Blocked and Reported

Episode 297: Throuple Trouble (with Helen Lewis)

February 28, 2026

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  • The discussion between Katie Herzog and Helen Lewis begins with observations on the contrasting realities of San Francisco (post-pandemic emptiness, housing crisis evidenced by 'homeless coders' in RVs) versus London, before pivoting to UK news. 
  • The BAFTAs incident involving a man with Tourette syndrome shouting a racial slur at Michael B. Jordan and Delroy Lindo highlights a cultural divide between US and UK reactions, focusing on the involuntary nature of coprolalia versus the impact on the Black actors. 
  • The allegations from Rupert Lowe's independent rape inquiry, which include extreme abuse like dog rape and triple murder, are met with skepticism by Katie due to their sensational nature and lack of immediate mainstream coverage, contrasting with the high visibility of the claims on social media. 
  • Lindy West's new memoir, *Adult Braces*, reveals that her previously presented narrative about her marriage, fat activism, and the *Shrill* TV show experience was significantly obfuscated or untrue, leading the hosts to question the reliability of her current claims. 
  • The discussion highlights a perceived contradiction between West's past advocacy for fat positivity and her current resistance to GLP-1 drugs like Wegovy, which the hosts view as a form of 'purity' or political stance over practical health solutions. 
  • The hosts critique the self-absorption inherent in the 'first-person industrial complex' of 2010s memoirists, exemplified by West's cross-country road trip yielding no new understanding of America or others outside her established viewpoint. 

