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[00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:04.800] You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday.
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[00:00:54.320 --> 00:00:55.760] Terms and conditions apply.
[00:00:55.760 --> 00:00:58.720] Hiring, Indeed, is all you need.
[00:01:00.640 --> 00:01:04.480] ACAS powers the world's best podcasts.
[00:01:04.480 --> 00:01:06.720] Here's the show that we recommend.
[00:01:08.640 --> 00:01:11.760] Hey, everybody, I'm Naomi Acparrigan, and I'm Andy Beckerman.
[00:01:11.760 --> 00:01:16.720] We're a real-life couple and a real-life couple of comedians, and we're the hosts of the podcast Couples Therapy.
[00:01:16.720 --> 00:01:19.600] We're the only comedy relationship podcast ever.
[00:01:19.600 --> 00:01:20.720] Yeah, I said it.
[00:01:20.720 --> 00:01:26.320] And we're so good, we've been written up in both the New York Times and we made Grinder's list of top podcasts.
[00:01:26.320 --> 00:01:28.400] Yes, we're giving you that high-low appeal.
[00:01:28.400 --> 00:01:29.120] Trust.
[00:01:29.120 --> 00:01:37.520] On the show, we talk to guests like Bob the Drag Queen, Angelica Ross, Bowen Yang, Janelle James, Danny Pootie, Darcy Cardin, Paul F.
[00:01:37.520 --> 00:01:39.440] Tompkins, and more.
[00:01:39.440 --> 00:01:42.560] All about love, mental health, and everything in between.
[00:01:42.560 --> 00:01:45.040] And we answer your relationship questions.
[00:01:45.040 --> 00:01:48.480] We are two unlicensed comedians just trying to help you out.
[00:01:48.480 --> 00:01:53.840] So open your hearts, loosen your butts, because we got a lot of laughs and a lot of real talk just for you.
[00:01:53.840 --> 00:01:57.520] Download Couples Therapy wherever you get your podcasts.
[00:01:59.960 --> 00:02:05.720] ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.
[00:02:05.720 --> 00:02:07.560] Acast.com.
[00:02:09.800 --> 00:02:16.840] Sometimes it would seem like things were kind of like a little chaotic, but the whole purpose for me was to fail forward.
[00:02:16.840 --> 00:02:25.880] If it was going to be a quote-unquote failure, I was going to do it with forward momentum and learn a lot and apply the lesson to the next opportunity.
[00:02:25.880 --> 00:02:28.920] And hopefully it makes me better at what I do.
[00:02:29.560 --> 00:02:38.200] You're listening to Side Hustle Pro, the podcast that teaches you to build and grow your side hustle from passion project to profitable business.
[00:02:38.200 --> 00:02:41.160] And I'm your host, Nikayla Matthews Okome.
[00:02:41.160 --> 00:02:42.840] So let's get started.
[00:02:46.680 --> 00:02:47.240] Hey, friends.
[00:02:47.240 --> 00:02:47.800] Hey, welcome.
[00:02:47.880 --> 00:02:49.080] Welcome back to the show.
[00:02:49.080 --> 00:02:50.280] It's Nikayla here.
[00:02:50.280 --> 00:02:53.000] And today in the guest chair, I have Melissa Ford.
[00:02:53.000 --> 00:02:59.720] Melissa is a media personality, actress, and advocate known for her dynamic presence in entertainment.
[00:02:59.720 --> 00:03:09.560] With a career spanning television, film, and radio, she has captivated audiences as a host on the Joe Button podcast and various TV appearances.
[00:03:09.560 --> 00:03:21.000] And as a seasoned veteran in media and entertainment, Melissa has mastered the art of pivoting and identifying viable opportunities to launch into new and exciting spaces.
[00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:33.240] And now, Melissa is using her platform to foster meaningful conversations about wellness, intimacy, and health as we hurdle obstacles and enter our next stage of life.
