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[00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:05.120] I see introversion and extroversion in general as just two different kinds of strengths.
[00:00:05.120 --> 00:00:13.840] The problem in our culture is just that we emphasize one type of strength, the extroverted strength, usually more than we do the introverted strength, but that they're equally valuable.
[00:00:13.840 --> 00:00:15.040] There's probably not this binary thing.
[00:00:15.040 --> 00:00:18.240] You're introverted, extroverted, the spectrum of introvertedness, extrovertedness.
[00:00:18.240 --> 00:00:21.200] Do people move along this spectrum often?
[00:00:21.200 --> 00:00:23.840] I feel like I've definitely become more extroverted over time.
[00:00:23.840 --> 00:00:26.480] I've had the exact same trajectory you just described.
[00:00:26.480 --> 00:00:28.560] I used to be terrified of public speaking.
[00:00:28.560 --> 00:00:30.080] Now I do it all the time.
[00:00:30.080 --> 00:00:31.680] I used to be quite shy.
[00:00:31.680 --> 00:00:36.720] But that's not really describing, I don't believe, becoming more extroverted.
[00:00:36.720 --> 00:00:39.600] That's more describing acquiring skills.
[00:00:39.600 --> 00:00:43.280] As we grow and gain experience, we acquire all kinds of skills.
[00:00:43.280 --> 00:00:49.360] What people most want is just like, how do I become potentially more extroverted/slash less allow introvertedness to hurt me in my career?
[00:00:49.360 --> 00:01:11.120] This is a paradox that I have observed: that the more introverts become like deeply comfortable in their own skin, that's when they start to show up at the job interview or on the stage in a more powerful way because you're now there as your own true being, as opposed to there always being a voice in your head saying, I'm not really supposed to be me.
[00:01:11.120 --> 00:01:13.120] How can you help people believe this is actually true?
[00:01:13.120 --> 00:01:18.000] That you can be just as successful being very true to yourself versus learning to be an extrovert.
[00:01:18.000 --> 00:01:26.080] One of the most important things you can do today, my guest is Susan Kane.
[00:01:26.080 --> 00:01:33.040] Susan is the author of the number one New York Times bestseller, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in the World I Can Stop Talking.
[00:01:33.040 --> 00:01:35.680] Her books have been translated into 40 languages.
[00:01:35.680 --> 00:01:38.800] Her TED Talks have been viewed over 50 million times.
[00:01:38.800 --> 00:01:49.760] And she basically made me and every other introvert in the world feel okay about being an introvert and showed that actually embracing that about yourself can unlock a ton of opportunity and success in your life.
[00:01:49.760 --> 00:02:01.160] In our conversation, Susan shares a ton of very tangible advice for how to be more successful in business as an introvert, including what skills you should actually be building that don't come naturally to you.
[00:02:01.160 --> 00:02:05.720] Also, what actually is an introvert, how to raise kids who might be introverted, and so much more.
[00:02:05.720 --> 00:02:09.560] This was such a wonderful conversation, and so much of it resonated with me.
[00:02:09.560 --> 00:02:16.840] This episode is for anyone who considers themselves an introvert, or if you work with people who are introverts and you want to learn how to help them thrive.
[00:02:16.840 --> 00:02:21.240] If you enjoy this podcast, don't forget to subscribe and follow it in your favorite podcasting app or YouTube.
[00:02:21.240 --> 00:02:25.400] It's the best way to avoid missing future episodes and it helps the podcast tremendously.
[00:02:25.400 --> 00:02:28.600] With that, I bring you Susan Kane.
[00:02:28.920 --> 00:02:31.240] This episode is brought to you by Interpret.
[00:02:31.240 --> 00:02:39.560] Interpret unifies all your customer interactions from Gong calls to Zendesk tickets to Twitter threads to App Store reviews and makes it available for analysis.
[00:02:39.560 --> 00:02:51.880] It's trusted by leading product orgs like Canva, Notion, Loom, Linear, Monday.com, and Straba to bring the voice of the customer into the product development process, helping you build best-in-class products faster.
[00:02:51.880 --> 00:03:20.120] What makes Interpret special is its ability to build and update customer-specific AI models that provide the most granular and accurate insights into your business, connect customer insights to revenue and operational data in your CRM or data warehouse to map the business impact of each customer need and prioritize confidently, and empower your entire team to easily take action on use cases like win-loss analysis, critical bug detection, and identifying drivers of churn with Interpret's AI-assisted wisdom.
[00:03:20.120 --> 00:03:34.520] Looking to automate your feedback loops and prioritize your roadmap with confidence like Notion, Canva, and Linear, visit ENTERPRET.com/slash Lenny to connect with the team and to get two free months when you sign up for an annual plan.
[00:03:34.520 --> 00:03:38.920] This is a limited time offer that's interpret.com/slash Lenny.
[00:03:39.240 --> 00:03:48.240] This episode is brought to you by Vanta, and I am very excited to have Christina Cassioppo, CEO and co-founder of Vanta, joining me for this very short conversation.
[00:03:48.240 --> 00:03:49.120] Great to be here.
[00:03:44.920 --> 00:03:50.800] Big fan of the podcast in the newsletter.
[00:03:51.040 --> 00:03:58.240] Vanta is a longtime sponsor of the show, but for some of our newer listeners, what does Vanta do and who is it for?
[00:03:58.240 --> 00:03:58.880] Sure.
[00:03:58.880 --> 00:04:12.320] So we started Vanta in 2018, focused on founders, helping them start to build out their security programs and get credit for all of that hard security work with compliance certifications like SOC2 or ISO 2701.
[00:04:12.320 --> 00:04:28.960] Today, we currently help over 9,000 companies, including some startup household names like Atlassian, Ramp, and LingChain, start and scale their security programs and ultimately build trust by automating compliance, centralizing GRC, and accelerating security reviews.
[00:04:28.960 --> 00:04:29.760] That is awesome.
[00:04:29.760 --> 00:04:36.400] I know from experience that these things take a lot of time and a lot of resources, and nobody wants to spend time doing this.
[00:04:36.400 --> 00:04:40.640] That is very much our experience, but before the company, and to some extent, during it.
[00:04:40.640 --> 00:04:49.040] But the idea is with automation, with AI, with software, we are helping customers build trust with prospects and customers in an efficient way.
[00:04:49.040 --> 00:04:52.800] And, you know, our joke, we started this compliance company, so you don't have to.
[00:04:52.800 --> 00:04:54.240] We appreciate you for doing that.
[00:04:54.240 --> 00:04:56.240] And you have a special discount for listeners.
[00:04:56.240 --> 00:05:00.640] They can get $1,000 off Vanta at Vanta.com/slash Lenny.
[00:05:00.640 --> 00:05:05.680] That's V-A-N-T-A.com/slash Lenny for $1,000 off Anta.
[00:05:05.680 --> 00:05:07.120] Thanks for that, Christina.
[00:05:07.120 --> 00:05:08.320] Thank you.
[00:05:11.200 --> 00:05:13.040] Susan, thank you so much for being here.
[00:05:13.200 --> 00:05:14.560] Welcome to the podcast.
[00:05:14.560 --> 00:05:15.920] Thank you so much, Lenny.
[00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:17.600] It's so exciting to be here.
[00:05:17.600 --> 00:05:27.680] I just want to start with just from one introvert to another, and from someone that would rather be sitting in a corner writing versus being on camera, talking, performing a little bit.
[00:05:27.680 --> 00:05:31.800] I appreciate you extra for doing this and flexing your extroverted energy.
[00:05:31.800 --> 00:05:33.320] Oh my gosh, absolutely.
[00:05:33.320 --> 00:05:34.040] Thank you.
[00:05:34.040 --> 00:05:43.080] And I know you haven't even asked a single question yet, but I just, in response to what you just said, because you just identified yourself as an introvert.
[00:05:43.080 --> 00:05:57.080] That was actually a question I wanted to ask you because when I look at the work that you do in the world and the way that you do it, and I had never seen you on video before, I said to myself, I'm sure Lenny's an introvert.
[00:05:57.080 --> 00:06:07.640] And the reason I thought that is because there's something about like the intensity with which you do your work and you're like so passionate about your subject.
[00:06:07.640 --> 00:06:14.680] And your means of success is by going super deep into your passion.
[00:06:14.680 --> 00:06:16.360] And that's such an introvert thing.
[00:06:16.360 --> 00:06:18.680] So I was like 95% sure.
[00:06:18.680 --> 00:06:20.040] That is so funny.
[00:06:20.520 --> 00:06:21.320] I love that.
[00:06:21.320 --> 00:06:22.200] I appreciate that.
[00:06:22.520 --> 00:06:25.080] So, okay, so let me set a little foundation for folks.
[00:06:25.080 --> 00:06:27.720] We kind of dove into stuff, but I think this will be helpful.
[00:06:28.200 --> 00:06:29.640] We're talking about introvertedness.
[00:06:30.680 --> 00:06:32.840] What is the clearest sign you an introvert?
[00:06:33.160 --> 00:06:37.880] Two questions you could ask yourself if you're not really sure how you identify.
[00:06:38.760 --> 00:06:42.920] So one of them is, you know, how do you feel?
[00:06:42.920 --> 00:06:53.880] Like, imagine that you are going to a party or networking event that you are truly enjoying with company you truly enjoy.
[00:06:54.200 --> 00:07:00.280] If you're an extrovert, you probably find this like incredibly energizing.
[00:07:00.280 --> 00:07:06.200] And so, after two hours or so, you're looking for more because you're now hyper-energized.
[00:07:06.200 --> 00:07:13.240] And if you're an introvert, no matter how much you love all those people you were just talking to, your battery is probably way drained.
[00:07:13.240 --> 00:07:16.640] And so, after two hours, you're looking for the escape route.
[00:07:16.640 --> 00:07:18.880] So, that's kind of one question to ask.
[00:07:18.880 --> 00:07:35.040] And then, another one would be: if you imagine a weekend, let's say, where you are totally free of social and professional obligations, how would you choose to spend your time?
[00:07:35.040 --> 00:07:38.080] And how many people would be in the picture?
[00:07:38.080 --> 00:07:40.160] And how well would you know those people?
[00:07:40.160 --> 00:07:47.680] Like, would you be allocating your social time to just one or two close friends or family members?
[00:07:47.680 --> 00:07:52.320] Or would you be excited about a party full of people you don't know that well?
[00:07:52.640 --> 00:07:57.520] Those kinds of questions tell you a lot about what your true preferences are.
[00:07:57.520 --> 00:08:20.560] And I stress that phrase true preferences because for introverts in an extroverted culture, we spend so much time kind of unconsciously adapting to what we think our preferences are supposed to be that I hear from many people that they kind of have lost touch with how they actually prefer to spend their time.
[00:08:20.560 --> 00:08:23.680] First of all, I love the two-hour heuristic as a thing.
[00:08:23.680 --> 00:08:26.080] I could just pay attention to real quick after two hours.
[00:08:26.080 --> 00:08:29.200] Because I could, when, as you were describing initially, like, no, that'd be really cool.
[00:08:29.200 --> 00:08:37.520] Just like meet with a bunch of interesting people for like if I'm an intro, if I'm an extrovert, if I enjoy that, oh, maybe I'm an extrovert, but then it's like, okay, two hours, okay.
[00:08:37.520 --> 00:08:42.880] And so, clearly, to me, it'd be like, yes, I'll be exhausted and want to go do something else.
[00:08:42.880 --> 00:08:49.600] Yeah, and to me, the feeling of like you wish you could just like push a button and be instantly home when you hit that wall.
[00:08:50.240 --> 00:08:51.280] I would love that.
[00:08:51.280 --> 00:08:52.960] Like, what I find is I just run out of steam.
[00:08:52.960 --> 00:08:53.600] I just can't talk.
[00:08:53.600 --> 00:08:56.160] I'm just like, my voice is like, I'm pushing it out.
[00:08:56.160 --> 00:08:57.040] That's really interesting.
[00:08:57.040 --> 00:09:01.720] Okay, so another thought I had as you were talking is: I know it's probably not this binary thing.
[00:08:59.840 --> 00:09:04.440] You're introverted, extroverted, the spectrum of introvertedness, extrovertedness.
[00:09:04.600 --> 00:09:07.400] Is there anything along those lines that's useful for people to hear?
[00:09:07.400 --> 00:09:10.120] Just like how to think about the spectrum of introvertedness?
[00:09:10.120 --> 00:09:11.480] Oh, yeah, absolutely.
[00:09:11.480 --> 00:09:19.560] So, first of all, there is a term that psychologists have termed that have coined for people who really are kind of neither here nor there.
[00:09:19.560 --> 00:09:21.240] They're in the middle of the spectrum.
[00:09:21.240 --> 00:09:23.080] So, that term is ambivert.
[00:09:23.080 --> 00:09:26.600] And I think that does describe a fair amount of people.
[00:09:26.600 --> 00:09:43.640] But then, what's also important to know is that even for people who are quite extroverted or quite introverted, like me, you know, we still have our moments when we're acting kind of out of type because humans are incredibly complex beings.
[00:09:43.640 --> 00:09:48.440] So, I feel like it's really important when talking about this topic.
[00:09:48.440 --> 00:09:51.640] It's like two opposite things are true.
[00:09:51.640 --> 00:10:08.760] On the one hand, I really do believe that this question of how introverted or extroverted we are shapes so much about the way that we work and think and make decisions and love and interact and all the rest of it.
[00:10:08.760 --> 00:10:10.680] It's like it's hugely important.
[00:10:10.920 --> 00:10:14.840] Psychologists have called it the north and south of human temperament.
[00:10:14.840 --> 00:10:16.200] So, that's point one.
[00:10:16.200 --> 00:10:36.920] But then, on the opposite side, humans are gloriously complex, and there's always a danger in talking about subjects like this of reducing ourselves and each other to a label and then expecting ourselves and each other to behave according to that label in all circumstances.
[00:10:36.920 --> 00:10:39.240] And that's, of course, a mistake.
[00:10:39.240 --> 00:10:42.920] Do people move along the spectrum often?
[00:10:42.920 --> 00:10:46.640] And I ask this because I feel like I've definitely become more extroverted over time.
[00:10:46.640 --> 00:10:51.840] Like I used to be super shy and very, very afraid of public speaking and big social things.
[00:10:51.840 --> 00:10:56.400] And I've just like learned to not be as much, and I still definitely am.
[00:10:56.400 --> 00:11:02.960] So is it common for people to move along the spectrum and do they move in both directions or is it usually from introvert to extrovert?
[00:11:02.960 --> 00:11:07.040] Okay, so first of all, I've had the exact same trajectory you just described.
[00:11:07.040 --> 00:11:09.360] Like I used to be terrified of public speaking.
[00:11:09.360 --> 00:11:11.040] Now I do it all the time.
[00:11:11.680 --> 00:11:13.120] I used to be quite shy.
[00:11:13.360 --> 00:11:21.040] I would say I am still a shy person, but it's not as much a top of mind everyday type of reality now.
[00:11:21.040 --> 00:11:25.840] That's not really describing, I don't believe, becoming more extroverted.
[00:11:25.840 --> 00:11:34.240] That's more describing acquiring skills and also managing fears.
[00:11:34.240 --> 00:11:38.080] So, and even managing learning to manage a fear is a type of skill.
[00:11:38.080 --> 00:11:46.160] So, what happens is as we grow and gain experience, we acquire all kinds of skills of the kind you were just talking about.
[00:11:46.160 --> 00:11:54.000] But in terms of, but I still come back to that question I asked at the beginning: like, how would you spend your time when you have no obligations?
[00:11:54.480 --> 00:12:00.080] Because on that score, most of us actually become more introverted with time.
[00:12:00.080 --> 00:12:17.760] And I don't know if you would describe yourself this way, but like, I remember for me, even though I was a shy person, you know, I like in high school, I would come home from school and spend my whole evening talking to all my friends on the phone.
[00:12:17.760 --> 00:12:19.840] And I would never do that now.
[00:12:20.400 --> 00:12:22.240] And psychologists have studied this.
[00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:25.600] So, like, people tend to mellow out over time.
[00:12:25.600 --> 00:12:45.720] So, if you were, let's say, the third most extroverted person in your high school, and then you go to your high school reunion 40 years later, you'll probably still be one of the most extroverted people in your class, but all of you will have chilled out and calmed down quite a bit.
[00:12:46.520 --> 00:12:53.560] And that's a separate dimension from that dimension of learning to be a public speaker and all that kind of stuff.
[00:12:53.560 --> 00:12:54.680] That is so interesting.
[00:12:54.680 --> 00:12:55.800] I never thought of it this way.
[00:12:55.800 --> 00:13:02.040] I've always thought I'm getting more extroverted because I'm doing more of this sort of thing and enjoying things like this sport.
[00:13:02.040 --> 00:13:08.680] It's so interesting to reframe it into: I've just learned how to cope and be successful in these situations, but I'm still the same.
[00:13:08.680 --> 00:13:23.640] And it's funny that you say that because I can't tell you how often people have said to me, Well, they'll either say, Oh, you do public speaking, so you never were an introvert, you're like you're actually an extrovert, or they'll say, Oh, you've gotten more extroverted with time.
[00:13:23.640 --> 00:13:26.360] And I would say neither of those things is true.
[00:13:26.360 --> 00:13:27.960] It's just a skill.
[00:13:27.960 --> 00:13:30.360] Okay, this is something I definitely wanted to ask you about.
[00:13:30.360 --> 00:13:41.800] So, people hearing you right now, hearing you be very confident, clear, just like not coming across as an introvert, also watching your TED talks, probably seeing some of your other talks.
[00:13:41.800 --> 00:13:45.400] Like, it's not like you don't seem like an introvert.
[00:13:46.120 --> 00:13:54.200] I'm curious, just what your experience of being an introvert is that might give people a glimpse into, okay, I didn't realize this about people.
[00:13:54.200 --> 00:13:55.480] Because I think it's common to a lot of people.
[00:13:55.480 --> 00:13:59.880] You see a lot of people that are actually super introverted, but they don't seem that way.
[00:13:59.880 --> 00:14:07.480] So, just to give people an example of the stuff you've gone through, the stuff you deal with, and then introvert that people may not see, what are some examples of that?
[00:14:07.480 --> 00:14:08.360] Oh, yeah.
[00:14:08.360 --> 00:14:17.680] And to your point, I can't even tell you how many people there are out there presenting as quite extroverted.
[00:14:18.000 --> 00:14:29.760] And then, because I have this funny role in society as like the world's confessor of introverts, they all come up to me at conferences and things and tell me what they're really feeling and who they really are.
[00:14:29.760 --> 00:14:33.280] And it's often like people you would never suspect.
[00:14:35.120 --> 00:14:45.520] But yeah, like, okay, I mean, if you look at the way I just spent my day before recording this with you, and it's now my time, 4:24 p.m.
[00:14:45.680 --> 00:14:47.520] So it's quite late in the day.
[00:14:48.320 --> 00:14:51.360] I have not really spoken to many people today.
[00:14:51.360 --> 00:14:54.240] You know, I drove my son to and from school.
[00:14:54.560 --> 00:14:57.360] My husband's out of town, so I didn't talk to him yet.
[00:14:57.920 --> 00:15:03.280] And then I've been working on my laptop and walking my dog.
[00:15:03.280 --> 00:15:06.320] And that's been a really happy day for me.
[00:15:06.320 --> 00:15:21.760] So, and in general, I'm like really, really happy lavishing a lot of social time on my family or close friends, but I don't do that much social, like, you know, technically social stuff.
[00:15:21.760 --> 00:15:27.920] And in terms of, I'm not sure if you use the word overcome, but it was some kind of word like that in your question.
[00:15:28.960 --> 00:15:38.480] So for things like this, you know, like super public facing stuff, that I really did have to learn how to get comfortable with over time.
[00:15:38.800 --> 00:15:48.960] And I used to be absolutely terrified of public speaking, like lose five pounds before every speech, kind of terrified.
[00:15:49.920 --> 00:16:15.560] And I want to say this for anybody out there who's listening who has this fear, because it's a lot, a lot of people, that the miraculous thing is that this kind of fear, as with any type of fear, is actually overcomable because there's this miracle kind of phenomenon that psychologists call desensitization.
[00:16:15.560 --> 00:16:24.680] That basically, if you have any kind of fear, you can expose yourself in very small and manageable doses to the thing that you fear.
[00:16:24.680 --> 00:16:27.480] And that's the way to neutralize it.
[00:16:27.480 --> 00:16:35.000] So, like, I signed up before my book Quiet came out, and I knew I was going to have to really be out there in the spotlight.
[00:16:35.320 --> 00:16:39.320] I signed up for classes for people with public speaking anxiety.
[00:16:39.320 --> 00:16:47.320] And in these classes, you just had to, like, you'd start out by standing up and saying your name and then sitting down again.
[00:16:47.640 --> 00:16:49.960] And that would be the whole exercise for the class.
[00:16:49.960 --> 00:16:52.840] And then you'd come back a week later and do a little bit more.
[00:16:52.840 --> 00:16:55.240] And that's the way to get over it.
[00:16:55.240 --> 00:17:13.720] So I always encourage people, like, sign up for Toastmasters or something like that, where you can practice speaking in supportive environments where the stakes are really low until you can retrain your brain that the stage is not actually a saber-toothed tiger, which is what your brain currently believes it to be.
[00:17:13.720 --> 00:17:16.920] Okay, so let me come back to this because I think that's what people most want.
[00:17:16.920 --> 00:17:23.880] It's just like, how do I become potentially more extroverted, slash less allow introvertedness to hurt me in my career?
[00:17:23.880 --> 00:17:25.160] But let me just ask you this question.
[00:17:25.160 --> 00:17:26.040] This kind of like a.
[00:17:26.680 --> 00:17:28.120] Can I actually stop you right there?
[00:17:28.120 --> 00:17:28.520] Yes.
[00:17:28.520 --> 00:17:39.880] I would just say, like, I totally get it that that's what people feel that they want, but what we think we want is not always actually the way to the ultimate goal we want.
[00:17:39.880 --> 00:17:47.680] Because I think what we really want is to learn to be completely comfortable as ourselves.
[00:17:48.000 --> 00:18:28.800] And I will, I know that sounds like a kind of bland or woo-woo thing to say, but this is a paradox that I have observed through all the years that I've been doing this: that the more introverts or anybody else become deeply comfortable in their own skin, that's when they start to show up at the job interview or on the stage or whatever the venue is in a more powerful way because you're now there as your own true being, as opposed to there always being a voice in your head saying, I'm not really supposed to be me, so I'm going to like pretend to be somebody else.
[00:18:28.800 --> 00:18:31.520] And people can pick that up and you can pick it up.
[00:18:31.520 --> 00:18:40.080] I think people hear this idea that you teach in your book that you can be very successful as an introvert.
[00:18:40.080 --> 00:18:52.240] And I bet it's intellectually difficult to actually believe you can be as successful as an introvert versus being an extrovert because you see all these founders, they're very charismatic, extroverted.
[00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:56.880] You see people at meetings, all the loud, you know, voices in the room always seem to get what they want.
[00:18:57.440 --> 00:19:04.640] How can you help people believe this is actually true, that you can be just as successful being very true to yourself versus learning to be an extrovert?
[00:19:04.960 --> 00:19:21.360] One of the most important things you can do for whoever is listening in whatever field that you happen to be operating in is to look for people in your field who have your way of being, who are introverted, and who are powerful.
[00:19:21.360 --> 00:19:25.040] And there are so many of them in every field.
[00:19:25.040 --> 00:19:31.240] So, just to go back to the public speaking example for a second, but then I'm going to go out from there.
[00:19:31.960 --> 00:19:42.600] Like, when I was getting started as a public speaker, for me, my talisman person was Malcolm Gladwell because he's an incredibly captivating speaker.
[00:19:42.600 --> 00:19:44.840] He's a self-described introvert.
[00:19:44.840 --> 00:19:56.040] And the power of his speaking is not, you know, being like the super energized showman, but rather he's a pretty cerebral person with a lot of interesting stuff to say.
[00:19:56.040 --> 00:20:03.640] And I thought, okay, you know, not that my personality is exactly like his, but it's like, okay, that's kind of a way that I could be on stage.
[00:20:03.640 --> 00:20:07.800] I can have interesting things to say that I'm very impassioned about saying.
[00:20:07.800 --> 00:20:11.560] And this is true, you can look at so many different fields.
[00:20:11.560 --> 00:20:17.640] So, like, for example, in finance, somebody like Warren Buffett, he's a shy introvert.
[00:20:17.640 --> 00:20:19.480] He has talked about this.
[00:20:19.480 --> 00:20:31.320] And a lot of the engine of his success is that he figured out how to draw on his own introverted strengths.
[00:20:31.320 --> 00:20:38.200] So, for example, he is known for spending hours poring over financial documents.
[00:20:38.200 --> 00:20:53.400] And he is known for saying that what gets people to be a really good investor is not so much IQ as having the temperament to control yourself and take prudent bets, which is something that introverts are known for.
[00:20:53.400 --> 00:21:00.600] There's all kinds of studies documenting this and showing introverted traders being especially successful and so on.
[00:21:01.000 --> 00:21:17.280] He's also known for selecting managers very wisely and carefully, and then really delegating and relying on those people, which again is a hallmark of introverted leadership that we see in various studies and examples.
[00:21:18.160 --> 00:21:29.600] Now, Warren Buffett was also somebody who started out as a shy public speaker, and he signed up for one of those Dale Carnegie training classes when he was like 21.
[00:21:29.600 --> 00:21:34.000] And so he learned how to be, you know, this kind of folksy guy out in public.
[00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:46.160] And so there's nothing I'm saying that's against the idea of like, yes, you know, acquire the skills that you need to acquire to be successful in your given field.
[00:21:46.160 --> 00:21:51.840] And yes, that might require stepping outside your comfort zone to acquire those skills.
[00:21:51.840 --> 00:21:58.720] But there's a difference between acquiring skills and trying to be someone who you're not.
[00:21:58.720 --> 00:22:00.480] Those are really different things.
[00:22:00.800 --> 00:22:24.480] So yes, acquire the skills, but then like learn how to be you, you know, and whether you're a public speaker or a salesperson or a negotiator or a marketer, whatever it is, there's a way to do that in a kind of more thoughtful, more deliberative, more analytical, more listening-oriented style that can be incredibly powerful.
[00:22:24.800 --> 00:22:31.760] But the bottom line of everything I just said is like, look for your role models because they're going to show you that you can do it.
[00:22:31.760 --> 00:22:33.040] That's such a powerful point.
[00:22:33.040 --> 00:22:52.800] Just instead of kind of assuming what you see in the media of just here's all the successful people and just assuming they're all extroverts, actually find folks that are in your orbit that are successful that are also introverts to help kind of show you, give you evidence you can be really successful and not have to become someone else.
[00:22:52.800 --> 00:22:53.440] Oh, yeah.
[00:22:53.440 --> 00:23:02.840] And, you know, and if you're talking about the realm of founders and startup people, like there's just so many of them, you know, especially like in the world of Silicon Valley.
[00:23:03.640 --> 00:23:06.600] Who comes to mind and does examples?
[00:23:06.600 --> 00:23:07.640] Oh, gosh.
[00:23:08.440 --> 00:23:14.120] I mean, like dating all the way back to, you know, Bill Gates and that era.
[00:23:14.760 --> 00:23:16.760] There have just been so many.
[00:23:17.080 --> 00:23:34.920] This point of becoming more of who you are is connected to something that comes up a lot on this podcast: of the power of leaning into your strengths and not trying to focus on your weaknesses, of just becoming more of leaning into the things you're good at and doing the things you want to accomplish through that.
[00:23:34.920 --> 00:23:38.360] For example, in my experience, I'm just like, I don't, I'm not amazing.
[00:23:38.360 --> 00:23:39.400] I'm not an amazing speaker.
[00:23:39.400 --> 00:23:48.680] I'm not an amazing person to run meetings, but I'm much, I'm really good at like after the meeting, here's like the doc of the meeting, here's the next step, here's kind of like async follow-ups and stuff like that.
[00:23:48.680 --> 00:23:57.400] And I found the writing let me accomplish all the same things without feeling like, oh, I need to become this amazing presenter.
[00:23:57.400 --> 00:23:58.040] Absolutely.
[00:23:58.040 --> 00:24:22.520] And I would say, in addition to that, I don't think that that means that you need to be limited only to writing because I mean, even just talking to you for 15 minutes or so, like, I, you know, I get a feeling of like, okay, I'm talking to somebody who's extremely authentic, extremely intelligent, extremely knowledgeable.
[00:24:22.520 --> 00:24:29.800] And those are all incredibly powerful traits that modest introverts tend to discount.
[00:24:31.080 --> 00:24:33.960] That's a good, a good pushback and good reminder.
[00:24:34.280 --> 00:24:35.400] But I hear you.
[00:24:35.400 --> 00:24:36.480] Okay, good.
[00:24:36.200 --> 00:24:36.960] Good.
[00:24:37.320 --> 00:24:45.280] I want to go back to the tactics you started to share of how to be successful in business as an introvert.
[00:24:43.960 --> 00:24:52.000] Because a lot of times companies aren't set up to be to for introverts to thrive.
[00:24:52.320 --> 00:25:00.960] And so I'm curious what either you have done or what you've seen people do as introverts to set themselves up for more success in a business career.
[00:25:00.960 --> 00:25:02.960] Gosh, there's a lot we could talk about.
[00:25:02.960 --> 00:25:04.880] I'll give you a few ideas.
[00:25:04.880 --> 00:25:20.800] I mean, one is to find ways to make sure that other people know how much you know and how much you're contributing.
[00:25:21.040 --> 00:25:39.920] Because I can't tell you how often company leaders will tell me that they lose valuable people because those people aren't good at self-promotion and then their contributions are undervalued or they feel undervalued, so they end up leaving.
[00:25:39.920 --> 00:25:42.240] And that is not good for anybody.
[00:25:42.960 --> 00:25:44.720] Okay, so what can you do to do this?
[00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:56.960] If you are somebody who is comfortable writing the way you are, you could start a company blog or some other way of disseminating your expertise through writing that will thereby gain attention.
[00:25:56.960 --> 00:26:15.360] Another thing that you can do, if you're either comfortable already with public speaking or are planning to work acquire that particular skill, there's something in our culture where people who put themselves forward on a stage gain disproportionate respect.
[00:26:15.680 --> 00:26:22.880] So, if you can put yourself forward to do it, it could be like two minutes, it could be five minutes.
[00:26:23.120 --> 00:26:32.360] You know, maybe you start a lecture series at your company where you bring in speakers and you're the one who's always introducing them.
[00:26:32.520 --> 00:26:38.200] So, you're just on stage for like the two minutes that you're introducing them, but you're the one who put the whole thing together.
[00:26:38.200 --> 00:26:44.840] That's the kind of thing that can bring you a lot of prominence with kind of like disproportionate bang for the buck.
[00:26:44.840 --> 00:26:51.160] And that kind of thing is also a great way of just practicing these skills and getting more comfortable with them.
[00:26:51.160 --> 00:26:52.280] Okay, so that's one.
[00:26:52.520 --> 00:27:05.080] A second one is to, I'm thinking of a woman named Kathy Fish, who, until not long ago, was the head of RD at Procter Gamble.
[00:27:05.080 --> 00:27:08.120] And Kathy's a self-described introvert.
[00:27:08.120 --> 00:27:22.760] And she talked about how her superpower was she was really good at connecting with people one-on-one and building deep connections in that way.
[00:27:22.760 --> 00:27:42.360] So she wasn't the person who would like sweep charismatically into the room and everyone would know who she was, but it was like one by one by one by one, she was building up all these relationships that as she got more senior in her company, everyone knew who she was, they liked her, they trusted her, and that turned out to be incredibly powerful.
[00:27:42.360 --> 00:27:50.120] Third idea: quiet people often are misunderstood to be unambitious.
[00:27:50.120 --> 00:27:56.280] So, if you're an ambitious person, you have to make sure that your colleagues know about that.
[00:27:56.280 --> 00:28:02.520] So, I would look for a mentor and ask if you could have 10 minutes to ask their advice.
[00:28:02.520 --> 00:28:07.880] And most people love to be asked for advice and are happy to give it.
[00:28:07.880 --> 00:28:14.240] And let that person know what your goals, hopes, and ambitions actually are.
[00:28:13.880 --> 00:28:20.560] Um, you know, for one year, three years, five years from now, and ask for their advice on how you could get there.
[00:28:20.880 --> 00:28:33.680] And they might come up with, you know, like one little strategy that will make a huge difference for you, or they might start being the one to go to bat for you now that they know that you have the ambition to do XYZ.
[00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:34.800] This is awesome.
[00:28:34.800 --> 00:28:37.280] Okay, let me summarize some of the stuff you've shared.
[00:28:37.280 --> 00:28:43.600] And this is kind of like a list of things you as an introvert can do to be more successful in your career and probably in your life.
[00:28:43.840 --> 00:28:45.920] And I'll include all the things you shared because it's all useful.
[00:28:45.920 --> 00:28:51.120] So, one is look for a role model that's really successful that's an introvert to show you you can do this.
[00:28:51.120 --> 00:28:53.920] You don't have to be this extroverted charismatic CEO person.
[00:28:54.160 --> 00:28:59.840] Two is show your value, make sure people actually see the value you're providing because a lot of introverts don't.
[00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:03.760] Three is actually lean into public speaking and work on that skill.
[00:29:03.760 --> 00:29:07.840] To your point, it's looked at very highly if you can do that okay.
[00:29:08.160 --> 00:29:16.560] And your advice is just like do little bits, you don't need to give like a 30-minute all-hands presentation, just like a little bit of time on stage goes a long way.
[00:29:16.960 --> 00:29:18.400] I'll give one recommendation.
[00:29:18.400 --> 00:29:24.400] I had this person on the podcast, and I found this public speaking course the most useful of all the things I've done.
[00:29:24.400 --> 00:29:31.760] It's called ultra-speaking, and it's very much based in doing it versus intellectualizing how to speak better.
[00:29:31.760 --> 00:29:40.320] And it's made up of these very low-risk games that you play with other people, and you just talk without much support.
[00:29:40.320 --> 00:29:46.720] And it's very like low-risk, but it's at the edge of scary and keeps kind of leveling up a little bit.
[00:29:46.720 --> 00:29:48.560] Okay, and then, okay, I'll keep it with their list.
[00:29:48.560 --> 00:29:50.400] Four is connect one-on-one with people.
[00:29:50.400 --> 00:29:58.320] So instead of just like, I need to be amazing in this meeting, it's like, make sure you connect with everyone one-on-one in the company and they understand how awesome you are.
[00:29:58.320 --> 00:30:04.040] And you end up being more, look more awesome when you're going one-on-one with people as an introvert.
[00:30:04.680 --> 00:30:08.440] And then five is kind of make it is the advice here around ambition.
[00:30:08.440 --> 00:30:13.080] It's like introverts are ambitious, but they may not understand how to achieve this ambition.
[00:30:13.080 --> 00:30:21.400] So it's less like make it clear you're ambitious, more so come up with a plan to achieve this ambition by getting advice from someone.
[00:30:21.400 --> 00:30:22.920] Is that the advice?
[00:30:22.920 --> 00:30:23.480] Yeah.
[00:30:23.480 --> 00:30:26.920] And first of all, I'm amazed that you could like do that.
[00:30:26.920 --> 00:30:28.600] I don't know how you pulled that off just now.
[00:30:28.600 --> 00:30:29.240] Quick notes.
[00:30:30.040 --> 00:30:36.280] And I would add to it to make sure to kind of lean into your strengths.
[00:30:36.280 --> 00:30:50.200] And I was just thinking about your case of like, when I said that I look at your newsletter and I was pretty sure you were an introvert, it wasn't because, oh, this is a person who's writing for a living.
[00:30:50.200 --> 00:30:53.400] That piece actually hadn't really occurred to me.
[00:30:53.400 --> 00:31:02.520] It was because you're so obviously someone who goes really deeply and really thoroughly into a subject of passion.
[00:31:02.520 --> 00:31:07.320] And then, you know, it's almost like you're, it's almost like a little hero's journey.
[00:31:07.320 --> 00:31:13.720] You're not, you're like going into the forest of your passion and then you're bringing the treasures for the rest of us to enjoy.
