We Can Do Hard Things

Rosie O’Donnell: Why She Really Left & Her New Ireland Life

December 9, 2025

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  • Rosie O'Donnell moved to Ireland for self-preservation and the healing environment it provides, especially for her autistic child, contrasting it with the political and social realities she felt she could no longer endure in the U.S. 
  • Losing her mother at age 10 created a lifelong hole and shaped O'Donnell's parenting style, leading her to overcompensate by smoothing the path for her children, which she now recognizes as a mistake. 
  • O'Donnell believes that fierce truth-telling is essential for survival, stemming from the imaginative and often untrue narratives she created as a child to cope with her mother's death and the lack of open conversation around grief. 
  • Rosie O'Donnell identifies with the bravery of sharing difficult personal truths, contrasting her tough New York exterior with her inner 'softy,' and notes that fear often arises when expected life structures change. 
  • Growth is achieved by pressing boundaries, though Rosie O'Donnell humorously admits her preference for quiet activities like Lego and watercolors over boundary-pushing adventures. 
  • Rosie O'Donnell expressed a strong desire to create a documentary about the stories of older lesbian women to preserve their history and dignity, especially given the current political climate. 

Segments

Initial Reactions and Current State
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(00:00:00)
  • Key Takeaway: The hosts immediately highlight Rosie O’Donnell’s healing in Ireland and her letter regarding Abby’s DUI as central themes of the episode.
  • Summary: The episode introduction emphasizes Rosie O’Donnell’s healing in Ireland and her candid discussion about losing her mother. A significant point mentioned is the letter O’Donnell wrote to Abby following her DUI, which was informed by her daughter’s struggle with substance abuse. The hosts also briefly connect O’Donnell’s film A League of Their Own to the rise of women’s sports.
Coping with World Crisis
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(00:01:32)
  • Key Takeaway: O’Donnell’s mental health strategy involves acknowledging the world’s crisis as a justifiable reaction, not a personal disorder.
  • Summary: O’Donnell is actively trying to keep her mental health in check, noting her psychopharmacologist validated her reaction to current world events as justifiable. She suggests that not breaking down right now might indicate a mental disorder, reflecting the overwhelming nature of global crises. She is asked for her strategies for maintaining her life while actively using her agency to speak up.
Adoption and Autistic Child
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(00:04:14)
  • Key Takeaway: Adopting her 12-year-old autistic child at age 50 has been the most emotionally expanding experience of O’Donnell’s life.
  • Summary: O’Donnell adopted her fifth child, who is non-binary and autistic, after having a heart attack at age 50. This child’s presence has been a profoundly beautiful and emotionally expanding experience for her. She recounts a recent difficult day where the child experienced a rare meltdown due to routine disruption following their move.
Relocation to Ireland
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(00:06:15)
  • Key Takeaway: O’Donnell moved to Ireland in January to protect herself and her child from the anticipated political horrors in America, specifically citing Project 2025.
  • Summary: The move to Ireland was a pre-planned ‘implementation of the plan’ triggered by reading Project 2025 and the election results, intended to be executed quietly before the inauguration. O’Donnell felt she could not emotionally survive watching the ‘desecration’ of American values from her home in Santa Monica. She emphasizes that the move was an act of self-preservation for herself and her 12-year-old child.
Healing in Irish Culture
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(00:12:16)
  • Key Takeaway: Ireland offers O’Donnell a healing, community-based culture free from American obsession with materialism and celebrity, allowing her to feel connected to her heritage.
  • Summary: O’Donnell describes life in Ireland as ‘glorious’ due to the welcoming nature of the people and the cultural difference from the U.S. She feels confronted daily by her genetic heritage by seeing people who resemble her family members. The culture is less obsessed with celebrity, and when recognized, people simply say, ‘Welcome to Ireland,’ which is exceptionally freeing.
Mother Loss and Irish Connection
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(00:15:07)
  • Key Takeaway: Returning to Ireland as an adult, bringing her own child, helped O’Donnell process the trauma of losing her mother at age 10.
  • Summary: O’Donnell’s father took the family to Donegal in 1973, near the height of the Troubles, after her mother died. She reflects on bringing her own child to Ireland at the same age she was when she first visited, noting the circle of life. The inability to talk about her mother’s death led to making up stories, reinforcing her commitment to being a fierce truth-teller.
