The Dr. John Delony Show

How Do We Close Our Open Marriage?

December 15, 2025

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  • A wife who previously consented to an open marriage based on her husband's research and desire for sexual exploration now feels guilt and wants to close the marriage based on her own spiritual conviction that it is wrong. 
  • The husband's motivation for opening the marriage appears rooted in avoiding sexual frustration from his frequent travel and a desire to avoid discomfort, using intellectualization (research/Bible study) to justify the arrangement. 
  • When dealing with family secrets, especially with perceptive teenagers, parents must address the issue directly and unifiedly to maintain trust, as silence sends the message that some topics are unsafe to discuss. 
  • Seeking professional counseling to address past relationship traumas can be a critical stepping stone toward positive life changes, as evidenced by a listener who found a husband and started a family after following John Delony's advice. 
  • Taking the initiative to face conflict and engage with the right professionals for healing is almost always a rewarding journey that changes the direction of one's life. 
  • The segment highlighted a success story from a previous caller who was considering using a sperm donor as a single woman, demonstrating the positive outcomes of heeding advice given on The Dr. John Delony Show. 

Segments

Open Marriage Origin and Guilt
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(00:00:05)
  • Key Takeaway: A Christian couple, married for 20 years, opened their marriage ten years ago after the husband researched biblical interpretations suggesting sex was less restrictive than their conservative upbringing taught.
  • Summary: The wife has felt a nagging feeling that the open marriage arrangement was wrong since it began, despite both partners being born-again Christians who met at Bible College. The husband initiated the idea after moving away from a strict legalistic background and studying scripture on sex. The wife eventually consented, believing her husband needed external experiences and wanted her knowledge and consent to proceed.
Husband’s Motivation and Wife’s Doubt
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(00:04:52)
  • Key Takeaway: The husband’s push for an open marriage was partly driven by a need to alleviate sexual frustration from frequent work travel, which he believed opening the marriage would solve.
  • Summary: The wife realized her husband might have pursued external sexual experiences regardless, and opening the marriage was a way to do it transparently. While the arrangement initially helped reduce tension caused by his travel, the wife consistently felt nagging guilt and emptiness, even when enjoying the moments themselves.
Confronting Discomfort and Maturity
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(00:08:30)
  • Key Takeaway: The host suggests the husband’s pursuit of external sex and his tendency to use intellectual arguments (like Bible study or involving children in adult decisions) stems from an ‘allergy to maturity’ and discomfort.
  • Summary: The host challenges the wife to identify areas where her husband uses intellectualizing to justify avoiding uncomfortable but necessary marital work, such as communication improvement. The host asserts that fidelity is the bedrock of marriage and is necessary for working through issues like travel-induced frustration, rather than using external sex as a shortcut.
Taking a Stand for Fidelity
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(00:15:35)
  • Key Takeaway: The wife must declare the previous marriage over and state she is finished participating in non-monogamy, accepting the risk that her husband may leave if fidelity is more important to him than his sexual appetite.
  • Summary: The wife needs to build a new marriage based on fidelity and integrity, where both partners own hard decisions instead of shifting responsibility onto children or intellectualizing avoidance. The host validates her fear that ending the arrangement might end the marriage, but argues the marriage she is currently holding onto is already over.
Telling Daughter About Family Secret
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(00:24:22)
  • Key Takeaway: Failing to immediately address a 15-year-old daughter’s question about a family secret signals that some topics are unsafe to ask parents about, potentially damaging future trust.
  • Summary: The parents must approach the daughter unifiedly, validating her question and apologizing for any delay, reinforcing that she can always come to them with big issues. The conversation should focus on facts—Grandma had an affair with the pastor—while emphasizing that Grandma has since demonstrated amazing character and that the father stood by her.
Processing Job-Related Trauma
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(00:41:38)
  • Key Takeaway: A death investigator experiencing death-related nightmares must implement structured, physical, and written routines to process trauma that the mind consciously compartmentalizes during work.
  • Summary: The body keeps score of traumatic events, manifesting as anxiety or nightmares when the mind is finally relaxed enough to process them. Essential coping mechanisms include handwriting letters to the deceased to metabolize the experience, engaging in physical activity (like walking) to ground the body in the present, and consciously rewriting the ending of nightmares upon waking.
Follow-up on Counseling Advice
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(01:03:52)
  • Key Takeaway: A listener who previously sought advice on being single and considering a sperm donor successfully healed past traumas and found a husband.
  • Summary: The segment reviews an update from a former caller who was initially considering single motherhood due to past relationship trauma. Following John Delony’s advice to see a new counselor, the listener began healing in March 2022, met her husband in August 2022, and married in May 2024. They are now parents to a baby girl, Sloane Alice, born July 24th.
The Power of Sloan’s Name
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(01:04:51)
  • Key Takeaway: The name ‘Sloan’ was coincidentally discussed by the hosts just before the update from the listener who named her daughter Sloane.
  • Summary: The hosts noted the remarkable coincidence that they had discussed ‘Sloan’ as a cool girl’s name the day before receiving the update email. The host expressed a strong personal affinity for the name, associating it with an awesome, cool girl persona. The baby’s full name is Sloane Alice.
Gratitude and Healing Affirmation
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(01:05:36)
  • Key Takeaway: Taking the difficult step to engage in healing work with professionals is affirmed as a worthwhile journey that fundamentally changes life’s trajectory.
  • Summary: The hosts celebrated the listener’s success, emphasizing that credit belongs to her for doing the necessary healing work and getting back out there. They stressed that anyone facing conflict who seeks help from the right professionals will ultimately be glad they took that journey. The update brought significant joy to the hosts.