[00:31:13.720 --> 00:31:17.720] And this is something that introverts do very naturally.
[00:31:17.720 --> 00:31:24.840] Like we tend to have one or two or three passions in our lives and one or two or three people in our lives who are very devoted to you.
[00:31:24.840 --> 00:31:28.760] And we lavish everything in the direction of those passions and those people.
[00:31:28.760 --> 00:31:31.000] And that is an incredible superpower.
[00:31:31.240 --> 00:31:47.600] And so, very often, like, if you look at introverts who have become great leaders in a broad variety of fields, they're usually not the kind of people who, when they were a kid, everybody was like, that child is a natural leader.
[00:31:44.760 --> 00:31:49.360] Like, they're not that person.
[00:31:49.680 --> 00:31:54.240] They're usually people who have these incredibly deep passions.
[00:31:54.240 --> 00:31:59.520] And if you have those, you end up acquiring a lot of expertise.
[00:31:59.520 --> 00:32:06.320] and building a network of people who have those same passions and inspiring a lot of trust from people who care about the same stuff that you do.
[00:32:06.320 --> 00:32:08.640] And that's a real superpower.
[00:32:08.960 --> 00:32:12.000] The way you describe it makes me want to just hire a company of introverts.
[00:32:12.000 --> 00:32:18.080] They go, they spend all this time finding treasures for you and bring them back quietly and very.
[00:32:18.400 --> 00:32:19.520] That's funny.
[00:32:19.520 --> 00:32:28.640] But actually, I'm glad you said that because what I really do think, and the research bears this out too, the best performing teams and companies really are a mix of both.
[00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:31.680] Like, we so desperately need both types.
[00:32:32.320 --> 00:32:38.080] And introverts and extroverts tend to really enjoy each other's company because we complement each other so well.
[00:32:38.080 --> 00:32:43.440] And it's very easy to admire strengths and traits that we don't have ourselves.
[00:32:43.440 --> 00:32:46.480] So there's a kind of mutual admiration that goes on as well.
[00:32:46.480 --> 00:32:49.840] Speaking of that, it reminds me of, I don't know if this was in your book or a different book.
[00:32:49.840 --> 00:32:54.880] There's some data that shows salespeople that are more introverted are actually more successful.
[00:32:54.880 --> 00:32:56.160] Does that ring a bell?
[00:32:56.160 --> 00:33:06.080] I think that the most recent study I've seen shows the most successful salespeople are ambiverts because they're like extroverted enough to close the deal.
[00:33:06.400 --> 00:33:12.000] They're introverted enough to do the listening that good salesmanship usually requires.
[00:33:12.000 --> 00:33:15.360] But having said that, you could be successful any which way.
[00:33:15.920 --> 00:33:29.280] And in Quiet, my book, I profiled a guy who was like, I don't remember the exact detail, but something like the leading salesperson of the year of Cutco Knives.
[00:33:29.280 --> 00:33:38.520] And he talked about how he would just go and do like these deep listening sessions with his customers and really figure out what they needed.
[00:33:38.520 --> 00:33:43.800] And they trusted him because he was authentically, curiously listening to them.
[00:33:44.760 --> 00:33:51.640] So, yeah, that's which is to say, there's whatever strength you have, you know, you figure out how to maximize it.
[00:33:51.640 --> 00:33:53.240] That resonates with product work.
[00:33:53.240 --> 00:33:57.000] A lot of people, you know, a lot of part of the job of a product leader is to figure out what to build.
[00:33:57.000 --> 00:34:01.560] And a lot of that is talking to users, research, and things like that, and actually listening.
[00:34:01.560 --> 00:34:07.400] And so it's interesting how similar that sales anecdote is to being a great product person.
[00:34:07.720 --> 00:34:19.880] Something that this brings up for me is the importance of saying no to things as an introvert that are not things that bring you energy and will distract you from this sort of thing.
[00:34:19.880 --> 00:34:23.320] And I know Tim Ferriss is writing this new book called The No Book.
[00:34:23.320 --> 00:34:25.000] I was listening to your interview with him.
[00:34:25.000 --> 00:34:26.520] That's why I had his in my mind.
[00:34:26.520 --> 00:34:37.320] But I guess, is there anything you've learned about just, or any tactics you've learned about saying no to things that one will de-energize you and two, just allow you to go deep on stuff that you want to go deep on?
[00:34:37.640 --> 00:34:41.080] Well, I mean, you might have heard the following advice before.
[00:34:41.080 --> 00:34:43.880] When I first heard it, it came as a revelation to me.
[00:34:43.880 --> 00:34:55.720] But it's when someone asks you to do something that is like three or four or five months away, there's a tendency to say yes to that because it feels so safely in the distance.
[00:34:55.720 --> 00:35:03.080] So before you say yes, you should ask yourself how you'd feel if you had to do that thing tomorrow or next week.
[00:35:03.560 --> 00:35:05.720] And that's the real test.
[00:35:05.720 --> 00:35:17.280] But also, on a more broad level, I, okay, I love the psychologist, Mihali Chiksemnihai, late psychologist.
[00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:21.200] He did all these studies on creativity and wrote a book about it.
[00:35:21.520 --> 00:35:32.400] And at the beginning of this book, he talks about how he approached all these deeply, famously creative people who he wanted to study.
[00:35:32.400 --> 00:35:44.480] And he said that he got back answers from some of them saying, your study sounds interesting, but if I said yes to these kinds of things, I wouldn't do my create, I wouldn't be able to do the creative work that I did.
[00:35:44.480 --> 00:35:44.960] Yeah.
[00:35:44.960 --> 00:35:46.800] And that like leapt out at me.
[00:35:46.800 --> 00:35:51.840] And I think about it all the time now when I regretfully say no to this and that.
[00:35:51.840 --> 00:35:55.120] That reminds me of something that I often think about.
[00:35:55.120 --> 00:35:58.160] Naval has this basically the same advice.
[00:35:58.160 --> 00:36:09.680] He has this advice, this insight that you start doing something really well, you become successful with it, you start getting invited to parties and events and talks and collabs.
[00:36:09.680 --> 00:36:11.760] You start doing that.
[00:36:12.080 --> 00:36:16.560] You have no longer, you no longer have the time to do that thing that made you successful well.
[00:36:16.560 --> 00:36:18.240] And that all falls apart.
[00:36:18.240 --> 00:36:22.080] And the trick is don't fall for that and keep doing the work that you're doing.
[00:36:22.080 --> 00:36:22.640] I know.
[00:36:22.640 --> 00:36:23.840] It's really tricky.
[00:36:23.840 --> 00:36:35.760] It's very tricky because the thing is when you do go to those kinds of events, you actually usually do meet incredible people who you're really happy to know.
[00:36:36.320 --> 00:36:44.240] I mean, in my experience, and like some of the people I've met at those kinds of events over the years have become my best friends.
[00:36:44.240 --> 00:36:47.600] So I just try to think of it really strategically.
[00:36:47.600 --> 00:36:53.600] Like, I'll, I just pick, you know, a few of those things that I say yes to, and then I say no to all the others.
[00:36:53.720 --> 00:37:00.360] But, but, but I don't like to say no to all of them because I do feel like there's something meaningful that happens at every single one.
[00:36:59.840 --> 00:37:01.400] I'm more extreme than you.
[00:37:01.480 --> 00:37:08.200] I actually created a policy with myself: no events, no talks, no other podcast, just like the default is no.
[00:37:08.200 --> 00:37:14.040] And once in a while, I break the rule, but that's what I find is what I need because otherwise I'm just like, oh, that'll be fun.
[00:37:14.040 --> 00:37:15.560] Let's go to the dinner thing.
[00:37:15.560 --> 00:37:16.360] Wait, wait, wait.
[00:37:16.360 --> 00:37:17.160] This is fascinating.
[00:37:17.160 --> 00:37:21.560] So, like, okay, you're saying, how often do you break the no rule?
[00:37:21.560 --> 00:37:22.520] Pretty rarely.
[00:37:22.520 --> 00:37:27.160] If it's like a work thing, you know, if it's like friends, like meeting with baby or friend or something like that.
[00:37:27.160 --> 00:37:28.120] But yeah, it's pretty rare.
[00:37:28.120 --> 00:37:34.360] I try really hard because partly because I get invited to a bunch of random BC stuff and talk and podcast things.
[00:37:34.360 --> 00:37:38.120] So I'd say like, like maybe 5% of the time I break it.
[00:37:38.120 --> 00:37:38.760] Interesting.
[00:37:38.760 --> 00:37:39.240] Okay.
[00:37:39.240 --> 00:37:39.560] Yeah.
[00:37:39.560 --> 00:37:40.760] No, I understand.
[00:37:40.760 --> 00:37:49.080] And I actually do, I still do, I used to do a ton of speaking for companies and schools and so on.
[00:37:49.240 --> 00:37:57.320] And I still do do some of that, but I have consciously limited that so that I can focus on other projects instead.
[00:37:57.320 --> 00:38:05.000] I find having a policy where I could just tell people I have this policy that I just invented in myself is a really good way of saying no.
[00:38:05.000 --> 00:38:05.480] Yeah.
[00:38:05.480 --> 00:38:06.280] Yeah.
[00:38:06.600 --> 00:38:07.160] Yeah.
[00:38:07.160 --> 00:38:07.800] Yeah.
[00:38:07.800 --> 00:38:08.120] Yeah.
[00:38:08.120 --> 00:38:14.200] I've gotten past the point of feeling guilty about the no most of the time.
[00:38:14.200 --> 00:38:15.560] Most of the time.
[00:38:16.360 --> 00:38:16.840] Yeah.
[00:38:17.160 --> 00:38:19.640] Because, yeah, life really is too busy.
[00:38:19.640 --> 00:38:21.960] And especially if you're a parent the way you are.
[00:38:21.960 --> 00:38:22.440] Yeah.
[00:38:23.000 --> 00:38:24.040] There's that too.
[00:38:24.040 --> 00:38:24.440] Yeah.
[00:38:24.440 --> 00:38:27.560] I have this post where I shared all my tricks for saying no that will link to.
[00:38:27.560 --> 00:38:29.000] That was a bunch of templates you can use.
[00:38:29.000 --> 00:38:33.000] And I'm excited to see this booked inferrous rating because I imagine he has to say no a lot.
[00:38:33.000 --> 00:38:33.480] Yeah.
[00:38:33.480 --> 00:38:33.960] Yeah.
[00:38:33.960 --> 00:38:35.000] Absolutely.
[00:38:35.000 --> 00:38:39.160] One other thought along these lines is also an evolve lesson.
[00:38:39.160 --> 00:38:44.760] And it's interesting how much these insights stick in my head and make it make like, like, change the way I operate.
[00:38:45.040 --> 00:38:52.960] His other piece of advice is around networking, because what you're talking about a little bit is like there's actually power in meeting people and networking, essentially.
[00:38:52.960 --> 00:39:02.480] And his advice is: instead of networking, do things that are valuable, and people will come to you and want to meet you versus you trying to meet them.
[00:39:02.480 --> 00:39:04.960] And I found this to be absolutely true.
[00:39:04.960 --> 00:39:07.920] I find it to be so true, also.
[00:39:08.640 --> 00:39:25.280] And also, even just for attending networking events, like if you've done something valuable, those events are much easier because people want to talk to you about whatever that thing is, and you want to talk to them about their thing, and then all the other things that you didn't even know about each other.
[00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:27.600] But I don't know.
[00:39:27.600 --> 00:39:47.280] My other mode or MO for networking types of events is I feel like if I meet one or two or three people at one of those events who I truly, truly like, truly want to stay in touch with, truly want to be helpful to, I consider it a success.
[00:39:47.280 --> 00:39:53.360] And then I feel like I can go home or, you know, spend a lot of time in the hotel room after that.
[00:39:53.360 --> 00:39:55.120] Whereas I have friends, I see it.
[00:39:55.120 --> 00:40:02.560] Like sometimes I'll go to one of these events and I have friends who like make a point of meeting every single person who's there.
[00:40:02.560 --> 00:40:06.080] And then we'll be talking a few months later and they'll mention such and such person.
[00:40:06.160 --> 00:40:07.360] They're like, yeah, don't you remember?
[00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:08.240] They were at that event.
[00:40:08.240 --> 00:40:10.240] And I have no idea who they're talking about.
[00:40:10.240 --> 00:40:21.280] And so you like, yes, it would be probably like a more maximum value approach to meet every single person as long as you're there.
[00:40:21.280 --> 00:40:25.120] But I don't believe that to be true if you're not wired that way.
[00:40:25.120 --> 00:40:44.040] And I think the power of over a lifetime of just trying to have from every situation in life, like one or two people where the connections are true and deep, over a lifetime, you have a network that you really love.
[00:40:44.040 --> 00:40:46.440] All right, I gotta go to more Vince, I guess.
[00:40:46.760 --> 00:40:47.320] No, no, no.
[00:40:47.640 --> 00:40:48.680] Oh my gosh.
[00:40:49.480 --> 00:40:53.640] I hope I'm not making it sound that way because the truth is I go to, you know, so few.
[00:40:53.640 --> 00:40:54.840] Very few, yeah.
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[00:42:00.680 --> 00:42:04.840] I want to come back to tactics for introverts to be more successful.
[00:42:04.840 --> 00:42:15.000] One common, I think, challenge introverts have is in big meetings with loud voices, having their ideas heard and even like heard and then actually like acted on.
[00:42:15.680 --> 00:42:24.640] Is there anything you've learned in those situations or tactics you've seen people implement that make them more successful in these situations?
[00:42:24.640 --> 00:42:35.840] Yeah, so one very helpful tactic is to prepare in advance for a meeting, a couple of points you might want to make or questions you might want to raise.
[00:42:35.840 --> 00:42:39.280] Don't assume you have to be spontaneous the way other people appear to be.
[00:42:39.280 --> 00:42:42.400] If you're more of a preparer, you should prepare.
[00:42:42.400 --> 00:43:02.320] And then also to give yourself a push to speak up early in the meeting, both because ideas that get advanced early tend psychologically to be anchoring ideas that people pay more attention to, but also for you, you'll start to feel more like you are part of things, you're more at the center of things.
[00:43:02.560 --> 00:43:10.880] People will be directing their eye contact towards you if you speak up early, and that becomes a kind of virtuous cycle.
[00:43:10.880 --> 00:43:12.320] So that's one thing.
[00:43:13.120 --> 00:43:24.560] Another is to realize that, yes, humans respond to the voice that's loudest and deepest and all that stuff.
[00:43:24.560 --> 00:43:40.480] But as humans, we also respond in an unconscious kind of way to others who are speaking from a deep sense of conviction, like from a sense of truly believing what they're saying.
[00:43:40.480 --> 00:43:44.400] And that is a muscle that you can strengthen.
[00:43:44.400 --> 00:43:52.080] So I would say, even when you're not at the meeting, you know, get into the habit of thinking, am I speaking from here?
[00:43:52.080 --> 00:43:53.280] Am I speaking from a deep place?
[00:43:53.280 --> 00:43:55.120] And I'm not talking about voice right now.
[00:43:55.360 --> 00:43:57.200] I mean, like, mentally.
[00:43:57.200 --> 00:44:01.560] Like, when I say that I love this movie, do I really believe I love this movie?
[00:44:03.160 --> 00:44:11.400] And people will know it if you're coming from that place so that you don't actually have to be the loudest person in the room in order for people to pay attention.
[00:44:11.400 --> 00:44:31.160] I just did a short meditation retreat, and somebody there had this really interesting way of doing exactly what you're describing, where he visualizes this like lightning cable going from his, instead of unplugging it from his brain and plugging it into his heart and listening to that into your, into what you're saying.
[00:44:31.800 --> 00:44:34.040] Yeah, it's just funny how that works.
[00:44:34.440 --> 00:44:52.600] I think one of the main hacks to understand about how we humans relate to each other is how much we are picking up unconsciously a thousand different cues that we're sending out without even knowing that we are.
[00:44:52.920 --> 00:44:56.680] And that's why speaking from that place makes such a difference.
[00:44:56.680 --> 00:45:03.880] And so, so yes, it can be helpful to think about your tone of voice and all that kind of and your gestures and all of that kind of stuff.
[00:45:03.880 --> 00:45:08.760] But I would start with what's actually there, like the substance.
[00:45:09.080 --> 00:45:11.800] And again, this is a good example of why introverts are so valuable.
[00:45:12.920 --> 00:45:19.720] I feel like it's probably easier to do that, to be kind of talking from your heart and be authentic.
[00:45:19.720 --> 00:45:23.320] This tip you shared of speaking early, I think is really interesting.
[00:45:23.320 --> 00:45:26.840] It connects to, this is going to sound crazy and weird, maybe.
[00:45:27.160 --> 00:45:36.680] There's this whole pickup artist world of just like, I forget what the book was called, where they wrote about mystery and this whole like the art of picking up women.
[00:45:36.680 --> 00:45:52.160] And one of the tricks that they share with Guy, and I did not do this, this is just an interesting story, is if you're trying to like talk to someone in a bar, you should talk to them in the first five seconds of you seeing them and being thinking you should talk to them.
[00:45:52.400 --> 00:45:54.960] Because once you keep thinking about it too much, you'll never do it.
[00:45:54.960 --> 00:45:57.440] It gets super scary, you know, only gets scarier.
[00:45:57.440 --> 00:45:58.800] And I think that's true in meetings.
[00:45:58.800 --> 00:46:00.080] You just sit there and keep ruminating.
[00:46:00.080 --> 00:46:01.600] Oh my God, am I going to say something?
[00:46:01.600 --> 00:46:03.920] And the more you do it early, the easier it all is.
[00:46:03.920 --> 00:46:06.000] Oh my gosh, it's so, so, so true.
[00:46:06.000 --> 00:46:10.560] And it's so funny to apply it to that setting, but it makes total sense.
[00:46:10.800 --> 00:46:15.520] You're actually, you reminded me of how I first discovered this technique.
[00:46:16.000 --> 00:46:21.440] You know, it dates all the way back to, I used to be a lawyer, strangely, like many years ago.
[00:46:22.320 --> 00:46:34.160] And in law school, the way the classes were conducted, it was like you'd be sitting in this gigantic amphitheater of people and the professor would just call on you cold and you had to just answer all the questions.
[00:46:34.160 --> 00:46:34.880] Yeah, exactly.
[00:46:34.880 --> 00:46:35.760] Oh my God.
[00:46:35.760 --> 00:46:47.360] And so, so my strategy to avoid that, which I did from like the first day, was I would be one of the first people to raise my hands when they would ask for volunteers.
[00:46:47.360 --> 00:46:52.000] And I figured, okay, if I've volunteered, there's 150 other people sitting here.
[00:46:52.000 --> 00:46:53.200] They're going to call on those people.
[00:46:53.200 --> 00:46:55.760] They're not going to call on me who just volunteered.
[00:46:55.760 --> 00:46:57.360] So that was my strategy.
[00:46:57.360 --> 00:47:15.280] And not only did it work in that way, but then I started to realize, especially if you're one of the first people who's ever spoken, like the professor kept referring back to things I had said, not because it was the smartest comment that had been made all year long, but just because it was one of the first ones.
[00:47:15.280 --> 00:47:17.440] And so it sticks in the mind.
[00:47:17.440 --> 00:47:22.000] So it's just one of those phenomena of human relations.
[00:47:22.000 --> 00:47:27.040] And you also probably just like you're participating more, and you end up being more successful in the class and get better grades.
[00:47:27.360 --> 00:47:27.600] Yeah.
[00:47:27.600 --> 00:47:29.520] So virtuous cycle again.
[00:47:29.520 --> 00:47:30.520] Man.
[00:47:30.520 --> 00:47:31.960] I love it.
[00:47:29.760 --> 00:47:32.280] Okay.
[00:47:32.520 --> 00:47:38.200] What about from the perspective of a manager or a founder that has introverts working in the company?
[00:47:38.520 --> 00:47:44.200] What advice can you share to make the most of these folks that you probably might be not noticing or not paying attention to enough?
[00:47:44.520 --> 00:47:47.640] First of all, I would think about how you're running your meetings.
[00:47:47.640 --> 00:47:56.920] So there's a statistic from the Kellogg School that in your typical meeting, you have three people doing 70% of the talking.
[00:47:57.240 --> 00:48:03.960] But it's your company and you want to make sure that you're actually hearing from everyone because you want to hear the best ideas.
[00:48:04.280 --> 00:48:13.000] So I would do things like, you know, techniques like go around the room and make sure you're hearing from everybody.
[00:48:13.000 --> 00:48:27.720] Or if you have a specific person who you know to be thoughtful and reticent, you might say to that person before the meeting, you know, hey, Bob, I know that you have a lot of great thoughts about such and such topic.
[00:48:27.720 --> 00:48:30.760] Can I look to you to talk about that during the meeting?
[00:48:30.760 --> 00:48:34.760] And now Bob is much more likely to like step up and talk about it.
[00:48:34.760 --> 00:48:42.280] But also, for many introverts, we like to be able to process our thoughts before we articulate them.
[00:48:42.280 --> 00:48:49.480] So you've now given Bob advance notice and he has more time to do the processing before speaking.
[00:48:49.480 --> 00:49:02.120] Another technique you could use is like a kind of brainwriting where you, let's say, everybody has to offer their thoughts on how to solve a problem.
[00:49:02.360 --> 00:49:08.600] Have people write their ideas out on post-its, and then you collect all the post-its and then you present them.
[00:49:08.600 --> 00:49:14.480] And now all the ideas are out there without anyone having had to jockey for time or space.
[00:49:14.280 --> 00:49:17.680] It's just the ideas on their own.
[00:49:18.000 --> 00:49:22.640] Your introverts are going to appreciate the following thing more, but it will benefit everybody.
[00:49:23.120 --> 00:49:32.560] To make sure that you're giving everybody space to put their head down and work in a state of flow without being interrupted.
[00:49:32.560 --> 00:49:37.200] Like that's huge for human productivity, but the introverts need it especially.
[00:49:37.200 --> 00:49:50.400] So if you can create times of the day, depending on your workflow, where there are no meetings or whatever, or people can work from home on such and such a day or time, that can go a long way.
[00:49:50.400 --> 00:49:52.160] Oh man, that super resonates.
[00:49:52.160 --> 00:49:59.280] What I did when I had a regular job is I, well, first of all, we had no meeting Wednesdays, which is like the day everyone got all the work done.
[00:49:59.280 --> 00:49:59.920] Yeah.
[00:50:00.240 --> 00:50:06.240] And then the other thing that I worked, and I have this post I'll link to of productivity tricks, and one of them is around deep work.
[00:50:06.240 --> 00:50:13.280] And I created this block on Wednesdays and Friday mornings for two hours that was just work deep work time.
[00:50:13.280 --> 00:50:17.120] And I labeled it, do not book time over this or I will slap you.
[00:50:17.440 --> 00:50:18.400] And it worked.
[00:50:18.400 --> 00:50:19.760] And I did not get in trouble.
[00:50:20.400 --> 00:50:21.040] Be careful.
[00:50:21.040 --> 00:50:21.200] Yeah.
[00:50:21.200 --> 00:50:23.280] And I'm sure people appreciated the humor of it too.
[00:50:23.280 --> 00:50:23.760] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:50:24.240 --> 00:50:25.360] No, that's that's genius.
[00:50:25.360 --> 00:50:27.600] HR had never said anything.
[00:50:27.600 --> 00:50:34.240] Okay, so just to reflect back, the tips you shared, which are awesome, is one is just like actually asks everyone in the meeting, just like, hey, do you have anything you want to add?
[00:50:34.240 --> 00:50:36.880] Make sure everyone has a chance, at least, if they don't want to volunteer.
[00:50:36.880 --> 00:50:47.280] Two is give people, like if someone you think is going to have good ideas, just tell them ahead of time, hey, I just want to make sure you share this idea or you have a chance to say something.
[00:50:47.280 --> 00:50:49.360] Please say something in the meeting.
[00:50:49.600 --> 00:50:59.520] Three is give people a chance to kind of write ahead of time or in the meeting, just like create space for people just to write their ideas down, not have to like jockey for raising their hand and sharing something.
[00:50:59.520 --> 00:51:02.680] And then everyone hands in their work.
[00:50:59.920 --> 00:51:05.800] And then four is create deep work time.
[00:51:06.120 --> 00:51:08.360] Give people a chance to get into flow.
[00:51:08.680 --> 00:51:09.800] Awesome.
[00:51:09.800 --> 00:51:10.600] Okay.
[00:51:10.920 --> 00:51:13.880] I want to go in a totally different direction.
[00:51:14.200 --> 00:51:19.560] I know you're, I don't know if it was your second book or third book, it was for kids, kids that are introverts.
[00:51:20.680 --> 00:51:21.480] I have a kid.
[00:51:21.480 --> 00:51:23.080] He's one and a half-ish.
[00:51:23.560 --> 00:51:26.040] It's pretty clear to me he's an introvert.
[00:51:26.040 --> 00:51:27.960] He likes, we just, we went to a birthday party.
[00:51:27.960 --> 00:51:30.680] He just like went into the other room and played with the toys.
[00:51:30.680 --> 00:51:31.080] Yeah.
[00:51:31.080 --> 00:51:35.080] He often just wants to like observe for a while and then he starts to feel comfortable.
[00:51:35.080 --> 00:51:35.720] Yep.
[00:51:35.720 --> 00:51:38.440] Do you have any advice for raising an introverted kid?
[00:51:38.760 --> 00:51:43.080] Yeah, I mean, we could talk about this for the whole entire time very easily.
[00:51:43.080 --> 00:51:44.360] Okay, this will be the next podcast.
[00:51:44.360 --> 00:51:45.080] Yeah, but what are some?
[00:51:45.080 --> 00:51:46.200] What are some thoughts?
[00:51:46.200 --> 00:51:49.720] Yeah, but I'll just give you like a few top line thoughts.
[00:51:49.720 --> 00:51:50.200] Perfect.
[00:51:50.840 --> 00:51:58.840] The first thing I always say is to understand that introverted and or shy children.
[00:51:58.840 --> 00:52:02.680] Have we taken a second to distinguish between introversion and shyness?
[00:52:02.680 --> 00:52:03.720] No, I don't know if we have.
[00:52:04.040 --> 00:52:04.520] Okay.
[00:52:05.240 --> 00:52:24.840] This applies to adults as well as kids, but introversion is more about just like a preference to be in less over-stimulating environments, you know, more mellow environments, like less sound, less noise, fewer people, just fewer stimuli coming at you.
[00:52:25.800 --> 00:52:29.560] And shyness is more about the fear of social judgment.
[00:52:29.560 --> 00:52:36.680] So it's like a, it's a kind of over-exaggerated response to any situation where you're being judged.
[00:52:36.760 --> 00:52:40.760] Could be new people at a party, could be the public speaking, could be an interview.
[00:52:40.760 --> 00:52:51.840] And it's, you might have situation A, evaluative situation A that doesn't bother you, and evaluative situation B that really does, because people are complicated.
[00:52:52.480 --> 00:53:17.600] So, anyway, for children, whether they're shy, i.e., fearful of judgment, or whether they're introverted, i.e., I prefer to play in a mellower way, the key for both of those kids is to understand that they will tend to have a longer runway that they travel down before they take off and fly.
[00:53:17.600 --> 00:53:23.200] And this is this applies to a gazillion parenting situations.
[00:53:23.200 --> 00:53:31.280] So, like, when it comes time to introduce your child to school, it is very likely from what you've just described to me.
[00:53:31.600 --> 00:53:32.800] You said it's a boy, right?
[00:53:32.880 --> 00:53:33.520] A boy, yeah.
[00:53:33.520 --> 00:53:33.840] Yeah.
[00:53:33.840 --> 00:53:34.080] Okay.
[00:53:34.080 --> 00:53:40.720] So, it's very likely that he is going to be a little bit slow to warm up at the beginning.
[00:53:41.040 --> 00:53:55.440] And it might be that all the other kids get dropped off at the door of the school, but your child might really want you to walk him all the way down the stairs to his classroom.
[00:53:55.440 --> 00:53:57.520] And that's okay.
[00:53:58.160 --> 00:54:01.040] It's not okay for it to stay that way forever.
[00:54:01.040 --> 00:54:07.680] But remember when we were talking about desensitization with public speaking, where you do things step by step by step?
[00:54:07.680 --> 00:54:19.440] So, you might like walk him to the classroom a few times and then say, Okay, we're going to do a game, and tomorrow I'm going to walk you almost all the way, but the last two steps you're going to do by yourself.
[00:54:19.440 --> 00:54:22.800] And then you celebrate it with whatever little treat.
[00:54:23.280 --> 00:54:26.800] And then the next day, maybe it's not two steps, maybe it's five steps.
[00:54:26.800 --> 00:54:31.480] And like, little by little by little, you are moving away and he's going down that runway.
[00:54:32.040 --> 00:54:38.360] And eventually he will get to the point where he doesn't even remember that he needed you to walk him into school.
[00:54:38.360 --> 00:54:43.320] And this is going to happen again and again when he's learning to swim.
[00:54:43.320 --> 00:54:47.320] A lot of quieter children are uncomfortable with the water at the beginning.
[00:54:47.320 --> 00:54:50.280] And you might feel as a parent like, what did I do wrong?
[00:54:50.280 --> 00:54:55.400] Because I see all these other kids who are just jumping in the water and my kid's not doing that.
[00:54:55.720 --> 00:54:59.720] So first of all, give yourself a break because this is natural.
[00:54:59.720 --> 00:55:03.720] And second, you know, you apply the same technique.
[00:55:03.720 --> 00:55:09.240] You maybe get to the pool on a day when there aren't a lot of people around.
[00:55:09.240 --> 00:55:12.440] So it's not overstimulating, quiet.
[00:55:12.440 --> 00:55:19.400] And maybe the goal for that day is you're asking your child, do you think you can put your big toe in the water?
[00:55:19.400 --> 00:55:23.320] And he puts his big toe in, and yay, yay, yay, we're celebrating.
[00:55:23.720 --> 00:55:26.200] And then you little by little go from there.
[00:55:26.200 --> 00:55:33.320] And again, eventually you will not be able to tell the difference between that kid and the one who jumped in right away.
[00:55:33.640 --> 00:55:34.760] Longer runway.
[00:55:34.760 --> 00:55:36.040] It's okay.
[00:55:36.040 --> 00:55:39.400] Okay, so that was my first piece of advice.
[00:55:40.360 --> 00:55:48.440] My second is self-confidence comes from mastery and not the other way around.
[00:55:48.760 --> 00:55:54.520] So we tend to think, you know, we live in a culture that's like really big on self-confidence.
[00:55:54.520 --> 00:55:58.200] So we see self-confidence as the key to everything else.
[00:55:59.640 --> 00:56:07.480] But in fact, if you master a skill, you become self-confident as a result of that mastery.
[00:56:07.800 --> 00:56:09.640] And this is true for all children.
[00:56:09.640 --> 00:56:12.120] It's especially true for quieter children.
[00:56:12.520 --> 00:56:20.480] You know, introduce them to a lot of activities and figure out which are the ones they really truly love and gravitate to and excel in.
[00:56:20.480 --> 00:56:27.360] And those will pay off great dividends in their not just in their mastery, but in their self-confidence.
[00:56:28.080 --> 00:56:36.000] The third thing I would say is when they're feeling shy or uncomfortable, just talk about it openly in a light way.
[00:56:36.000 --> 00:56:37.360] It's not a big deal.
[00:56:37.680 --> 00:56:39.280] Share your own experiences.
[00:56:39.280 --> 00:56:44.640] You know, let's say a child's afraid to go to a birthday party.
[00:56:44.640 --> 00:56:47.360] You know, you could say, oh, yeah, I used to feel that way too.
[00:56:47.600 --> 00:56:48.720] It's really common.
[00:56:48.720 --> 00:56:50.800] Here's what I would do when I felt that way.
[00:56:51.040 --> 00:56:51.600] And you know what?
[00:56:51.600 --> 00:56:53.520] I still feel that way sometimes.
[00:56:53.520 --> 00:57:00.240] And you could say, so what I like to do is I like to get to the party early before everybody else is there because then I feel more comfortable.
[00:57:00.240 --> 00:57:02.000] So why don't we get there early today?
[00:57:02.000 --> 00:57:03.520] I do actually love to do that.
[00:57:04.080 --> 00:57:05.440] Well, there you go.
[00:57:05.440 --> 00:57:05.760] Yeah.
[00:57:05.760 --> 00:57:13.680] And a lot of kids do best when they're one of the first people to arrive because then they feel like it's not overwhelming and they own the space.
[00:57:14.320 --> 00:57:22.560] But the key is that you're showing them that you understand and are cool with who they are and it just becomes no big deal.
[00:57:22.560 --> 00:57:30.480] As opposed to, you know, many kids quickly absorb from their society the idea that there's something wrong with their shyness.
[00:57:30.480 --> 00:57:35.680] So you're trying to undo that sense of shame and stigma and make it no big deal.
[00:57:35.680 --> 00:57:37.120] That is really helpful.
[00:57:37.120 --> 00:57:45.840] I forgot to ask you this question at the beginning, but I'm really curious, what percentage of people are introverts, whatever you label that along the spectrum?
[00:57:45.840 --> 00:57:47.360] I've seen different studies.
[00:57:47.360 --> 00:57:50.560] Some say it's 30%, some say it's 50%.
[00:57:50.560 --> 00:57:52.320] It's always higher than you think.
[00:57:52.880 --> 00:57:56.080] But it's basically one out of every two or three people.
[00:57:56.080 --> 00:57:57.520] So it's a lot.
[00:57:57.840 --> 00:58:06.440] So it feels like one of the core pieces of advice you're sharing is if you're an introvert, you don't need to become an extrovert.
[00:58:06.760 --> 00:58:10.840] It's become more of who you are and you can be really successful in that.
[00:58:10.840 --> 00:58:11.080] Yeah.
[00:58:11.080 --> 00:58:16.840] I'm just going to add to that while also making sure that you acquire the skills that you need.
[00:58:16.840 --> 00:58:26.360] Like I'm not saying never step outside your comfort zone or, you know, don't acquire those skills if they're crucial to what you're doing, like public speaking, the way we were talking about.
[00:58:26.760 --> 00:58:32.120] But bottom line, the goal is to use those skills to be who you are.
[00:58:32.120 --> 00:58:33.640] So, and that was an awesome point.
[00:58:33.640 --> 00:58:37.800] So it's not just like, okay, I don't need to be a good, I don't need to go out of my comfort zone ever.
[00:58:37.800 --> 00:58:41.640] I'm going to be the amazing CEO, just being exactly who I am.
[00:58:41.640 --> 00:58:45.800] Your advice is no, you actually do need to build some stuff and build some of these skills.
[00:58:45.800 --> 00:59:05.800] Though I do want to say, like, on the other hand, if the job you have taken on or the career you've taken on is one that requires you to wake up every morning feeling dread because you're going to be so far out of your comfort zone for so much of the day and so much of the week, is it really worth it in that case?
[00:59:05.800 --> 00:59:12.360] I mean, you basically want a life where you're waking up looking forward to what you're doing.
[00:59:13.000 --> 00:59:18.920] Yes, with obstacles along the way, but more or less, you should feel like you're in the right zone.
[00:59:18.920 --> 00:59:22.840] So the advice there is find work that connects with your introvertedness as much as possible.
[00:59:23.000 --> 00:59:23.640] With your temperament.
[00:59:23.640 --> 00:59:23.960] Yeah.
[00:59:23.960 --> 00:59:24.520] With your temperament.
[00:59:24.920 --> 00:59:26.200] Same for extroverts.
[00:59:27.400 --> 00:59:35.560] I've heard from extroverts who will say, you know, I work in this company of like very introverted engineers, and everybody's super quiet and heads down, and I'm going crazy.
[00:59:35.560 --> 00:59:37.480] So, that's not right for you either.
[00:59:38.440 --> 00:59:38.760] Yeah.
[00:59:38.760 --> 00:59:44.760] And it's not like you can't like what this makes me think about is we did a test of all the PMs that are being BLAs at Airbnb.
[00:59:44.560 --> 00:59:45.920] I was there, like a personality test.
[00:59:44.840 --> 00:59:52.640] And it's interesting how it was all over the map, and there wasn't like you need to be this like energetic, charismatic person.
[00:59:52.640 --> 00:59:57.760] You could be just a thoughtful, quieter person, and those people were just as successful.
[00:59:57.760 --> 00:59:58.960] Absolutely.
[00:59:58.960 --> 01:00:07.840] A big part of your advice is figure out who you are and become more that, like, connect to your introvertedness, and you can be very successful there.
[01:00:07.840 --> 01:00:10.640] Is there any advice just like how what to do to do that?
[01:00:10.640 --> 01:00:12.720] To like, what should you be looking at?
[01:00:12.720 --> 01:00:22.960] Which parts of you should you should be like, okay, this is where I'm strong and I should be leaning into, and this is how I can become the best, most successful people in spite of my introvertedness.
[01:00:22.960 --> 01:00:28.560] I mean, I might start by just asking, like, what do you like to do?
[01:00:28.560 --> 01:00:30.400] How do you like to spend your time?
[01:00:31.040 --> 01:00:33.360] What are you most interested in?
[01:00:34.400 --> 01:00:40.480] Again, that question of if you had no social or professional obligations, how would you be spending your time?
[01:00:40.480 --> 01:00:46.160] Basically, you just need a really honest conversation with yourself of what you like to do.
[01:00:46.160 --> 01:00:52.160] I love that it comes back to your kind of heuristics at the beginning: just if you had a free weekend, how would you spend that weekend?
[01:00:52.160 --> 01:00:58.400] Yeah, and then would you do like a pie chart of the activities to give you like, here's how I would want to generally spend my time?
[01:00:58.400 --> 01:01:02.960] Like, 20% social, uh, 40% on my own.
[01:01:02.960 --> 01:01:04.720] Is that like one way to think about it?
[01:01:04.720 --> 01:01:08.400] You know, that's funny because, like, you were mentioning Tim Ferriss before.
[01:01:08.400 --> 01:01:17.040] Um, and I remember when I was talking to him on 

