Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Best of Friday 2025

December 26, 2025

Key Takeaways Copied to clipboard!

  • A caller shared a horrifying experience of drinking water contaminated with a dead mouse that had crawled into her stainless steel water bottle left in her car overnight. 
  • Another caller revealed a complex DNA testing discovery indicating she and her twin brother are half-siblings, each having a different biological father, one of whom was a Supreme Court justice. 
  • An EMT shared a traumatic first-responder story involving transporting a patient whose lower legs were completely necrotic, sloughing off tissue with every step, leading to the partner vomiting in the ambulance. 
  • The discussion highlights the extreme and often bizarre nature of medical emergencies involving foreign objects inserted rectally, ranging from diet soda cans to President Barbie dolls. 
  • The severity of rectal foreign object removal often necessitates deep sedation and complex surgical procedures, such as creating an ostomy, due to suction and anatomical challenges. 
  • The episode features a guest whose accidental defecation on a subway train led to a chain of unfortunate events, including a coworker breaking an arm on the resulting mess, illustrating the unpredictable consequences of bodily accidents. 

Segments

Mouse in Water Bottle Horror
Copied to clipboard!
(00:00:00)
  • Key Takeaway: A stainless steel water bottle left in a car overnight can become a hazard when a mouse crawls inside through a small opening.
  • Summary: The caller discovered a dead mouse in her water bottle after drinking from it all day, including seven refills. The mouse likely entered through a small, unsecured opening in the lid while the bottle was in the car. This incident led the caller to replace all stainless steel bottles with clear glass ones for visibility.
Twin’s Paternity Shock Discovery
Copied to clipboard!
(00:13:24)
  • Key Takeaway: DNA testing revealed that the caller and her twin brother are half-siblings, sharing only their mother, who conceived them with two different men around the same time.
  • Summary: The caller’s twin discovered via Ancestry that their shared father was not the biological father of one of them, leading to the realization of a rare phenomenon called ‘super-fetation’ or heteropaternal superfecundation. Further investigation suggested the caller’s biological father might be one of two other men who were colleagues of her mother at the time of her birth. The caller chose not to confront her elderly mother with this information to avoid causing distress.
First Responder Necrotic Leg Call
Copied to clipboard!
(00:38:19)
  • Key Takeaway: A new EMT encountered a patient whose lower legs were entirely necrotic, sloughing off tissue with every step, creating an extreme biohazard inside the ambulance.
  • Summary: The call, initially vague, led the EMT and her partner to an apartment where the patient’s lower legs were dead tissue, described as looking like mudslides of yellow, red, and brown matter. The partner refused to help load the patient, leaving the 21-year-old EMT to lift the decaying legs onto the stretcher, feeling her fingers sink into the ‘jam-like’ tissue. The resulting mess in the ambulance, which lacked air conditioning, caused the partner to vomit upon arrival at the hospital.
Holiday Car Ride Survival
Copied to clipboard!
(01:15:12)
  • Key Takeaway: James Austin Johnson’s ‘Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast’ features A-list guests like Gronk and the Jonas Brothers for family entertainment.
  • Summary: The Grinch Holiday Podcast is promoted as a solution for parents enduring long car rides with children during the holidays. The show features James Austin Johnson as the Grinch alongside guests like Gronk and the Jonas Brothers. It is available wherever podcasts are found.
Subway Fecal Incident Aftermath
Copied to clipboard!
(01:15:56)
  • Key Takeaway: A guest who sat in diarrhea on a New York City subway was forced to buy new pants from Lululemon, receiving a ‘You just Satin Human Shit Discount’ of 75% off.
  • Summary: The guest, after sitting in a puddle of diarrhea on the W train, sought refuge at a Lululemon store on Fifth Avenue for replacement clothing. Due to the contamination, the guest had to change in the store and had the soiled rental jeans bagged for later cleaning. The Lululemon staff provided a significant discount due to the extraordinary circumstances.
Emergency Room Foreign Object Stories
Copied to clipboard!
(01:05:59)
  • Key Takeaway: Emergency room doctors frequently encounter patients with foreign objects in their rectums, with diet soda cans being a surprisingly common item.
  • Summary: An emergency room doctor noted that patients presenting with ’no chief complaint’ often have an object lodged internally, estimating a high probability of this occurrence. The doctor mentioned that diet soda cans are a common object found during rectal exams, often requiring complex removal procedures. The process of removal typically involves anal dilation, sometimes progressing to a full fist insertion under sedation.
President Barbie Removal Procedure
Copied to clipboard!
(01:17:20)
  • Key Takeaway: A patient required surgery to remove a President Barbie doll lodged in his rectum, which caused a perforation requiring a colostomy, and he later requested the doll back for return.
  • Summary: The patient initially presented with severe constipation, but imaging revealed a Barbie doll lodged headfirst, with her arms acting as barbs preventing removal. The object was so stuck that the procedure moved to the operating room where the can tab from a diet soda (found later in the ostomy bag) confirmed the doll’s identity. The patient, upon discharge, asked for the President Barbie back, presumably to return it.
Accidental Fecal Evacuation Incident
Copied to clipboard!
(01:26:33)
  • Key Takeaway: A very tall college student accidentally defecated in his pants in a dining hall laundry room after a spicy noodle meal, leading to a coworker slipping on the resulting mess and breaking his arm.
  • Summary: The guest experienced sudden, uncontrollable diarrhea after eating spicy noodles at the UMass Amherst dining common and sought refuge in the laundry room, but the event occurred before he could secure a proper disposal method. He attempted to contain the mess by tucking his pants into his shoes before clocking out, walking stiffly through the crowd. The next day, a coworker named Mike slipped on what was later identified as feces on the stairs near the dining hall, breaking his arm.