Call Her Daddy

I Got Out of An Abusive Relationship

March 8, 2026

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  • Domestic violence is the leading cause of homelessness for women, with 80% of unhoused mothers having experienced abuse, often leading to financial instability and isolation that makes leaving extremely difficult. 
  • Childhood trauma, including sexual abuse and objectification, can subconsciously lead women to seek out and accept abusive relationships later in life by tying self-worth to desirability and external validation. 
  • Community, validation, and consistent support from other women—like the environment fostered at Harvest Home—are transformative in rebuilding a survivor's self-worth and providing the confidence needed to pursue independent living and healing. 
  • Be a non-judgmental, safe person for others to confide in, mirroring the support needed to leave abusive situations. 
  • Trusting one's gut instinct and self-worth is crucial advice for a former self who experienced trauma and abuse. 
  • Stability, self-belief built through positive affirmations, and gratitude practices are essential for overcoming past trauma and achieving personal milestones like homeownership. 

Segments

Sponsor Reads and Episode Introduction
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(00:00:00)
  • Key Takeaway: The episode opens with multiple sponsor advertisements before the host delivers a content warning for discussions of domestic violence, sexual assault, and substance use.
  • Summary: The initial segment features advertisements for Unwell Music, Tinder, Pandora Jewelry, and Uber Eats. Alex Cooper then issues a content warning, advising listeners about the sensitive topics covered, including domestic violence and abuse. Resources for support are noted to be available in the show notes.
Harvest Home Mission and Context
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(00:02:59)
  • Key Takeaway: Harvest Home is a nonprofit organization providing housing, therapy, and resources to unhoused pregnant women to equip them for motherhood.
  • Summary: Alex Cooper introduces International Women’s Day as the occasion for this special episode filmed at Harvest Home. The organization serves as a safe haven for pregnant women experiencing homelessness, offering essential services like housing, therapy, and financial programs. The host emphasizes that the organization reflects the power of women supporting one another.
BetterHelp and Ritual Sponsorships
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(00:06:34)
  • Key Takeaway: Therapy is highlighted as a crucial tool for women navigating emotional weight from roles in work, relationships, and family.
  • Summary: A segment promoting BetterHelp emphasizes that women often carry significant emotional burdens and should not navigate hard moments alone. Ritual’s Symbiotic Plus supplement is advertised as a daily gut health routine supporting immune function and reducing bloating.
Harvest Home Services Overview
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(00:09:11)
  • Key Takeaway: Harvest Home provides physical safety, healthy food, maternity-focused classes, and on-site therapy for unhoused pregnant women.
  • Summary: Executive Director Sarah Wilson explains that Harvest Home offers a safe, home-like environment for unhoused pregnant women, focusing on physical needs and tools for motherhood. Services include healthy meals, pregnancy classes, doulas, and on-site therapy. Common reasons women seek help include homelessness, housing instability (like couch surfing), or leaving unsafe relationships.
Angie’s Initial Experience and Trauma
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(00:12:05)
  • Key Takeaway: Angie’s first impression of Harvest Home was a profound sense of safety and comfort after experiencing homelessness in a car.
  • Summary: Angie, a Harvest Home alum, initially felt nervous due to past negative experiences with programs but found the home to be a ‘brush of fresh air’ providing security. She noted being able to relax and sleep without constantly looking over her shoulder for the first time in a long while.
Identifying Early Signs of Abuse
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(00:13:10)
  • Key Takeaway: Early signs of an abusive relationship often involve the partner’s world revolving around the victim, leading to isolation and controlling behaviors disguised as care.
  • Summary: Sarah notes that abusive relationships often start by making the victim feel like their partner’s entire world, which evolves into isolation. Controlling behaviors, such as excessive checking in, can initially feel protective but become manipulative over time. Domestic violence rates increase during pregnancy, possibly due to the abuser seeking control over the woman’s lack of bodily control.
Childhood Trauma and Relationship Patterns
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(00:15:38)
  • Key Takeaway: Childhood sexual abuse led Angie to believe she needed to be sexually desirable to feel worthy, subconsciously influencing her choice of partners.
  • Summary: Angie confirms that childhood mistreatment informed her adult relationship choices, leading her to believe she had to be desirable to feel worthy. She internalized that if a partner did not want to sleep with her, she was not good enough, which contributed to anxiety and self-worth issues.
Isolation and Substance Use as Coping
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(00:19:25)
  • Key Takeaway: Isolation, exacerbated by moving away from her support system, made Angie dependent on her abusive partner, leading to opioid use as a means to numb the pain of verbal abuse.
  • Summary: After moving to Washington State and becoming isolated, Angie’s first gut instinct about a partner was ignored, leading to a relationship where she felt like a ‘maid and sex servant.’ She began using prescribed Percocet to cope with the anxiety and verbal abuse, eventually realizing she was physically withdrawing when the supply ran out.
Impact of Verbal Abuse and Brainwashing
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(00:24:48)
  • Key Takeaway: Verbal abuse inflicted deeper wounds than physical abuse, leading Angie to internalize statements that she would amount to nothing, crushing her self-worth.
  • Summary: Angie felt she deserved the abuse because she believed the negative things her partner said, such as that she would end up ‘dead in a gutter.’ She states that verbal abuse cuts deeper than physical abuse because the words linger, creating a sense of unknown fear that makes leaving the familiar misery feel riskier than staying.
Why Victims Do Not Immediately Leave
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(00:25:35)
  • Key Takeaway: Victims often stay due to financial control, isolation, and the belief that the known chaos is safer than the unknown future outside the relationship.
  • Summary: Sarah explains that the statistic of women returning to abusers seven times reflects that something often draws them back, such as a lack of financial resources or deeply ingrained low self-worth. The known chaos can feel safer than stepping into the completely unknown, especially when financial abuse has stripped away independence.
