The Jordan Harbinger Show

1284: Husband Hid His DUI — Is It Time to Say Goodbye? | Feedback Friday

February 13, 2026

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  • A pattern of secrecy and addiction in a spouse, especially when it mirrors childhood trauma (like the listener's alcoholic mother), necessitates confronting the partner's lack of meaningful recovery efforts before considering reconciliation. 
  • A grieving parent's sudden, reckless pursuit of immediate companionship and engagement in risky online behavior (like the father in the second letter) often masks underlying, unaddressed grief or potential cognitive decline. 
  • When dealing with a partner's addiction, the focus must shift to 'taking care of your side of the street'—addressing one's own beliefs, agency, and role in enabling the situation, such as the listener's stated belief against divorce trapping her in the marriage. 
  • When supporting someone grieving, it is crucial to create safe space for their feelings while directly addressing and separating them from the inappropriate actions of a relative, such as the listener's father. 
  • Employer-sponsored health plan changes, especially concerning expensive optional benefits like fertility coverage, are often legally permissible if proper future-dated notice is given under ERISA, regardless of individual employee circumstances. 
  • Navigating a parent's dementia diagnosis involves a slow-motion mourning process, requiring proactive advocacy to secure early testing and medication, while simultaneously cherishing the time remaining with the parent as they transition to a new stage of life. 

Segments

Follow-up on Captain Savajo
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(00:01:16)
  • Key Takeaway: The listener from the previous ‘Captain Savajo’ update successfully initiated legal proceedings to resolve shared finances and is seeking employment.
  • Summary: The listener served his ex-fiancée and is moving toward a resolution regarding the house sale proceeds, despite her initial attempts to evade service. He is actively pursuing new job opportunities and maintaining contact with his therapist and pastor for support. The hosts noted the humor in the listener’s therapist adopting the nickname ‘Captain Savajo’.
Husband’s Hidden DUI Revelation
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(00:07:33)
  • Key Takeaway: A seemingly minor issue of a misplaced license escalated into the revelation of a hidden DUI offense from seven months prior, triggered by a mailed mandatory course letter.
  • Summary: The wife discovered her husband had a DUI after blowing exactly the legal limit while delivering an ATV for extra cash after drinking two beers on an empty stomach. He had hidden the incident, the subsequent weekend course, and the resulting license suspension for seven months. The husband claimed he realized his error and promised to stop using alcohol as a crutch, echoing past unfulfilled promises.
Patterns of Addiction and Secrecy
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(00:13:07)
  • Key Takeaway: The husband’s pattern of substance use extends beyond alcohol to include secret marijuana edible use, indicating a broader addiction issue characterized by dishonesty.
  • Summary: The husband’s claim of using alcohol as a ‘crutch’ is undermined by his secrecy regarding marijuana edibles, which he consumed hidden in their small apartment for a month. His behavior includes lying by omission, such as claiming he didn’t watch porn while being caught passed out viewing it, and manipulating intimacy schedules to mask evening drinking. The hosts identify this behavior as classic ‘addict nonsense’ fueled by secrecy.
Severe Recklessness and Relationship Damage
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(00:16:27)
  • Key Takeaway: The husband’s extreme intoxication—driving while drinking a bottle of vodka, vomiting in the car, and passing out—is a life-threatening level of recklessness that compounds existing marital trauma.
  • Summary: The wife discovered her husband passed out in his truck with an almost empty vodka bottle and vomit everywhere, confirming he was driving while severely intoxicated. This incident, coupled with belittling her reaction to a cat scratch, demonstrates his current inability to manage his addiction or respect her trauma history. The hosts conclude that the husband is an addict whose behavior is likely too severe for the marriage to survive without meaningful recovery.
Listener’s Role and Repetition Compulsion
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(00:24:19)
  • Key Takeaway: The wife’s childhood experience with an enabling father and alcoholic mother likely led to repetition compulsion, causing her to marry a partner mirroring the addiction dynamic.
  • Summary: The wife’s history of growing up with an alcoholic mother and an enabling father suggests she may be subconsciously recreating that dynamic by marrying an addict and staying despite the chaos. Her stated belief against divorce is being used manipulatively by her husband to avoid consequences, highlighting the need for her to focus on her own side of the street, potentially through Al-Anon. Her success and independence might be adaptations that prevent her from fully confronting the impact of her childhood trauma.
Father’s Risky Post-Loss Dating
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(00:33:20)
  • Key Takeaway: A recently widowed 65-year-old father is exhibiting urgent, reckless dating behavior, including engaging with potential romance scams, suggesting unaddressed grief or cognitive vulnerability.
  • Summary: The 41-year-old listener is concerned because her father, shortly after her stepmother’s death, is using dating apps aggressively, falling for scams (like the no-show date with ‘Dora’), and posting sexually suggestive content on his own Facebook, claiming he was hacked. His stated desire to ‘meet someone right now’ and disregard for what potential partners want points to profound loneliness or fear of mortality following the loss. The hosts advise a compassionate conversation focusing on his urgency, potentially followed by a family intervention, while also suggesting a medical checkup to rule out cognitive decline.
Supporting Friend Through Grief
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(00:49:00)
  • Key Takeaway: When apologizing for a relative’s behavior, ask the affected person directly if the actions feel personal or impact their feelings about the primary victim.
  • Summary: Be a supportive friend or sister by checking in, making space for feelings, and asking how the relative’s actions affect them. It is important to separate yourself from the offending relative’s behavior when apologizing. Asking direct questions like, “Is it hard for you?” can open up a productive conversation.
Employer Fertility Benefit Changes
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(00:53:02)
  • Key Takeaway: ERISA-covered private company health plans can legally change or remove optional benefits like fertility coverage at the start of a new plan year with 30 days’ notice.
  • Summary: If a company is self-funded under ERISA, they can often avoid state mandates regarding coverage, including fertility treatments, and are not required to maintain year-over-year continuity of coverage. Fully insured plans, however, must adhere to state laws regarding coverage requirements. Treatment cycles crossing a plan year boundary are typically handled under the new plan’s contract, potentially leaving the employee responsible for costs.
Host’s Mother’s Alzheimer’s News
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(01:05:07)
  • Key Takeaway: Catching dementia early is key, requiring proactive advocacy to push reluctant older parents toward specialist testing, as early medication can slow symptom progression.
  • Summary: The host shared that his mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s after noticing significant memory decline, leading to a slow-motion mourning process for the family. Early diagnosis is critical because medications exist that can slow progression and preserve function, even if they do not reverse damage. Families must often be persistent, sometimes acting as the bad guy, to ensure elderly parents seek necessary specialist evaluations.
Lessons on Aging and Grief
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(01:13:38)
  • Key Takeaway: The experience of caring for an aging parent with dementia fosters profound empathy for others facing similar challenges and reinforces the necessity of cherishing time with parents.
  • Summary: The host learned that enjoying parents while they are present is vital, as grief is woven into all life experiences, becoming more obvious during health crises. Pushing for early testing, even against a parent’s reluctance, is worthwhile for potential treatment benefits. This personal journey has increased the host’s empathy for caregivers dealing with elderly parents.
Show Wrap-up and Recommendations
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(01:15:04)
  • Key Takeaway: Building a strong network through relationship building, even when offering free resources like the six-minute networking course, is essential for personal and professional success.
  • Summary: The host recommended checking out past episodes and promoted his free six-minute networking course, emphasizing that the best opportunities come from trusted relationships. Listeners are encouraged to support the show’s sponsors, as they keep the content available. The show concludes by reminding listeners to share the episode with those who might benefit from the advice given.