others, leading to a universal sense of losing the race. The host outlines the episode’s three goals: explaining the psychology of feeling behind, debunking timelines, and providing steps to stop comparison.
Reason 1: Comparison Bias
Copied to clipboard!
(00:04:17)
  • Key Takeaway: Comparing internal confusion to others’ filtered external highlights causes distress.
  • Summary: The first reason for feeling behind is the ‘highlight bias,’ where individuals compare their private struggles to others’ public successes. People overestimate others’ happiness and underestimate their own, leading to the flawed comparison of one’s confusion against another’s filter. Deeply studying others provides context, revealing shared struggles rather than perceived superiority.
Reason 2: Non-Existent Timelines
Copied to clipboard!
(00:06:52)
  • Key Takeaway: The traditional success timeline invented in the 1950s is outdated and statistically irrelevant today.
  • Summary: The pressure to hit milestones like marriage by 30 or career success by 37 is based on an obsolete 1950s timeline. Current data shows the average age for marriage, career changes, and entrepreneurial success is much later than commonly believed. Rushing decisions based on these imaginary deadlines leads to unhappiness; decisions should stem from readiness, not fear.
Reason 3: Temporal Comparison Stress
Copied to clipboard!
(00:09:05)
  • Key Takeaway: Humans experience stress comparing their current self to the idealized person they expected to be.
  • Summary: Temporal comparison stress involves comparing oneself not just to others, but to the person one thought they would be by a certain age. These self-imposed timelines, often set in youth, were based on incomplete knowledge and did not account for human growth and discovery. Realizing life is layered and requires learning invalidates the notion that one has made a mistake or gone off track.
Evidence: Later Bloomers Succeed
Copied to clipboard!
(00:14:20)
  • Key Takeaway: Key life achievements like career clarity and financial stability typically occur in midlife, not early adulthood.
  • Summary: Research confirms that career clarity averages in the mid-30s, financial stability in the late 30s/mid-40s, and emotional maturity peaks around 45 to 55. Life satisfaction dips in the 20s and 30s before rising, confirming that feeling lost during these decades is a universal human curve. Late bloomers like Oprah and Vera Wang demonstrate that success is aligned, not early.
Dangers of Feeling Behind
Copied to clipboard!
(00:17:49)
  • Key Takeaway: Believing you are behind causes rushing decisions, premature quitting, and loss of present enjoyment.
  • Summary: Feeling behind leads to rushing into wrong jobs or relationships and quitting valid paths too early because slow progress is mistaken for the wrong direction. This mindset steals peace and sabotages actual progress by forcing one to live under imaginary pressure. Life is a path, not a race; recognizing this removes the insecurity of being ’number one’ or the depression of being ’lost.'
Five Frameworks for Reset
Copied to clipboard!
(00:18:31)
  • Key Takeaway: Progress is redefined by consistency over speed, and comparison is replaced by self-connection.
  • Summary: The first framework is to ‘Compare Less, Connect More’ by measuring growth only against yesterday. Second, rewrite the timeline by acknowledging life is ’layered’ with invisible internal progress. Third, identify your current season (healing, rebuilding, resting) to understand its unique pace, and fourth, define progress as consistency, not speed.
The Ultimate Reframing Question
Copied to clipboard!
(00:22:47)
  • Key Takeaway: Replace the question ‘Why am I behind?’ with ‘What is this season preparing me for?’
  • Summary: Asking what the current season is preparing you for reframes perceived delays as necessary preparation for future opportunities. This shift allows one to see that years of planting seeds, though unseen, lead to success in subsequent years. The goal is to realize you were ‘falling into place,’ not falling behind.
Five Practical Steps for the Year
Copied to clipboard!
(00:23:21)
  • Key Takeaway: Focus on short-term action tracking and celebrating internal, unseen transformation.
  • Summary: Practical steps include making a ‘This is my season statement,’ removing social media accounts that trigger comparison, and setting goals for 90-day cycles instead of the entire year. Crucially, track actions rather than outcomes, as actions belong to you while outcomes belong to time. Celebrate invisible progress, as internal transformation always precedes external results.
Final Encouragement and Outro
Copied to clipboard!
(00:25:16)
  • Key Takeaway: Your path is deliberate, not delayed; appreciate not giving up rather than punishing perceived lateness.
  • Summary: Listeners are reminded they are not behind but are learning lessons others will face later, doing their best through difficult times. The path is deliberate, and one year from now, gratitude for starting will replace the feeling of being behind. The episode concludes by promoting a related episode with Lewis Hamilton.