Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Armchair Anonymous: First Responder II

March 6, 2026

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  • The first caller, a Canadian firefighter named Chris, shared a dramatic story of successfully resuscitating a man trapped under a car, who was initially thought to have severe brain damage but ultimately recovered. 
  • The second caller, Kendall, recounted a highly graphic incident where she, as an EMT, had to manage a patient whose scalp was partially torn off in a vehicle accident caused by a drunk driver who then fled the scene. 
  • The third caller, 'Chuck' (a former military medic and EMT from Wisconsin), described an extremely bizarre inter-facility transfer involving a young man who claimed his penis was amputated in a scaffolding accident, which turned out to be a self-inflicted, meticulously planned mutilation to obtain a prosthetic. 
  • The segment of the *Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard* episode *Armchair Anonymous: First Responder II* features a caller sharing an extremely graphic and disturbing story of self-mutilation involving a penis, which the hosts compare to serial killer behavior. 
  • The individual's self-inflicted injury was reportedly motivated by a desire to receive a prosthetic penis, though they ultimately survived with a tube instead. 
  • The extreme nature of the story prompted the hosts and caller to reflect on the severity of addiction and the things people do while under its influence, leading to a moment of gratitude for sobriety and physical well-being. 

Segments

Armchair Anonymous Introduction & Prompts
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(00:00:00)
  • Key Takeaway: The episode, Armchair Anonymous: First Responder II, features a graphic story requiring a trigger warning and solicits listener submissions for future episodes on spring break disasters, bad dates, twin stories, or scams.
  • Summary: The segment opens the Armchair Anonymous segment of the Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard podcast, confirming this is the second part of the First Responders series. A trigger warning is issued for a graphic story concluding the episode. Listeners are encouraged to submit stories for future prompts covering spring break disasters, bad dates, twin stories, or scams via the website.
Firefighter Caller Introduction & Mustaches
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(00:04:21)
  • Key Takeaway: Firefighters are often restricted to wearing only mustaches to maintain a proper seal with their breathing apparatus regulators, which explains the prevalence of the style in the profession.
  • Summary: The first caller, Chris, is identified as a firefighter based on his mustache, leading to a discussion about facial hair regulations. Firefighters are typically only allowed mustaches because full beards interfere with the seal required for SCBA (Self-Contained Breathing Apparatus) masks. Chris is from Canada, and the hosts briefly discuss the cultural association of mustaches with the gay community.
Trapped Under Car Rescue Story
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(00:04:44)
  • Key Takeaway: A vague 911 call about a trapped person led first responders to find a man pinned under a classic car in a garage, whom they successfully resuscitated after the man had been without a pulse.
  • Summary: Chris recounts a Halloween daytime emergency where the tones indicated only ’trapped,’ leading to an arrival at a quiet house. They discovered a man pinned beneath a collectible car, which was precariously supported by rollers and jacks. The team quickly lifted the vehicle and initiated CPR, successfully regaining the patient’s pulse within minutes, despite initial grim prognoses regarding intracranial pressure.
Caller Follow-up and Calendar Photo
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(00:10:11)
  • Key Takeaway: The man rescued from under the car made a full recovery, visiting the fire hall days later to express gratitude, and the caller confirmed he was featured on a local firefighter calendar.
  • Summary: After the initial rescue, the paramedic supervisor reported poor outcomes due to high intracranial pressure, but the patient later walked into the fire hall to thank the crew. The caller revealed the man called 911 using Siri while working on his car, explaining the vague dispatch information. The caller also confirmed he appeared shirtless on the cover of the local firefighter calendar.
Volunteer EMT/Firefighter Introduction
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(00:16:44)
  • Key Takeaway: The second caller, Kendall, is a volunteer firefighter and EMT from southeastern Pennsylvania who has a twin sister in the same profession, prompting interest in a future twin-themed Armchair Anonymous episode.
  • Summary: Kendall, a volunteer firefighter and EMT from southeastern PA, joins the call, and the hosts note her lack of a mustache, contrasting with the previous guest. She mentions having a twin sister who is also a firefighter/EMT, leading the hosts to suggest a future episode dedicated to twin stories for Armchair Anonymous.
