The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

World No.1 Divorce Lawyer: This Is A Sign You’ll Divorce In 10 Years!

February 12, 2026

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  • The most common reason women seek divorce from high-achieving providers is feeling unseen or that they have slipped in their partner's priorities, not a lack of provision. 
  • Discipline in relationships requires trading immediate comfort for long-term connection, as aversion to temporary discomfort prevents necessary difficult conversations. 
  • A powerful relationship ritual for staying in love is weekly communication where partners share three things they love about each other and three things the other could have done better. 
  • Authenticity in relationships is fostered when individuals allow seemingly contradictory aspects of their personality to coexist and take the lead at appropriate times, rather than suppressing one side. 
  • Addiction, including workaholism, is defined as any action taken to avoid feeling what one would have felt if they had done nothing at all, suggesting that productivity can mask underlying emotional avoidance. 
  • A prenuptial agreement (prenup) is best viewed as a necessary rule set for asset division, protecting partners from the state legislature's default rules in the event of divorce, and should be discussed when love and optimism are high. 
  • The greatest gift in a relationship is helping your partner become the most authentic version of themselves, rather than molding them into the person you envision. 
  • Bravery in commitment is demonstrated by proceeding with a serious endeavor like marriage despite the fear of failure, because the reward is self-discovery and partnership. 
  • Ultimately, the core purpose of life and relationships boils down to love—being loved and feeling worthy of love—while accomplishments and material wealth are secondary noise. 