Prompt 2: Key Takeaways

Now please extract the key takeaways from the transcript content I provided.

Extract the most important key takeaways from this part of the conversation. Use a single sentence statement (the key takeaway) rather than milquetoast descriptions like "the hosts discuss...". 

Limit the key takeaways to a maximum of 3. The key takeaways should be insightful and knowledge-additive. 

IMPORTANT: Return ONLY valid JSON, no explanations or markdown. Ensure:
- All strings are properly quoted and escaped
- No trailing commas
- All braces and brackets are balanced
Format: {"key_takeaways": ["takeaway 1", "takeaway 2"]}

Prompt 3: Segments

Now identify 2-4 distinct topical segments from this part of the conversation.

For each segment, identify:
- Descriptive title (3-6 words)  
- START timestamp when this topic begins (HH:MM:SS format)
- Double check that the timestamp is accurate - a timestamp will NEVER be greater than the total length of the audio
- Most important Key takeaway from that segment. Key takeaway must be specific and knowledge-additive.
- Brief summary of the discussion

IMPORTANT: The timestamp should mark when the topic/segment STARTS, not a range. Look for topic transitions and conversation shifts.

Return ONLY valid JSON. Ensure all strings are properly quoted, no trailing commas:
{
  "segments": [
    {
      "segment_title": "Topic Discussion", 
      "timestamp": "01:15:30",
      "key_takeaway": "main point from this segment",
      "segment_summary": "brief description of what was discussed"
    }
  ]
}

Timestamp format: HH:MM:SS (e.g., 00:05:30, 01:22:45) marking the START of each segment.

Prompt 4: Media Mentions

Now scan the transcript content I provided for ACTUAL mentions of specific media titles:

Find explicit mentions of:
- Books (with specific titles)
- Movies (with specific titles)  
- TV Shows (with specific titles)
- Music/Songs (with specific titles)

DO NOT include:
- Websites, URLs, or web services
- Other podcasts or podcast names

IMPORTANT: 
- Only include items explicitly mentioned by name. Do not invent titles.
- Valid categories are: "Book", "Movie", "TV Show", "Music"
- Include the exact phrase where each item was mentioned
- Find the nearest proximate timestamp where it appears in the conversation
- THE TIMESTAMP OF THE MEDIA MENTION IS IMPORTANT - DO NOT INVENT TIMESTAMPS AND DO NOT MISATTRIBUTE TIMESTAMPS
- Double check that the timestamp is accurate - a timestamp will NEVER be greater than the total length of the audio
- Timestamps are given as ranges, e.g. 01:13:42.520 --> 01:13:46.720. Use the EARLIER of the 2 timestamps in the range.

Return ONLY valid JSON. Ensure all strings are properly quoted and escaped, no trailing commas:
{
  "media_mentions": [
    {
      "title": "Exact Title as Mentioned",
      "category": "Book",
      "author_artist": "N/A",
      "context": "Brief context of why it was mentioned",
      "context_phrase": "The exact sentence or phrase where it was mentioned",
      "timestamp": "estimated time like 01:15:30"
    }
  ]
}

If no media is mentioned, return: {"media_mentions": []}

Prompt 5: Context Setup

You are an expert data extractor tasked with analyzing a podcast transcript. 
I will provide you with part 2 of 2 from a podcast transcript. 
I will then ask you to extract different types of information from this content in subsequent messages. Please confirm you have received and understood the transcript content.