Angie’s Path to Homelessness and Harvest Home
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(00:33:02)
  • Key Takeaway: Angie’s relapse into opioid addiction while pregnant, coupled with fleeing treatment suggestions, led directly to experiencing homelessness in a car.
  • Summary: The year before Harvest Home, Angie was cycling in and out of treatment while trying to regain custody of her oldest son. When she became pregnant and could not stop using, she fled when her partner suggested returning to treatment, resulting in weeks of sleeping in her car until she found Harvest Home via Google search.
Miracle of Birth and Sobriety Commitment
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(00:38:53)
  • Key Takeaway: Angie’s son was born a month early without any withdrawal symptoms, which she viewed as a miracle proving her need to remain sober permanently.
  • Summary: Despite having drugs in her system, Angie’s son was born a month early without experiencing any withdrawal, breathing, or stomach problems. This event served as undeniable proof of a higher power’s presence, solidifying her commitment to never use drugs again and cherish the gift of her child’s health.
Harvest Home’s Role in Confidence Building
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(00:47:06)
  • Key Takeaway: Activities like communal cooking at Harvest Home helped Angie reassociate a beloved activity with capability and control, reversing years of negative reinforcement.
  • Summary: Angie experienced a complete 180 in confidence, noting that simple tasks like cooking for others reawakened feelings of capability and control in the kitchen. Receiving genuine praise for her cooking from other residents helped counteract the years of verbal abuse where her efforts were ignored or criticized.
Achieving Independence and Family Reunion
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(00:59:34)
  • Key Takeaway: The confidence gained at Harvest Home enabled Angie to pursue education, become a certified peer support specialist, and successfully reunite with both of her sons.
  • Summary: Leaving Harvest Home, Angie felt grounded and capable enough to pursue school, completing her course to become a Medi-Cal peer support specialist. She now has both of her sons full-time in her own two-bedroom apartment, aiming to pour the lessons of self-worth she learned into their lives.
Advice for Supporting Friends in Abuse
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(01:06:03)
  • Key Takeaway: The most crucial support a friend can offer an abuse victim is to consistently show up without judgment, creating a safe space for them to eventually leave.
  • Summary: Sarah advises that friends must keep showing up for someone in an unsafe relationship, recognizing that leaving takes multiple attempts. The key is to be the safe person who listens without judgment, rather than constantly criticizing the abuser. Angie added that victims must learn to trust their gut instinct and believe partners when they first show who they truly are.
Advice for Former Self
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(01:06:44)
  • Key Takeaway: Women must trust their instincts, believe people when they show their true character, and refuse to compromise personal boundaries.
  • Summary: Advice shared by Angie to her former self centers on listening to gut feelings and trusting one’s identity as a woman. It is critical to define and adhere to personal tolerances regarding what one wants and does not want in relationships. Do not yield personal standards for any person or situation.
Surreal Feeling of Recovery
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(01:08:09)
  • Key Takeaway: Overcoming deep-seated negative self-beliefs, such as expecting to die addicted, requires consistent effort in positive affirmation and gratitude practices.
  • Summary: Angie expressed that reaching a place of stability felt surreal, especially after believing she would remain an addict. Overcoming negative self-talk requires active work, including daily gratitude lists, prayer, and focusing on positive moments. This mental shift allows belief in one’s story as an asset to help others.
Stability and Home Ownership
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(01:09:49)
  • Key Takeaway: Achieving housing stability, where one holds the keys and dictates the environment, is a profound marker of independence after experiencing homelessness.
  • Summary: For Angie, having a stable home with her name on the lease signifies a major life accomplishment after years of moving frequently. This stability allows her to be the authority in her own space, providing a secure environment for her children. Her current partner supports her decisions regarding the home’s decoration and organization.
Supporting Harvest Home
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(01:11:06)
  • Key Takeaway: Volunteering and financial contributions are vital ways to support organizations like Harvest Home, emphasizing that showing up for isolated women is impactful.
  • Summary: The best ways to support Harvest Home include volunteering locally in Los Angeles, as relational support speaks volumes to isolated women. Financial support is also always welcome for those unable to volunteer time. Listeners outside LA are encouraged to find similar local organizations serving women.
Community and Resources
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(01:12:44)
  • Key Takeaway: Community among women, met with kindness instead of judgment, is vital for success, and numerous national resources exist for those needing support.
  • Summary: Meeting each other with compassion can be genuinely life-changing for women facing challenges like abusive relationships or instability. Resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline and RAINN are available for immediate support. Listeners in a position to give back can support Harvest Home or the Unwell Foundation through finances or volunteering.
Sponsor Read: Clorox
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(01:14:50)
  • Key Takeaway: Clorox disinfecting wipes offer a quick, easy way to refresh spaces, channeling spring cleaning energy without stress.
  • Summary: Clorox disinfecting wipes are promoted as an easy tool for refreshing one’s space and channeling spring cleaning energy. The lemon scent is highlighted, reminding one speaker of their mother’s use of the product, establishing a sense of tradition. They are available for purchase at walmart.com/slash Clorox wipes.
Sponsor Read: Western Union/McDonald’s
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(01:16:01)
  • Key Takeaway: Western Union offers zero transfer fees on first digital transfers to India, while McDonald’s promotes a $7 deal for two items like the Filet of Fish.
  • Summary: Western Union provides trusted money transfers, noting that they make money from currency exchange, and encourages using their app or website. McDonald’s is advertising a deal where customers can get any two items, such as a Filet of Fish or 10-piece McNuggets, for $7.