Lauryn Bosstick On The Story She's Never Fully Told

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• Lauryn Bosstick shared the deeply personal story of her mother's death by suicide when Lauryn was 18, an event that profoundly shaped her life and ambition.  Copied to clipboard!
• The experience of loss, particularly through suicide, often leads to feelings of guilt directed not only at the deceased but also toward surviving family members, driving some to overcompensate through achievement.  Copied to clipboard!
• It is possible to simultaneously let a devastating experience fuel personal motivation while also holding space for the loss, practicing forgiveness, and choosing clarity over chaos.  Copied to clipboard!

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Avoiding Personal Storytelling

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(00:00:34)

• Key Takeaway: Lauryn Bosstick intentionally avoided sharing this personal story for a decade due to protectiveness over family members’ stories and legacy.
• Summary: Lauryn Bosstick stated this episode was one she had been avoiding for 10 years, despite writing about the subject on her blog. Her hesitation stemmed from a desire to be respectful to her father, sister, and her mother’s legacy. She felt a calling to share this side of herself to provide context and combat misconceptions.

Mother’s Death by Suicide

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(00:04:14)

• Key Takeaway: Lauryn’s mother died by suicide when Lauryn was 18 and her sister was 12, occurring during a time with minimal mental health awareness.
• Summary: Lauryn revealed her mother died by suicide when she was 18; her parents were divorced, and her sister was 12. This happened when there was virtually no public awareness or resources available for mental health or suicide. Despite having a magical childhood, the event was jarring for the entire family because the death was intentional.

Guilt and Overcompensation Drive

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(00:08:01)

• Key Takeaway: The guilt following the suicide extended to feeling responsible for the sadness of survivors like her father and sister, leading to an initial drive based on overcompensation.
• Summary: Lauryn experienced guilt not only for her own sadness but also for her sister and father, feeling the need to overcompensate through achievement. This dissociative coping mechanism worked for a long time until the birth of her first child, necessitating the discovery of new tools. Survivors often feel guilt for the people around them who are also suffering.

Coping Through Reading Obsession

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(00:10:20)

• Key Takeaway: In the absence of societal tools or peer understanding, Lauryn coped with the trauma by becoming obsessed with reading, which served as a life-saving guide.
• Summary: Because no one knew how to approach her after the event, Lauryn became obsessed with reading, consuming books for about an hour and a half daily. Her peers were focused on typical 18-year-old concerns like prom and college, creating a stark contrast to her experience. She actively sought information, even using early search engines like Ask Jeeves to research suicide.

Self-Blame and Postpartum Fears

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(00:11:45)

• Key Takeaway: Suicide survivors often engage in self-gaslighting, replaying interactions, and Lauryn feared the hereditary nature of depression, especially when experiencing postpartum depression.
• Summary: The lack of answers surrounding suicide causes survivors to rethink every past interaction, leading to self-blame regarding what could have been done differently. Lauryn feared the narrative that suicide runs in the family, requiring her to actively reprogram her psyche to stop that cycle. Her first experience with postpartum depression was alarming for Michael due to her family history, though subsequent experiences were managed through wellness practices.

Forgiveness and Understanding the Parent

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(00:18:55)

• Key Takeaway: Forgiving her mother and developing empathy for her depression and anxiety was a crucial step that brought Lauryn personal peace, not just happiness.
• Summary: Forgiveness for her mother was essential, allowing Lauryn to understand how she reached such a low, depressed, and anxious state, even acknowledging self-medication. While not condoning the decision, she gained empathy for the unending nature of her mother’s depression. This shift from anger to empathy was key to achieving peace rather than just happiness.

Informing vs. Defining Life

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(00:30:20)

• Key Takeaway: A heavy loss or devastating experience can inform one’s future actions and drive ambition without being allowed to define one’s entire life trajectory.
• Summary: Lauryn advised listeners that whatever loss they carry in their backpack does not have to define their whole life; it should only inform it. Her mother’s death made her incredibly ambitious, driven, and empathetic, though sometimes dissociative. The ultimate message is that achieving peace is possible, and the difficult experience can be treated as just one chapter, not the whole book.