Transcript section:
over the map, and there wasn't like you need to be this like energetic, charismatic person.
[00:59:52.640 --> 00:59:57.760] You could be just a thoughtful, quieter person, and those people were just as successful.
[00:59:57.760 --> 00:59:58.960] Absolutely.
[00:59:58.960 --> 01:00:07.840] A big part of your advice is figure out who you are and become more that, like, connect to your introvertedness, and you can be very successful there.
[01:00:07.840 --> 01:00:10.640] Is there any advice just like how what to do to do that?
[01:00:10.640 --> 01:00:12.720] To like, what should you be looking at?
[01:00:12.720 --> 01:00:22.960] Which parts of you should you should be like, okay, this is where I'm strong and I should be leaning into, and this is how I can become the best, most successful people in spite of my introvertedness.
[01:00:22.960 --> 01:00:28.560] I mean, I might start by just asking, like, what do you like to do?
[01:00:28.560 --> 01:00:30.400] How do you like to spend your time?
[01:00:31.040 --> 01:00:33.360] What are you most interested in?
[01:00:34.400 --> 01:00:40.480] Again, that question of if you had no social or professional obligations, how would you be spending your time?
[01:00:40.480 --> 01:00:46.160] Basically, you just need a really honest conversation with yourself of what you like to do.
[01:00:46.160 --> 01:00:52.160] I love that it comes back to your kind of heuristics at the beginning: just if you had a free weekend, how would you spend that weekend?
[01:00:52.160 --> 01:00:58.400] Yeah, and then would you do like a pie chart of the activities to give you like, here's how I would want to generally spend my time?
[01:00:58.400 --> 01:01:02.960] Like, 20% social, uh, 40% on my own.
[01:01:02.960 --> 01:01:04.720] Is that like one way to think about it?
[01:01:04.720 --> 01:01:08.400] You know, that's funny because, like, you were mentioning Tim Ferriss before.
[01:01:08.400 --> 01:01:17.040] Um, and I remember when I was talking to him on his podcast, um, like he kept asking me, like, okay, do you have a system for this and a system for that?
[01:01:17.040 --> 01:01:20.000] And it's like, you know, I'm not a systems person the way you are.
[01:01:20.000 --> 01:01:23.280] Um, and like, I think his systems are super helpful.
[01:01:23.240 --> 01:01:32.120] I just, I just tend to have a different approach, like a more just intuition-based approach or something.
[01:01:29.520 --> 01:01:35.720] Just like, what, what feels right and what feels wrong.
[01:01:35.960 --> 01:01:40.840] And if you ask yourself that simple question, I think, I think you know.
[01:01:40.840 --> 01:01:49.480] That's actually like that alone isn't it, connects to something I often try to do, just asking yourself, does this feel right or does this feel wrong?
[01:01:49.800 --> 01:01:55.480] Some advice I recently heard along these lines, another way to ask this question is, what is my body saying?
[01:01:55.800 --> 01:01:56.680] Yes.
[01:01:56.680 --> 01:02:01.880] I was invited to do this talk and I was just like, I guess it could be good for the newsletter if I do this thing.
[01:02:02.920 --> 01:02:09.480] And like, I actually used your piece of it, the trick you used of if this were tomorrow, would I be excited?
[01:02:09.720 --> 01:02:10.920] It's like, no, definitely not.
[01:02:11.560 --> 01:02:14.440] And then she actually's like, here's another trick I use because I told her that.
[01:02:14.440 --> 01:02:15.800] That's how I decided to do it.
[01:02:15.800 --> 01:02:17.800] She's like, yeah, just like, what is my body saying?
[01:02:17.800 --> 01:02:20.120] And I was like, no, definitely not.
[01:02:20.280 --> 01:02:24.200] My body does not, like, the idea of it not happening made me feel really relieved.
[01:02:24.200 --> 01:02:26.680] Yeah, that's, that, that tells you so much.
[01:02:26.680 --> 01:02:38.760] And I guess what I would add to that is also you need to distinguish between like the goal and what it would take to get to the goal.
[01:02:38.760 --> 01:02:47.160] Okay, so I'm thinking of a young woman who I talked to after she gave a successful TED talk and had a successful book.
[01:02:47.160 --> 01:02:53.640] And she wanted, she was trying to figure out like what the next step should be on the on the coattails of these successes.
[01:02:53.640 --> 01:03:06.360] And what she said in the course of our conversation is like she knew that she could build a whole company around her ideas that were now out in the world.
[01:03:06.360 --> 01:03:16.720] But she knew from experience that she had had working at other companies that she wouldn't actually be happy having to like wake up and run a team every day.
[01:03:16.720 --> 01:03:23.360] And so she knew whatever I do, it's not going to be based on like team management.
[01:03:23.360 --> 01:03:26.080] Like that, that needs to not be part of the picture.
[01:03:26.080 --> 01:03:43.280] And I thought that was a really useful way to look at it because it wasn't, I think she would have loved to actually have the company and you know put products out into the world that the company would have made, but she wouldn't have enjoyed her life to get to that goal.
[01:03:43.280 --> 01:03:50.960] And so that question of do I want to wake up in the morning doing what it takes to reach that goal is a really big one.
[01:03:51.280 --> 01:03:52.800] There's two things that brings up for me.
[01:03:52.800 --> 01:03:58.960] One is I had the co-founder of HuppaSpot on the podcast, which is like a gabillion dollar business at this point.
[01:03:58.960 --> 01:04:01.600] And he had a conversation with his co-founder early on.
[01:04:01.600 --> 01:04:04.240] And he told him, I never want to manage anybody.
[01:04:04.560 --> 01:04:08.960] And even up to today, he has never managed any, there's nobody under him at the company.
[01:04:08.960 --> 01:04:12.400] And he's still the co-founder, still operating on his own.
[01:04:12.400 --> 01:04:13.440] Wow, that's possible.
[01:04:13.440 --> 01:04:15.200] It's fascinating that he could pull that off.
[01:04:15.200 --> 01:04:16.480] Yeah, he's a fascinating guy.
[01:04:16.480 --> 01:04:17.440] We're going to link to that episode.
[01:04:17.440 --> 01:04:18.480] It's so interesting.
[01:04:18.720 --> 01:04:25.760] The other is I made a role for myself with this new life along those lines that you just shared, which is I never want to have full-time employees.
[01:04:25.760 --> 01:04:26.560] Yes.
[01:04:26.880 --> 01:04:27.600] Me too.
[01:04:27.920 --> 01:04:28.400] Me too.
[01:04:28.400 --> 01:04:30.640] I did the exact same thing with my sub stack.
[01:04:30.640 --> 01:04:31.520] No, none.
[01:04:31.520 --> 01:04:31.840] Great.
[01:04:31.920 --> 01:04:32.320] Yeah.
[01:04:32.640 --> 01:04:33.120] Yeah.
[01:04:33.440 --> 01:04:35.280] And I do have different people who I work with.
[01:04:35.280 --> 01:04:35.520] Yeah.
[01:04:35.520 --> 01:04:35.920] Same.
[01:04:36.240 --> 01:04:47.280] And including like my colleague Renee and I have been working together for like 10, 11, 12 years amazingly, but it's like a very loose type of working structure.
[01:04:47.280 --> 01:04:48.480] And that's what works for us.
[01:04:48.480 --> 01:04:49.920] That's exactly how I operate.
[01:04:49.920 --> 01:04:54.720] And it, and it's like the major downside is people sometimes leave because they're not full-time.
[01:04:54.720 --> 01:04:57.440] And there's like, oh, here's a whole full-time role that they found.
[01:04:57.440 --> 01:04:58.720] But I find people want this.
[01:04:58.880 --> 01:05:03.880] They're like, they prefer to be a part-time, flexible thing, not this is their life, and this is all they're doing.
[01:05:03.880 --> 01:05:05.640] I think a lot of people like that too.
[01:04:59.760 --> 01:05:11.240] It's such a, but like, there's always this temptation, okay, what if one person and they just do so much for me?
[01:05:11.240 --> 01:05:14.760] I think it, it also limits just how much work you take on, which is really healthy.
[01:05:14.760 --> 01:05:34.680] It's so funny because when I started my Sup Stack, um, I talked to one of my now colleagues, and I remember saying to him, you know, if I, if in a few months I wake up and my day consists of going to meetings, then I'm going to know the whole thing where I went down the wrong path and this was a mistake.
[01:05:35.000 --> 01:05:38.600] So we have to build it in a way where it's not about that at all.
[01:05:38.600 --> 01:05:42.360] Along those lines, I have a rule of no meetings before 3 p.m.
[01:05:43.000 --> 01:05:47.240] to reduce the number of meetings I have, except for podcast episodes that we do sometimes in the mornings.
[01:05:47.240 --> 01:05:48.280] And that helps me there.
[01:05:48.280 --> 01:05:48.600] Yeah.
[01:05:49.000 --> 01:05:53.880] Funny enough, when I started the newsletter and it started doing well, I was like, okay, this is awesome.
[01:05:53.880 --> 01:05:54.520] What a life.
[01:05:54.520 --> 01:05:56.920] Just write a newsletter once a week and make a living.
[01:05:56.920 --> 01:05:58.920] And so I had this rule: I'll never do a podcast.
[01:05:58.920 --> 01:05:59.800] I'll never do a course.
[01:05:59.800 --> 01:06:00.840] I'll never do a conference.
[01:06:00.840 --> 01:06:02.440] I'll never do a book.
[01:06:02.440 --> 01:06:05.400] And I've actually crumbled and done almost all those things.
[01:06:05.400 --> 01:06:07.160] The only thing left is a book.
[01:06:07.160 --> 01:06:08.520] That's really funny.
[01:06:08.520 --> 01:06:15.960] And so those things that you ended up doing, have you enjoyed them or were your initial instincts correct?
[01:06:16.200 --> 01:06:19.880] The podcast, I'm very happy I did it.
[01:06:19.880 --> 01:06:24.600] It's extremely cool to have the dynamic of the newsletter on the podcast energy-wise.
[01:06:24.600 --> 01:06:27.240] It is, it takes like energy.
[01:06:27.240 --> 01:06:35.720] I have to pull in the extrovertedness side of me to versus like I'm just going to sit in the cafe and work on the newsletter.
[01:06:36.040 --> 01:06:43.400] So yeah, it's better, it's mostly great, but I do have to like, I have to like get up to do it, you know, like hide myself up into it.
[01:06:43.400 --> 01:06:50.160] I so understand, but you and then the chorus I decided not to do it, it was like too much of that, so I stopped doing that.
[01:06:50.320 --> 01:06:52.800] The conference was awesome, probably will do it again.
[01:06:52.800 --> 01:06:54.880] And the book still have resisted the book.
[01:06:54.880 --> 01:06:58.240] Wouldn't the book be more along the lines of what you like doing?
[01:06:58.240 --> 01:07:00.960] Like, you can sit in your cafe, you think, you think.
[01:07:00.960 --> 01:07:06.400] The problem is, it just would be too much work, it's just like the load of as you know, I do.
[01:07:06.400 --> 01:07:09.760] I think it took you seven years to write your first book, is what I write.
[01:07:09.760 --> 01:07:14.640] Oh, yeah, and then, yeah, and then, well, my second book was the one for kids, that didn't take quite as long.
[01:07:14.880 --> 01:07:17.440] Um, but then my third book, Bittersweet, was the same thing.
[01:07:17.440 --> 01:07:18.720] I took like seven years.
[01:07:18.720 --> 01:07:27.680] And I just sent in a book proposal to my agent like two days ago for another book, which will undoubtedly take five or six or seven years.
[01:07:27.680 --> 01:07:32.720] Um, and I have wondered how I'm gonna do it together with the sub stack, but I don't know.
[01:07:33.040 --> 01:07:35.600] I feel very impassioned about both, so I think it's fine.
[01:07:35.600 --> 01:07:37.200] Yeah, you have to really want it.
[01:07:37.200 --> 01:07:42.480] Part of the reason I don't want to do a book is all the talks I'd have to do to promote it after.
[01:07:42.800 --> 01:07:45.440] Oh, I so understand.
[01:07:45.440 --> 01:07:51.120] I think that's part of the reason I take as long as I do to write them because I'm like dreading the promotional period.
[01:07:51.120 --> 01:07:52.480] So I'm just putting it off.
[01:07:52.480 --> 01:07:53.200] Oh, man.
[01:07:53.200 --> 01:07:56.880] Well, I'm impressed you overcome that.
[01:07:56.880 --> 01:08:01.280] I mean, for me, my dream always was to be a writer.
[01:08:01.280 --> 01:08:04.400] So that was like the primary, primary thing.
[01:08:04.720 --> 01:08:07.360] So I'll overcome anything for that dream.
[01:08:07.360 --> 01:08:08.800] I get that.
[01:08:09.120 --> 01:08:13.440] Okay, Susan, we've covered everything I've wanted to cover.
[01:08:13.440 --> 01:08:25.200] Is there anything else that you think might be helpful to leave listeners with that, especially introverts that are trying to be successful, feel better about their way of the world?
[01:08:25.840 --> 01:08:37.240] There is a phrase, an aphorism, a saying from Gandhi, who said, who is very shy and very introverted, by the way, like extremely.
[01:08:38.040 --> 01:08:40.440] His autobiography, very fascinating.
[01:08:40.440 --> 01:08:41.960] He talks a lot about this.
[01:08:41.960 --> 01:08:43.880] He was such a shy kid.
[01:08:43.880 --> 01:08:48.280] He would run home from school after class because he didn't want to have to talk to anybody.
[01:08:48.280 --> 01:08:49.880] He was really like that his whole life.
[01:08:49.880 --> 01:08:58.520] He was just, he was one of these people I was talking about who, you know, had a very deep conviction and then attracted other people who shared that deep conviction.
[01:08:58.920 --> 01:09:04.200] And so he said, in a gentle way, you can shake the world.
[01:09:04.200 --> 01:09:06.920] And I deeply believe this to be true.
[01:09:07.960 --> 01:09:10.040] That's an excellent role model to think about.
[01:09:10.040 --> 01:09:15.640] And going back to your other exercise of Gandhi as an introvert, did not know that.
[01:09:15.640 --> 01:09:16.760] That's awesome.
[01:09:17.000 --> 01:09:19.640] Susan, with that, we've reached our very exciting lightning round.
[01:09:19.640 --> 01:09:20.600] Are you ready?
[01:09:20.600 --> 01:09:21.960] I'm ready.
[01:09:21.960 --> 01:09:28.440] First question: What are two or three books that you find yourself recommending most to other people?
[01:09:29.080 --> 01:09:34.120] So I was talking earlier about the psychologist, Mihaly Chiksent Mihai.
[01:09:34.680 --> 01:09:37.880] He famously wrote a book about flow.
[01:09:37.880 --> 01:09:39.320] It's literally called flow.
[01:09:39.880 --> 01:09:50.760] And flow is the state of mind you get into when you're totally engaged in an activity and you're completely absorbed by it and you're feeling neither bored nor anxious.
[01:09:50.760 --> 01:09:53.160] You're just in it.
[01:09:53.160 --> 01:09:57.640] And the book just like describes all the research on the state and what it is.
[01:09:57.640 --> 01:09:59.640] And it completely changed my life.
[01:09:59.640 --> 01:10:01.960] So I recommend that one all the time.
[01:10:02.280 --> 01:10:12.520] And also The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell, who, you know, was just a great mythologist and completely fascinating.
[01:10:12.520 --> 01:10:14.720] And Hero's Journey.
[01:10:13.800 --> 01:10:15.760] Hero's Journey.
[01:10:14.280 --> 01:10:15.840] Yeah.
[01:10:16.000 --> 01:10:23.920] And he talked about the need to participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world, which I really believe in.
[01:10:23.920 --> 01:10:26.160] Which I know your third book was about.
[01:10:26.160 --> 01:10:27.680] Yeah, that's right.
[01:10:28.480 --> 01:10:29.360] Bittersweet.
[01:10:29.360 --> 01:10:30.000] Bittersweet.
[01:10:30.080 --> 01:10:33.520] Maybe you should never find it on Amazon or your local retailers.
[01:10:33.520 --> 01:10:34.480] The flow book.
[01:10:34.480 --> 01:10:35.520] Can you say his last name again?
[01:10:35.520 --> 01:10:37.200] Because I think nobody actually knows how to pronounce it.
[01:10:37.200 --> 01:10:38.880] And I love that you say it so comfortably.
[01:10:39.600 --> 01:10:41.440] It's, yeah, because my agent taught me how.
[01:10:42.720 --> 01:10:44.880] You go cheek, like your cheek.
[01:10:44.880 --> 01:10:45.360] Oh, my God.
[01:10:45.920 --> 01:10:47.520] Sent me high.
[01:10:47.520 --> 01:10:49.120] So that's more or less how you pronounce it.
[01:10:49.360 --> 01:10:50.000] Cheek sent me.
[01:10:50.000 --> 01:10:50.720] Sent me high.
[01:10:50.720 --> 01:10:51.120] Oh, my God.
[01:10:51.520 --> 01:10:53.760] What a win for a tip right there.
[01:10:53.760 --> 01:10:54.640] Okay, next question.
[01:10:54.640 --> 01:10:58.880] Do you have a favorite recent movie or TV show that you've really enjoyed?
[01:10:58.880 --> 01:11:00.560] I never have anything recent.
[01:11:00.560 --> 01:11:06.080] But so my husband and kids and I just watched The Sopranos recently.
[01:11:06.080 --> 01:11:08.880] I had never seen it before, and we loved it.
[01:11:10.160 --> 01:11:13.680] And I also just recently saw The Talented Mr.
[01:11:13.680 --> 01:11:18.240] Ripley, which I know it's really old, but so, so good.
[01:11:18.240 --> 01:11:18.720] Wow.
[01:11:18.720 --> 01:11:20.080] I love how old these are.
[01:11:20.080 --> 01:11:20.720] I know.
[01:11:20.720 --> 01:11:21.360] I know.
[01:11:21.360 --> 01:11:30.800] But like, I basically, like, anything that you see where there's just something dazzling happening in it, like Jude Law's performance in The Talented Mr.
[01:11:30.800 --> 01:11:35.360] Ripley is pure endazzlement, if that's a word.
[01:11:35.360 --> 01:11:43.600] This connects to advice I often hear, which is don't read books that are, either read books that are just like very new or like 10 years or older.
[01:11:43.600 --> 01:11:44.560] I think that's the advice.
[01:11:44.560 --> 01:11:52.640] Like don't read books that are sort of, because you want to only read things that have been, that have survived and people continue to come back to quiet, I think, is definitely an example of that.
[01:11:53.120 --> 01:11:53.920] Thank you.
[01:11:53.920 --> 01:12:01.000] Yeah, I do think there's something about that, like that, yeah, if it's survived that long, it's it's for a reason.
[01:12:01.000 --> 01:12:01.480] Yeah.
[01:12:01.720 --> 01:12:03.560] Oh, okay.
[01:12:03.560 --> 01:12:06.040] Can I say something that will not be lightning roundish?
[01:11:59.840 --> 01:12:06.760] Sure.
[01:12:07.080 --> 01:12:07.720] Okay.
[01:12:07.720 --> 01:12:14.520] Because what you just made me think of is there's this organization or institute.
[01:12:14.520 --> 01:12:17.720] It's called the Tugboat Institute, I think is the official name.
[01:12:17.720 --> 01:12:31.640] And anyway, it's basically for founders of companies who are not interested in starting their company and then making a quick exit three years later.
[01:12:31.640 --> 01:12:36.040] These are people who are trying to build something evergreen and something built to last.
[01:12:36.040 --> 01:12:41.560] And so this is an organization for the founders who have this mentality.
[01:12:41.560 --> 01:12:46.440] And I've talked to the head of this organization.
[01:12:46.440 --> 01:12:49.960] I'm actually going to be speaking there June or July.
[01:12:50.280 --> 01:12:54.520] And he told me that they have tons of introverts in this group of CEOs.
[01:12:54.520 --> 01:13:04.120] Like, I do think there's something about that mentality of seeking the timeless and the evergreen that is one of those underappreciated strengths.
[01:13:04.440 --> 01:13:05.080] That's awesome.
[01:13:05.080 --> 01:13:06.840] That sounds like a sweet place to be.
[01:13:06.840 --> 01:13:07.400] Yeah.
[01:13:08.360 --> 01:13:11.960] Hopefully, not too many extroverts get in there and they're just like, what the hell is going on here?
[01:13:12.040 --> 01:13:13.480] I don't want to be here.
[01:13:13.480 --> 01:13:14.040] Okay.
[01:13:14.040 --> 01:13:15.640] I'm going to keep going with the lightning round.
[01:13:15.640 --> 01:13:15.960] Yeah.
[01:13:15.960 --> 01:13:16.360] Let's see.
[01:13:16.520 --> 01:13:16.920] Okay.
[01:13:16.920 --> 01:13:20.840] Is there a favorite product you recently discovered that you really love?
[01:13:20.840 --> 01:13:25.480] Whether it could be an app, could be something you bought physical, something laying around the house.
[01:13:25.880 --> 01:13:29.720] I will say the art of roasted vegetables.
[01:13:30.760 --> 01:13:31.320] Cool.
[01:13:31.320 --> 01:13:39.800] Because, yeah, I've started just roasting my vegetables with tons of spices of all kinds, and it's such a revelation.
[01:13:39.800 --> 01:13:40.840] And it's not a gadget.
[01:13:40.840 --> 01:13:43.640] You just roast them in a cookie, cooking cheek sort of thing.
[01:13:43.640 --> 01:13:50.880] Yeah, I just like toss them with olive oil and maybe some lemon juice and almond slices or curry or whatever I feel like doing.
[01:13:51.200 --> 01:13:52.880] And it's like candy.
[01:13:52.880 --> 01:13:53.680] So good.
[01:13:53.680 --> 01:13:54.240] Interesting.
[01:13:54.240 --> 01:13:59.040] So that, and this is just like an easy way to eat healthy and taste good.
[01:13:59.040 --> 01:13:59.600] Yep.
[01:13:59.600 --> 01:14:00.720] What a life chip.
[01:14:00.880 --> 01:14:02.560] I just read this book, Good Energy.
[01:14:02.560 --> 01:14:03.520] I don't know if you've heard of this.
[01:14:03.520 --> 01:14:07.760] It's about what foods give you good energy and what foods are bad energy.
[01:14:08.000 --> 01:14:08.560] Interesting.
[01:14:08.560 --> 01:14:12.640] And it's based on metabolic health and blood sugar and which ones spike you and help you.
[01:14:12.640 --> 01:14:15.440] And you're eating good energy food.
[01:14:15.440 --> 01:14:16.080] Yes.
[01:14:16.800 --> 01:14:17.760] Takeaway.
[01:14:18.080 --> 01:14:18.480] Okay.
[01:14:18.480 --> 01:14:19.840] Two more questions.
[01:14:19.840 --> 01:14:27.440] Do you have a favorite life motto that you often come back to, find really useful in work or in life, maybe share with friends and family?
[01:14:27.440 --> 01:14:34.400] Yeah, I mean, I will give the one that was the dedication to and the inspiration for Bittersweet.
[01:14:34.800 --> 01:14:40.400] This is a quote from Leonard Cohn, who said, there's a crack in everything.
[01:14:40.400 --> 01:14:42.160] That's where the light gets in.
[01:14:42.160 --> 01:14:43.680] I love that.
[01:14:44.000 --> 01:14:46.560] I want to make a big poster out of all these mottos someday.
[01:14:47.360 --> 01:14:48.240] Yeah, you really should.
[01:14:48.240 --> 01:14:49.920] You've probably amazing ones collected.
[01:14:50.160 --> 01:14:50.640] So many.
[01:14:50.640 --> 01:14:51.760] Oh, man.
[01:14:52.000 --> 01:14:53.120] Final question.
[01:14:53.120 --> 01:14:54.640] You have a very active substack.
[01:14:54.640 --> 01:14:57.440] I'm very impressed with how often you publish.
[01:14:57.440 --> 01:14:59.120] It's very hard.
[01:14:59.120 --> 01:15:00.480] Where can people find it?
[01:15:00.480 --> 01:15:04.000] And just what should people know about the substack that you started?
[01:15:04.000 --> 01:15:07.920] Oh, well, it's called thequietlife.net.
[01:15:07.920 --> 01:15:09.840] So that's where you can find it.
[01:15:10.160 --> 01:15:21.440] And it's basically a place for people who want to live on the realm of the quiet and thoughtful and sensitive and bittersweet.
[01:15:21.840 --> 01:15:24.800] I've kind of been exploring that realm for 20 years.
[01:15:24.800 --> 01:15:29.440] And this is a place to be with other people who are in that realm also.
[01:15:29.680 --> 01:15:37.160] And so, you know, some of the time I'm posting things about tips along the lines of what we've been talking about for this podcast.
[01:15:38.040 --> 01:15:45.000] And sometimes it's more, I don't know, just like sharing art and poetry and things.
[01:15:45.000 --> 01:15:59.160] So, like, tomorrow I'm posting an exclusive excerpt from Sahil Bloom's new book, The Five Types of Wealth, about how much time do you have remaining with your loved ones and how are you spending that time?
[01:15:59.160 --> 01:16:11.240] So it's, I would say it's like dedicated to how to live a good life from the perspective of the quiet and the thoughtful and the sensitive.
[01:16:11.400 --> 01:16:15.160] Sounds like a wonderful place, quarter of the internet.
[01:16:15.800 --> 01:16:16.680] And how do people find it?
[01:16:16.680 --> 01:16:19.160] Just so we can link to LinkedIn in the show notes too.
[01:16:19.480 --> 01:16:22.120] Yeah, so thequietlife.net.
[01:16:22.680 --> 01:16:27.000] Or I guess if you go to Substack and just look up my name, you could probably find it there.
[01:16:27.480 --> 01:16:41.320] But yeah, it's become a huge labor of love because it's a way, like I'm able to write to people who have been reading my stuff for years, but now we have a dialogue and a community.
[01:16:41.320 --> 01:16:53.320] And I think people really feel like having a place to go that is a very specific wavelength that you can't find elsewhere can be something special.
[01:16:53.320 --> 01:16:57.560] And I know I feel that as the person writing into it.
[01:16:57.560 --> 01:16:57.960] Okay.
[01:16:57.960 --> 01:17:00.360] Final question then is: how can listeners be useful to you?
[01:17:00.360 --> 01:17:01.960] I usually ask how do people find you online?
[01:17:01.960 --> 01:17:03.960] We just talked about that, so I'm skipping that question.
[01:17:04.200 --> 01:17:06.200] How can listeners be useful to you?
[01:17:06.200 --> 01:17:06.840] I don't know.
[01:17:06.840 --> 01:17:13.640] I guess I would say, you know, the sub stack that I'm doing is my baby and my labor of love.
[01:17:13.640 --> 01:17:16.800] So if you want to partake of it, I would love to have you there.
[01:17:16.800 --> 01:17:17.680] Awesome.
[01:17:17.680 --> 01:17:20.160] Susan, thank you so much for being here.
[01:17:20.160 --> 01:17:21.760] Thank you so much for having me.
[01:17:22.160 --> 01:17:22.720] Absolutely.
[01:17:23.280 --> 01:17:23.520] So nice.
[01:17:23.600 --> 01:17:24.240] I really enjoyed it.
[01:17:24.240 --> 01:17:25.680] Just introvert connection.
[01:17:26.160 --> 01:17:27.840] Yes, exactly.
[01:17:28.400 --> 01:17:28.720] Okay.
[01:17:28.720 --> 01:17:30.000] Bye, everyone.
[01:17:31.280 --> 01:17:32.800] Thank you so much for listening.
[01:17:32.800 --> 01:17:39.200] If you found this valuable, you can subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app.
[01:17:39.200 --> 01:17:45.520] Also, please consider giving us a rating or leaving a review, as that really helps other listeners find the podcast.
[01:17:45.520 --> 01:17:50.880] You can find all past episodes or learn more about the show at lennyspodcast.com.
[01:17:50.880 --> 01:17:53.200] See you in the next episode.