[00:03:33.240 --> 00:03:41.480] With her relatable, candid approach, Melissa is passionate about empowering all through open dialogue and education.
[00:03:41.480 --> 00:03:49.440] And in today's episode, she gets into why her winding career has led her to exactly where she's meant to be.
[00:03:49.440 --> 00:03:54.240] I hope this conversation inspires you and reassures you as much as it did me.
[00:03:54.240 --> 00:03:56.000] So let's get right into it.
[00:03:58.240 --> 00:04:00.800] Melissa, welcome, welcome to the guest chair.
[00:04:00.800 --> 00:04:02.160] Thank you for having me.
[00:04:02.160 --> 00:04:04.080] I've been looking forward to this.
[00:04:04.080 --> 00:04:05.040] Me too.
[00:04:05.040 --> 00:04:08.960] And you know, everybody I mentioned that I was interviewing you two.
[00:04:08.960 --> 00:04:10.320] Everybody was like, oh my God.
[00:04:10.320 --> 00:04:12.480] And I'm like, okay, relax, calm down.
[00:04:12.800 --> 00:04:15.600] You have such a fan base across generations.
[00:04:15.600 --> 00:04:18.000] I'm talking across gender and generations.
[00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:20.240] And I was taken aback by it.
[00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:26.640] Yeah, it's sometimes it surprises me too, like when, you know, 20 and 22 year olds like know who I am.
[00:04:26.640 --> 00:04:33.360] But I think that I got kind of introduced to that generation by way of doing the Joe Button podcast.
[00:04:33.920 --> 00:04:41.680] So, you know, I've got my day ones that are in my age group and maybe a little bit older and a little bit younger.
[00:04:41.680 --> 00:04:48.320] But when I get like the same kids that are watching Kai Sanat, I'm like, wow, wow.
[00:04:48.640 --> 00:04:51.040] We have a broad audience here.
[00:04:51.040 --> 00:04:51.920] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:04:51.920 --> 00:04:53.120] It feels really good though.
[00:04:53.120 --> 00:04:54.560] And it feels really good to talk to you.
[00:04:54.560 --> 00:04:59.040] Like, I already feel like such a great rapport and I'm excited for this convo.
[00:04:59.040 --> 00:05:00.720] But let's take it back a little bit.
[00:05:00.720 --> 00:05:03.440] I always forget this, but you're actually from Canada, right?
[00:05:03.440 --> 00:05:07.760] So when did you actually move to the States and start working here?
[00:05:08.080 --> 00:05:17.040] I moved to the States on September 11th, 2000, a year to the day before the towers came down.
[00:05:18.240 --> 00:05:24.400] Had I didn't, had I known that was going to be my anniversary, I probably would have saved the plane ticket, you know?
[00:05:25.200 --> 00:05:27.680] But that was the day that I moved here.
[00:05:27.680 --> 00:05:31.640] Now, did I have permission from my country to leave and this country to stay here?
[00:05:31.960 --> 00:05:33.080] No, I did not.
[00:05:33.800 --> 00:05:36.600] But you know, that's that's that's part of the immigrant.
[00:05:36.840 --> 00:05:43.960] Yeah, you know, that yes, just part of the immigrant experience a lot of times is you figure it out once you're inside, you know.
[00:05:44.360 --> 00:05:45.320] Absolutely, exactly.
[00:05:45.320 --> 00:05:45.800] Yeah, yeah.
[00:05:45.800 --> 00:05:53.560] But I am now and have been for a very long time a tax-paying citizen of this country.
[00:05:53.560 --> 00:05:54.200] Yes.
[00:05:54.520 --> 00:06:01.080] And you classify yourself as a media personality, obviously, an actress, you're an advocate.
[00:06:01.080 --> 00:06:06.440] And when you started out, you started out making, I've heard you call them short films.
[00:06:06.440 --> 00:06:11.560] Tell us about these short films and your career and how it got started in the film industry.
[00:06:11.800 --> 00:06:19.800] Well, they were, I call them mini-motion pictures, and basically they were music videos, but it was at a, it was the golden age of doing music videos.
