The Dr. John Delony Show

How Do I Tell My Family I’m an Addict?

February 11, 2026

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  • When dealing with addiction stemming from trauma, the immediate priority is stopping the use of crutches (like alcohol or weed) rather than immediately delving into complex root cause analysis. 
  • When disclosing addiction to teenage children, frame the situation as 'Mom is sick' and seeking help, rather than launching with the label 'I am an addict,' to avoid burdening them with adult-sized cinder blocks of guilt. 
  • Discontentment, whether as a stay-at-home mom or in a major life change, often signals an intrinsic challenge being incorrectly addressed with an extrinsic solution; true value must be found internally or through intentional action, not just by changing external circumstances like a job or location. 

Segments

Addiction Disclosure and Trauma
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(00:00:05)
  • Key Takeaway: Trauma from near-death experiences and major life upheaval can lead to using substances like alcohol and marijuana to numb overwhelming emotional pain.
  • Summary: The caller experienced a traumatic brain injury, pulmonary embolism, and forced relocation, leading to overwhelming post-traumatic stress. She turned to alcohol and marijuana to escape and numb this trauma, noting that seeking mental help was difficult when not actively suicidal. She has been sober from alcohol for 11 days and previously struggled with painkiller addiction.
Prioritizing Sobriety Over Root Cause
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(00:02:05)
  • Key Takeaway: In the immediate season of addiction recovery, the focus must be on stopping use, not on figuring out complex root causes.
  • Summary: Dr. Delony challenged the caller’s desire for a ‘science nerdy answer’ about overindulgence, asserting that the current season requires stopping use first. Complexity can serve as a space to avoid taking the next necessary action. The caller has a history of compulsive behaviors including painkiller, food, and shopping addiction, but her current struggle is rooted in recent overwhelming trauma.
Addressing Self-Worth and Burden Guilt
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(00:07:33)
  • Key Takeaway: The feeling of being a burden, often stemming from past health crises or perceived failures, directly fuels the need to numb pain with substances.
  • Summary: The caller traces her feeling of being a burden back to 2012 following a traumatic birth and subsequent health issues, which she believes impacted her husband’s military career. This feeling intensified after the move from Puerto Rico, leading her to believe her family would be better off without her. Using substances like weed and alcohol is a way to escape the pain associated with feeling she lacks the right to exist emotionally.
Communicating Addiction to Children
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(00:13:06)
  • Key Takeaway: Disclosing addiction to teenagers requires framing it as ‘Mom is sick’ and seeking help, avoiding the specific label of ‘addict’ to prevent transferring the emotional burden to them.
  • Summary: The caller has seven children, five of whom live at home, ranging in age from 13 to 25. The recommended approach is to tell them that Mom is struggling since returning from Puerto Rico due to a traumatic brain injury and has fallen into old habits, emphasizing that the struggle is not their fault. Children should be asked for hugs, and detailed questions should be deferred until after the caller completes her second trauma program.
Handling Major Life Transitions
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(00:19:52)
  • Key Takeaway: To prevent resentment during a difficult, chosen life change like relocation, one must actively choose to be a willing participant and go ‘all in’ on the new situation.
  • Summary: A caller moving from Texas to Maine for his wife’s support system struggles with resentment because he did not want to move. He must reframe the situation by choosing to participate fully in the move, rather than remaining a ‘whiny brat’ who blames his wife for the difficulties. For long-distance connection with his stepson, he should prioritize consistent, small efforts like weekly letter writing.
Guilt of Stay-at-Home Motherhood
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(00:30:34)
  • Key Takeaway: The guilt felt by stay-at-home mothers who desire a career is often an attempt to solve an intrinsic need for value or purpose with an extrinsic solution like a paycheck.
  • Summary: The caller feels guilty for not wanting to be a stay-at-home mom, despite her family being financially stable. She previously worked for a non-profit, preferring direct hospice visits over administrative tasks, indicating a desire for meaningful connection. Chasing the absence of guilt is a ‘fool’s errand,’ and she should intentionally seek purpose through volunteering or connection, regardless of employment status.
Addressing Marital Infidelity Fantasies
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(00:48:08)
  • Key Takeaway: Fantasizing about someone else often signals boredom and a failure to actively direct loving choices toward the existing spouse and marriage.
  • Summary: If a person loves their spouse but constantly thinks of someone else, it suggests they are living life in their head instead of taking daily, minute-by-minute choices toward their partner. The solution is to take the elements imagined in the fantasy—like passion, excitement, or connection—and actively direct them toward the spouse. This action will either be met with gratitude, leading to rebuilding the marriage, or rejection, providing necessary clarity.