Prompt 6: Key Takeaways

Now please extract the key takeaways from the transcript content I provided.

Extract the most important key takeaways from this part of the conversation. Use a single sentence statement (the key takeaway) rather than milquetoast descriptions like "the hosts discuss...". 

Limit the key takeaways to a maximum of 3. The key takeaways should be insightful and knowledge-additive. 

IMPORTANT: Return ONLY valid JSON, no explanations or markdown. Ensure:
- All strings are properly quoted and escaped
- No trailing commas
- All braces and brackets are balanced
Format: {"key_takeaways": ["takeaway 1", "takeaway 2"]}

Prompt 7: Segments

Now identify 2-4 distinct topical segments from this part of the conversation.

For each segment, identify:
- Descriptive title (3-6 words)  
- START timestamp when this topic begins (HH:MM:SS format)
- Double check that the timestamp is accurate - a timestamp will NEVER be greater than the total length of the audio
- Most important Key takeaway from that segment. Key takeaway must be specific and knowledge-additive.
- Brief summary of the discussion

IMPORTANT: The timestamp should mark when the topic/segment STARTS, not a range. Look for topic transitions and conversation shifts.

Return ONLY valid JSON. Ensure all strings are properly quoted, no trailing commas:
{
  "segments": [
    {
      "segment_title": "Topic Discussion", 
      "timestamp": "01:15:30",
      "key_takeaway": "main point from this segment",
      "segment_summary": "brief description of what was discussed"
    }
  ]
}

Timestamp format: HH:MM:SS (e.g., 00:05:30, 01:22:45) marking the START of each segment.

Prompt 8: Media Mentions

Now scan the transcript content I provided for ACTUAL mentions of specific media titles:

Find explicit mentions of:
- Books (with specific titles)
- Movies (with specific titles)  
- TV Shows (with specific titles)
- Music/Songs (with specific titles)

DO NOT include:
- Websites, URLs, or web services
- Other podcasts or podcast names

IMPORTANT: 
- Only include items explicitly mentioned by name. Do not invent titles.
- Valid categories are: "Book", "Movie", "TV Show", "Music"
- Include the exact phrase where each item was mentioned
- Find the nearest proximate timestamp where it appears in the conversation
- THE TIMESTAMP OF THE MEDIA MENTION IS IMPORTANT - DO NOT INVENT TIMESTAMPS AND DO NOT MISATTRIBUTE TIMESTAMPS
- Double check that the timestamp is accurate - a timestamp will NEVER be greater than the total length of the audio
- Timestamps are given as ranges, e.g. 01:13:42.520 --> 01:13:46.720. Use the EARLIER of the 2 timestamps in the range.

Return ONLY valid JSON. Ensure all strings are properly quoted and escaped, no trailing commas:
{
  "media_mentions": [
    {
      "title": "Exact Title as Mentioned",
      "category": "Book",
      "author_artist": "N/A",
      "context": "Brief context of why it was mentioned",
      "context_phrase": "The exact sentence or phrase where it was mentioned",
      "timestamp": "estimated time like 01:15:30"
    }
  ]
}

