The Rachel Hollis Podcast

943 Rach He Left Me 2 Years Ago And I Still Cant Get Over Him Am I Too Old To Become A Nurse

March 19, 2026

Key Takeaways Copied to clipboard!

  • Closure on a relationship is an internal choice, not something granted by the person who left, and lingering attachment is often about restoring pride or solving a mystery rather than loving the person. 
  • To move past an ex, one must stop romanticizing the past, stop keeping the wound open by revisiting reminders, and stop making the ex an exception to established truths about unavailable partners. 
  • Age is irrelevant to pursuing long-held dreams, as you will be older regardless of whether you start the pursuit now, and the 50s can be the greatest decade of life when focused on self-fulfillment. 

Segments

Dealing with Post-Breakup Obsession
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(00:00:00)
  • Key Takeaway: Obsession after a breakup often serves to restore pride or solve the mystery of why the partner left over something minor.
  • Summary: If one wants to stay obsessed with someone who left, they will fantasize about the ex realizing what they lost and obsess over closure to prove something. This fixation is frequently about restoring personal pride rather than attachment to the person. The brain seeks to solve the mystery of a seemingly small fight leading to abandonment.
Ask Rach Segment Introduction
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(00:02:14)
  • Key Takeaway: The ‘Ask Rach’ segment offers listeners ‘real talk and tough love’ on various life topics via voicemails.
  • Summary: The ‘Ask Rach’ tradition involves listeners calling a hotline to ask questions about life, love, work, and purpose. Rachel Hollis provides advice characterized as big sister energy, tough love, and real talk. Listeners are encouraged to try the advice or ignore it as they see fit.
Listener Voicemail: Ex-Situationship Grief
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(00:04:20)
  • Key Takeaway: Lingering attachment to an ex who ghosted after a ‘silly fight’ is often rooted in attachment to the fantasy or identity felt during the relationship, not the unavailable person.
  • Summary: The caller is struggling to let go of an ex-boyfriend who ghosted her two and a half years prior after a brief reconnection. Intellectually, she knows he is incapable of giving her what she needs, but the hope persists despite therapy. She recognizes she is attached to the identity she held when she felt chosen by him.
Advice for Unresolved Relationship Pain
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(00:07:33)
  • Key Takeaway: To overcome prolonged obsession, reverse-engineer the desired outcome by actively identifying and stopping the behaviors that perpetuate the obsession.
  • Summary: The advice suggests listing the ways one actively maintains obsession: romanticizing the past by replaying only highlights, focusing on the hoped-for version of the ex, and ignoring red flags. Keeping the wound open by checking social media or revisiting old places prevents healing. Emotionally available people do not leave the love of their life over minor issues.
Chemistry vs. Compatibility in Relationships
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(00:17:51)
  • Key Takeaway: Intense chemistry or anxiety should not be confused with genuine compatibility, as emotionally unavailable partners are often mistaken for having ‘depth.’
  • Summary: Intense feelings can stem from energetic chemistry, anxiety, or the unpredictability of a situation, not necessarily true love or partnership potential. Women often mistake emotional unavailability for depth or cerebral nature in partners. The fastest way to move on is deciding you do not want someone who does not want you, choosing self over waiting for external validation.
Listener Voicemail: Pursuing a New Idea
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(00:22:41)
  • Key Takeaway: New creative ideas should be pursued as a low-stakes hobby first, avoiding the pressure of immediate business scaling to prevent boredom and self-talk.
  • Summary: The caller has a seasonal holiday idea that her peers hyped up, making it feel real for the first time, but she fears losing excitement and succumbing to negative self-talk. She is advised to focus on the minimum viable product by making only 10 units to test viability, rather than investing heavily upfront. This approach allows for iteration or abandonment without financial burden, keeping the pursuit fun.
Listener Voicemail: Age and Career Change
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(00:31:16)
  • Key Takeaway: At age 50, pursuing a long-held dream like becoming an RN means you will be older regardless of starting, so choosing to pursue the goal results in being older while achieving it.
  • Summary: The caller, 50 and halfway through nursing school, questions if she is too old to become an RN after years of prioritizing her children as a single mom. The host emphasizes that life expectancy suggests she has as much time ahead as behind, making her 50s the start of a new, powerful phase. She is encouraged to laugh at the self-talk suggesting she is too old, as she will be older anyway, but she can choose to be older with a new skill set.