Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

We Have A Condom For That

February 5, 2026

Key Takeaways Copied to clipboard!

  • The guest, Noah, works as a condom size specialist for the company 'One Condom,' which offers 52 different condom sizes to ensure proper fit. 
  • Condom technology advancements include the use of graphene to improve heat transfer and conductivity between partners. 
  • The primary issues with incorrect condom sizing are bunching/slippage (if too large) or constricted blood flow leading to erection loss (if too tight). 

Segments

Guest Location and Introduction
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(00:01:11)
  • Key Takeaway: The guest, Noah, resides in Woburn, Massachusetts, having been raised in Shrewsbury.
  • Summary: The guest, Noah, is currently living in Woburn, Massachusetts, with his husband. He was born and raised in Shrewsbury, an area near Worcester. Conan O’Brien notes his own connection to the Brookline and Worcester areas.
Condom Size Specialist Job
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(00:02:20)
  • Key Takeaway: Noah’s profession involves analyzing and discussing penis size as a condom size specialist.
  • Summary: Noah works as a condom size specialist, stating half his job is talking about penis size and the other half is analyzing it. He has been obsessed with penises for ten years, turning his hobby into his profession. The company he works for is called ‘One Condom,’ identifiable by its round wrapper.
Condom Sizing Range
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(00:03:51)
  • Key Takeaway: One Condom manufactures 52 different condom sizes, far exceeding the common perception of small, medium, and large.
  • Summary: The company’s core business is offering 52 distinct condom sizes. This variety contrasts sharply with the typical consumer understanding of only small, medium, large, and magnum options. Noah uses demonstration tools to illustrate the range from the snugest to the largest available size.
Condom Technology and Shapes
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(00:07:33)
  • Key Takeaway: Recent condom technology focuses on heat transfer using graphene to enhance conductivity and sensation.
  • Summary: Beyond texture (like ribbed), the latest development involves bonding graphene to latex to better transmit body heat to the partner. Noah confirms that condoms are still made from natural rubber latex, which is why they are sometimes called ‘rubbers.’ The company also caters to unusual anatomical needs, including penises with 90-degree bends.
Measuring and Sizing Issues
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(00:09:03)
  • Key Takeaway: Incorrect condom fit leads to issues like bunching and slippage (if too large) or constricted blood flow (if too tight).
  • Summary: The company provides a specialized tool for measuring both girth and length, which customers are advised to use when fully engorged. If a condom is too tight, it constricts blood flow, potentially preventing an erection. If it is too large, the latex can bunch up and slip off during intercourse.
Customer Honesty and Voice Cues
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(00:17:21)
  • Key Takeaway: Customers often lie about their measurements, but Noah can often deduce the correct size based on vocal cues and context.
  • Summary: Noah notes that customers frequently use ‘on a good day’ measurements or reference friends when describing their needs, indicating dishonesty. He claims he can often guess the required size and truthfulness based on the caller’s voice, suggesting larger men often have a Southern draw or mention driving large vehicles.
Future Condom Innovations
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(00:23:22)
  • Key Takeaway: Future condom innovations requested by customers include built-in topical Viagra solutions and ejaculation-triggered fireworks.
  • Summary: A common request for future products is a topical solution built into the condom that aids in achieving or maintaining an erection. Listeners also speculate about stimulating features like fireworks triggered upon ejaculation. Noah confirms that the company receives frequent requests for topical solutions.