If no media is mentioned, return: {"media_mentions": []}

Full Transcript

[00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:05.120] I see introversion and extroversion in general as just two different kinds of strengths.
[00:00:05.120 --> 00:00:13.840] The problem in our culture is just that we emphasize one type of strength, the extroverted strength, usually more than we do the introverted strength, but that they're equally valuable.
[00:00:13.840 --> 00:00:15.040] There's probably not this binary thing.
[00:00:15.040 --> 00:00:18.240] You're introverted, extroverted, the spectrum of introvertedness, extrovertedness.
[00:00:18.240 --> 00:00:21.200] Do people move along this spectrum often?
[00:00:21.200 --> 00:00:23.840] I feel like I've definitely become more extroverted over time.
[00:00:23.840 --> 00:00:26.480] I've had the exact same trajectory you just described.
[00:00:26.480 --> 00:00:28.560] I used to be terrified of public speaking.
[00:00:28.560 --> 00:00:30.080] Now I do it all the time.
[00:00:30.080 --> 00:00:31.680] I used to be quite shy.
[00:00:31.680 --> 00:00:36.720] But that's not really describing, I don't believe, becoming more extroverted.
[00:00:36.720 --> 00:00:39.600] That's more describing acquiring skills.
[00:00:39.600 --> 00:00:43.280] As we grow and gain experience, we acquire all kinds of skills.
[00:00:43.280 --> 00:00:49.360] What people most want is just like, how do I become potentially more extroverted/slash less allow introvertedness to hurt me in my career?
[00:00:49.360 --> 00:01:11.120] This is a paradox that I have observed: that the more introverts become like deeply comfortable in their own skin, that's when they start to show up at the job interview or on the stage in a more powerful way because you're now there as your own true being, as opposed to there always being a voice in your head saying, I'm not really supposed to be me.
[00:01:11.120 --> 00:01:13.120] How can you help people believe this is actually true?
[00:01:13.120 --> 00:01:18.000] That you can be just as successful being very true to yourself versus learning to be an extrovert.
[00:01:18.000 --> 00:01:26.080] One of the most important things you can do today, my guest is Susan Kane.
[00:01:26.080 --> 00:01:33.040] Susan is the author of the number one New York Times bestseller, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in the World I Can Stop Talking.
[00:01:33.040 --> 00:01:35.680] Her books have been translated into 40 languages.
[00:01:35.680 --> 00:01:38.800] Her TED Talks have been viewed over 50 million times.
[00:01:38.800 --> 00:01:49.760] And she basically made me and every other introvert in the world feel okay about being an introvert and showed that actually embracing that about yourself can unlock a ton of opportunity and success in your life.
[00:01:49.760 --> 00:02:01.160] In our conversation, Susan shares a ton of very tangible advice for how to be more successful in business as an introvert, including what skills you should actually be building that don't come naturally to you.
[00:02:01.160 --> 00:02:05.720] Also, what actually is an introvert, how to raise kids who might be introverted, and so much more.
[00:02:05.720 --> 00:02:09.560] This was such a wonderful conversation, and so much of it resonated with me.
[00:02:09.560 --> 00:02:16.840] This episode is for anyone who considers themselves an introvert, or if you work with people who are introverts and you want to learn how to help them thrive.
[00:02:16.840 --> 00:02:21.240] If you enjoy this podcast, don't forget to subscribe and follow it in your favorite podcasting app or YouTube.
[00:02:21.240 --> 00:02:25.400] It's the best way to avoid missing future episodes and it helps the podcast tremendously.
[00:02:25.400 --> 00:02:28.600] With that, I bring you Susan Kane.
[00:02:28.920 --> 00:02:31.240] This episode is brought to you by Interpret.
[00:02:31.240 --> 00:02:39.560] Interpret unifies all your customer interactions from Gong calls to Zendesk tickets to Twitter threads to App Store reviews and makes it available for analysis.
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[00:03:20.120 --> 00:03:34.520] Looking to automate your feedback loops and prioritize your roadmap with confidence like Notion, Canva, and Linear, visit ENTERPRET.com/slash Lenny to connect with the team and to get two free months when you sign up for an annual plan.
[00:03:34.520 --> 00:03:38.920] This is a limited time offer that's interpret.com/slash Lenny.
[00:03:39.240 --> 00:03:48.240] This episode is brought to you by Vanta, and I am very excited to have Christina Cassioppo, CEO and co-founder of Vanta, joining me for this very short conversation.
[00:03:48.240 --> 00:03:49.120] Great to be here.
[00:03:44.920 --> 00:03:50.800] Big fan of the podcast in the newsletter.
[00:03:51.040 --> 00:03:58.240] Vanta is a longtime sponsor of the show, but for some of our newer listeners, what does Vanta do and who is it for?
[00:03:58.240 --> 00:03:58.880] Sure.
[00:03:58.880 --> 00:04:12.320] So we started Vanta in 2018, focused on founders, helping them start to build out their security programs and get credit for all of that hard security work with compliance certifications like SOC2 or ISO 2701.
[00:04:12.320 --> 00:04:28.960] Today, we currently help over 9,000 companies, including some startup household names like Atlassian, Ramp, and LingChain, start and scale their security programs and ultimately build trust by automating compliance, centralizing GRC, and accelerating security reviews.
[00:04:28.960 --> 00:04:29.760] That is awesome.
[00:04:29.760 --> 00:04:36.400] I know from experience that these things take a lot of time and a lot of resources, and nobody wants to spend time doing this.
[00:04:36.400 --> 00:04:40.640] That is very much our experience, but before the company, and to some extent, during it.
[00:04:40.640 --> 00:04:49.040] But the idea is with automation, with AI, with software, we are helping customers build trust with prospects and customers in an efficient way.
[00:04:49.040 --> 00:04:52.800] And, you know, our joke, we started this compliance company, so you don't have to.
[00:04:52.800 --> 00:04:54.240] We appreciate you for doing that.
[00:04:54.240 --> 00:04:56.240] And you have a special discount for listeners.
[00:04:56.240 --> 00:05:00.640] They can get $1,000 off Vanta at Vanta.com/slash Lenny.
[00:05:00.640 --> 00:05:05.680] That's V-A-N-T-A.com/slash Lenny for $1,000 off Anta.
[00:05:05.680 --> 00:05:07.120] Thanks for that, Christina.
[00:05:07.120 --> 00:05:08.320] Thank you.
[00:05:11.200 --> 00:05:13.040] Susan, thank you so much for being here.
[00:05:13.200 --> 00:05:14.560] Welcome to the podcast.
[00:05:14.560 --> 00:05:15.920] Thank you so much, Lenny.
[00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:17.600] It's so exciting to be here.
[00:05:17.600 --> 00:05:27.680] I just want to start with just from one introvert to another, and from someone that would rather be sitting in a corner writing versus being on camera, talking, performing a little bit.
[00:05:27.680 --> 00:05:31.800] I appreciate you extra for doing this and flexing your extroverted energy.
[00:05:31.800 --> 00:05:33.320] Oh my gosh, absolutely.
[00:05:33.320 --> 00:05:34.040] Thank you.
[00:05:34.040 --> 00:05:43.080] And I know you haven't even asked a single question yet, but I just, in response to what you just said, because you just identified yourself as an introvert.
[00:05:43.080 --> 00:05:57.080] That was actually a question I wanted to ask you because when I look at the work that you do in the world and the way that you do it, and I had never seen you on video before, I said to myself, I'm sure Lenny's an introvert.
[00:05:57.080 --> 00:06:07.640] And the reason I thought that is because there's something about like the intensity with which you do your work and you're like so passionate about your subject.
[00:06:07.640 --> 00:06:14.680] And your means of success is by going super deep into your passion.
[00:06:14.680 --> 00:06:16.360] And that's such an introvert thing.
[00:06:16.360 --> 00:06:18.680] So I was like 95% sure.
[00:06:18.680 --> 00:06:20.040] That is so funny.
[00:06:20.520 --> 00:06:21.320] I love that.
[00:06:21.320 --> 00:06:22.200] I appreciate that.
[00:06:22.520 --> 00:06:25.080] So, okay, so let me set a little foundation for folks.
[00:06:25.080 --> 00:06:27.720] We kind of dove into stuff, but I think this will be helpful.
[00:06:28.200 --> 00:06:29.640] We're talking about introvertedness.
[00:06:30.680 --> 00:06:32.840] What is the clearest sign you an introvert?
[00:06:33.160 --> 00:06:37.880] Two questions you could ask yourself if you're not really sure how you identify.
[00:06:38.760 --> 00:06:42.920] So one of them is, you know, how do you feel?
[00:06:42.920 --> 00:06:53.880] Like, imagine that you are going to a party or networking event that you are truly enjoying with company you truly enjoy.
[00:06:54.200 --> 00:07:00.280] If you're an extrovert, you probably find this like incredibly energizing.
[00:07:00.280 --> 00:07:06.200] And so, after two hours or so, you're looking for more because you're now hyper-energized.
[00:07:06.200 --> 00:07:13.240] And if you're an introvert, no matter how much you love all those people you were just talking to, your battery is probably way drained.
[00:07:13.240 --> 00:07:16.640] And so, after two hours, you're looking for the escape route.
[00:07:16.640 --> 00:07:18.880] So, that's kind of one question to ask.
[00:07:18.880 --> 00:07:35.040] And then, another one would be: if you imagine a weekend, let's say, where you are totally free of social and professional obligations, how would you choose to spend your time?
[00:07:35.040 --> 00:07:38.080] And how many people would be in the picture?
[00:07:38.080 --> 00:07:40.160] And how well would you know those people?
[00:07:40.160 --> 00:07:47.680] Like, would you be allocating your social time to just one or two close friends or family members?
[00:07:47.680 --> 00:07:52.320] Or would you be excited about a party full of people you don't know that well?
[00:07:52.640 --> 00:07:57.520] Those kinds of questions tell you a lot about what your true preferences are.
[00:07:57.520 --> 00:08:20.560] And I stress that phrase true preferences because for introverts in an extroverted culture, we spend so much time kind of unconsciously adapting to what we think our preferences are supposed to be that I hear from many people that they kind of have lost touch with how they actually prefer to spend their time.
[00:08:20.560 --> 00:08:23.680] First of all, I love the two-hour heuristic as a thing.
[00:08:23.680 --> 00:08:26.080] I could just pay attention to real quick after two hours.
[00:08:26.080 --> 00:08:29.200] Because I could, when, as you were describing initially, like, no, that'd be really cool.
[00:08:29.200 --> 00:08:37.520] Just like meet with a bunch of interesting people for like if I'm an intro, if I'm an extrovert, if I enjoy that, oh, maybe I'm an extrovert, but then it's like, okay, two hours, okay.
[00:08:37.520 --> 00:08:42.880] And so, clearly, to me, it'd be like, yes, I'll be exhausted and want to go do something else.
[00:08:42.880 --> 00:08:49.600] Yeah, and to me, the feeling of like you wish you could just like push a button and be instantly home when you hit that wall.
[00:08:50.240 --> 00:08:51.280] I would love that.
[00:08:51.280 --> 00:08:52.960] Like, what I find is I just run out of steam.
[00:08:52.960 --> 00:08:53.600] I just can't talk.
[00:08:53.600 --> 00:08:56.160] I'm just like, my voice is like, I'm pushing it out.
[00:08:56.160 --> 00:08:57.040] That's really interesting.
[00:08:57.040 --> 00:09:01.720] Okay, so another thought I had as you were talking is: I know it's probably not this binary thing.
[00:08:59.840 --> 00:09:04.440] You're introverted, extroverted, the spectrum of introvertedness, extrovertedness.
[00:09:04.600 --> 00:09:07.400] Is there anything along those lines that's useful for people to hear?
[00:09:07.400 --> 00:09:10.120] Just like how to think about the spectrum of introvertedness?
[00:09:10.120 --> 00:09:11.480] Oh, yeah, absolutely.
[00:09:11.480 --> 00:09:19.560] So, first of all, there is a term that psychologists have termed that have coined for people who really are kind of neither here nor there.
[00:09:19.560 --> 00:09:21.240] They're in the middle of the spectrum.
[00:09:21.240 --> 00:09:23.080] So, that term is ambivert.
[00:09:23.080 --> 00:09:26.600] And I think that does describe a fair amount of people.
[00:09:26.600 --> 00:09:43.640] But then, what's also important to know is that even for people who are quite extroverted or quite introverted, like me, you know, we still have our moments when we're acting kind of out of type because humans are incredibly complex beings.
[00:09:43.640 --> 00:09:48.440] So, I feel like it's really important when talking about this topic.
[00:09:48.440 --> 00:09:51.640] It's like two opposite things are true.
[00:09:51.640 --> 00:10:08.760] On the one hand, I really do believe that this question of how introverted or extroverted we are shapes so much about the way that we work and think and make decisions and love and interact and all the rest of it.
[00:10:08.760 --> 00:10:10.680] It's like it's hugely important.
[00:10:10.920 --> 00:10:14.840] Psychologists have called it the north and south of human temperament.
[00:10:14.840 --> 00:10:16.200] So, that's point one.
[00:10:16.200 --> 00:10:36.920] But then, on the opposite side, humans are gloriously complex, and there's always a danger in talking about subjects like this of reducing ourselves and each other to a label and then expecting ourselves and each other to behave according to that label in all circumstances.
[00:10:36.920 --> 00:10:39.240] And that's, of course, a mistake.
[00:10:39.240 --> 00:10:42.920] Do people move along the spectrum often?
[00:10:42.920 --> 00:10:46.640] And I ask this because I feel like I've definitely become more extroverted over time.
[00:10:46.640 --> 00:10:51.840] Like I used to be super shy and very, very afraid of public speaking and big social things.
[00:10:51.840 --> 00:10:56.400] And I've just like learned to not be as much, and I still definitely am.
[00:10:56.400 --> 00:11:02.960] So is it common for people to move along the spectrum and do they move in both directions or is it usually from introvert to extrovert?
[00:11:02.960 --> 00:11:07.040] Okay, so first of all, I've had the exact same trajectory you just described.
[00:11:07.040 --> 00:11:09.360] Like I used to be terrified of public speaking.
[00:11:09.360 --> 00:11:11.040] Now I do it all the time.
[00:11:11.680 --> 00:11:13.120] I used to be quite shy.
[00:11:13.360 --> 00:11:21.040] I would say I am still a shy person, but it's not as much a top of mind everyday type of reality now.
[00:11:21.040 --> 00:11:25.840] That's not really describing, I don't believe, becoming more extroverted.
[00:11:25.840 --> 00:11:34.240] That's more describing acquiring skills and also managing fears.
[00:11:34.240 --> 00:11:38.080] So, and even managing learning to manage a fear is a type of skill.
[00:11:38.080 --> 00:11:46.160] So, what happens is as we grow and gain experience, we acquire all kinds of skills of the kind you were just talking about.
[00:11:46.160 --> 00:11:54.000] But in terms of, but I still come back to that question I asked at the beginning: like, how would you spend your time when you have no obligations?
[00:11:54.480 --> 00:12:00.080] Because on that score, most of us actually become more introverted with time.
[00:12:00.080 --> 00:12:17.760] And I don't know if you would describe yourself this way, but like, I remember for me, even though I was a shy person, you know, I like in high school, I would come home from school and spend my whole evening talking to all my friends on the phone.
[00:12:17.760 --> 00:12:19.840] And I would never do that now.
[00:12:20.400 --> 00:12:22.240] And psychologists have studied this.
[00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:25.600] So, like, people tend to mellow out over time.
[00:12:25.600 --> 00:12:45.720] So, if you were, let's say, the third most extroverted person in your high school, and then you go to your high school reunion 40 years later, you'll probably still be one of the most extroverted people in your class, but all of you will have chilled out and calmed down quite a bit.
[00:12:46.520 --> 00:12:53.560] And that's a separate dimension from that dimension of learning to be a public speaker and all that kind of stuff.
[00:12:53.560 --> 00:12:54.680] That is so interesting.
[00:12:54.680 --> 00:12:55.800] I never thought of it this way.
[00:12:55.800 --> 00:13:02.040] I've always thought I'm getting more extroverted because I'm doing more of this sort of thing and enjoying things like this sport.
[00:13:02.040 --> 00:13:08.680] It's so interesting to reframe it into: I've just learned how to cope and be successful in these situations, but I'm still the same.
[00:13:08.680 --> 00:13:23.640] And it's funny that you say that because I can't tell you how often people have said to me, Well, they'll either say, Oh, you do public speaking, so you never were an introvert, you're like you're actually an extrovert, or they'll say, Oh, you've gotten more extroverted with time.
[00:13:23.640 --> 00:13:26.360] And I would say neither of those things is true.
[00:13:26.360 --> 00:13:27.960] It's just a skill.
[00:13:27.960 --> 00:13:30.360] Okay, this is something I definitely wanted to ask you about.
[00:13:30.360 --> 00:13:41.800] So, people hearing you right now, hearing you be very confident, clear, just like not coming across as an introvert, also watching your TED talks, probably seeing some of your other talks.
[00:13:41.800 --> 00:13:45.400] Like, it's not like you don't seem like an introvert.
[00:13:46.120 --> 00:13:54.200] I'm curious, just what your experience of being an introvert is that might give people a glimpse into, okay, I didn't realize this about people.
[00:13:54.200 --> 00:13:55.480] Because I think it's common to a lot of people.
[00:13:55.480 --> 00:13:59.880] You see a lot of people that are actually super introverted, but they don't seem that way.
[00:13:59.880 --> 00:14:07.480] So, just to give people an example of the stuff you've gone through, the stuff you deal with, and then introvert that people may not see, what are some examples of that?
[00:14:07.480 --> 00:14:08.360] Oh, yeah.
[00:14:08.360 --> 00:14:17.680] And to your point, I can't even tell you how many people there are out there presenting as quite extroverted.
[00:14:18.000 --> 00:14:29.760] And then, because I have this funny role in society as like the world's confessor of introverts, they all come up to me at conferences and things and tell me what they're really feeling and who they really are.
[00:14:29.760 --> 00:14:33.280] And it's often like people you would never suspect.
[00:14:35.120 --> 00:14:45.520] But yeah, like, okay, I mean, if you look at the way I just spent my day before recording this with you, and it's now my time, 4:24 p.m.
[00:14:45.680 --> 00:14:47.520] So it's quite late in the day.
[00:14:48.320 --> 00:14:51.360] I have not really spoken to many people today.
[00:14:51.360 --> 00:14:54.240] You know, I drove my son to and from school.
[00:14:54.560 --> 00:14:57.360] My husband's out of town, so I didn't talk to him yet.
[00:14:57.920 --> 00:15:03.280] And then I've been working on my laptop and walking my dog.
[00:15:03.280 --> 00:15:06.320] And that's been a really happy day for me.
[00:15:06.320 --> 00:15:21.760] So, and in general, I'm like really, really happy lavishing a lot of social time on my family or close friends, but I don't do that much social, like, you know, technically social stuff.
[00:15:21.760 --> 00:15:27.920] And in terms of, I'm not sure if you use the word overcome, but it was some kind of word like that in your question.
[00:15:28.960 --> 00:15:38.480] So for things like this, you know, like super public facing stuff, that I really did have to learn how to get comfortable with over time.
[00:15:38.800 --> 00:15:48.960] And I used to be absolutely terrified of public speaking, like lose five pounds before every speech, kind of terrified.
[00:15:49.920 --> 00:16:15.560] And I want to say this for anybody out there who's listening who has this fear, because it's a lot, a lot of people, that the miraculous thing is that this kind of fear, as with any type of fear, is actually overcomable because there's this miracle kind of phenomenon that psychologists call desensitization.
[00:16:15.560 --> 00:16:24.680] That basically, if you have any kind of fear, you can expose yourself in very small and manageable doses to the thing that you fear.
[00:16:24.680 --> 00:16:27.480] And that's the way to neutralize it.
[00:16:27.480 --> 00:16:35.000] So, like, I signed up before my book Quiet came out, and I knew I was going to have to really be out there in the spotlight.
[00:16:35.320 --> 00:16:39.320] I signed up for classes for people with public speaking anxiety.
[00:16:39.320 --> 00:16:47.320] And in these classes, you just had to, like, you'd start out by standing up and saying your name and then sitting down again.
[00:16:47.640 --> 00:16:49.960] And that would be the whole exercise for the class.
[00:16:49.960 --> 00:16:52.840] And then you'd come back a week later and do a little bit more.
[00:16:52.840 --> 00:16:55.240] And that's the way to get over it.
[00:16:55.240 --> 00:17:13.720] So I always encourage people, like, sign up for Toastmasters or something like that, where you can practice speaking in supportive environments where the stakes are really low until you can retrain your brain that the stage is not actually a saber-toothed tiger, which is what your brain currently believes it to be.
[00:17:13.720 --> 00:17:16.920] Okay, so let me come back to this because I think that's what people most want.
[00:17:16.920 --> 00:17:23.880] It's just like, how do I become potentially more extroverted, slash less allow introvertedness to hurt me in my career?
[00:17:23.880 --> 00:17:25.160] But let me just ask you this question.
[00:17:25.160 --> 00:17:26.040] This kind of like a.
[00:17:26.680 --> 00:17:28.120] Can I actually stop you right there?
[00:17:28.120 --> 00:17:28.520] Yes.
[00:17:28.520 --> 00:17:39.880] I would just say, like, I totally get it that that's what people feel that they want, but what we think we want is not always actually the way to the ultimate goal we want.
[00:17:39.880 --> 00:17:47.680] Because I think what we really want is to learn to be completely comfortable as ourselves.
[00:17:48.000 --> 00:18:28.800] And I will, I know that sounds like a kind of bland or woo-woo thing to say, but this is a paradox that I have observed through all the years that I've been doing this: that the more introverts or anybody else become deeply comfortable in their own skin, that's when they start to show up at the job interview or on the stage or whatever the venue is in a more powerful way because you're now there as your own true being, as opposed to there always being a voice in your head saying, I'm not really supposed to be me, so I'm going to like pretend to be somebody else.
[00:18:28.800 --> 00:18:31.520] And people can pick that up and you can pick it up.
[00:18:31.520 --> 00:18:40.080] I think people hear this idea that you teach in your book that you can be very successful as an introvert.
[00:18:40.080 --> 00:18:52.240] And I bet it's intellectually difficult to actually believe you can be as successful as an introvert versus being an extrovert because you see all these founders, they're very charismatic, extroverted.
[00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:56.880] You see people at meetings, all the loud, you know, voices in the room always seem to get what they want.
[00:18:57.440 --> 00:19:04.640] How can you help people believe this is actually true, that you can be just as successful being very true to yourself versus learning to be an extrovert?
[00:19:04.960 --> 00:19:21.360] One of the most important things you can do for whoever is listening in whatever field that you happen to be operating in is to look for people in your field who have your way of being, who are introverted, and who are powerful.
[00:19:21.360 --> 00:19:25.040] And there are so many of them in every field.
[00:19:25.040 --> 00:19:31.240] So, just to go back to the public speaking example for a second, but then I'm going to go out from there.
[00:19:31.960 --> 00:19:42.600] Like, when I was getting started as a public speaker, for me, my talisman person was Malcolm Gladwell because he's an incredibly captivating speaker.
[00:19:42.600 --> 00:19:44.840] He's a self-described introvert.
[00:19:44.840 --> 00:19:56.040] And the power of his speaking is not, you know, being like the super energized showman, but rather he's a pretty cerebral person with a lot of interesting stuff to say.
[00:19:56.040 --> 00:20:03.640] And I thought, okay, you know, not that my personality is exactly like his, but it's like, okay, that's kind of a way that I could be on stage.
[00:20:03.640 --> 00:20:07.800] I can have interesting things to say that I'm very impassioned about saying.
[00:20:07.800 --> 00:20:11.560] And this is true, you can look at so many different fields.
[00:20:11.560 --> 00:20:17.640] So, like, for example, in finance, somebody like Warren Buffett, he's a shy introvert.
[00:20:17.640 --> 00:20:19.480] He has talked about this.
[00:20:19.480 --> 00:20:31.320] And a lot of the engine of his success is that he figured out how to draw on his own introverted strengths.
[00:20:31.320 --> 00:20:38.200] So, for example, he is known for spending hours poring over financial documents.
[00:20:38.200 --> 00:20:53.400] And he is known for saying that what gets people to be a really good investor is not so much IQ as having the temperament to control yourself and take prudent bets, which is something that introverts are known for.
[00:20:53.400 --> 00:21:00.600] There's all kinds of studies documenting this and showing introverted traders being especially successful and so on.
[00:21:01.000 --> 00:21:17.280] He's also known for selecting managers very wisely and carefully, and then really delegating and relying on those people, which again is a hallmark of introverted leadership that we see in various studies and examples.
[00:21:18.160 --> 00:21:29.600] Now, Warren Buffett was also somebody who started out as a shy public speaker, and he signed up for one of those Dale Carnegie training classes when he was like 21.
[00:21:29.600 --> 00:21:34.000] And so he learned how to be, you know, this kind of folksy guy out in public.
[00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:46.160] And so there's nothing I'm saying that's against the idea of like, yes, you know, acquire the skills that you need to acquire to be successful in your given field.
[00:21:46.160 --> 00:21:51.840] And yes, that might require stepping outside your comfort zone to acquire those skills.
[00:21:51.840 --> 00:21:58.720] But there's a difference between acquiring skills and trying to be someone who you're not.
[00:21:58.720 --> 00:22:00.480] Those are really different things.
[00:22:00.800 --> 00:22:24.480] So yes, acquire the skills, but then like learn how to be you, you know, and whether you're a public speaker or a salesperson or a negotiator or a marketer, whatever it is, there's a way to do that in a kind of more thoughtful, more deliberative, more analytical, more listening-oriented style that can be incredibly powerful.
[00:22:24.800 --> 00:22:31.760] But the bottom line of everything I just said is like, look for your role models because they're going to show you that you can do it.
[00:22:31.760 --> 00:22:33.040] That's such a powerful point.
[00:22:33.040 --> 00:22:52.800] Just instead of kind of assuming what you see in the media of just here's all the successful people and just assuming they're all extroverts, actually find folks that are in your orbit that are successful that are also introverts to help kind of show you, give you evidence you can be really successful and not have to become someone else.
[00:22:52.800 --> 00:22:53.440] Oh, yeah.
[00:22:53.440 --> 00:23:02.840] And, you know, and if you're talking about the realm of founders and startup people, like there's just so many of them, you know, especially like in the world of Silicon Valley.
[00:23:03.640 --> 00:23:06.600] Who comes to mind and does examples?
[00:23:06.600 --> 00:23:07.640] Oh, gosh.
[00:23:08.440 --> 00:23:14.120] I mean, like dating all the way back to, you know, Bill Gates and that era.
[00:23:14.760 --> 00:23:16.760] There have just been so many.
[00:23:17.080 --> 00:23:34.920] This point of becoming more of who you are is connected to something that comes up a lot on this podcast: of the power of leaning into your strengths and not trying to focus on your weaknesses, of just becoming more of leaning into the things you're good at and doing the things you want to accomplish through that.
[00:23:34.920 --> 00:23:38.360] For example, in my experience, I'm just like, I don't, I'm not amazing.
[00:23:38.360 --> 00:23:39.400] I'm not an amazing speaker.
[00:23:39.400 --> 00:23:48.680] I'm not an amazing person to run meetings, but I'm much, I'm really good at like after the meeting, here's like the doc of the meeting, here's the next step, here's kind of like async follow-ups and stuff like that.
[00:23:48.680 --> 00:23:57.400] And I found the writing let me accomplish all the same things without feeling like, oh, I need to become this amazing presenter.
[00:23:57.400 --> 00:23:58.040] Absolutely.
[00:23:58.040 --> 00:24:22.520] And I would say, in addition to that, I don't think that that means that you need to be limited only to writing because I mean, even just talking to you for 15 minutes or so, like, I, you know, I get a feeling of like, okay, I'm talking to somebody who's extremely authentic, extremely intelligent, extremely knowledgeable.
[00:24:22.520 --> 00:24:29.800] And those are all incredibly powerful traits that modest introverts tend to discount.
[00:24:31.080 --> 00:24:33.960] That's a good, a good pushback and good reminder.
[00:24:34.280 --> 00:24:35.400] But I hear you.
[00:24:35.400 --> 00:24:36.480] Okay, good.
[00:24:36.200 --> 00:24:36.960] Good.
[00:24:37.320 --> 00:24:45.280] I want to go back to the tactics you started to share of how to be successful in business as an introvert.
[00:24:43.960 --> 00:24:52.000] Because a lot of times companies aren't set up to be to for introverts to thrive.
[00:24:52.320 --> 00:25:00.960] And so I'm curious what either you have done or what you've seen people do as introverts to set themselves up for more success in a business career.
[00:25:00.960 --> 00:25:02.960] Gosh, there's a lot we could talk about.
[00:25:02.960 --> 00:25:04.880] I'll give you a few ideas.
[00:25:04.880 --> 00:25:20.800] I mean, one is to find ways to make sure that other people know how much you know and how much you're contributing.
[00:25:21.040 --> 00:25:39.920] Because I can't tell you how often company leaders will tell me that they lose valuable people because those people aren't good at self-promotion and then their contributions are undervalued or they feel undervalued, so they end up leaving.
[00:25:39.920 --> 00:25:42.240] And that is not good for anybody.
[00:25:42.960 --> 00:25:44.720] Okay, so what can you do to do this?
[00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:56.960] If you are somebody who is comfortable writing the way you are, you could start a company blog or some other way of disseminating your expertise through writing that will thereby gain attention.
[00:25:56.960 --> 00:26:15.360] Another thing that you can do, if you're either comfortable already with public speaking or are planning to work acquire that particular skill, there's something in our culture where people who put themselves forward on a stage gain disproportionate respect.
[00:26:15.680 --> 00:26:22.880] So, if you can put yourself forward to do it, it could be like two minutes, it could be five minutes.
[00:26:23.120 --> 00:26:32.360] You know, maybe you start a lecture series at your company where you bring in speakers and you're the one who's always introducing them.
[00:26:32.520 --> 00:26:38.200] So, you're just on stage for like the two minutes that you're introducing them, but you're the one who put the whole thing together.
[00:26:38.200 --> 00:26:44.840] That's the kind of thing that can bring you a lot of prominence with kind of like disproportionate bang for the buck.
[00:26:44.840 --> 00:26:51.160] And that kind of thing is also a great way of just practicing these skills and getting more comfortable with them.
[00:26:51.160 --> 00:26:52.280] Okay, so that's one.
[00:26:52.520 --> 00:27:05.080] A second one is to, I'm thinking of a woman named Kathy Fish, who, until not long ago, was the head of RD at Procter Gamble.
[00:27:05.080 --> 00:27:08.120] And Kathy's a self-described introvert.
[00:27:08.120 --> 00:27:22.760] And she talked about how her superpower was she was really good at connecting with people one-on-one and building deep connections in that way.
[00:27:22.760 --> 00:27:42.360] So she wasn't the person who would like sweep charismatically into the room and everyone would know who she was, but it was like one by one by one by one, she was building up all these relationships that as she got more senior in her company, everyone knew who she was, they liked her, they trusted her, and that turned out to be incredibly powerful.
[00:27:42.360 --> 00:27:50.120] Third idea: quiet people often are misunderstood to be unambitious.
[00:27:50.120 --> 00:27:56.280] So, if you're an ambitious person, you have to make sure that your colleagues know about that.
[00:27:56.280 --> 00:28:02.520] So, I would look for a mentor and ask if you could have 10 minutes to ask their advice.
[00:28:02.520 --> 00:28:07.880] And most people love to be asked for advice and are happy to give it.
[00:28:07.880 --> 00:28:14.240] And let that person know what your goals, hopes, and ambitions actually are.