Telephone Pole Accident Scalp Injury
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(00:18:58)
  • Key Takeaway: A ‘wires down’ call escalated into a severe trauma scene after a drunk driver crashed into two telephone poles, causing the female passenger to suffer a large, palm-sized scalp avulsion.
  • Summary: Kendall responded to a wires-down call in rural Pennsylvania, discovering two telephone poles downed by a vehicle accident. She found a young woman with a head injury; upon removing the towel, Kendall saw the patient’s skull because a large section of her scalp had been torn off. The driver, who was intoxicated, fled through a cornfield into a 60-foot ravine but survived with no injuries, while the passenger required staples.
EMT Transfer with Severe Ulcer Story
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(00:28:06)
  • Key Takeaway: An EMT transfer of an unresponsive, incontinent patient with severe bedsores resulted in the EMT accidentally putting his hand into the patient’s colon through a large ulcer.
  • Summary: Chuck, a former military medic and EMT, recounts a difficult inter-facility transfer of a large, unresponsive patient who was incontinent. While assisting hospital staff in repositioning the patient to change dressings on a severe ulcer near the tailbone, Chuck slipped and inserted his hand into the patient’s colon, which had been eroded by the wound.
Air Medical Paramedic Penis Amputation
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(00:41:13)
  • Key Takeaway: An air medical paramedic responded to a call for a penis amputation, only to find the patient was alert, high on drugs, and had attempted to remove his own penis in a bizarre plan to receive a prosthetic.
  • Summary: The final caller, Nicole, an air medical paramedic who fears flying, was dispatched for a reported penis amputation. Upon arrival, they found the young, meth-affected patient alert, with his testicles splayed open after releasing a tourniquet. The patient claimed the injury occurred in an elevator accident, but the clean cut and the discovery of his chewed-up penis tissue on ice confirmed it was self-inflicted as part of a plan to get a prosthetic.
Self-Mutilation Details Revealed
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(00:46:55)
  • Key Takeaway: The caller detailed a systematic process of self-amputation involving inserting a bolt, using pliers, cutting sections with a box knife, and chewing the tissue before spitting it into a condom.
  • Summary: The individual planned to acquire a prosthetic penis by removing parts of his own organ. The removal method involved using a bolt inserted into the head, pulled by pliers, and cut away with a box knife. The removed tissue was chewed and spat into a condom, which was then presented to medical personnel.
Reaction and Drug Speculation
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(00:47:47)
  • Key Takeaway: The extreme nature of the self-harm led the hosts to speculate that psychoactive substances, possibly bath salts, were involved in the perpetrator’s state of mind.
  • Summary: The hosts reacted with shock, noting the act felt like something from the movie Seven due to its serial killer-like planning. The caller mentioned the perpetrator journaled throughout the process. Speculation arose that the extreme behavior might be linked to drug use, specifically mentioning bath salts.
Outcome and Aftermath
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(00:48:00)
  • Key Takeaway: The individual survived the surgery but did not receive the desired prosthetic penis, instead being left with a tube for urination.
  • Summary: The man survived the surgery but ended up with a tube instead of the prosthetic penis he was seeking. The caller noted this story would likely be the ’top story’ heard in an addiction meeting. The caller also mentioned gifting their partner a ‘golden dick trophy’ purchased online.
Caller Follow-up and Gratitude
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(00:48:37)
  • Key Takeaway: The incident reportedly occurred around 2016 or 2017, and the caller confirmed the individual was alive as of their last knowledge.
  • Summary: The caller confirmed the event took place around 2016 or 2017, and they believed the man was still alive. The hosts thanked the caller for sharing the ‘whopper’ of a story. The conversation concluded with reflections on the need for a sense of humor when dealing with intense situations.
Episode Conclusion and Theme Song
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(00:49:28)
  • Key Takeaway: The episode concluded with the host announcing an impromptu theme song performance for the new show format.
  • Summary: The hosts expressed gratitude for the story, noting it provided perspective on things to be grateful for, such as sobriety and physical integrity. The segment ended with the host preparing to sing a theme song, as the show currently lacks one for its format.