Segments

Relationship Ritual for Love
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(00:00:30)
  • Key Takeaway: A weekly ritual of sharing three things loved and three areas for improvement saves marriages.
  • Summary: The suggested relationship ritual involves telling a partner three things one loves about them and three things they could have done better once a week. Avoiding this exercise suggests an underlying fear of vulnerability or discomfort. Courage in love means accepting the opportunity to be hurt by honesty.
Societal State of Connection
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(00:03:30)
  • Key Takeaway: Society is hungry for real connection but lacks the useful tools to find or maintain it.
  • Summary: Culturally, there is a strong yearning for real human connection, especially post-pandemic, contrasting with a decreasing number of useful tools to achieve it. This results in being ‘more hungry than ever, and we have no idea how to cook.’ The desire for connection is high, but the skills to sustain it are lacking.
Divorce Lawyer’s Perspective on Love
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(00:05:38)
  • Key Takeaway: The greatest gift in a relationship is helping your partner become their most authentic self before the marriage ends by death or divorce.
  • Summary: Every marriage ends either by death or divorce, making the goal to have a partner state that the relationship helped them become their most authentic self. Divorce lawyers sometimes refer clients to therapy if they sense the client needs help viewing the relationship differently. Infidelity or job loss can trigger discord, but mental health intervention may still be beneficial.
Reasons for Divorce: Men vs. Women
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(00:08:21)
  • Key Takeaway: Men are caught cheating more often, but women’s infidelity often signals the relationship is already definitively over.
  • Summary: Men tend to cheat in more ‘scattershot, stupid ways’ and often claim their affair had nothing to do with their spouse. Conversely, when women cheat, it usually indicates the relationship is already finished, serving as a soft landing or final confirmation of the end. Human weakness, driven by loneliness or fatigue, can override discipline when temptation is present.
Primary Cause of Relationship Failure
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(00:11:34)
  • Key Takeaway: The statistical average reason for divorce is the partner feeling they stopped being seen and noticed by the other.
  • Summary: For high-achieving individuals, a primary complaint leading to divorce is the partner feeling they slipped in the rankings of importance. This is often a function of where time is allocated, not the partner’s inherent nature. Consistently sending small, non-intrusive messages of thought can prevent this feeling of being overlooked.
Dating as a Job Interview
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(00:16:51)
  • Key Takeaway: Dating is analogous to a job interview where marriage is securing the role, which then requires ongoing performance maintenance.
  • Summary: Dating is the process of presenting a resume to find a role that suits one’s needs and skills, and marriage is getting the job. People often forget that the relationship they aspired to requires continuous effort, treating it like a career that needs performance reviews. Assuming relationships should be effortless is a fallacy often fueled by idealized media portrayals.
Navigating Relationship Changes
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(00:31:38)
  • Key Takeaway: Address relationship deterioration by noting changes non-defensively rather than making accusations.
  • Summary: When noticing negative changes, such as a worse arguing tone, frame the discussion as noticing a change (‘Have you noticed that something changed?’) rather than an accusation. This non-defensive approach invites dialogue instead of triggering defensiveness. Humility, such as apologizing first, has tremendous value in opening up difficult conversations.
Communication Menu for Needs
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(00:40:10)
  • Key Takeaway: Partners should explicitly offer a ‘menu’ of support options when one is struggling to meet the other’s needs.
  • Summary: Instead of guessing what a partner needs during distress, offer explicit options: listening support, advice, distraction, physical affection, or a walk to talk. This prevents blindly throwing solutions that may not align with the partner’s current requirement. If the partner doesn’t know what they want, one partner can choose an option and accept feedback without offense.
Fear of Intimacy and Worthiness
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(00:43:42)
  • Key Takeaway: The reluctance to engage in intimate communication rituals often stems from the fundamental terror of not being worthy of love.
  • Summary: People fear that if their partner saw their true self—including weaknesses and dark thoughts—they would not be loved. This fear makes articulating needs or accepting feedback uncomfortable, leading to avoidance. Love should be an opportunity to reconnect with the simple, open self that existed before life’s hardships created emotional barriers.
Addiction as Emotional Avoidance
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(01:14:24)
  • Key Takeaway: Addiction is defined as anything done to avoid the feeling that would arise from doing nothing.
  • Summary: Addiction is defined as anything one does to escape the feelings that would surface if they did nothing at all; work is cited as a favorite narcotic for productive individuals during personal crises. The amount of work often correlates with the aspects of life where the individual is unwilling to feel certain emotions. The most crucial question to ask at the start of therapy is identifying what one is afraid to feel.
The Value of Taking Love Seriously
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(01:15:30)
  • Key Takeaway: Moments of feeling loved are recalled as the highest points in life, surpassing professional accomplishments or material wealth.
  • Summary: People should take love seriously because the highest points in life are usually moments of feeling or giving love, not professional success or wealth. Praise from strangers, while sweet, is compared to artificial sweetener and does not equate to the deep connection of genuine love from someone who truly knows you. Romantic love, specifically the pair bond, offers a unique opportunity for deep, safe, and intimate connection.
Prenups and Marriage Strength
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(01:20:36)
  • Key Takeaway: Prenups can strengthen marriages by establishing clear rules, preventing state legislature from dictating terms during a breakup.
  • Summary: Prenups are considered beneficial because they allow couples to write their own rule set rather than relying on the state legislature’s default formulas, which change constantly. Being scared to ask for a prenup signals an underlying fear of having hard conversations, which are essential for marriage longevity. A prenup establishes clear ‘yours, mine, ours’ tranches, providing a framework for fairness and safety.
Divorce Litigation Chaos
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(01:23:58)
  • Key Takeaway: Divorce litigation often involves dueling experts who inflate or diminish asset values, leading to protracted and expensive conflict.
  • Summary: Lawyers can be incentivized to amplify conflict to maximize fees, sometimes by hiring partisan experts to argue over asset valuation, such as a podcast’s worth. This process forces parties to hire experts to impeach the opposing side’s data or conclusions, leading to massive legal expenses. A prenup prevents this chaos by pre-determining how assets are categorized and divided.
Pet Nups and Animal Custody
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(01:44:01)
  • Key Takeaway: A ‘pet nup’ is a contract establishing rules for companion animals in case of separation, addressing custody, medical decisions, and final arrangements.
  • Summary: Pets, historically treated as chattel (property), are now often the subject of custody disputes similar to children when relationships end. A pet nup proactively sets rules, such as granting the other party the right to adopt the animal if one person gives it up, or establishing visitation schedules. This preemptive contract ensures the animal’s well-being is considered outside of emotional conflict.
Divorce Rate Trends and Gray Divorce
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(01:47:31)
  • Key Takeaway: While divorce rates for younger generations are plummeting due to selectivity, divorce rates for those over 50 (‘gray divorce’) have significantly increased.
  • Summary: The official divorce rate only reflects finalized divorces, excluding couples who separate without formal dissolution. Gray divorce is rising partly because increased longevity and better health (e.g., ED medication) mean older individuals are less willing to stay in unhappy marriages for decades. Women’s increased financial independence also makes leaving unhappy marriages more affordable.
Lessons from Divorce Lawyer’s Books
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(01:52:26)
  • Key Takeaway: A divorce lawyer’s advice on preventing divorce is sought after because mechanics (divorce lawyers) understand predictable points of failure better than new car dealers (those only seeing successful marriages).
  • Summary: The book ‘How to Stay in Love’ resonated because it was the first by a divorce lawyer to directly address how to avoid divorce, offering insights on predictable failure points. The mechanic analogy suggests that those who see relationship failures understand maintenance better than those who only see new, successful relationships. The goal of a lasting marriage is for each partner to help the other become their most authentic self.
Authenticity as Relationship Goal
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(01:56:59)
  • Key Takeaway: The ultimate relational success is enabling your partner to become their most authentic self while remaining their favorite person.
  • Summary: The highest aspiration in a relationship is for one partner to help the other achieve their most authentic self. This contrasts with trying to shape a partner into a preconceived vision of who they should be. True service in love involves seeing a partner’s blind spots and actively helping them overcome those limitations.
The Promise of Marriage
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(01:59:03)
  • Key Takeaway: The core promise in marriage should be mutual service toward achieving each other’s most authentic self.
  • Summary: The promise in marriage should be a commitment to be of service in helping the other person realize their most authentic self. This process is inherently brave because it involves risk and the possibility of failure. The reward for this effort is profound: self-discovery, a dedicated partner, and a positive impact on the wider world.
Steven Bartlett’s Dream Insight
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(02:00:32)
  • Key Takeaway: Silence and presence can convey deeper connection than constant verbal communication, especially with loved ones.
  • Summary: Steven Bartlett shared a powerful dream about his late mother where she listened silently while patting his leg, suggesting words sometimes obstruct true connection. This experience prompted him to consciously practice simply being present with his sons and loved ones without needing to talk constantly. Sometimes, just being next to someone is the most valuable form of relating.
The Universal Desire for Love
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(02:04:17)
  • Key Takeaway: Despite complex pursuits, the fundamental human desire is simply to be loved and to feel worthy of that love.
  • Summary: All human endeavors, including the pursuit of success like having a top podcast, often stem from an underlying belief that accomplishment equates to being worthy of love. The hardest achievement is becoming one’s authentic self, and the most valuable assets in life are the people one loves and the experiences shared with them. Everything else ultimately amounts to noise.