The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Show

Abe & Erin Lichy On The Truth About Marriage, Ambition, & Life Behind The Reality TV Curtain

January 22, 2026

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  • Abe Lichy attributes his past avoidance in communication to a mindset of not wanting to stress his wife, Erin, which he is actively working to change following a psychedelic healing retreat where he confronted his ego. 
  • Couples who work together in business, like the Lichys and the Bossticks, benefit from shared experiences and ideas but must navigate complex power dynamics and avoid restricting conversations about work at home. 
  • Successful entrepreneurship requires embracing constant problem-solving and accepting immense risk, a reality often glamorized or ignored by those outside the CEO seat. 
  • Being a man on a reality TV show like *The Real Housewives of New York* involves a 'liminal space' where one is exposed to public scrutiny and tabloid narratives without being a direct cast member or compensated for it. 
  • Sex is a crucial, often neglected, component of a healthy intimate relationship, and a lack of it can lead to couples ceasing to like each other, which erodes the 'fun' in the marriage. 
  • Mezcal, unlike tequila, is legally required to be 100% agave (using various species) and is promoted by Abe and Erin Lichy as a cleaner, less hangover-inducing spirit with a lighter smoke profile appealing to a broader demographic. 

Segments

Bitcoin Sale Revelation
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(00:02:41)
  • Key Takeaway: Abe Lichy sold Bitcoin without fully informing Erin Lichy, leading to conflict rooted in his avoidant communication style.
  • Summary: The couple discussed the fallout from Abe selling Bitcoin, which Erin discovered in the car and reacted to strongly. Abe explained his tendency to withhold information to prevent spousal stress, a pattern he acknowledges stems from past business financial issues. This incident served as a catalyst for Abe to address his avoidant attachment style.
Abe’s Spiritual Awakening
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(00:04:56)
  • Key Takeaway: Abe Lichy credits a psychedelic healing retreat, involving a mix of substances, with helping him slay his ego and significantly reduce his avoidant tendencies.
  • Summary: Abe described undergoing a profound psychedelic healing retreat where he experienced meeting ancestors and existing as light and sound at the source of creation. While he had been working on his avoidant personality in therapy, this experience provided a major jolt toward change. Erin noted a drastic, positive shift in his communication style following the retreat.
Reality TV Decision & Honesty
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(00:08:46)
  • Key Takeaway: The decision to join The Real Housewives of New York was made quickly, driven by potential pecuniary benefit and experience, not deep deliberation.
  • Summary: The Lichys accepted the reality TV offer within a month and a half of the initial thought, viewing it as an experience with indirect financial benefit. On camera, their honesty about real-time issues, like Erin’s anger over the Bitcoin sale, dictated when difficult conversations occurred. Erin’s anger over the Bitcoin situation surfaced during filming, prompting the necessary discussion.
Identifying Self-Producing Cast
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(00:10:39)
  • Key Takeaway: Self-producing on reality television is often revealed through subtle body language disconnects and performative shticks that become obvious over time.
  • Summary: A telltale sign of self-production is observing a disconnect between a person’s smile and their eyes, which the audience subconsciously picks up on. Over multiple seasons, a consistent, calculated performance becomes recognizable as inauthentic to viewers. Erin and Abe felt their representation of New York resonated because they allowed their genuine, unfiltered selves to show.
Honesty on Reality TV
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(00:12:59)
  • Key Takeaway: Audience resonance on reality television is strongly tied to cast members sharing deeply personal and honest life struggles.
  • Summary: Erin Lichy’s openness about her father and her abortion resonated deeply with the audience, contrasting with the performative nature some cast members adopt. The episode featuring Erin’s father was emotionally difficult for her to watch, but his natural superstar quality made him very likable to viewers. Having these vulnerable memories captured on the show is considered valuable.
Pregnancy Intuition and Fourth Child
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(00:13:39)
  • Key Takeaway: Erin Lichy experiences a strong, immediate intuition about conception, feeling the moment a child is conceived, which happened every time.
  • Summary: Erin knew she was pregnant the moment conception occurred, describing a feeling of connection and spark during intimacy that signaled the event. She found the third pregnancy the most physically challenging, but the fourth pregnancy involved a disassociation where she maintained her pre-pregnancy diet and intense workouts. The couple agreed that four children is their final number, though Abe humorously resists getting a vasectomy due to concerns about losing ’life force’ and psychological leverage.
Marriage, Partnership, and Business
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(00:20:37)
  • Key Takeaway: Working together as life and business partners creates unique upsides, like shared idea generation, but requires careful navigation of power dynamics.
  • Summary: The Lichys find that sharing business endeavors allows for natural idea flow, especially when discussing work at home, which is a major pro. A significant challenge arises when the CEO role requires directives, which Erin resists, highlighting the difficulty of balancing marital and professional authority. They agree that having shared professional experiences prevents one partner from feeling left out when returning home.
Entrepreneurship Trade-offs and Stress
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(00:34:56)
  • Key Takeaway: Entrepreneurship offers schedule fluidity but demands carrying immense, constant risk and stress, which is often overlooked when the lifestyle is glamorized.
