Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card X

December 5, 2025

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  • The 'Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card X' segment features listeners sharing highly dramatic, personal stories, including a near-fatal sailing accident and a complex marital betrayal uncovered through a neighbor's email. 
  • The episode highlights the extreme lengths a creative nanny went to stage an elaborate, multi-layered prank birthday party for a 12-year-old, involving fake pizza fights and a staged fugitive alert. 
  • The discussion reveals that the structure of 'Armchair Anonymous' often involves stories that touch upon themes of near-death experiences, infidelity, and extreme social maneuvering. 
  • A caller named Andrew shared an extreme survival story from his geology work in Suriname involving a botfly infestation in his eyelid, which required unconventional local treatment. 
  • The caller's initial attempts to treat the botfly larvae involved self-diagnosis, a local medic's failed extraction attempt, and a local remedy of suffocating the larvae with a cigarette/Vaseline mixture. 
  • Despite the severe infection and subsequent eruption of larvae and pus, the caller's eye fully healed without professional medical intervention before he returned home, resulting in better than 20/20 vision. 

Segments

Wildcard Prompt Definitions
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(00:00:14)
  • Key Takeaway: The ‘Wildcard’ prompt in Armchair Anonymous often encompasses stories related to masturbation, unexpected orgasms, defecation, and unauthorized evacuations, though the current story involves maggots.
  • Summary: The hosts review the established categories for ‘Armchair Anonymous’ prompts, noting that ‘Wildcard’ is a catch-all. The specific story being introduced contains maggots, which is noted as an unusual but acceptable element. Listeners are warned about the content nature of these prompts.
Addy Sponsorship Read
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(00:01:10)
  • Key Takeaway: Addy (Flibanserin) is an FDA-approved, non-hormonal treatment for acquired, generalized hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) in premenopausal women, requiring caution regarding alcohol consumption due to fainting risks.
  • Summary: Addy is clinically proven to boost desire in certain premenopausal women experiencing low libido. It is not intended for men or to enhance sexual performance. Taking Addy close in time to alcohol consumption increases the risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting.
Allstate Sponsorship Read
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(00:03:01)
  • Key Takeaway: Checking with Allstate first for an insurance quote is presented as a smart financial decision that could save hundreds on car insurance.
  • Summary: The segment uses humorous examples of not checking things first (like phone volume or grocery lists) to emphasize the value of checking Allstate first for insurance quotes. Potential savings vary based on terms, conditions, and availability.
Lydia’s Sailing Near-Drowning
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(00:04:03)
  • Key Takeaway: A nine-year-old girl almost drowned after becoming entangled in a main sail line while intentionally capsizing a small sailboat during a practice drill on Pirate Day.
  • Summary: Lydia recounts an incident in 2010 at a Cape Cod sailing camp where she attempted a complex maneuver to climb over a capsizing sailboat and became entangled in a slack rope that tightened around her neck as the boat turned. Her sister’s hysterical reaction and the slow response of the counselors exacerbated the panic until a counselor cut the rope, saving her life.
Quince Sponsorship Read
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(00:17:24)
  • Key Takeaway: Quince partners directly with ethical factories to offer high-quality goods, like Mongolian cashmere, at significantly lower prices by eliminating middlemen markups.
  • Summary: Quince provides timeless staples for clothing and home goods by cutting out intermediaries, resulting in substantial savings compared to traditional retail prices for the same quality materials. They offer free shipping and 365-day returns, and are now available in Canada.
Squarespace Sponsorship Read
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(00:18:38)
  • Key Takeaway: Squarespace is an all-in-one platform featuring Blueprint AI to help users create professional websites quickly, integrating business tools like scheduling and payment processing.
  • Summary: Squarespace allows users to build professional sites without wrestling with complex tech, using AI to tailor designs to a specific vision. It supports service providers by handling payment processing, scheduling, and client management in one place. Use code DAX for 10% off the first purchase of a website or domain.
Stacey’s Husband’s Affair Story
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(00:21:35)
  • Key Takeaway: A friendship with a neighbor, Jenny, was revealed to be a calculated move by Jenny to confirm if Stacey’s husband was a terrible person following their affair.
  • Summary: Stacey learned via an email from her neighbor Jenny’s husband, Johnny, that Jenny and Stacey’s husband, Logan, had an affair that ended months before Jenny initiated a close friendship with Stacey. Jenny admitted she sought the friendship to validate that Stacey was a ’terrible person’ so she wouldn’t feel guilty about the affair, but instead confirmed Logan was the liar.