Segments

Helen’s San Francisco Visit
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(00:01:11)
  • Key Takeaway: San Francisco downtown felt like a post-zombie apocalypse a year prior, but has since felt more like a normal city with problems; tech workers in Mountain View are living in RVs due to high housing costs.
  • Summary: Helen Lewis found San Francisco’s downtown less deserted on her recent trip compared to a year ago, though significant issues remain. She observed tech workers living in RVs in Mountain View because they cannot afford deposits for housing. Housing costs in the Bay Area, such as Marin County averaging over $2 million, far exceed London’s average house prices.
BAFTAs Slur and Tourette’s Context
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(00:04:53)
  • Key Takeaway: The involuntary nature of Tourette’s coprolalia means the slur shouted at Michael B. Jordan and Delroy Lindo was likely the most socially inappropriate thing the individual could say, regardless of the target’s race.
  • Summary: The incident at the BAFTAs involved John Davidson, a Scottish man with Tourette syndrome, shouting a racial slur. For those with coprolalia, the condition compels them to utter the most socially inappropriate phrase available, which in this context was directed at two Black actors. This condition is well-documented in the UK through documentaries like ‘John’s Not Mad’ and has led to a greater cultural awareness there.
Competing Rights and Social Justice Frameworks
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(00:12:16)
  • Key Takeaway: The BAFTAs controversy illustrates a failure of the prevailing liberal social justice framework to manage competing rights, forcing a choice between protecting Black celebrities from slurs or protecting a disabled person’s public presence.
  • Summary: The situation presented a conflict: either Black celebrities must endure racial slurs on a major night, or the disabled man must be excluded from public life. This dilemma led commentators to search for an impossible third option, similar to the conflict between a passenger’s desire for quiet on a plane and the rights of parents with babies.
Jamie Foxx’s Misunderstanding of Tourette’s
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(00:13:14)
  • Key Takeaway: Jamie Foxx’s immediate reaction on social media demonstrated a fundamental misunderstanding of Tourette syndrome by asserting the slur was intentional (‘Nah, he meant that shit’).
  • Summary: Jamie Foxx tweeted that John Davidson ‘meant that shit,’ showing a lack of understanding that the verbal tic is involuntary. The mechanism of Tourette’s involves a primal, involuntary communication system layered beneath conscious speech, which can become ‘fritzed.’ People with Tourette’s often experience a ‘premonitory urge’ before a tic, which is difficult and stressful to suppress.
Grooming Gang Allegations Inquiry
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(00:25:56)
  • Key Takeaway: Rupert Lowe’s independent inquiry released extremely graphic and specific allegations regarding child abuse, police complicity, and murder, which Katie found immediately questionable due to the sensational details like dog rape and triple murder.
  • Summary: Rupert Lowe, a former politician now independent MP, released a statement detailing severe abuse, including police involvement, filming of rapes, and the murder of at least three girls. Katie expressed immediate doubt, citing the extraordinary nature of the claims (e.g., dog rape) and the lack of corroborating reports in mainstream media. Helen noted that Lowe’s inquiry aims to expose what he perceives as a scandal ignored by the liberal intelligentsia, contrasting with the official government inquiry’s focus on policing lessons.
UK Rape Statistics Context
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(00:40:07)
  • Key Takeaway: The apparent quadrupling of rape rates in England is primarily due to a broader legal definition of rape and increased victim reporting in a robust legal system, not solely due to changes in immigration demographics.
  • Summary: A social media post claiming UK rape rates are the highest in the developed world due to immigration was fact-checked as missing context. Countries with lower reported rates, like Indonesia, often have legal systems where victims face culpability for reporting marital rape. In the UK, increased reporting reflects better victim protection and a wider legal definition of sexual assault.
Lindy West’s Past Work & Shrill
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(00:52:40)
  • Key Takeaway: Lindy West’s early writing included politically incorrect commentary on fat people before the fat positivity movement gained traction.
  • Summary: West’s essay criticizing Dan Savage for politically incorrect comments about fat people eventually became the book Shrill, which was adapted into a Hulu show starring Aidy Bryant. West was a writer on the show, but later revealed the experience working on Shrill was terrible, contradicting the public perception of it being an empowering project.
West’s Career Trajectory & Exit
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(00:53:55)
  • Key Takeaway: West achieved major success in 2010s feminism through publications like Jezebel and The Guardian before stepping back from public conversation by leaving Twitter.
  • Summary: West was a major figure in 2010s feminism, known for pieces like her ‘witch hunt’ take on #MeToo and an early controversial essay against rape jokes in comedy. Leaving Twitter allowed successful figures to cash out their attention for book contracts or TV shows, removing themselves from constant public discourse.
Adult Braces & Throuple Backstory
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(00:55:03)
  • Key Takeaway: The new memoir Adult Braces details that West’s marriage to Aham began with a non-monogamy stipulation imposed by Aham after they reconnected following her father’s death.
  • Summary: The initial public narrative of the throuple was that it was a happy arrangement where West also fancied the third person, Roya. However, the memoir reveals West grudgingly accepted the non-monogamy stipulation, initially believing it would be a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ situation confined to Aham’s touring.
Husband’s Polyamory Claim
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(00:57:37)
  • Key Takeaway: Aham revealed his polyamory orientation only after being confronted by West about being seen kissing someone else, later admitting to seeing at least two other women.
  • Summary: West discovered the infidelity when a fan DMed her about her husband kissing someone in a bar, leading Aham to claim he was ‘polyamorous’ rather than admitting to cheating. The hosts critique this framing, suggesting Aham treats polyamory as an unchangeable orientation rather than a choice made to sleep with other people.
ADHD Diagnosis Seeking
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(00:59:00)
  • Key Takeaway: West was frustrated by a therapist requiring childhood history to diagnose potential ADHD, as ADHD is a developmental disorder requiring evidence of childhood onset.
  • Summary: West sought an ADHD diagnosis to explain executive functioning issues but was told she was too high-functioning and that the therapist needed to speak to her mother. The hosts affirm the doctor’s responsible approach, noting that adult-onset executive functioning issues require ruling out other causes like brain tumors.
Fat Activism and GLP-1s
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(01:00:27)
  • Key Takeaway: West’s strong political opposition to GLP-1 drugs like Wegovy mirrors the ‘purity’ arguments seen against addiction treatments, despite her own documented struggles with food obsession.
  • Summary: West expressed concern over the long-term effects of GLP-1s on adolescents, which the hosts contrast with her own history of secret eating and shame, comparing her stance to AA hardliners against medication for addiction. The hosts argue that wanting to lose weight for personal comfort is not inherently immoral, nor is using medication to achieve it.
Relationship Red Flags
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(01:04:48)
  • Key Takeaway: A major red flag in the relationship was Aham’s financial irresponsibility, leading to the need for the third partner, Roya, to move in and manage household logistics.
  • Summary: The hosts point to Aham’s financial issues, including the IRS taking West’s passport for unpaid taxes, as evidence of irresponsibility. They note that Roya, the third partner, essentially functions as a responsible wife figure, managing bills and leftovers, while Aham is simultaneously juggling multiple partners.
Aham’s Identity and Queer Label
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(01:06:34)
  • Key Takeaway: Aham’s self-identification as non-binary/queer, despite being referred to as ‘he’ and engaging in relationships described as a ’throuple’ with two women, is viewed by the hosts as performative.
  • Summary: The hosts note the inconsistency of Aham’s pronouns switching between ‘he’ and ’they’ in the book, questioning how a man in a relationship with two women fits the definition of non-binary or queer. They suggest that having two girlfriends does not equate to being attracted to men or adopting a queer identity.
Dom/Sub Dynamic and Coercion
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(01:07:29)
  • Key Takeaway: The attempt to implement a dom/sub dynamic where Aham dictates West take a shower daily highlights a concerning parental dynamic given his own irresponsibility.
  • Summary: West’s depression led to a dynamic where Aham was supposed to manage her basic self-care, which the hosts found akin to ‘in loco parentis.’ This is contrasted with the fact that Aham is too irresponsible to manage finances, requiring Roya to step in for practical support.
Road Trip and Lack of Reporting
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(01:14:09)
  • Key Takeaway: West’s cross-country road trip, intended to be a month-long journey, was criticized for lacking actual reporting or engagement with diverse populations encountered.
  • Summary: The hosts note that West’s road trip itinerary was overly long and that she failed to engage with the people or politics of the places she visited, returning with no new understanding of America. This lack of genuine reporting contrasts sharply with the personal memoir focus of her earlier work.
Self-Absorption and Artistry
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(01:17:01)
  • Key Takeaway: The self-absorption endemic to the ‘woke’ era’s personal blogging style may explain why it failed to produce great, subversive art.
  • Summary: Despite acknowledging West’s flashes of brilliant writing, the hosts feel her talent is being wasted on self-serving narratives, such as her inability to find humor in apologizing for using ‘sir’ to a tattoo artist without asking pronouns. They suggest that a lack of exposure to differing viewpoints prevents genuine artistic exploration.