  • Summary: Entrepreneurs face the trade-off of schedule flexibility versus the constant, guaranteed stress of solving daily company problems without a guaranteed paycheck. Listeners should develop empathy for this risk, as entrepreneurs must be more thoughtful about public statements due to the responsibility they hold for employees’ livelihoods. This constant problem-solving builds a high tolerance for stress, normalizing daily crises.
Systems for Family Management
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(00:39:31)
  • Key Takeaway: Effective management of four children and a business relies heavily on strict systems, including a weekly, multilingual calendar and a consistent bedtime routine.
  • Summary: Erin Lichy utilizes a weekly schedule posted on a bulletin board in English and Spanish every Sunday, managed by her assistant, which has revolutionized organization. She enforces a strict nightly routine involving homework, hygiene, and play, ensuring children are asleep by (8:00) PM to prevent morning crankiness. Empowering older children to help care for younger siblings fosters their capability and independence, echoing the parenting philosophy that a parent’s ultimate job is to create an individual who no longer needs them.
Reality TV Viewing Habits
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(00:47:50)
  • Key Takeaway: Abe Lichy does not actively watch reality TV, including The Real Housewives of New York, preferring to watch alongside Erin.
  • Summary: The hosts and guests briefly discuss reactions to a specific event involving Shakshuka on a reality show, revealing that Abe watches the show passively as Erin watches. Abe mentions he was drawn into watching The Real Housewives of Miami when Erin made him watch it.
Husbands on Reality TV
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(00:49:49)
  • Key Takeaway: Being an uncompensated male spouse on a ‘Housewives’ show exposes one to negative press and tabloid scrutiny without direct benefit.
  • Summary: Abe describes the ’liminal space’ of being a non-cast member whose name, image, and likeness are used, exposing him to tabloid narratives based on out-of-context statements. He notes the frustration of dealing with tabloid shit when he is not being paid for his appearance.
Misconceptions from Tabloids
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(00:54:51)
  • Key Takeaway: A joke Abe made about cheating if sex dried up in the marriage was taken out of context by tabloids, ignoring the nuance of the situation.
  • Summary: Abe clarifies that his statement about ‘fucking other women’ was a joke made in response to a hypothetical scenario about a prolonged lack of intimacy, not a statement about infidelity if his wife were ill. The nuance—that the context was a lack of connection versus a medical issue—was lost in media reporting.
Importance of Sex in Marriage
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(00:56:18)
  • Key Takeaway: Sex is a vital component of intimate relationships, and its absence often correlates with the loss of human connection and overall relationship fun.
  • Summary: Therapists emphasize that when sex ceases in a relationship, other aspects of intimacy often decline, leading couples to lose the spark and stop liking each other. The guests note that many couples stop having sex due to being ‘busy’ or falling into routine, neglecting this fundamental aspect of partnership.
Sex Life Neglect and Stigma
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(00:58:38)
  • Key Takeaway: People actively work on finances, health, and mindset but consistently fail to dedicate similar effort to improving their sex lives, despite its importance.
  • Summary: The hosts highlight that societal shame prevents open discussion about sex, which is a driving factor for relationship happiness. They note that people often prioritize other self-improvement areas over their sexual health, leading to relationship struggles.
Post-Conflict and Post-Procedure Sex
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(01:03:05)
  • Key Takeaway: Sex can serve as a powerful repair mechanism following arguments, and physical changes from childbirth or procedures necessitate mandated abstinence periods.
  • Summary: The guests agree that ‘pick up sex’ after a fight can be restorative, and Erin mentions having to abstain from sex for six weeks after a procedure to tighten her vagina following childbirth. They observe that a lack of sex can make Michael ‘crabby’ and rude.
Cosmetic Procedures and Aging
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(01:04:24)
  • Key Takeaway: Breastfeeding significantly alters breast appearance, and while a lift can address sagging, it may make breasts appear smaller, unlike male aging where saggy testicles are less visible.
  • Summary: Erin is considering a breast lift but worries it might leave her breasts looking deflated, noting that breastfeeding ruined her previously large chest. Abe humorously counters that men’s aging involves saggier testicles, but since they are hidden, there is less pressure to address them.
Mezcalum Mezcal Attributes
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(01:06:20)
  • Key Takeaway: Mezcalum mezcal is intentionally crafted to be light on smoke, using a blend of agave species including the rare wild cuiche, to appeal to women and avoid overpowering cocktails.
  • Summary: Unlike many tequilas which can contain up to 49% additives, mezcal must legally be 100% agave, making it a cleaner spirit. Mezcalum is designed to be less smoky than traditional mezcals and is lower in calories and sugar, possessing probiotic qualities.
Alcohol Mindfulness and Trends
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(01:10:06)
  • Key Takeaway: Consumer trends are shifting toward mindful alcohol consumption, mirroring food consciousness, where consumers are becoming educated about ingredients like additives in spirits.
  • Summary: People are becoming more mindful about what they put in their bodies, demanding transparency in alcohol sourcing similar to organic food trends. Ordering generic spirits like ‘vodka soda’ without knowing the quality is becoming outdated as consumers learn about ingredients.
Andy Cohen Advice and Wrap Up
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(01:11:48)
  • Key Takeaway: The best advice Andy Cohen gave Abe Lichy regarding reality TV was to read the initial comments for a pulse check, but then immediately stop reading them to avoid ego inflation or discouragement.
  • Summary: The guests and hosts conclude the episode, confirming their affiliation with Dear Media and their podcast, Come Together. They agree to have Abe and Erin Lichy back, potentially to sample Mezcalum on the show.