The Dr. John Delony Show

My Husband Is a Serial Cheater and Nobody Knows

February 13, 2026

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  • A person's need to hide a spouse's infidelity from family, often stemming from a desire for approval or fear of losing a hard-won positive relationship, builds a foundation that is not real. 
  • When a spouse is struggling with issues like depression or infidelity patterns, the partner's instinct to 'fix' the problem often confirms the struggling person's internal narrative of being broken or not enough. 
  • In relationships facing infidelity or deep personal struggle, prioritizing the search for a safe, trusted confidant (like a counselor) is crucial because family members may weaponize vulnerability or choose the spouse over the caller's well-being. 
  • The speaker and his wife maintain a long-standing agreement not to ask each other how they voted, viewing it as a question that adds unnecessary division and baggage to their relationship, despite discussing virtually everything else. 
  • The speaker believes many people focus on aligning with the 'winning team' in politics rather than debating principles, which is why he refuses to engage on that specific topic publicly. 
  • While the speaker and his wife do not ask about voting choices, they openly discuss and debate personalities, principles, and societal issues within their marriage. 

Segments

Husband’s Serial Cheating
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(00:00:05)
  • Key Takeaway: The caller is hiding her husband’s repeated infidelity because her family approves of him, unlike her first marriage.
  • Summary: Sarah calls in asking how to stop covering up her husband’s transgressions (sexting/inappropriate messages, caught three times in five years). She fears losing her family’s approval, as this is the first relationship they have endorsed.
Prioritizing Integrity Over Approval
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(00:02:25)
  • Key Takeaway: Dr. Delony challenges the caller to prioritize her own safety and integrity over the opinions of people who don’t live in her home.
  • Summary: Dr. Delony questions why Sarah values her family’s approval more than her own well-being. Sarah admits she struggles to put herself first, linking this to her difficult childhood relationships with her parents.
Finding External Support
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(00:06:08)
  • Key Takeaway: The caller must find safe people to talk to, like a counselor, as her family may not be a safe option if they prioritize her husband.
  • Summary: Dr. Delony advises Sarah to find a counselor, noting that her current friends are unavailable or compromised. He emphasizes that if her family weaponizes her situation, they are not a safe support system.
Husband’s Positive Qualities vs. Cheating
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(00:03:26)
  • Key Takeaway: The husband is great at providing and building a life/business, making the infidelity hard to reconcile.
  • Summary: Sarah describes her husband as a great provider who helped build their business, contrasting this with his infidelity. Dr. Delony emphasizes that loyalty is more valuable than financial provision.
Fixer Husband’s Approach to Cheating
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(01:01:31)
  • Key Takeaway: The husband’s method of dealing with infidelity—‘white knuckling’ and burying himself in work—is ineffective.
  • Summary: Sarah notes her husband promises it won’t happen again but deals with the issue by avoiding it through work, which Dr. Delony confirms leads to failure until he addresses his internal issues.
Wife’s Lost Identity and Depression
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(01:02:09)
  • Key Takeaway: James’s wife is struggling with depression and lost identity after 20 years, feeling like a failure.
  • Summary: James calls about his wife’s emotional, mental, and physical decline. She is on medication but lacks deep connection or purpose, leading James (a fixer) to offer constant solutions.
The Fixer’s Approach Fails
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(01:02:44)
  • Key Takeaway: A fixer’s constant advice confirms the struggling person’s negative self-narrative; connection, not fixing, is needed.
  • Summary: Dr. Delony explains that James’s attempts to fix the problem confirm his wife’s feeling of being broken. He advises James to stop scorekeeping and instead focus on loving her through action.
Reconnecting Through Her World
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(01:03:26)
  • Key Takeaway: James must enter his wife’s current world (books, shows) and seek counseling for himself to learn how to love her now.
  • Summary: Dr. Delony suggests James ask his wife for books/movies to enter her world and invite her to his counseling sessions to show his commitment to loving her as she is now.
Seven Years of Sibling Feud
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(01:04:00)
  • Key Takeaway: Holly is stuck in rage over texts sent seven years ago, preventing reconciliation with her brother.
  • Summary: Holly discusses the fallout from sending angry texts about her brother’s wife seven years ago. The sister-in-law refuses to speak to her, and the brother is torn, leading to family estrangement.
Grieving the Fantasy Relationship
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(01:04:47)
  • Key Takeaway: Holly must grieve the fantasy relationship she imagined for her brother and accept his choice, rather than focusing on the sister-in-law’s behavior.
  • Summary: Dr. Delony tells Holly she is holding onto a picture of what the relationship should be. He advises her to stop carrying the ‘cinder block’ of her expectations and focus on grieving the loss.
Marital Agreement on Voting
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(01:01:47)
  • Key Takeaway: The host and his wife agreed not to ask each other who they voted for to avoid conflict.
  • Summary: The host explains that he told his wife he wouldn’t ask who she voted for, and she wouldn’t ask him, starting as a way to manage pressure from graduate students.
Openness in Marriage Debated
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(01:02:00)
  • Key Takeaway: Despite not discussing votes, the host stresses that they talk about everything else in their marriage.
  • Summary: The host clarifies that they discuss everything in their house, noting that visitors are often surprised by how much they share, but the voting question is an exception.
Politics Driven by Winning
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(01:02:46)
  • Key Takeaway: People are often more interested in aligning with the perceived ‘winning team’ than debating specific principles.
  • Summary: The host observes that political discussion often shifts from principles to a desire to be on the winning side, which influences how people engage.
Voting Disclosure to Son
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(01:03:19)
  • Key Takeaway: The host has intentionally shown his son who he voted for to educate him.
  • Summary: He mentions that the last two times he voted, he took his son along to discuss the choices made.
Avoiding Political Division
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(01:05:07)
  • Key Takeaway: Refusing to share voting information is a way to prevent division and focus on the person, not the political label.
  • Summary: The host views knowing which button someone pushed as a way to divide the world, which he refuses to allow into his relationships, especially when helping hurting people.