Stacey’s Elaborate Birthday Prank
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(00:35:41)
  • Key Takeaway: A nanny named Allison orchestrated an elaborate, multi-stage prank birthday party for the caller’s 12th birthday involving fake pizza delivery fights, a staged tornado drill, and a false report of escaped prisoners.
  • Summary: Allison, the nanny, convinced the caller’s parents to leave so she could host a massive sleepover where she implemented a ’no rules’ policy. The party escalated from a choreographed dance performance for pizza delivery men who then fought, to a fire drill using dry ice, and finally to a lockdown drill based on a fake call about escaped prisoners.
Allison’s Identity Revealed
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(00:46:36)
  • Key Takeaway: The highly creative and chaotic nanny, Allison, who orchestrated the elaborate 12th birthday prank, is confirmed to be a former coordinator for a UGA Cannes Study Abroad program and currently works for TCM.
  • Summary: The caller discovered that her former nanny, Allison, who was known for her creative flair, is the same person who worked at the University of Georgia and was involved in the Cannes Study Abroad program. Allison is now an editor at Turner Classic Movies (TCM) in Atlanta, confirming her continued involvement in creative media.
Andrew’s Introduction
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(00:49:57)
  • Key Takeaway: The third caller, Andrew from Denver, is a geology graduate who is the first caller from Denver in this segment to use his real name, despite other Canadian callers opting for anonymity.
  • Summary: Andrew, originally from Calgary, Canada, has lived in Denver for four years and graduated with a geology degree in 2011. He notes that his prefrontal cortex was not fully developed at the time of his upcoming story, which he hints will be significant.
Denver Caller Introduction
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(00:49:57)
  • Key Takeaway: Andrew is the first Denver caller on Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card X to use his real name.
  • Summary: The caller, Andrew, is from Denver, having lived there for four years, and is originally from Calgary, Canada. His willingness to use his real name contrasts with previous Denver callers who requested code names. The hosts briefly joke about Canadian cold versus Denver winters.
Geology Job in Suriname
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(00:50:52)
  • Key Takeaway: The caller took a gold exploration geology job in Suriname requiring him to work in the Amazon under 100% humidity.
  • Summary: The job involved field mapping, running crews, and stream sediment sampling, with a job description requirement to sleep in hammocks under tarps. The work was rotational: 30 days on, 26 days off. Field crews frequently suffered from serious tropical illnesses like dengue fever or leishmaniasis.
Botfly Larvae in Eyelid
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(00:52:39)
  • Key Takeaway: The caller developed a painful eye infection that was diagnosed as hatched botfly larvae living under his upper eyelid.
  • Summary: After ignoring initial symptoms for three days, the pain became severe, feeling like a wasp stinging his eye hourly. A coworker, Fiji, confirmed something alive was in his eye, leading to the diagnosis of an infestation of maggots (botfly larvae).
Failed Extraction Attempt
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(00:54:42)
  • Key Takeaway: Medics attempted to physically extract the larvae by force, but failed due to the lack of underlying structural support on the eyeball.
  • Summary: Plan A involved trying to pop the larvae out like a pimple, requiring the patient to bite down on a stick for stabilization. The medics were unable to get the necessary leverage on the eyeball, leading them to abandon extraction.
Suffocation Treatment Plan
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(00:55:47)
  • Key Takeaway: Local field workers advised suffocating the larvae by smearing a mixture of crushed cigarette and Vaseline over the breathing hole.
  • Summary: Plan B was to wait for the larvae to grow larger, but the caller opted for Plan C, the suffocation method suggested by locals. He posted a photo of the patched eye to Facebook, alarming his mother and sister.
Final Eruption and Recovery
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(00:56:52)
  • Key Takeaway: The larvae erupted the following day after the caller scratched his eye, expelling remnants and unknown liquid, leading to complete resolution.
  • Summary: The caller decided against surgery in the capital city of Paramaribo due to a chaotic medical translation chain involving Spanish, Dutch, and English. After the eruption, the eye felt great, and the larvae were successfully suffocated before they could fully develop into flying insects.
Follow-up Infestation
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(00:59:22)
  • Key Takeaway: The caller experienced a secondary botfly larvae infestation in his shoulder on a later rotation, which he unsuccessfully attempted to bring back to America.
  • Summary: The shoulder larvae could not survive the rapid temperature change when he tried to transport them back home. The caller noted that the pain from the shoulder infestation became quite bad.