Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Armchair Anonymous: Cooking Disaster II

February 6, 2026

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  • The segment of *Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard*'s episode *Armchair Anonymous: Cooking Disaster II* features listeners sharing severe kitchen accidents, including a severe bacon grease burn and a deep laceration from shattered glass. 
  • One listener's cooking disaster involved spilling boiling hot coffee on her husband, resulting in second-degree burns requiring hospitalization, fentanyl/morphine treatment, and subsequent withdrawal symptoms. 
  • Another listener sustained a deep wrist laceration requiring multiple attempts to stitch due to nearly severing an artery, resulting in permanent loss of some mobility and strength. 
  • The caller who shared her cooking disaster sustained a severe hand injury that resulted in permanent loss of 100% strength and mobility, leaving the area numb and tingly. 
  • The discussion briefly explored the correlation between hormonal cycles (periods) and clumsiness, with one host mentioning his wife experiences 'energy hands' during her cycle. 
  • Another caller shared a traumatic childhood story about her brother severely cutting his artery after dropping a case of glass soda bottles, highlighting the danger of glass in the kitchen. 
  • The segment concluded with appreciation for the vulnerability shared on the podcast, particularly regarding addiction recovery, as one caller's husband was approaching 10 years of sobriety. 

Segments

Introduction and Sponsor Read
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(00:00:00)
  • Key Takeaway: The Armchair Anonymous segment of Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard focuses on listener-submitted cooking disaster stories, prefaced with a warning for those sensitive to burning.
  • Summary: The episode opens by introducing the theme of cooking disasters and features a warning alert for listeners sensitive to stories involving burning. The segment is immediately followed by an extensive advertisement read for Quince, highlighting their premium quality clothing and home goods without luxury markups.
Squarespace Ad Read
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(00:01:39)
  • Key Takeaway: Squarespace offers an all-in-one website platform featuring Blueprint AI to help users create professional sites tailored to their vision.
  • Summary: Squarespace is promoted as a comprehensive platform for building professional websites, utilizing Blueprint AI to customize designs based on user input. The platform also integrates business functions like payment processing and scheduling for service providers. Listeners are encouraged to use code DAX for a discount.
Listener 1: Bacon Grease Burn
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(00:03:07)
  • Key Takeaway: Cooking bacon in bulk on a sheet pan and quickly removing it from the oven can lead to severe, liquid-like grease burns if the pan is tilted toward the body.
  • Summary: A listener preparing a pancake brunch for 20 people spilled an entire pan of hot bacon grease down his forearm while removing it from the oven, causing immediate blistering. His nurse wife provided immediate care, and the resulting burn was severe enough to require scraping by a surgeon, though he thankfully avoided permanent damage.
Helix Sleep Ad Read
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(00:09:46)
  • Key Takeaway: Helix Sleep uses a two-minute sleep quiz to match customers with the perfect mattress, with 82% of users experiencing increased deep sleep cycles.
  • Summary: Helix offers personalized mattresses based on individual sleep styles and needs, validated by studies showing improved deep sleep for users. The company provides a 120-night trial and a lifetime warranty. Listeners can receive 20% off using the promo code armchair.
Listener 2: Bugs in Pie
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(00:14:06)
  • Key Takeaway: A ceiling light fixture falling into a lemon meringue pie during preparation resulted in the dessert being contaminated with dead bugs, which were eaten by some guests before discovery.
  • Summary: While making a lemon meringue pie in a hot, old farmhouse, the listener accidentally knocked down the light fixture, scattering dead bugs into the pie mix. Three pieces of the pie were consumed before the contamination was noticed, though the listener’s mother-in-law later requested the recipe for her pumpkin cookies, signaling acceptance.
Walden University & ZipRecruiter Ads
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(00:18:19)
  • Key Takeaway: Walden University offers flexible Tempo Learning for working professionals seeking degrees, while ZipRecruiter claims 4 out of 5 employers find a quality candidate within the first day of posting.
  • Summary: Walden University supports working professionals with flexible degree programs where students control the pace of learning, taught by faculty with real-world experience. ZipRecruiter’s matching technology quickly connects employers with qualified candidates, often within 24 hours. Both sponsors offer incentives for listeners to engage with their services.
Listener 3: French Press Scalding
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(00:26:31)
  • Key Takeaway: A sleep-deprived new parent accidentally knocking over a French press resulted in severe second-degree burns to her husband’s thigh and groin area, leading to hospitalization and opioid withdrawal.