Abandonment and Parenting Hurdles
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(00:24:12)
  • Key Takeaway: Losing her mother resulted in a profound loss of safety, manifesting as difficulty accepting her children’s necessary separation during adolescence.
  • Summary: O’Donnell confirms that losing her mother caused a loss of safety on the planet, which she still struggles with, viewing her children pushing away as another abandonment. She recounts an incident where her son suggested adjusting her medication when she became overly emotional during therapy sessions about his growing independence. She notes that she overcompensated for her own lack of maternal memories by smoothing the road too much for her children.
Art as Sanctuary and Activism
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(00:59:47)
  • Key Takeaway: Art, including music and crafts, serves as a vital sanctuary for O’Donnell to calm her nervous system amidst overwhelming world events.
  • Summary: Art is one of the few things keeping O’Donnell sane, providing a slower, saner world when she switches from doom-scrolling to reading or crafting. She has been listening to Hosier and painting/doing Legos to keep her hands busy when her brain needs to stop thinking. She also created collages juxtaposing her healthy child with bombed children from Gaza to process the trauma, though this was sometimes too much for her son.
Personal Softness vs. Exterior
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(01:07:12)
  • Key Takeaway: Rosie O’Donnell maintains a tough New York exterior despite being inherently a ‘softy’ or ‘mush.’
  • Summary: Rosie O’Donnell describes herself as fundamentally soft but possessing a tough exterior developed from her New York background, which allows her to confront issues directly. She relates this internal conflict to reading a book by someone who experienced significant, frightening changes. This realization prompts reflection on how people resist changes to their established understanding of life and country.
Embracing Change and Growth
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(01:07:57)
  • Key Takeaway: Fear stems from the human desire to maintain established realities, but true growth requires pressing against those boundaries.
  • Summary: The conversation connects the fear of change to the abandonment theme, where one’s expected life or country shifts unexpectedly. Growth is presented as an inevitable outcome of pushing past perceived boundaries. Rosie contrasts this with her own preference for staying home and engaging in quiet hobbies like Lego and watercolors.
Admiration for Elizabeth Gilbert
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(01:08:33)
  • Key Takeaway: Rosie O’Donnell admires Elizabeth Gilbert’s bravery in sharing her unfiltered experiences without preserving an image.
  • Summary: Rosie notes that Elizabeth Gilbert spends hours collaging and shares her experiences openly, which Rosie finds wild and brave. Rosie expresses a desire to meet Gilbert, though she admits to being ‘mildly afraid’ of her due to the intensity of her shared life events. The hosts affirm their unwavering support for Rosie.
Documentary Idea and Advocacy
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(01:09:12)
  • Key Takeaway: Rosie O’Donnell is interested in creating a documentary about older lesbians to educate younger generations about their history and ongoing fight for dignity.
  • Summary: The hosts enthusiastically volunteer to participate in a potential documentary about old lesbians, which Rosie expresses interest in pursuing. Rosie emphasizes the importance of telling these stories, particularly in the current political climate, to show how far the community has come and the need to hold onto dignity against ongoing attacks.
Support During Personal Crisis
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(01:09:53)
  • Key Takeaway: Rosie O’Donnell wrote an encouraging email to Abby following her DUI, emphasizing that she was a champion who would get through it, mirroring support Rosie received during her daughter Chelsea’s struggles.
  • Summary: Rosie reveals she wrote an email to Abby after her DUI, telling her she was a champion and that people were waiting for her recovery, though Abby never received it. Abby notes that she is now almost 10 years sober from that day. Rosie connects this to her own experience when her daughter Chelsea ran away a decade prior, highlighting the importance of showing up for people during substance abuse struggles.
Closing Remarks and Gratitude
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(01:10:59)
  • Key Takeaway: Rosie O’Donnell values and remembers those who reach out when she is down, citing Ben as one of those supportive individuals.
  • Summary: Rosie expresses gratitude for the people who reach out when she is struggling, whether due to online issues or other challenges. She thanks the hosts for their support and reiterates the podcast’s core message: ‘We can do hard things.’ The episode concludes with acknowledgments to the ‘Pod Squad’ and the production company, Treat Media.