This American Life

851: Try a Little Tenderness

January 25, 2026

Key Takeaways Copied to clipboard!

  • The prologue of *This American Life* Episode 851: Try a Little Tenderness introduces the theme through a story of sisters resolving conflict by one offering a 'butt cheek' as a substitute for the 'other cheek' in a moment of anger. 
  • The episode features a satirical short story, 'The Big Nap,' narrated from the perspective of a two-year-old private investigator navigating the complex, often deceptive, world of adult behavior. 
  • Act Two explores the concept of holding grudges in the animal kingdom, detailing how crows can remember perceived enemies and pass that grievance down through generations, only to be appeased by an offering of food. 
  • Act Three questions the necessity of corporal punishment by contrasting the comedian's experience of being spanked out of poverty with the perceived absurdity of wealthy peers receiving the same discipline. 
  • Act Four presents a story about a bus driver whose rigid adherence to an ideology prioritizing the 'good of society' over individual kindness is momentarily broken by an act of mercy toward a desperate passenger. 

Segments

Sisters’ Anger Resolution
Copied to clipboard!
(00:00:31)
  • Key Takeaway: A conflict between two sisters was resolved when the younger sister, May, requested permission to punch her older sister, Johanna, in the face, and Johanna offered her butt cheek instead.
  • Summary: May’s fiery temper led her to demand a physical outlet for her anger, specifically punching her sister Johanna. Johanna responded by offering her butt cheek as an alternative target for the punch. May punched hard, which successfully released her anger, illustrating a unique application of turning the other cheek.
Toddler Detective Story
Copied to clipboard!
(00:09:45)
  • Key Takeaway: A short story narrated by a two-year-old detective frames adult concepts like parental authority and missing toys within a noir mystery structure.
  • Summary: The narrator, a two-year-old detective, is hired by Baby Zoe to find her missing unicorn, Moo Moo, accepting stickers as payment. The investigation uncovers a conspiracy where ‘Mama’ is the ‘big boss’ controlling all aspects of the child’s life, including the doctor and dentist. The detective ultimately fails to convince Zoe of the deception, leading to his own drugging and subsequent realization of the depth of adult manipulation.
Crow Vengeance and Grudges
Copied to clipboard!
(00:29:29)
  • Key Takeaway: Crows are highly intelligent and vengeful, capable of holding grudges for over a decade and passing that memory of grievance to subsequent generations.
  • Summary: Alan Martin was dive-bombed by crows after cutting down a tree, an act the birds interpreted as a threat. Crow researcher Lemma Pendergraf confirmed this behavior is called ‘mobbing,’ used to address perceived dangers. An experiment showed crows mobbed a researcher in an orange mask for 17 years, demonstrating long-term memory and intergenerational transmission of animosity.
Spanking and Adult Behavior
Copied to clipboard!
(00:38:17)
  • Key Takeaway: The necessity and effectiveness of corporal punishment are questioned by contrasting personal experience of being spanked due to poverty with observing wealthy peers who still engage in fighting as adults.
  • Summary: Comedian Josh Johnson notes that his childhood spankings were a product of poverty, as there were few material possessions to take away as punishment. He observes that some grown men who likely needed earlier discipline still engage in bar fights, often projecting anger onto strangers who resemble their fathers. The segment raises the question of how parents can ensure disciplinary actions provide positive lessons rather than creating lasting trauma for different individual children.
Bus Driver’s Ideology
Copied to clipboard!
(00:49:24)
  • Key Takeaway: A bus driver adheres strictly to an ideology prioritizing the collective good (simple arithmetic) over individual kindness, until seeing a desperate passenger triggers a memory of his unfulfilled aspiration to be God.
  • Summary: The bus driver refuses to open the door for late passengers, calculating that the 30 seconds lost by one latecomer would unfairly cost the 60 punctual passengers 30 minutes collectively. Eddie, late for a date, chases the bus until the driver, reminded of his promise to be merciful if he had become God, breaks his own rule and lets him on. Despite this small victory, Eddie misses his date because the girl already had a boyfriend and chose to stand him up.