  • Summary: While handling a six-week-old baby and a French press, the listener’s husband was scalded by boiling coffee and glass, resulting in severe second-degree burns on his thigh and groin area. He required hospitalization for pain management via fentanyl and morphine, leading to a difficult weaning process and withdrawal syndrome upon discharge. The couple subsequently discarded all French presses.
BetterHelp Ad Read
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(00:20:37)
  • Key Takeaway: BetterHelp connects individuals with licensed therapists based on needs, offering accessibility for those navigating life’s challenges, with the option to switch therapists easily.
  • Summary: BetterHelp provides accessible mental health support by matching users with one of over 30,000 licensed therapists. The platform is designed for flexibility, allowing users to switch therapists if the initial match is not ideal. Listeners can receive 10% off their first month using the promo code armchair.
Listener 4: Kitchen Glass Laceration
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(00:42:36)
  • Key Takeaway: Attempting to salvage a bowl of corn after it shattered, the listener yanked a large shard of glass from her wrist, causing arterial-level bleeding and resulting in permanent nerve damage.
  • Summary: On Cinco de Mayo, the listener accidentally shattered a glass bowl of corn, and in shock, she pulled a large, arrowhead-shaped piece of glass from her wrist, causing spurting blood flow. Despite seeking urgent care, the deep wound could not be fully closed with standard stitches, and she ultimately experienced permanent numbness and tingling due to nerve damage.
Nordic Naturals & MIDI Health Ads
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(00:39:46)
  • Key Takeaway: Nordic Naturals is the top-selling Omega-3 brand in the U.S., while MIDI Health is a telehealth clinic specializing in insurance-covered care for women experiencing menopause and perimenopause.
  • Summary: Nordic Naturals provides purified Omega-3 supplements, which are vital for heart and brain health, offering a non-fishy taste and third-party testing for purity. MIDI Health addresses the 75% of women left untreated for midlife health issues by offering personalized, insurance-covered virtual care from world-class clinicians.
Hand Injury Recovery Details
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(00:50:18)
  • Key Takeaway: Severe hand injury resulted in permanent deficit of 100% strength and mobility.
  • Summary: Full recovery from the kitchen accident was not achieved, taking three months just for the pain to subside enough to close the hand. The area around the small scar remains numb and tingly due to nerve damage sustained during the incident. The caller explicitly states she never regained 100% strength or mobility.
Period Clumsiness Hypothesis
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(00:51:21)
  • Key Takeaway: One host hypothesized that the caller’s accident might be linked to PMS-induced manic energy or ’energy hands'.
  • Summary: A follow-up question explored whether the caller was on her period, referencing a concept called ’energy hands’ where objects spontaneously fly up. The caller admitted to having a ‘franticness’ or manic energy associated with PMS. Blaming the accident on PMS was preferred over admitting to general clumsiness.
Armchair Anonymous Photo Impact
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(00:52:07)
  • Key Takeaway: The segment has led to the viewing of four times the number of ‘insane photos’ compared to the host’s previous 45 years.
  • Summary: The hosts acknowledged the sheer volume of shocking photos received through the Armchair Anonymous segment. Listeners were reminded of a previous traumatic story involving a rat in a water bottle, which caused significant disgust among female listeners. The discussion noted that women seemed particularly freaked out by the rat incident, possibly because they carry water bottles more often.
Addiction Recovery Gratitude
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(00:53:14)
  • Key Takeaway: The podcast’s vulnerability regarding addiction was profoundly impactful for a listener whose husband is nearing 10 years sober.
  • Summary: The caller expressed deep appreciation for the conversations on addiction, noting that Dax Shepard’s shared journey resonated with her husband. She highlighted that the perspective offered by Monica regarding loving an addict was particularly helpful for combating feelings of loneliness and fear. Her husband, Justin, is set to celebrate 10 years of sobriety soon.
Brother’s Childhood Artery Injury
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(00:55:18)
  • Key Takeaway: A second traumatic injury story involved a young boy cutting his artery after dropping a case of glass soda bottles.
  • Summary: The host recounted a story where his young brother, around age eight, dropped an eight-pack of glass soda bottles, causing a bottle to sever his artery. The blood spurted high enough to hit the ceiling in their remote location. His father tourniqueted the wound with a dish rag before rushing him to the hospital, leaving a noticeable scar.
Closing Remarks and Outro
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(00:56:29)
  • Key Takeaway: The segment concluded with a warning about kitchen safety and the introduction of a new, unwritten theme song for the show.
  • Summary: The hosts cautioned listeners to be careful in the kitchen, referencing the numerous knife injuries Dax Shepard has sustained. The segment ended abruptly as the host began improvising a theme song for the show, noting they currently lack one for the new format.