[00:28:13.880 --> 00:28:20.560] Um, you know, for one year, three years, five years from now, and ask for their advice on how you could get there.
[00:28:20.880 --> 00:28:33.680] And they might come up with, you know, like one little strategy that will make a huge difference for you, or they might start being the one to go to bat for you now that they know that you have the ambition to do XYZ.
[00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:34.800] This is awesome.
[00:28:34.800 --> 00:28:37.280] Okay, let me summarize some of the stuff you've shared.
[00:28:37.280 --> 00:28:43.600] And this is kind of like a list of things you as an introvert can do to be more successful in your career and probably in your life.
[00:28:43.840 --> 00:28:45.920] And I'll include all the things you shared because it's all useful.
[00:28:45.920 --> 00:28:51.120] So, one is look for a role model that's really successful that's an introvert to show you you can do this.
[00:28:51.120 --> 00:28:53.920] You don't have to be this extroverted charismatic CEO person.
[00:28:54.160 --> 00:28:59.840] Two is show your value, make sure people actually see the value you're providing because a lot of introverts don't.
[00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:03.760] Three is actually lean into public speaking and work on that skill.
[00:29:03.760 --> 00:29:07.840] To your point, it's looked at very highly if you can do that okay.
[00:29:08.160 --> 00:29:16.560] And your advice is just like do little bits, you don't need to give like a 30-minute all-hands presentation, just like a little bit of time on stage goes a long way.
[00:29:16.960 --> 00:29:18.400] I'll give one recommendation.
[00:29:18.400 --> 00:29:24.400] I had this person on the podcast, and I found this public speaking course the most useful of all the things I've done.
[00:29:24.400 --> 00:29:31.760] It's called ultra-speaking, and it's very much based in doing it versus intellectualizing how to speak better.
[00:29:31.760 --> 00:29:40.320] And it's made up of these very low-risk games that you play with other people, and you just talk without much support.
[00:29:40.320 --> 00:29:46.720] And it's very like low-risk, but it's at the edge of scary and keeps kind of leveling up a little bit.
[00:29:46.720 --> 00:29:48.560] Okay, and then, okay, I'll keep it with their list.
[00:29:48.560 --> 00:29:50.400] Four is connect one-on-one with people.
[00:29:50.400 --> 00:29:58.320] So instead of just like, I need to be amazing in this meeting, it's like, make sure you connect with everyone one-on-one in the company and they understand how awesome you are.
[00:29:58.320 --> 00:30:04.040] And you end up being more, look more awesome when you're going one-on-one with people as an introvert.
[00:30:04.680 --> 00:30:08.440] And then five is kind of make it is the advice here around ambition.
[00:30:08.440 --> 00:30:13.080] It's like introverts are ambitious, but they may not understand how to achieve this ambition.
[00:30:13.080 --> 00:30:21.400] So it's less like make it clear you're ambitious, more so come up with a plan to achieve this ambition by getting advice from someone.
[00:30:21.400 --> 00:30:22.920] Is that the advice?
[00:30:22.920 --> 00:30:23.480] Yeah.
[00:30:23.480 --> 00:30:26.920] And first of all, I'm amazed that you could like do that.
[00:30:26.920 --> 00:30:28.600] I don't know how you pulled that off just now.
[00:30:28.600 --> 00:30:29.240] Quick notes.
[00:30:30.040 --> 00:30:36.280] And I would add to it to make sure to kind of lean into your strengths.
[00:30:36.280 --> 00:30:50.200] And I was just thinking about your case of like, when I said that I look at your newsletter and I was pretty sure you were an introvert, it wasn't because, oh, this is a person who's writing for a living.
[00:30:50.200 --> 00:30:53.400] That piece actually hadn't really occurred to me.
[00:30:53.400 --> 00:31:02.520] It was because you're so obviously someone who goes really deeply and really thoroughly into a subject of passion.
[00:31:02.520 --> 00:31:07.320] And then, you know, it's almost like you're, it's almost like a little hero's journey.
[00:31:07.320 --> 00:31:13.720] You're not, you're like going into the forest of your passion and then you're bringing the treasures for the rest of us to enjoy.
[00:31:13.720 --> 00:31:17.720] And this is something that introverts do very naturally.
[00:31:17.720 --> 00:31:24.840] Like we tend to have one or two or three passions in our lives and one or two or three people in our lives who are very devoted to you.
[00:31:24.840 --> 00:31:28.760] And we lavish everything in the direction of those passions and those people.
[00:31:28.760 --> 00:31:31.000] And that is an incredible superpower.
[00:31:31.240 --> 00:31:47.600] And so, very often, like, if you look at introverts who have become great leaders in a broad variety of fields, they're usually not the kind of people who, when they were a kid, everybody was like, that child is a natural leader.
[00:31:44.760 --> 00:31:49.360] Like, they're not that person.
[00:31:49.680 --> 00:31:54.240] They're usually people who have these incredibly deep passions.
[00:31:54.240 --> 00:31:59.520] And if you have those, you end up acquiring a lot of expertise.
[00:31:59.520 --> 00:32:06.320] and building a network of people who have those same passions and inspiring a lot of trust from people who care about the same stuff that you do.
[00:32:06.320 --> 00:32:08.640] And that's a real superpower.
[00:32:08.960 --> 00:32:12.000] The way you describe it makes me want to just hire a company of introverts.
[00:32:12.000 --> 00:32:18.080] They go, they spend all this time finding treasures for you and bring them back quietly and very.
[00:32:18.400 --> 00:32:19.520] That's funny.
[00:32:19.520 --> 00:32:28.640] But actually, I'm glad you said that because what I really do think, and the research bears this out too, the best performing teams and companies really are a mix of both.
[00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:31.680] Like, we so desperately need both types.
[00:32:32.320 --> 00:32:38.080] And introverts and extroverts tend to really enjoy each other's company because we complement each other so well.
[00:32:38.080 --> 00:32:43.440] And it's very easy to admire strengths and traits that we don't have ourselves.
[00:32:43.440 --> 00:32:46.480] So there's a kind of mutual admiration that goes on as well.
[00:32:46.480 --> 00:32:49.840] Speaking of that, it reminds me of, I don't know if this was in your book or a different book.
[00:32:49.840 --> 00:32:54.880] There's some data that shows salespeople that are more introverted are actually more successful.
[00:32:54.880 --> 00:32:56.160] Does that ring a bell?
[00:32:56.160 --> 00:33:06.080] I think that the most recent study I've seen shows the most successful salespeople are ambiverts because they're like extroverted enough to close the deal.
[00:33:06.400 --> 00:33:12.000] They're introverted enough to do the listening that good salesmanship usually requires.
[00:33:12.000 --> 00:33:15.360] But having said that, you could be successful any which way.
[00:33:15.920 --> 00:33:29.280] And in Quiet, my book, I profiled a guy who was like, I don't remember the exact detail, but something like the leading salesperson of the year of Cutco Knives.
[00:33:29.280 --> 00:33:38.520] And he talked about how he would just go and do like these deep listening sessions with his customers and really figure out what they needed.
[00:33:38.520 --> 00:33:43.800] And they trusted him because he was authentically, curiously listening to them.
[00:33:44.760 --> 00:33:51.640] So, yeah, that's which is to say, there's whatever strength you have, you know, you figure out how to maximize it.
[00:33:51.640 --> 00:33:53.240] That resonates with product work.
[00:33:53.240 --> 00:33:57.000] A lot of people, you know, a lot of part of the job of a product leader is to figure out what to build.
[00:33:57.000 --> 00:34:01.560] And a lot of that is talking to users, research, and things like that, and actually listening.
[00:34:01.560 --> 00:34:07.400] And so it's interesting how similar that sales anecdote is to being a great product person.
[00:34:07.720 --> 00:34:19.880] Something that this brings up for me is the importance of saying no to things as an introvert that are not things that bring you energy and will distract you from this sort of thing.
[00:34:19.880 --> 00:34:23.320] And I know Tim Ferriss is writing this new book called The No Book.
[00:34:23.320 --> 00:34:25.000] I was listening to your interview with him.
[00:34:25.000 --> 00:34:26.520] That's why I had his in my mind.
[00:34:26.520 --> 00:34:37.320] But I guess, is there anything you've learned about just, or any tactics you've learned about saying no to things that one will de-energize you and two, just allow you to go deep on stuff that you want to go deep on?
[00:34:37.640 --> 00:34:41.080] Well, I mean, you might have heard the following advice before.
[00:34:41.080 --> 00:34:43.880] When I first heard it, it came as a revelation to me.
[00:34:43.880 --> 00:34:55.720] But it's when someone asks you to do something that is like three or four or five months away, there's a tendency to say yes to that because it feels so safely in the distance.
[00:34:55.720 --> 00:35:03.080] So before you say yes, you should ask yourself how you'd feel if you had to do that thing tomorrow or next week.
[00:35:03.560 --> 00:35:05.720] And that's the real test.
[00:35:05.720 --> 00:35:17.280] But also, on a more broad level, I, okay, I love the psychologist, Mihali Chiksemnihai, late psychologist.
[00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:21.200] He did all these studies on creativity and wrote a book about it.
[00:35:21.520 --> 00:35:32.400] And at the beginning of this book, he talks about how he approached all these deeply, famously creative people who he wanted to study.
[00:35:32.400 --> 00:35:44.480] And he said that he got back answers from some of them saying, your study sounds interesting, but if I said yes to these kinds of things, I wouldn't do my create, I wouldn't be able to do the creative work that I did.
[00:35:44.480 --> 00:35:44.960] Yeah.
[00:35:44.960 --> 00:35:46.800] And that like leapt out at me.
[00:35:46.800 --> 00:35:51.840] And I think about it all the time now when I regretfully say no to this and that.
[00:35:51.840 --> 00:35:55.120] That reminds me of something that I often think about.
[00:35:55.120 --> 00:35:58.160] Naval has this basically the same advice.
[00:35:58.160 --> 00:36:09.680] He has this advice, this insight that you start doing something really well, you become successful with it, you start getting invited to parties and events and talks and collabs.
[00:36:09.680 --> 00:36:11.760] You start doing that.
[00:36:12.080 --> 00:36:16.560] You have no longer, you no longer have the time to do that thing that made you successful well.
[00:36:16.560 --> 00:36:18.240] And that all falls apart.
[00:36:18.240 --> 00:36:22.080] And the trick is don't fall for that and keep doing the work that you're doing.
[00:36:22.080 --> 00:36:22.640] I know.
[00:36:22.640 --> 00:36:23.840] It's really tricky.
[00:36:23.840 --> 00:36:35.760] It's very tricky because the thing is when you do go to those kinds of events, you actually usually do meet incredible people who you're really happy to know.
[00:36:36.320 --> 00:36:44.240] I mean, in my experience, and like some of the people I've met at those kinds of events over the years have become my best friends.
[00:36:44.240 --> 00:36:47.600] So I just try to think of it really strategically.
[00:36:47.600 --> 00:36:53.600] Like, I'll, I just pick, you know, a few of those things that I say yes to, and then I say no to all the others.
[00:36:53.720 --> 00:37:00.360] But, but, but I don't like to say no to all of them because I do feel like there's something meaningful that happens at every single one.
[00:36:59.840 --> 00:37:01.400] I'm more extreme than you.
[00:37:01.480 --> 00:37:08.200] I actually created a policy with myself: no events, no talks, no other podcast, just like the default is no.
[00:37:08.200 --> 00:37:14.040] And once in a while, I break the rule, but that's what I find is what I need because otherwise I'm just like, oh, that'll be fun.
[00:37:14.040 --> 00:37:15.560] Let's go to the dinner thing.
[00:37:15.560 --> 00:37:16.360] Wait, wait, wait.
[00:37:16.360 --> 00:37:17.160] This is fascinating.
[00:37:17.160 --> 00:37:21.560] So, like, okay, you're saying, how often do you break the no rule?
[00:37:21.560 --> 00:37:22.520] Pretty rarely.
[00:37:22.520 --> 00:37:27.160] If it's like a work thing, you know, if it's like friends, like meeting with baby or friend or something like that.
[00:37:27.160 --> 00:37:28.120] But yeah, it's pretty rare.
[00:37:28.120 --> 00:37:34.360] I try really hard because partly because I get invited to a bunch of random BC stuff and talk and podcast things.
[00:37:34.360 --> 00:37:38.120] So I'd say like, like maybe 5% of the time I break it.
[00:37:38.120 --> 00:37:38.760] Interesting.
[00:37:38.760 --> 00:37:39.240] Okay.
[00:37:39.240 --> 00:37:39.560] Yeah.
[00:37:39.560 --> 00:37:40.760] No, I understand.
[00:37:40.760 --> 00:37:49.080] And I actually do, I still do, I used to do a ton of speaking for companies and schools and so on.
[00:37:49.240 --> 00:37:57.320] And I still do do some of that, but I have consciously limited that so that I can focus on other projects instead.
[00:37:57.320 --> 00:38:05.000] I find having a policy where I could just tell people I have this policy that I just invented in myself is a really good way of saying no.
[00:38:05.000 --> 00:38:05.480] Yeah.
[00:38:05.480 --> 00:38:06.280] Yeah.
[00:38:06.600 --> 00:38:07.160] Yeah.
[00:38:07.160 --> 00:38:07.800] Yeah.
[00:38:07.800 --> 00:38:08.120] Yeah.
[00:38:08.120 --> 00:38:14.200] I've gotten past the point of feeling guilty about the no most of the time.
[00:38:14.200 --> 00:38:15.560] Most of the time.
[00:38:16.360 --> 00:38:16.840] Yeah.
[00:38:17.160 --> 00:38:19.640] Because, yeah, life really is too busy.
[00:38:19.640 --> 00:38:21.960] And especially if you're a parent the way you are.
[00:38:21.960 --> 00:38:22.440] Yeah.
[00:38:23.000 --> 00:38:24.040] There's that too.
[00:38:24.040 --> 00:38:24.440] Yeah.
[00:38:24.440 --> 00:38:27.560] I have this post where I shared all my tricks for saying no that will link to.
[00:38:27.560 --> 00:38:29.000] That was a bunch of templates you can use.
[00:38:29.000 --> 00:38:33.000] And I'm excited to see this booked inferrous rating because I imagine he has to say no a lot.
[00:38:33.000 --> 00:38:33.480] Yeah.
[00:38:33.480 --> 00:38:33.960] Yeah.
[00:38:33.960 --> 00:38:35.000] Absolutely.
[00:38:35.000 --> 00:38:39.160] One other thought along these lines is also an evolve lesson.
[00:38:39.160 --> 00:38:44.760] And it's interesting how much these insights stick in my head and make it make like, like, change the way I operate.
[00:38:45.040 --> 00:38:52.960] His other piece of advice is around networking, because what you're talking about a little bit is like there's actually power in meeting people and networking, essentially.
[00:38:52.960 --> 00:39:02.480] And his advice is: instead of networking, do things that are valuable, and people will come to you and want to meet you versus you trying to meet them.
[00:39:02.480 --> 00:39:04.960] And I found this to be absolutely true.
[00:39:04.960 --> 00:39:07.920] I find it to be so true, also.
[00:39:08.640 --> 00:39:25.280] And also, even just for attending networking events, like if you've done something valuable, those events are much easier because people want to talk to you about whatever that thing is, and you want to talk to them about their thing, and then all the other things that you didn't even know about each other.
[00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:27.600] But I don't know.
[00:39:27.600 --> 00:39:47.280] My other mode or MO for networking types of events is I feel like if I meet one or two or three people at one of those events who I truly, truly like, truly want to stay in touch with, truly want to be helpful to, I consider it a success.
[00:39:47.280 --> 00:39:53.360] And then I feel like I can go home or, you know, spend a lot of time in the hotel room after that.
[00:39:53.360 --> 00:39:55.120] Whereas I have friends, I see it.
[00:39:55.120 --> 00:40:02.560] Like sometimes I'll go to one of these events and I have friends who like make a point of meeting every single person who's there.
[00:40:02.560 --> 00:40:06.080] And then we'll be talking a few months later and they'll mention such and such person.
[00:40:06.160 --> 00:40:07.360] They're like, yeah, don't you remember?
[00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:08.240] They were at that event.
[00:40:08.240 --> 00:40:10.240] And I have no idea who they're talking about.
[00:40:10.240 --> 00:40:21.280] And so you like, yes, it would be probably like a more maximum value approach to meet every single person as long as you're there.
[00:40:21.280 --> 00:40:25.120] But I don't believe that to be true if you're not wired that way.
[00:40:25.120 --> 00:40:44.040] And I think the power of over a lifetime of just trying to have from every situation in life, like one or two people where the connections are true and deep, over a lifetime, you have a network that you really love.
[00:40:44.040 --> 00:40:46.440] All right, I gotta go to more Vince, I guess.
[00:40:46.760 --> 00:40:47.320] No, no, no.
[00:40:47.640 --> 00:40:48.680] Oh my gosh.
[00:40:49.480 --> 00:40:53.640] I hope I'm not making it sound that way because the truth is I go to, you know, so few.
[00:40:53.640 --> 00:40:54.840] Very few, yeah.
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[00:42:00.680 --> 00:42:04.840] I want to come back to tactics for introverts to be more successful.
[00:42:04.840 --> 00:42:15.000] One common, I think, challenge introverts have is in big meetings with loud voices, having their ideas heard and even like heard and then actually like acted on.
[00:42:15.680 --> 00:42:24.640] Is there anything you've learned in those situations or tactics you've seen people implement that make them more successful in these situations?
[00:42:24.640 --> 00:42:35.840] Yeah, so one very helpful tactic is to prepare in advance for a meeting, a couple of points you might want to make or questions you might want to raise.
[00:42:35.840 --> 00:42:39.280] Don't assume you have to be spontaneous the way other people appear to be.
[00:42:39.280 --> 00:42:42.400] If you're more of a preparer, you should prepare.
[00:42:42.400 --> 00:43:02.320] And then also to give yourself a push to speak up early in the meeting, both because ideas that get advanced early tend psychologically to be anchoring ideas that people pay more attention to, but also for you, you'll start to feel more like you are part of things, you're more at the center of things.
[00:43:02.560 --> 00:43:10.880] People will be directing their eye contact towards you if you speak up early, and that becomes a kind of virtuous cycle.
[00:43:10.880 --> 00:43:12.320] So that's one thing.
[00:43:13.120 --> 00:43:24.560] Another is to realize that, yes, humans respond to the voice that's loudest and deepest and all that stuff.
[00:43:24.560 --> 00:43:40.480] But as humans, we also respond in an unconscious kind of way to others who are speaking from a deep sense of conviction, like from a sense of truly believing what they're saying.
[00:43:40.480 --> 00:43:44.400] And that is a muscle that you can strengthen.
[00:43:44.400 --> 00:43:52.080] So I would say, even when you're not at the meeting, you know, get into the habit of thinking, am I speaking from here?
[00:43:52.080 --> 00:43:53.280] Am I speaking from a deep place?
[00:43:53.280 --> 00:43:55.120] And I'm not talking about voice right now.
[00:43:55.360 --> 00:43:57.200] I mean, like, mentally.
[00:43:57.200 --> 00:44:01.560] Like, when I say that I love this movie, do I really believe I love this movie?
[00:44:03.160 --> 00:44:11.400] And people will know it if you're coming from that place so that you don't actually have to be the loudest person in the room in order for people to pay attention.
[00:44:11.400 --> 00:44:31.160] I just did a short meditation retreat, and somebody there had this really interesting way of doing exactly what you're describing, where he visualizes this like lightning cable going from his, instead of unplugging it from his brain and plugging it into his heart and listening to that into your, into what you're saying.
[00:44:31.800 --> 00:44:34.040] Yeah, it's just funny how that works.
[00:44:34.440 --> 00:44:52.600] I think one of the main hacks to understand about how we humans relate to each other is how much we are picking up unconsciously a thousand different cues that we're sending out without even knowing that we are.
[00:44:52.920 --> 00:44:56.680] And that's why speaking from that place makes such a difference.
[00:44:56.680 --> 00:45:03.880] And so, so yes, it can be helpful to think about your tone of voice and all that kind of and your gestures and all of that kind of stuff.
[00:45:03.880 --> 00:45:08.760] But I would start with what's actually there, like the substance.
[00:45:09.080 --> 00:45:11.800] And again, this is a good example of why introverts are so valuable.
[00:45:12.920 --> 00:45:19.720] I feel like it's probably easier to do that, to be kind of talking from your heart and be authentic.
[00:45:19.720 --> 00:45:23.320] This tip you shared of speaking early, I think is really interesting.
[00:45:23.320 --> 00:45:26.840] It connects to, this is going to sound crazy and weird, maybe.
[00:45:27.160 --> 00:45:36.680] There's this whole pickup artist world of just like, I forget what the book was called, where they wrote about mystery and this whole like the art of picking up women.
[00:45:36.680 --> 00:45:52.160] And one of the tricks that they share with Guy, and I did not do this, this is just an interesting story, is if you're trying to like talk to someone in a bar, you should talk to them in the first five seconds of you seeing them and being thinking you should talk to them.
[00:45:52.400 --> 00:45:54.960] Because once you keep thinking about it too much, you'll never do it.
[00:45:54.960 --> 00:45:57.440] It gets super scary, you know, only gets scarier.
[00:45:57.440 --> 00:45:58.800] And I think that's true in meetings.
[00:45:58.800 --> 00:46:00.080] You just sit there and keep ruminating.
[00:46:00.080 --> 00:46:01.600] Oh my God, am I going to say something?
[00:46:01.600 --> 00:46:03.920] And the more you do it early, the easier it all is.
[00:46:03.920 --> 00:46:06.000] Oh my gosh, it's so, so, so true.
[00:46:06.000 --> 00:46:10.560] And it's so funny to apply it to that setting, but it makes total sense.
[00:46:10.800 --> 00:46:15.520] You're actually, you reminded me of how I first discovered this technique.
[00:46:16.000 --> 00:46:21.440] You know, it dates all the way back to, I used to be a lawyer, strangely, like many years ago.
[00:46:22.320 --> 00:46:34.160] And in law school, the way the classes were conducted, it was like you'd be sitting in this gigantic amphitheater of people and the professor would just call on you cold and you had to just answer all the questions.
[00:46:34.160 --> 00:46:34.880] Yeah, exactly.
[00:46:34.880 --> 00:46:35.760] Oh my God.
[00:46:35.760 --> 00:46:47.360] And so, so my strategy to avoid that, which I did from like the first day, was I would be one of the first people to raise my hands when they would ask for volunteers.
[00:46:47.360 --> 00:46:52.000] And I figured, okay, if I've volunteered, there's 150 other people sitting here.
[00:46:52.000 --> 00:46:53.200] They're going to call on those people.
[00:46:53.200 --> 00:46:55.760] They're not going to call on me who just volunteered.
[00:46:55.760 --> 00:46:57.360] So that was my strategy.
[00:46:57.360 --> 00:47:15.280] And not only did it work in that way, but then I started to realize, especially if you're one of the first people who's ever spoken, like the professor kept referring back to things I had said, not because it was the smartest comment that had been made all year long, but just because it was one of the first ones.
[00:47:15.280 --> 00:47:17.440] And so it sticks in the mind.
[00:47:17.440 --> 00:47:22.000] So it's just one of those phenomena of human relations.
[00:47:22.000 --> 00:47:27.040] And you also probably just like you're participating more, and you end up being more successful in the class and get better grades.
[00:47:27.360 --> 00:47:27.600] Yeah.
[00:47:27.600 --> 00:47:29.520] So virtuous cycle again.
[00:47:29.520 --> 00:47:30.520] Man.
[00:47:30.520 --> 00:47:31.960] I love it.
[00:47:29.760 --> 00:47:32.280] Okay.
[00:47:32.520 --> 00:47:38.200] What about from the perspective of a manager or a founder that has introverts working in the company?
[00:47:38.520 --> 00:47:44.200] What advice can you share to make the most of these folks that you probably might be not noticing or not paying attention to enough?
[00:47:44.520 --> 00:47:47.640] First of all, I would think about how you're running your meetings.
[00:47:47.640 --> 00:47:56.920] So there's a statistic from the Kellogg School that in your typical meeting, you have three people doing 70% of the talking.
[00:47:57.240 --> 00:48:03.960] But it's your company and you want to make sure that you're actually hearing from everyone because you want to hear the best ideas.
[00:48:04.280 --> 00:48:13.000] So I would do things like, you know, techniques like go around the room and make sure you're hearing from everybody.
[00:48:13.000 --> 00:48:27.720] Or if you have a specific person who you know to be thoughtful and reticent, you might say to that person before the meeting, you know, hey, Bob, I know that you have a lot of great thoughts about such and such topic.
[00:48:27.720 --> 00:48:30.760] Can I look to you to talk about that during the meeting?
[00:48:30.760 --> 00:48:34.760] And now Bob is much more likely to like step up and talk about it.
[00:48:34.760 --> 00:48:42.280] But also, for many introverts, we like to be able to process our thoughts before we articulate them.
[00:48:42.280 --> 00:48:49.480] So you've now given Bob advance notice and he has more time to do the processing before speaking.
[00:48:49.480 --> 00:49:02.120] Another technique you could use is like a kind of brainwriting where you, let's say, everybody has to offer their thoughts on how to solve a problem.
[00:49:02.360 --> 00:49:08.600] Have people write their ideas out on post-its, and then you collect all the post-its and then you present them.
[00:49:08.600 --> 00:49:14.480] And now all the ideas are out there without anyone having had to jockey for time or space.
[00:49:14.280 --> 00:49:17.680] It's just the ideas on their own.
[00:49:18.000 --> 00:49:22.640] Your introverts are going to appreciate the following thing more, but it will benefit everybody.
[00:49:23.120 --> 00:49:32.560] To make sure that you're giving everybody space to put their head down and work in a state of flow without being interrupted.
[00:49:32.560 --> 00:49:37.200] Like that's huge for human productivity, but the introverts need it especially.
[00:49:37.200 --> 00:49:50.400] So if you can create times of the day, depending on your workflow, where there are no meetings or whatever, or people can work from home on such and such a day or time, that can go a long way.
[00:49:50.400 --> 00:49:52.160] Oh man, that super resonates.
[00:49:52.160 --> 00:49:59.280] What I did when I had a regular job is I, well, first of all, we had no meeting Wednesdays, which is like the day everyone got all the work done.
[00:49:59.280 --> 00:49:59.920] Yeah.
[00:50:00.240 --> 00:50:06.240] And then the other thing that I worked, and I have this post I'll link to of productivity tricks, and one of them is around deep work.
[00:50:06.240 --> 00:50:13.280] And I created this block on Wednesdays and Friday mornings for two hours that was just work deep work time.
[00:50:13.280 --> 00:50:17.120] And I labeled it, do not book time over this or I will slap you.
[00:50:17.440 --> 00:50:18.400] And it worked.
[00:50:18.400 --> 00:50:19.760] And I did not get in trouble.
[00:50:20.400 --> 00:50:21.040] Be careful.
[00:50:21.040 --> 00:50:21.200] Yeah.
[00:50:21.200 --> 00:50:23.280] And I'm sure people appreciated the humor of it too.
[00:50:23.280 --> 00:50:23.760] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:50:24.240 --> 00:50:25.360] No, that's that's genius.
[00:50:25.360 --> 00:50:27.600] HR had never said anything.
[00:50:27.600 --> 00:50:34.240] Okay, so just to reflect back, the tips you shared, which are awesome, is one is just like actually asks everyone in the meeting, just like, hey, do you have anything you want to add?
[00:50:34.240 --> 00:50:36.880] Make sure everyone has a chance, at least, if they don't want to volunteer.
[00:50:36.880 --> 00:50:47.280] Two is give people, like if someone you think is going to have good ideas, just tell them ahead of time, hey, I just want to make sure you share this idea or you have a chance to say something.
[00:50:47.280 --> 00:50:49.360] Please say something in the meeting.
[00:50:49.600 --> 00:50:59.520] Three is give people a chance to kind of write ahead of time or in the meeting, just like create space for people just to write their ideas down, not have to like jockey for raising their hand and sharing something.
[00:50:59.520 --> 00:51:02.680] And then everyone hands in their work.
[00:50:59.920 --> 00:51:05.800] And then four is create deep work time.
[00:51:06.120 --> 00:51:08.360] Give people a chance to get into flow.
[00:51:08.680 --> 00:51:09.800] Awesome.
[00:51:09.800 --> 00:51:10.600] Okay.
[00:51:10.920 --> 00:51:13.880] I want to go in a totally different direction.
[00:51:14.200 --> 00:51:19.560] I know you're, I don't know if it was your second book or third book, it was for kids, kids that are introverts.
[00:51:20.680 --> 00:51:21.480] I have a kid.
[00:51:21.480 --> 00:51:23.080] He's one and a half-ish.
[00:51:23.560 --> 00:51:26.040] It's pretty clear to me he's an introvert.
[00:51:26.040 --> 00:51:27.960] He likes, we just, we went to a birthday party.
[00:51:27.960 --> 00:51:30.680] He just like went into the other room and played with the toys.
[00:51:30.680 --> 00:51:31.080] Yeah.
[00:51:31.080 --> 00:51:35.080] He often just wants to like observe for a while and then he starts to feel comfortable.
[00:51:35.080 --> 00:51:35.720] Yep.
[00:51:35.720 --> 00:51:38.440] Do you have any advice for raising an introverted kid?
[00:51:38.760 --> 00:51:43.080] Yeah, I mean, we could talk about this for the whole entire time very easily.
[00:51:43.080 --> 00:51:44.360] Okay, this will be the next podcast.
[00:51:44.360 --> 00:51:45.080] Yeah, but what are some?
[00:51:45.080 --> 00:51:46.200] What are some thoughts?
[00:51:46.200 --> 00:51:49.720] Yeah, but I'll just give you like a few top line thoughts.
[00:51:49.720 --> 00:51:50.200] Perfect.
[00:51:50.840 --> 00:51:58.840] The first thing I always say is to understand that introverted and or shy children.
[00:51:58.840 --> 00:52:02.680] Have we taken a second to distinguish between introversion and shyness?
[00:52:02.680 --> 00:52:03.720] No, I don't know if we have.
[00:52:04.040 --> 00:52:04.520] Okay.
[00:52:05.240 --> 00:52:24.840] This applies to adults as well as kids, but introversion is more about just like a preference to be in less over-stimulating environments, you know, more mellow environments, like less sound, less noise, fewer people, just fewer stimuli coming at you.
[00:52:25.800 --> 00:52:29.560] And shyness is more about the fear of social judgment.
[00:52:29.560 --> 00:52:36.680] So it's like a, it's a kind of over-exaggerated response to any situation where you're being judged.
[00:52:36.760 --> 00:52:40.760] Could be new people at a party, could be the public speaking, could be an interview.
[00:52:40.760 --> 00:52:51.840] And it's, you might have situation A, evaluative situation A that doesn't bother you, and evaluative situation B that really does, because people are complicated.
[00:52:52.480 --> 00:53:17.600] So, anyway, for children, whether they're shy, i.e., fearful of judgment, or whether they're introverted, i.e., I prefer to play in a mellower way, the key for both of those kids is to understand that they will tend to have a longer runway that they travel down before they take off and fly.
[00:53:17.600 --> 00:53:23.200] And this is this applies to a gazillion parenting situations.
[00:53:23.200 --> 00:53:31.280] So, like, when it comes time to introduce your child to school, it is very likely from what you've just described to me.
[00:53:31.600 --> 00:53:32.800] You said it's a boy, right?
[00:53:32.880 --> 00:53:33.520] A boy, yeah.
[00:53:33.520 --> 00:53:33.840] Yeah.
[00:53:33.840 --> 00:53:34.080] Okay.
[00:53:34.080 --> 00:53:40.720] So, it's very likely that he is going to be a little bit slow to warm up at the beginning.
[00:53:41.040 --> 00:53:55.440] And it might be that all the other kids get dropped off at the door of the school, but your child might really want you to walk him all the way down the stairs to his classroom.
[00:53:55.440 --> 00:53:57.520] And that's okay.
[00:53:58.160 --> 00:54:01.040] It's not okay for it to stay that way forever.
[00:54:01.040 --> 00:54:07.680] But remember when we were talking about desensitization with public speaking, where you do things step by step by step?
[00:54:07.680 --> 00:54:19.440] So, you might like walk him to the classroom a few times and then say, Okay, we're going to do a game, and tomorrow I'm going to walk you almost all the way, but the last two steps you're going to do by yourself.
[00:54:19.440 --> 00:54:22.800] And then you celebrate it with whatever little treat.
[00:54:23.280 --> 00:54:26.800] And then the next day, maybe it's not two steps, maybe it's five steps.
[00:54:26.800 --> 00:54:31.480] And like, little by little by little, you are moving away and he's going down that runway.
