Science Vs

Brian Can’t Stop Fact-Checking His Mother-in-Law

February 19, 2026

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  • Journalist Brian Reed struggles with the compulsion to fact-check his mother-in-law, who has Alzheimer's, leading to frustration and strained interactions. 
  • The episode introduces Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), specifically as adapted by psychologist Claudia Drossel for dementia caregivers, as a potential path toward acceptance and healthier interaction. 
  • Dementia caregivers often experience intense, unacknowledged negative emotions like anger and guilt, which can negatively impact the quality of care provided to the loved one. 

Segments

Introduction to Proxy Show
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(00:00:00)
  • Key Takeaway: Proxy is a podcast where host Yowei Shaw finds a ‘proxy’ stranger to help guests work through dilemmas no one they know can relate to.
  • Summary: The Science Vs episode shares an episode from the podcast Proxy, hosted by Yowei Shaw. Proxy operates by pairing a guest with a perfect stranger who has experienced a similar problem. This specific episode features Brian, a journalist struggling with his mother-in-law’s Alzheimer’s.
Brian’s Fact-Checking Dilemma
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(00:03:01)
  • Key Takeaway: Brian’s professional training as a journalist has wired his brain to constantly correct factual inaccuracies, which he now applies to his mother-in-law’s statements due to her Alzheimer’s.
  • Summary: Brian Reed, producer of S-Town and The Trojan Horse Affair, admits his constant need to fact-check his mother-in-law causes friction, as she has Alzheimer’s. He recognizes this behavior stems from his journalistic focus on factual details. Correcting her disjointed reality often leads to her becoming defensive or upset.
Exhausting Daily Caregiving Reality
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(00:08:23)
  • Key Takeaway: The daily reality of living with an Alzheimer’s patient involves repetitive anxiety-driven questioning and tasks that require more effort to guide than to complete independently.
  • Summary: Brian details an evening where his mother-in-law repeatedly asks when his wife will return, illustrating anxiety from the disease. Attempts to involve her in simple tasks like setting the table often result in errors that require more effort to correct than to do alone. Brian logged one day’s events, which felt like a Kafka-esque accumulation of obstacles.
Grief and Need for Acceptance
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(00:12:01)
  • Key Takeaway: Brian grieves the loss of his mother-in-law’s former intellectual faculties, and his corrections are a subconscious attempt to swat away the reality of the progressive disease.
  • Summary: Brian cherishes his mother-in-law’s intelligence and past interests, making the current decline a source of grief. He realizes that correcting her is a form of resisting the diagnosis, which points toward a need for radical acceptance. Even moments of clarity from his mother-in-law, where she asks him to stop frowning, highlight the tension.
Introduction to ACT Therapy Proxy
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(00:17:28)
  • Key Takeaway: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) was identified as a relevant psychological framework for Brian’s need to accept the situation.
  • Summary: The Proxy team researched acceptance strategies and found Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a form of cognitive behavioral therapy. They connected with Claudia Drossel, a psychologist specializing in using ACT with caregivers of individuals with neurocognitive disorders. Claudia’s goal is holistically improving life for both the caregiver and the care recipient.
Caregiver Frustration and Invalidating Resources
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(00:21:36)
  • Key Takeaway: Caregivers like Brian often feel isolated because common support resources present overly calm, simplistic solutions that invalidate the intense, exhausting reality of the situation.
  • Summary: Brian expressed anger toward support webinars that framed repetitive behaviors as minor annoyances rather than significant drains on caregiver energy. Claudia noted that many caregivers feel alone because they perceive a societal pressure to be perfectly patient, leading them to feel their anger is dishonest or unique. This feeling of isolation is common among those dealing with the unfairness of the situation.
ACT Framework: Acceptance and Commitment
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(00:29:38)
  • Key Takeaway: ACT encourages caregivers to sit with and observe negative feelings to trace their origins, rather than immediately trying to purge them, which is crucial because caregiver distress negatively impacts the care recipient’s outcomes.
  • Summary: Claudia explains that caregivers often try to suppress bad feelings, but these feelings are clues to the underlying problem. Her method involves creating a detailed ‘map’ of the family’s dynamics, including unchangeable factors and addressable issues. Cognitive diffusion, like saying a frustrating thought in a cartoon voice, helps reduce the power of self-judgmental thoughts.
Defining Caregiving Roles and Sustainability
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(00:41:13)
  • Key Takeaway: Caregiving involves various roles (direct care, monitoring, management), and caregivers must determine which tasks are sustainable for their long-term well-being.
  • Summary: Claudia prompts Brian to consider what caregiving tasks he is actually willing to do long-term, noting that many caregivers fail to ask for help. Brian realized he hadn’t prepared for the long-term nature of caregiving, which conflicts with his desire to focus on quality time. Maximizing the relationship requires accepting the current reality and finding sustainable ways to contribute.