The Rachel Hollis Podcast

932 | The Issue Isn't Comparison - It's What You're Measuring

February 5, 2026

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  • The core issue with comparison is not the act itself, but measuring your life against superficial or external metrics that were never meant to guide your personal journey. 
  • Comparison serves as a tool for self-orientation when one lacks a clear internal definition of success, or as a form of self-punishment through shame. 
  • Jealousy, often seen negatively, can be a valuable indicator pointing toward what your spirit truly desires more of in your current season. 

Segments

Comparison’s True Issue
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(00:00:46)
  • Key Takeaway: The fundamental problem with comparison is measuring oneself against metrics that are irrelevant to one’s own path.
  • Summary: Comparing your life to others often leads to feeling lacking because you are using external benchmarks that do not align with your internal values. Rachel Hollis introduces the idea that the issue isn’t comparison, but rather the specific things being measured. This sets the stage for examining why people engage in this destructive habit.
Childhood Comparison Anecdote
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(00:01:45)
  • Key Takeaway: Attempting to win a non-competitive scenario by lying about data (resting heart rate) resulted in public mortification and looking foolish.
  • Summary: Rachel Hollis shares a sixth-grade story where she lied about her resting heart rate to appear better than her peers, resulting in an absurdly high number on a class graph. This anecdote illustrates the absurdity of competing when there is no competition and how external metrics can distort reality. The realization was that in trying to win, she made herself look like an idiot.
Reasons for Comparison
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(00:06:02)
  • Key Takeaway: Comparison is often used to orient oneself when one lacks a clear, anchored definition of personal success.
  • Summary: One primary reason for comparison is the lack of an internal compass for success, causing individuals to look sideways at others’ progress instead of forward on their own path. Furthermore, people compare visible outcomes because the most meaningful metrics—like peace, joy, and self-trust—are invisible and unmeasurable by external standards.
Bar Class Modeling Experience
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(00:07:25)
  • Key Takeaway: Modeling behavior is helpful for direction, but comparison becomes destructive when it shifts from seeking instruction to judging superficial details.
  • Summary: Attending a new bar class, Rachel looked around for modeling behavior to understand what to do, which is a valid use of comparison. However, the comparison quickly devolved into judging superficial elements like clothing (a matching Lululemon set) rather than focusing on the necessary action (stretching or positioning).
Cost of Visible Success
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(00:12:19)
  • Key Takeaway: Lusting over visible success ignores the hidden cost, which often includes sacrifices to health, relationships, or joy that most people would deem too high.
  • Summary: By focusing only on outcomes, individuals avoid evaluating the true cost—the failures, the hours worked, or the personal toll—that someone else paid for their visible achievements. Rachel Hollis asserts that if you measured the total cost, you would likely find that the success achieved by others is not worth the price required.
Comparison as Self-Punishment
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(00:17:31)
  • Key Takeaway: Using comparison to shame oneself into motivation is ineffective, as pressure only reinforces current negative states rather than driving positive change.
  • Summary: Many people use comparison as a form of self-correction through shame, thinking thoughts like, “If she can do it, why can’t I?” This pressure tactic is counterproductive and tends to push individuals further into their existing negative patterns or backward.
Taking Responsibility for Metrics
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(00:18:50)
  • Key Takeaway: Choosing your own personal metrics for success requires full responsibility, which many avoid by chasing publicly approved goals instead.
  • Summary: Borrowing external metrics allows individuals to avoid the scary responsibility of defining and pursuing their own success, leading to self-sabotage by chasing publicly approved activities. Being the captain of your own ship means defining your own terms for what constitutes a successful life, rather than living as a background character in someone else’s story.
Dealing with Negative Self-Talk
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(00:24:51)
  • Key Takeaway: Do not fight negative self-talk; arguing with the voice gives it the attention and energy it seeks, allowing it to persist.
  • Summary: When negative thoughts bubble up, the best approach is to stop fighting them, as resistance gives them energy. Instead, practice watching the thoughts pass by without believing everything that shows up in your mind simply because it is present.
Jealousy as a Guide
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(00:30:56)
  • Key Takeaway: Jealousy is a powerful indicator, revealing exactly what you intuitively desire more of in your life, even if the initial thought is rooted in societal training.
  • Summary: If you feel jealousy toward another woman’s life, it signals that she possesses something your intuition recognizes you want, such as rest or deeper love. The first thought might be societal comparison, but the second, corrective thought reveals your true spirit and guides you toward what your soul is calling for.