[00:54:32.040 --> 00:54:38.360] And eventually he will get to the point where he doesn't even remember that he needed you to walk him into school.
[00:54:38.360 --> 00:54:43.320] And this is going to happen again and again when he's learning to swim.
[00:54:43.320 --> 00:54:47.320] A lot of quieter children are uncomfortable with the water at the beginning.
[00:54:47.320 --> 00:54:50.280] And you might feel as a parent like, what did I do wrong?
[00:54:50.280 --> 00:54:55.400] Because I see all these other kids who are just jumping in the water and my kid's not doing that.
[00:54:55.720 --> 00:54:59.720] So first of all, give yourself a break because this is natural.
[00:54:59.720 --> 00:55:03.720] And second, you know, you apply the same technique.
[00:55:03.720 --> 00:55:09.240] You maybe get to the pool on a day when there aren't a lot of people around.
[00:55:09.240 --> 00:55:12.440] So it's not overstimulating, quiet.
[00:55:12.440 --> 00:55:19.400] And maybe the goal for that day is you're asking your child, do you think you can put your big toe in the water?
[00:55:19.400 --> 00:55:23.320] And he puts his big toe in, and yay, yay, yay, we're celebrating.
[00:55:23.720 --> 00:55:26.200] And then you little by little go from there.
[00:55:26.200 --> 00:55:33.320] And again, eventually you will not be able to tell the difference between that kid and the one who jumped in right away.
[00:55:33.640 --> 00:55:34.760] Longer runway.
[00:55:34.760 --> 00:55:36.040] It's okay.
[00:55:36.040 --> 00:55:39.400] Okay, so that was my first piece of advice.
[00:55:40.360 --> 00:55:48.440] My second is self-confidence comes from mastery and not the other way around.
[00:55:48.760 --> 00:55:54.520] So we tend to think, you know, we live in a culture that's like really big on self-confidence.
[00:55:54.520 --> 00:55:58.200] So we see self-confidence as the key to everything else.
[00:55:59.640 --> 00:56:07.480] But in fact, if you master a skill, you become self-confident as a result of that mastery.
[00:56:07.800 --> 00:56:09.640] And this is true for all children.
[00:56:09.640 --> 00:56:12.120] It's especially true for quieter children.
[00:56:12.520 --> 00:56:20.480] You know, introduce them to a lot of activities and figure out which are the ones they really truly love and gravitate to and excel in.
[00:56:20.480 --> 00:56:27.360] And those will pay off great dividends in their not just in their mastery, but in their self-confidence.
[00:56:28.080 --> 00:56:36.000] The third thing I would say is when they're feeling shy or uncomfortable, just talk about it openly in a light way.
[00:56:36.000 --> 00:56:37.360] It's not a big deal.
[00:56:37.680 --> 00:56:39.280] Share your own experiences.
[00:56:39.280 --> 00:56:44.640] You know, let's say a child's afraid to go to a birthday party.
[00:56:44.640 --> 00:56:47.360] You know, you could say, oh, yeah, I used to feel that way too.
[00:56:47.600 --> 00:56:48.720] It's really common.
[00:56:48.720 --> 00:56:50.800] Here's what I would do when I felt that way.
[00:56:51.040 --> 00:56:51.600] And you know what?
[00:56:51.600 --> 00:56:53.520] I still feel that way sometimes.
[00:56:53.520 --> 00:57:00.240] And you could say, so what I like to do is I like to get to the party early before everybody else is there because then I feel more comfortable.
[00:57:00.240 --> 00:57:02.000] So why don't we get there early today?
[00:57:02.000 --> 00:57:03.520] I do actually love to do that.
[00:57:04.080 --> 00:57:05.440] Well, there you go.
[00:57:05.440 --> 00:57:05.760] Yeah.
[00:57:05.760 --> 00:57:13.680] And a lot of kids do best when they're one of the first people to arrive because then they feel like it's not overwhelming and they own the space.
[00:57:14.320 --> 00:57:22.560] But the key is that you're showing them that you understand and are cool with who they are and it just becomes no big deal.
[00:57:22.560 --> 00:57:30.480] As opposed to, you know, many kids quickly absorb from their society the idea that there's something wrong with their shyness.
[00:57:30.480 --> 00:57:35.680] So you're trying to undo that sense of shame and stigma and make it no big deal.
[00:57:35.680 --> 00:57:37.120] That is really helpful.
[00:57:37.120 --> 00:57:45.840] I forgot to ask you this question at the beginning, but I'm really curious, what percentage of people are introverts, whatever you label that along the spectrum?
[00:57:45.840 --> 00:57:47.360] I've seen different studies.
[00:57:47.360 --> 00:57:50.560] Some say it's 30%, some say it's 50%.
[00:57:50.560 --> 00:57:52.320] It's always higher than you think.
[00:57:52.880 --> 00:57:56.080] But it's basically one out of every two or three people.
[00:57:56.080 --> 00:57:57.520] So it's a lot.
[00:57:57.840 --> 00:58:06.440] So it feels like one of the core pieces of advice you're sharing is if you're an introvert, you don't need to become an extrovert.
[00:58:06.760 --> 00:58:10.840] It's become more of who you are and you can be really successful in that.
[00:58:10.840 --> 00:58:11.080] Yeah.
[00:58:11.080 --> 00:58:16.840] I'm just going to add to that while also making sure that you acquire the skills that you need.
[00:58:16.840 --> 00:58:26.360] Like I'm not saying never step outside your comfort zone or, you know, don't acquire those skills if they're crucial to what you're doing, like public speaking, the way we were talking about.
[00:58:26.760 --> 00:58:32.120] But bottom line, the goal is to use those skills to be who you are.
[00:58:32.120 --> 00:58:33.640] So, and that was an awesome point.
[00:58:33.640 --> 00:58:37.800] So it's not just like, okay, I don't need to be a good, I don't need to go out of my comfort zone ever.
[00:58:37.800 --> 00:58:41.640] I'm going to be the amazing CEO, just being exactly who I am.
[00:58:41.640 --> 00:58:45.800] Your advice is no, you actually do need to build some stuff and build some of these skills.
[00:58:45.800 --> 00:59:05.800] Though I do want to say, like, on the other hand, if the job you have taken on or the career you've taken on is one that requires you to wake up every morning feeling dread because you're going to be so far out of your comfort zone for so much of the day and so much of the week, is it really worth it in that case?
[00:59:05.800 --> 00:59:12.360] I mean, you basically want a life where you're waking up looking forward to what you're doing.
[00:59:13.000 --> 00:59:18.920] Yes, with obstacles along the way, but more or less, you should feel like you're in the right zone.
[00:59:18.920 --> 00:59:22.840] So the advice there is find work that connects with your introvertedness as much as possible.
[00:59:23.000 --> 00:59:23.640] With your temperament.
[00:59:23.640 --> 00:59:23.960] Yeah.
[00:59:23.960 --> 00:59:24.520] With your temperament.
[00:59:24.920 --> 00:59:26.200] Same for extroverts.
[00:59:27.400 --> 00:59:35.560] I've heard from extroverts who will say, you know, I work in this company of like very introverted engineers, and everybody's super quiet and heads down, and I'm going crazy.
[00:59:35.560 --> 00:59:37.480] So, that's not right for you either.
[00:59:38.440 --> 00:59:38.760] Yeah.
[00:59:38.760 --> 00:59:44.760] And it's not like you can't like what this makes me think about is we did a test of all the PMs that are being BLAs at Airbnb.
[00:59:44.560 --> 00:59:45.920] I was there, like a personality test.
[00:59:44.840 --> 00:59:52.640] And it's interesting how it was all over the map, and there wasn't like you need to be this like energetic, charismatic person.
[00:59:52.640 --> 00:59:57.760] You could be just a thoughtful, quieter person, and those people were just as successful.
[00:59:57.760 --> 00:59:58.960] Absolutely.
[00:59:58.960 --> 01:00:07.840] A big part of your advice is figure out who you are and become more that, like, connect to your introvertedness, and you can be very successful there.
[01:00:07.840 --> 01:00:10.640] Is there any advice just like how what to do to do that?
[01:00:10.640 --> 01:00:12.720] To like, what should you be looking at?
[01:00:12.720 --> 01:00:22.960] Which parts of you should you should be like, okay, this is where I'm strong and I should be leaning into, and this is how I can become the best, most successful people in spite of my introvertedness.
[01:00:22.960 --> 01:00:28.560] I mean, I might start by just asking, like, what do you like to do?
[01:00:28.560 --> 01:00:30.400] How do you like to spend your time?
[01:00:31.040 --> 01:00:33.360] What are you most interested in?
[01:00:34.400 --> 01:00:40.480] Again, that question of if you had no social or professional obligations, how would you be spending your time?
[01:00:40.480 --> 01:00:46.160] Basically, you just need a really honest conversation with yourself of what you like to do.
[01:00:46.160 --> 01:00:52.160] I love that it comes back to your kind of heuristics at the beginning: just if you had a free weekend, how would you spend that weekend?
[01:00:52.160 --> 01:00:58.400] Yeah, and then would you do like a pie chart of the activities to give you like, here's how I would want to generally spend my time?
[01:00:58.400 --> 01:01:02.960] Like, 20% social, uh, 40% on my own.
[01:01:02.960 --> 01:01:04.720] Is that like one way to think about it?
[01:01:04.720 --> 01:01:08.400] You know, that's funny because, like, you were mentioning Tim Ferriss before.
[01:01:08.400 --> 01:01:17.040] Um, and I remember when I was talking to him on his podcast, um, like he kept asking me, like, okay, do you have a system for this and a system for that?
[01:01:17.040 --> 01:01:20.000] And it's like, you know, I'm not a systems person the way you are.
[01:01:20.000 --> 01:01:23.280] Um, and like, I think his systems are super helpful.
[01:01:23.240 --> 01:01:32.120] I just, I just tend to have a different approach, like a more just intuition-based approach or something.
[01:01:29.520 --> 01:01:35.720] Just like, what, what feels right and what feels wrong.
[01:01:35.960 --> 01:01:40.840] And if you ask yourself that simple question, I think, I think you know.
[01:01:40.840 --> 01:01:49.480] That's actually like that alone isn't it, connects to something I often try to do, just asking yourself, does this feel right or does this feel wrong?
[01:01:49.800 --> 01:01:55.480] Some advice I recently heard along these lines, another way to ask this question is, what is my body saying?
[01:01:55.800 --> 01:01:56.680] Yes.
[01:01:56.680 --> 01:02:01.880] I was invited to do this talk and I was just like, I guess it could be good for the newsletter if I do this thing.
[01:02:02.920 --> 01:02:09.480] And like, I actually used your piece of it, the trick you used of if this were tomorrow, would I be excited?
[01:02:09.720 --> 01:02:10.920] It's like, no, definitely not.
[01:02:11.560 --> 01:02:14.440] And then she actually's like, here's another trick I use because I told her that.
[01:02:14.440 --> 01:02:15.800] That's how I decided to do it.
[01:02:15.800 --> 01:02:17.800] She's like, yeah, just like, what is my body saying?
[01:02:17.800 --> 01:02:20.120] And I was like, no, definitely not.
[01:02:20.280 --> 01:02:24.200] My body does not, like, the idea of it not happening made me feel really relieved.
[01:02:24.200 --> 01:02:26.680] Yeah, that's, that, that tells you so much.
[01:02:26.680 --> 01:02:38.760] And I guess what I would add to that is also you need to distinguish between like the goal and what it would take to get to the goal.
[01:02:38.760 --> 01:02:47.160] Okay, so I'm thinking of a young woman who I talked to after she gave a successful TED talk and had a successful book.
[01:02:47.160 --> 01:02:53.640] And she wanted, she was trying to figure out like what the next step should be on the on the coattails of these successes.
[01:02:53.640 --> 01:03:06.360] And what she said in the course of our conversation is like she knew that she could build a whole company around her ideas that were now out in the world.
[01:03:06.360 --> 01:03:16.720] But she knew from experience that she had had working at other companies that she wouldn't actually be happy having to like wake up and run a team every day.
[01:03:16.720 --> 01:03:23.360] And so she knew whatever I do, it's not going to be based on like team management.
[01:03:23.360 --> 01:03:26.080] Like that, that needs to not be part of the picture.
[01:03:26.080 --> 01:03:43.280] And I thought that was a really useful way to look at it because it wasn't, I think she would have loved to actually have the company and you know put products out into the world that the company would have made, but she wouldn't have enjoyed her life to get to that goal.
[01:03:43.280 --> 01:03:50.960] And so that question of do I want to wake up in the morning doing what it takes to reach that goal is a really big one.
[01:03:51.280 --> 01:03:52.800] There's two things that brings up for me.
[01:03:52.800 --> 01:03:58.960] One is I had the co-founder of HuppaSpot on the podcast, which is like a gabillion dollar business at this point.
[01:03:58.960 --> 01:04:01.600] And he had a conversation with his co-founder early on.
[01:04:01.600 --> 01:04:04.240] And he told him, I never want to manage anybody.
[01:04:04.560 --> 01:04:08.960] And even up to today, he has never managed any, there's nobody under him at the company.
[01:04:08.960 --> 01:04:12.400] And he's still the co-founder, still operating on his own.
[01:04:12.400 --> 01:04:13.440] Wow, that's possible.
[01:04:13.440 --> 01:04:15.200] It's fascinating that he could pull that off.
[01:04:15.200 --> 01:04:16.480] Yeah, he's a fascinating guy.
[01:04:16.480 --> 01:04:17.440] We're going to link to that episode.
[01:04:17.440 --> 01:04:18.480] It's so interesting.
[01:04:18.720 --> 01:04:25.760] The other is I made a role for myself with this new life along those lines that you just shared, which is I never want to have full-time employees.
[01:04:25.760 --> 01:04:26.560] Yes.
[01:04:26.880 --> 01:04:27.600] Me too.
[01:04:27.920 --> 01:04:28.400] Me too.
[01:04:28.400 --> 01:04:30.640] I did the exact same thing with my sub stack.
[01:04:30.640 --> 01:04:31.520] No, none.
[01:04:31.520 --> 01:04:31.840] Great.
[01:04:31.920 --> 01:04:32.320] Yeah.
[01:04:32.640 --> 01:04:33.120] Yeah.
[01:04:33.440 --> 01:04:35.280] And I do have different people who I work with.
[01:04:35.280 --> 01:04:35.520] Yeah.
[01:04:35.520 --> 01:04:35.920] Same.
[01:04:36.240 --> 01:04:47.280] And including like my colleague Renee and I have been working together for like 10, 11, 12 years amazingly, but it's like a very loose type of working structure.
[01:04:47.280 --> 01:04:48.480] And that's what works for us.
[01:04:48.480 --> 01:04:49.920] That's exactly how I operate.
[01:04:49.920 --> 01:04:54.720] And it, and it's like the major downside is people sometimes leave because they're not full-time.
[01:04:54.720 --> 01:04:57.440] And there's like, oh, here's a whole full-time role that they found.
[01:04:57.440 --> 01:04:58.720] But I find people want this.
[01:04:58.880 --> 01:05:03.880] They're like, they prefer to be a part-time, flexible thing, not this is their life, and this is all they're doing.
[01:05:03.880 --> 01:05:05.640] I think a lot of people like that too.
[01:04:59.760 --> 01:05:11.240] It's such a, but like, there's always this temptation, okay, what if one person and they just do so much for me?
[01:05:11.240 --> 01:05:14.760] I think it, it also limits just how much work you take on, which is really healthy.
[01:05:14.760 --> 01:05:34.680] It's so funny because when I started my Sup Stack, um, I talked to one of my now colleagues, and I remember saying to him, you know, if I, if in a few months I wake up and my day consists of going to meetings, then I'm going to know the whole thing where I went down the wrong path and this was a mistake.
[01:05:35.000 --> 01:05:38.600] So we have to build it in a way where it's not about that at all.
[01:05:38.600 --> 01:05:42.360] Along those lines, I have a rule of no meetings before 3 p.m.
[01:05:43.000 --> 01:05:47.240] to reduce the number of meetings I have, except for podcast episodes that we do sometimes in the mornings.
[01:05:47.240 --> 01:05:48.280] And that helps me there.
[01:05:48.280 --> 01:05:48.600] Yeah.
[01:05:49.000 --> 01:05:53.880] Funny enough, when I started the newsletter and it started doing well, I was like, okay, this is awesome.
[01:05:53.880 --> 01:05:54.520] What a life.
[01:05:54.520 --> 01:05:56.920] Just write a newsletter once a week and make a living.
[01:05:56.920 --> 01:05:58.920] And so I had this rule: I'll never do a podcast.
[01:05:58.920 --> 01:05:59.800] I'll never do a course.
[01:05:59.800 --> 01:06:00.840] I'll never do a conference.
[01:06:00.840 --> 01:06:02.440] I'll never do a book.
[01:06:02.440 --> 01:06:05.400] And I've actually crumbled and done almost all those things.
[01:06:05.400 --> 01:06:07.160] The only thing left is a book.
[01:06:07.160 --> 01:06:08.520] That's really funny.
[01:06:08.520 --> 01:06:15.960] And so those things that you ended up doing, have you enjoyed them or were your initial instincts correct?
[01:06:16.200 --> 01:06:19.880] The podcast, I'm very happy I did it.
[01:06:19.880 --> 01:06:24.600] It's extremely cool to have the dynamic of the newsletter on the podcast energy-wise.
[01:06:24.600 --> 01:06:27.240] It is, it takes like energy.
[01:06:27.240 --> 01:06:35.720] I have to pull in the extrovertedness side of me to versus like I'm just going to sit in the cafe and work on the newsletter.
[01:06:36.040 --> 01:06:43.400] So yeah, it's better, it's mostly great, but I do have to like, I have to like get up to do it, you know, like hide myself up into it.
[01:06:43.400 --> 01:06:50.160] I so understand, but you and then the chorus I decided not to do it, it was like too much of that, so I stopped doing that.
[01:06:50.320 --> 01:06:52.800] The conference was awesome, probably will do it again.
[01:06:52.800 --> 01:06:54.880] And the book still have resisted the book.
[01:06:54.880 --> 01:06:58.240] Wouldn't the book be more along the lines of what you like doing?
[01:06:58.240 --> 01:07:00.960] Like, you can sit in your cafe, you think, you think.
[01:07:00.960 --> 01:07:06.400] The problem is, it just would be too much work, it's just like the load of as you know, I do.
[01:07:06.400 --> 01:07:09.760] I think it took you seven years to write your first book, is what I write.
[01:07:09.760 --> 01:07:14.640] Oh, yeah, and then, yeah, and then, well, my second book was the one for kids, that didn't take quite as long.
[01:07:14.880 --> 01:07:17.440] Um, but then my third book, Bittersweet, was the same thing.
[01:07:17.440 --> 01:07:18.720] I took like seven years.
[01:07:18.720 --> 01:07:27.680] And I just sent in a book proposal to my agent like two days ago for another book, which will undoubtedly take five or six or seven years.
[01:07:27.680 --> 01:07:32.720] Um, and I have wondered how I'm gonna do it together with the sub stack, but I don't know.
[01:07:33.040 --> 01:07:35.600] I feel very impassioned about both, so I think it's fine.
[01:07:35.600 --> 01:07:37.200] Yeah, you have to really want it.
[01:07:37.200 --> 01:07:42.480] Part of the reason I don't want to do a book is all the talks I'd have to do to promote it after.
[01:07:42.800 --> 01:07:45.440] Oh, I so understand.
[01:07:45.440 --> 01:07:51.120] I think that's part of the reason I take as long as I do to write them because I'm like dreading the promotional period.
[01:07:51.120 --> 01:07:52.480] So I'm just putting it off.
[01:07:52.480 --> 01:07:53.200] Oh, man.
[01:07:53.200 --> 01:07:56.880] Well, I'm impressed you overcome that.
[01:07:56.880 --> 01:08:01.280] I mean, for me, my dream always was to be a writer.
[01:08:01.280 --> 01:08:04.400] So that was like the primary, primary thing.
[01:08:04.720 --> 01:08:07.360] So I'll overcome anything for that dream.
[01:08:07.360 --> 01:08:08.800] I get that.
[01:08:09.120 --> 01:08:13.440] Okay, Susan, we've covered everything I've wanted to cover.
[01:08:13.440 --> 01:08:25.200] Is there anything else that you think might be helpful to leave listeners with that, especially introverts that are trying to be successful, feel better about their way of the world?
[01:08:25.840 --> 01:08:37.240] There is a phrase, an aphorism, a saying from Gandhi, who said, who is very shy and very introverted, by the way, like extremely.
[01:08:38.040 --> 01:08:40.440] His autobiography, very fascinating.
[01:08:40.440 --> 01:08:41.960] He talks a lot about this.
[01:08:41.960 --> 01:08:43.880] He was such a shy kid.
[01:08:43.880 --> 01:08:48.280] He would run home from school after class because he didn't want to have to talk to anybody.
[01:08:48.280 --> 01:08:49.880] He was really like that his whole life.
[01:08:49.880 --> 01:08:58.520] He was just, he was one of these people I was talking about who, you know, had a very deep conviction and then attracted other people who shared that deep conviction.
[01:08:58.920 --> 01:09:04.200] And so he said, in a gentle way, you can shake the world.
[01:09:04.200 --> 01:09:06.920] And I deeply believe this to be true.
[01:09:07.960 --> 01:09:10.040] That's an excellent role model to think about.
[01:09:10.040 --> 01:09:15.640] And going back to your other exercise of Gandhi as an introvert, did not know that.
[01:09:15.640 --> 01:09:16.760] That's awesome.
[01:09:17.000 --> 01:09:19.640] Susan, with that, we've reached our very exciting lightning round.
[01:09:19.640 --> 01:09:20.600] Are you ready?
[01:09:20.600 --> 01:09:21.960] I'm ready.
[01:09:21.960 --> 01:09:28.440] First question: What are two or three books that you find yourself recommending most to other people?
[01:09:29.080 --> 01:09:34.120] So I was talking earlier about the psychologist, Mihaly Chiksent Mihai.
[01:09:34.680 --> 01:09:37.880] He famously wrote a book about flow.
[01:09:37.880 --> 01:09:39.320] It's literally called flow.
[01:09:39.880 --> 01:09:50.760] And flow is the state of mind you get into when you're totally engaged in an activity and you're completely absorbed by it and you're feeling neither bored nor anxious.
[01:09:50.760 --> 01:09:53.160] You're just in it.
[01:09:53.160 --> 01:09:57.640] And the book just like describes all the research on the state and what it is.
[01:09:57.640 --> 01:09:59.640] And it completely changed my life.
[01:09:59.640 --> 01:10:01.960] So I recommend that one all the time.
[01:10:02.280 --> 01:10:12.520] And also The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell, who, you know, was just a great mythologist and completely fascinating.
[01:10:12.520 --> 01:10:14.720] And Hero's Journey.
[01:10:13.800 --> 01:10:15.760] Hero's Journey.
[01:10:14.280 --> 01:10:15.840] Yeah.
[01:10:16.000 --> 01:10:23.920] And he talked about the need to participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world, which I really believe in.
[01:10:23.920 --> 01:10:26.160] Which I know your third book was about.
[01:10:26.160 --> 01:10:27.680] Yeah, that's right.
[01:10:28.480 --> 01:10:29.360] Bittersweet.
[01:10:29.360 --> 01:10:30.000] Bittersweet.
[01:10:30.080 --> 01:10:33.520] Maybe you should never find it on Amazon or your local retailers.
[01:10:33.520 --> 01:10:34.480] The flow book.
[01:10:34.480 --> 01:10:35.520] Can you say his last name again?
[01:10:35.520 --> 01:10:37.200] Because I think nobody actually knows how to pronounce it.
[01:10:37.200 --> 01:10:38.880] And I love that you say it so comfortably.
[01:10:39.600 --> 01:10:41.440] It's, yeah, because my agent taught me how.
[01:10:42.720 --> 01:10:44.880] You go cheek, like your cheek.
[01:10:44.880 --> 01:10:45.360] Oh, my God.
[01:10:45.920 --> 01:10:47.520] Sent me high.
[01:10:47.520 --> 01:10:49.120] So that's more or less how you pronounce it.
[01:10:49.360 --> 01:10:50.000] Cheek sent me.
[01:10:50.000 --> 01:10:50.720] Sent me high.
[01:10:50.720 --> 01:10:51.120] Oh, my God.
[01:10:51.520 --> 01:10:53.760] What a win for a tip right there.
[01:10:53.760 --> 01:10:54.640] Okay, next question.
[01:10:54.640 --> 01:10:58.880] Do you have a favorite recent movie or TV show that you've really enjoyed?
[01:10:58.880 --> 01:11:00.560] I never have anything recent.
[01:11:00.560 --> 01:11:06.080] But so my husband and kids and I just watched The Sopranos recently.
[01:11:06.080 --> 01:11:08.880] I had never seen it before, and we loved it.
[01:11:10.160 --> 01:11:13.680] And I also just recently saw The Talented Mr.
[01:11:13.680 --> 01:11:18.240] Ripley, which I know it's really old, but so, so good.
[01:11:18.240 --> 01:11:18.720] Wow.
[01:11:18.720 --> 01:11:20.080] I love how old these are.
[01:11:20.080 --> 01:11:20.720] I know.
[01:11:20.720 --> 01:11:21.360] I know.
[01:11:21.360 --> 01:11:30.800] But like, I basically, like, anything that you see where there's just something dazzling happening in it, like Jude Law's performance in The Talented Mr.
[01:11:30.800 --> 01:11:35.360] Ripley is pure endazzlement, if that's a word.
[01:11:35.360 --> 01:11:43.600] This connects to advice I often hear, which is don't read books that are, either read books that are just like very new or like 10 years or older.
[01:11:43.600 --> 01:11:44.560] I think that's the advice.
[01:11:44.560 --> 01:11:52.640] Like don't read books that are sort of, because you want to only read things that have been, that have survived and people continue to come back to quiet, I think, is definitely an example of that.
[01:11:53.120 --> 01:11:53.920] Thank you.
[01:11:53.920 --> 01:12:01.000] Yeah, I do think there's something about that, like that, yeah, if it's survived that long, it's it's for a reason.
[01:12:01.000 --> 01:12:01.480] Yeah.
[01:12:01.720 --> 01:12:03.560] Oh, okay.
[01:12:03.560 --> 01:12:06.040] Can I say something that will not be lightning roundish?
[01:11:59.840 --> 01:12:06.760] Sure.
[01:12:07.080 --> 01:12:07.720] Okay.
[01:12:07.720 --> 01:12:14.520] Because what you just made me think of is there's this organization or institute.
[01:12:14.520 --> 01:12:17.720] It's called the Tugboat Institute, I think is the official name.
[01:12:17.720 --> 01:12:31.640] And anyway, it's basically for founders of companies who are not interested in starting their company and then making a quick exit three years later.
[01:12:31.640 --> 01:12:36.040] These are people who are trying to build something evergreen and something built to last.
[01:12:36.040 --> 01:12:41.560] And so this is an organization for the founders who have this mentality.
[01:12:41.560 --> 01:12:46.440] And I've talked to the head of this organization.
[01:12:46.440 --> 01:12:49.960] I'm actually going to be speaking there June or July.
[01:12:50.280 --> 01:12:54.520] And he told me that they have tons of introverts in this group of CEOs.
[01:12:54.520 --> 01:13:04.120] Like, I do think there's something about that mentality of seeking the timeless and the evergreen that is one of those underappreciated strengths.
[01:13:04.440 --> 01:13:05.080] That's awesome.
[01:13:05.080 --> 01:13:06.840] That sounds like a sweet place to be.
[01:13:06.840 --> 01:13:07.400] Yeah.
[01:13:08.360 --> 01:13:11.960] Hopefully, not too many extroverts get in there and they're just like, what the hell is going on here?
[01:13:12.040 --> 01:13:13.480] I don't want to be here.
[01:13:13.480 --> 01:13:14.040] Okay.
[01:13:14.040 --> 01:13:15.640] I'm going to keep going with the lightning round.
[01:13:15.640 --> 01:13:15.960] Yeah.
[01:13:15.960 --> 01:13:16.360] Let's see.
[01:13:16.520 --> 01:13:16.920] Okay.
[01:13:16.920 --> 01:13:20.840] Is there a favorite product you recently discovered that you really love?
[01:13:20.840 --> 01:13:25.480] Whether it could be an app, could be something you bought physical, something laying around the house.
[01:13:25.880 --> 01:13:29.720] I will say the art of roasted vegetables.
[01:13:30.760 --> 01:13:31.320] Cool.
[01:13:31.320 --> 01:13:39.800] Because, yeah, I've started just roasting my vegetables with tons of spices of all kinds, and it's such a revelation.
[01:13:39.800 --> 01:13:40.840] And it's not a gadget.
[01:13:40.840 --> 01:13:43.640] You just roast them in a cookie, cooking cheek sort of thing.
[01:13:43.640 --> 01:13:50.880] Yeah, I just like toss them with olive oil and maybe some lemon juice and almond slices or curry or whatever I feel like doing.
[01:13:51.200 --> 01:13:52.880] And it's like candy.
[01:13:52.880 --> 01:13:53.680] So good.
[01:13:53.680 --> 01:13:54.240] Interesting.
[01:13:54.240 --> 01:13:59.040] So that, and this is just like an easy way to eat healthy and taste good.
[01:13:59.040 --> 01:13:59.600] Yep.
[01:13:59.600 --> 01:14:00.720] What a life chip.
[01:14:00.880 --> 01:14:02.560] I just read this book, Good Energy.
[01:14:02.560 --> 01:14:03.520] I don't know if you've heard of this.
[01:14:03.520 --> 01:14:07.760] It's about what foods give you good energy and what foods are bad energy.
[01:14:08.000 --> 01:14:08.560] Interesting.
[01:14:08.560 --> 01:14:12.640] And it's based on metabolic health and blood sugar and which ones spike you and help you.
[01:14:12.640 --> 01:14:15.440] And you're eating good energy food.
[01:14:15.440 --> 01:14:16.080] Yes.
[01:14:16.800 --> 01:14:17.760] Takeaway.
[01:14:18.080 --> 01:14:18.480] Okay.
[01:14:18.480 --> 01:14:19.840] Two more questions.
[01:14:19.840 --> 01:14:27.440] Do you have a favorite life motto that you often come back to, find really useful in work or in life, maybe share with friends and family?
[01:14:27.440 --> 01:14:34.400] Yeah, I mean, I will give the one that was the dedication to and the inspiration for Bittersweet.
[01:14:34.800 --> 01:14:40.400] This is a quote from Leonard Cohn, who said, there's a crack in everything.
[01:14:40.400 --> 01:14:42.160] That's where the light gets in.
[01:14:42.160 --> 01:14:43.680] I love that.
[01:14:44.000 --> 01:14:46.560] I want to make a big poster out of all these mottos someday.
[01:14:47.360 --> 01:14:48.240] Yeah, you really should.
[01:14:48.240 --> 01:14:49.920] You've probably amazing ones collected.
[01:14:50.160 --> 01:14:50.640] So many.
[01:14:50.640 --> 01:14:51.760] Oh, man.
[01:14:52.000 --> 01:14:53.120] Final question.
[01:14:53.120 --> 01:14:54.640] You have a very active substack.
[01:14:54.640 --> 01:14:57.440] I'm very impressed with how often you publish.
[01:14:57.440 --> 01:14:59.120] It's very hard.
[01:14:59.120 --> 01:15:00.480] Where can people find it?
[01:15:00.480 --> 01:15:04.000] And just what should people know about the substack that you started?
[01:15:04.000 --> 01:15:07.920] Oh, well, it's called thequietlife.net.
[01:15:07.920 --> 01:15:09.840] So that's where you can find it.
[01:15:10.160 --> 01:15:21.440] And it's basically a place for people who want to live on the realm of the quiet and thoughtful and sensitive and bittersweet.
[01:15:21.840 --> 01:15:24.800] I've kind of been exploring that realm for 20 years.
[01:15:24.800 --> 01:15:29.440] And this is a place to be with other people who are in that realm also.
[01:15:29.680 --> 01:15:37.160] And so, you know, some of the time I'm posting things about tips along the lines of what we've been talking about for this podcast.
[01:15:38.040 --> 01:15:45.000] And sometimes it's more, I don't know, just like sharing art and poetry and things.
[01:15:45.000 --> 01:15:59.160] So, like, tomorrow I'm posting an exclusive excerpt from Sahil Bloom's new book, The Five Types of Wealth, about how much time do you have remaining with your loved ones and how are you spending that time?
[01:15:59.160 --> 01:16:11.240] So it's, I would say it's like dedicated to how to live a good life from the perspective of the quiet and the thoughtful and the sensitive.
[01:16:11.400 --> 01:16:15.160] Sounds like a wonderful place, quarter of the internet.
[01:16:15.800 --> 01:16:16.680] And how do people find it?
[01:16:16.680 --> 01:16:19.160] Just so we can link to LinkedIn in the show notes too.
[01:16:19.480 --> 01:16:22.120] Yeah, so thequietlife.net.
[01:16:22.680 --> 01:16:27.000] Or I guess if you go to Substack and just look up my name, you could probably find it there.
[01:16:27.480 --> 01:16:41.320] But yeah, it's become a huge labor of love because it's a way, like I'm able to write to people who have been reading my stuff for years, but now we have a dialogue and a community.
[01:16:41.320 --> 01:16:53.320] And I think people really feel like having a place to go that is a very specific wavelength that you can't find elsewhere can be something special.
[01:16:53.320 --> 01:16:57.560] And I know I feel that as the person writing into it.
[01:16:57.560 --> 01:16:57.960] Okay.
[01:16:57.960 --> 01:17:00.360] Final question then is: how can listeners be useful to you?
[01:17:00.360 --> 01:17:01.960] I usually ask how do people find you online?
[01:17:01.960 --> 01:17:03.960] We just talked about that, so I'm skipping that question.
[01:17:04.200 --> 01:17:06.200] How can listeners be useful to you?
[01:17:06.200 --> 01:17:06.840] I don't know.
[01:17:06.840 --> 01:17:13.640] I guess I would say, you know, the sub stack that I'm doing is my baby and my labor of love.
[01:17:13.640 --> 01:17:16.800] So if you want to partake of it, I would love to have you there.
[01:17:16.800 --> 01:17:17.680] Awesome.
[01:17:17.680 --> 01:17:20.160] Susan, thank you so much for being here.
[01:17:20.160 --> 01:17:21.760] Thank you so much for having me.
[01:17:22.160 --> 01:17:22.720] Absolutely.
[01:17:23.280 --> 01:17:23.520] So nice.
[01:17:23.600 --> 01:17:24.240] I really enjoyed it.
[01:17:24.240 --> 01:17:25.680] Just introvert connection.
[01:17:26.160 --> 01:17:27.840] Yes, exactly.
[01:17:28.400 --> 01:17:28.720] Okay.
[01:17:28.720 --> 01:17:30.000] Bye, everyone.
[01:17:31.280 --> 01:17:32.800] Thank you so much for listening.
[01:17:32.800 --> 01:17:39.200] If you found this valuable, you can subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app.
[01:17:39.200 --> 01:17:45.520] Also, please consider giving us a rating or leaving a review, as that really helps other listeners find the podcast.
[01:17:45.520 --> 01:17:50.880] You can find all past episodes or learn more about the show at lennyspodcast.com.
[01:17:50.880 --> 01:17:53.200] See you in the next episode.