We're Out of Time

Charlie Smith on Childhood Trauma, Addiction, & Launching Your Life

October 14, 2025

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  • Hope, defined as "Hold on Possibilities That Exist," is the essential belief that the future can be better and one can redefine their life, which was crucial for Charlie Smith's recovery. 
  • Sobriety is not the ultimate gift; true, lasting recovery requires finding a purpose more meaningful than any substance, as demonstrated by Charlie Smith's shift from material success to service. 
  • To thrive, one must actively combat the inner critic (which is designed for survival, not thriving) by taking back the 'pen' to become the intentional author of one's life and acting as if they are the person they want to become. 

Segments

Hope and Podcast Milestones
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(00:00:00)
  • Key Takeaway: Hope is defined as the belief that the future can be better and that one can redefine their life, standing for “Hold on Possibilities That Exist.”
  • Summary: Hope is a core concept, defined as the belief that the future can improve and that personal life can be redefined. The podcast, “We’re Out of Time,” achieved significant chart success due to listener support. The hosts express gratitude for the audience’s role in reaching number one on Apple’s Mental Health Podcast chart.
Charlie Smith’s Early Life Trauma
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(00:01:58)
  • Key Takeaway: Charlie Smith’s seemingly perfect 1970s middle-class facade, including being on the cover of Catholic Digest, masked severe childhood trauma involving physical abuse from his violent father.
  • Summary: Charlie Smith grew up in Scarborough, Maine, with a college professor father and teacher mother, appearing as the model Catholic family on the cover of Catholic Digest. This external image hid the reality of violence, starting with a closed-fist punch at age six. The abuse escalated until age 19 when his father leveled a loaded .45 caliber pistol at his temple.
Coping Mechanisms and Addiction Onset
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(00:03:54)
  • Key Takeaway: Early coping mechanisms involved excessive work and school attendance to escape home, leading to the first drink at age 12 as a means to forget.
  • Summary: Leaving home at 19 with debt, Smith pursued success to forget his past, relying on coping skills learned young: working constantly and attending school. He began working at age eight to be away from home, even in the cold Maine winters. His first drink occurred at 12, establishing a pattern of using substances to forget negative feelings.
Success and Double Life
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(00:04:42)
  • Key Takeaway: Despite achieving massive professional success as a retail developer, Smith was a full-blown alcoholic and opioid addict by age 35, having led a double life since age six.
  • Summary: Smith achieved significant success in California real estate, building 4 million square feet of shopping centers and completing billion-dollar deals. However, by age 35, he was a full-blown alcoholic and drug addict, mixing opioids and Adderall. He describes leading a double life since age six, lying about who he was to cover up the trauma he experienced.
Wreckage and Cognitive Dissonance
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(00:05:57)
  • Key Takeaway: Despite maintaining a successful facade (coaching, providing for family, employing people), Smith’s wreckage stemmed from unaddressed cognitive dissonance, specifically infidelity and unreliability caused by addiction.
  • Summary: Smith has been sober for 17 years as of February 14th, acknowledging tons of wreckage from leading an integrous life was difficult. He experienced heavy cognitive dissonance, which is rationalizing, justifying, and minimizing bad behavior. While he was a good father, husband, and employer on the surface, he was unfaithful and caused chaos due to his unpredictable behavior.
Meeting in Support Group
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(00:09:05)
  • Key Takeaway: Richard attended Charlie Smith’s group therapy sessions weekly for 17 years out of fear that Smith would die without consistent support, demonstrating profound friendship and accountability.
  • Summary: Smith recalls meeting Richard in a group therapy office where he was unpacking untreated childhood trauma with two days of sobriety. Richard showed consistent care by showing up every week for 17 years, which Smith recognized as a lifeline. Richard admits he attended weekly because he was terrified Smith would kill himself if he didn’t show up.
Sobriety and Purpose Shift
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(00:12:57)
  • Key Takeaway: True fulfillment comes from purpose beyond material wealth; when Smith sold his treatment center, the loss of daily purpose—helping people save loved ones—caused a severe emotional crash.
  • Summary: Smith realized that pursuing material wealth was not the definition of success, recalling Richard’s advice that excess properties must have a purpose. When he sold his treatment center, the cessation of constant calls to help others get well created an unanticipated loss of purpose. He returned to the field due to the fentanyl crisis, recognizing that helping save loved ones is the greatest purpose.
The Lie of Self-Reliance in Recovery
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(00:15:35)
  • Key Takeaway: The biggest lie that kills alcoholics is the notion that they ‘have to do it for themselves’; recovery requires getting in the door for any reason, as that initial thread can weave into a beautiful blanket.
  • Summary: It does not matter why someone gets sober, only that they do it now, especially concerning the dangers of juvenile experimentation turning deadly today. Sobriety itself is not the gift; it only lasts when a purpose greater than any substance is found. If one cannot replace drugs/alcohol with something of equal or greater value, staying sober is unsustainable.
Mental Conditioning and Identity
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(00:18:42)
  • Key Takeaway: Mental conditioning, rooted in childhood trauma where the developing mind concludes ‘I’m bad’ because parental love felt absent, must be actively rewritten by taking back the pen to become the intentional author of one’s life.
  • Summary: Smith found a gap between physical sobriety and mental conditioning, as his mind was stuck listening to a 42-year-old narrative from his past. He symbolizes taking back control by reclaiming the pen to redefine his story, moving from being run by a five-year-old’s narrative to becoming the intentional author. This process involves reprogramming the mind, which was conditioned by negative experiences to believe ‘I’m bad.’
Negative Self-Talk and Identity Scripting
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(00:24:31)
  • Key Takeaway: Confidence is a daily battle, not a victory; one must actively fire the inner critic (which seeks survival) by writing and reciting a positive identity script to counter limiting beliefs.
  • Summary: The inner critic’s negative self-talk is designed to keep one safe, not to help them thrive, meaning it never lays down unless actively put down. Instead of saying ‘don’t do something,’ one must commit to doing something positive, like skiing down the path instead of avoiding the trees. Developing an identity statement, such as ‘I’m a sober, proud, confident, passionate entrepreneur,’ must be recited daily to prevent external interpretations from defining one’s life.
Acting As If and Adversity
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(00:27:01)
  • Key Takeaway: Thriving involves acting as if you are the person you want to become, using principles as a filter for decision-making, and facing adversity head-on like a buffalo charging a storm.
  • Summary: To move from decision-making to thriving, one must live out of principle, not preference, using a trusted filter for thoughts. This involves acting as if you are the desired person, similar to how Tom Brady exhibited championship behaviors before winning. Adversity causes micro-tears (stress and adaptation); running from storms (like cows) prolongs the damage, whereas facing them (like buffalo) leads to strength and faster resolution.