[00:06:19.800 --> 00:06:29.960] It was a, it was a very rare block of time in which music video, the music industry and labels were flush with money.
[00:06:30.280 --> 00:06:35.320] Exorbitant amounts of money was being spent on music videos.
[00:06:35.320 --> 00:06:40.120] And music videos were not like, you know, what they're like now.
[00:06:40.120 --> 00:06:44.600] Like, I don't, I don't even remember the last time I saw like a recent music video.
[00:06:44.600 --> 00:06:54.760] But I mean, they music videos at this time were such a big deal that like MTV would be like world premiere and everybody would just run to the TV to see this newest video.
[00:06:54.760 --> 00:07:00.120] And usually it was somebody huge like Nas or Jay-Z or, you know, whoever.
[00:07:00.520 --> 00:07:15.040] But it was really exciting to like to be a part of that world at that time, you know, not really knowing how impactful it was going to be for the culture forever.
[00:07:14.680 --> 00:07:17.520] You know, it just, it was, it was, it was a very specific time.
[00:07:17.680 --> 00:07:27.040] It was the golden age and it left an indelible mark on everybody's brains, you know, like for so many different, for so many different reasons.
[00:07:27.040 --> 00:07:39.440] For young girls watching videos, a lot of the time, this was the first time they saw any kind of real representation that where they saw themselves in that, which was wonderful.
[00:07:40.000 --> 00:07:50.160] And then for guys, well, I think it's pretty obvious what they enjoyed about watching us do music videos.
[00:07:50.640 --> 00:07:54.080] But it was a really, really, really, really, really wonderful time.
[00:07:54.080 --> 00:07:54.720] Really wonderful time.
[00:07:54.800 --> 00:07:55.520] It really was.
[00:07:55.520 --> 00:07:57.440] And I don't think I've unpacked that in a while.
[00:07:57.440 --> 00:08:00.240] The fact that I don't know what these artists are doing these days.
[00:08:00.240 --> 00:08:09.200] I'm sure someone is watching, but like, this was the main event for this was a huge part of us getting to know the artists and their album.
[00:08:09.200 --> 00:08:11.520] And like you said, I'm part of the TRL generation.
[00:08:11.520 --> 00:08:21.680] I remember having to be home by four o'clock, you know, the 106M Park generation to see those premieres, to see these artists, and to have videos running in the background.
[00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:23.920] Like that was part of your getting ready in the morning.
[00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:26.800] Nowadays, it's just not, it's just not the same.
[00:08:26.800 --> 00:08:28.080] It's not the same kind of thing.
[00:08:28.400 --> 00:08:32.640] When I see that there's a video for a song, I'm like, oh, there's a video for this one.
[00:08:33.280 --> 00:08:33.760] Yeah.
[00:08:33.760 --> 00:08:37.040] So, I mean, social media changed every social media just basically.
[00:08:37.040 --> 00:08:48.640] Well, before social media came along, the record industry has always kind of been in flux constantly, you know?
[00:08:48.640 --> 00:09:04.120] And I mean, just what we're seeing right now, we're seeing such a massive consolidation of the labels into just these huge conglomerates, you know, like, you know, Universal Music Group and everything that's kind of like all the subsidiaries underneath of it and stuff like that.
[00:09:04.440 --> 00:09:13.800] Whereas it wasn't like that 20 years ago, it was like, you know, capital and it's even crazy to hear you say 20 years ago.
[00:09:14.040 --> 00:09:16.440] I'm still wrapping my mind around it.
[00:09:22.280 --> 00:09:28.840] How did you, as a young woman coming to a whole new country, manage the pivot, right?
[00:09:28.840 --> 00:09:39.640] Once you started to feel like I want to move beyond this phase of my career, how did you manage the fear, the dauntingness of like figuring out what's next?
[00:09:40.600 --> 00:09:52.680] I just always, you know, I had all of these analogies in my head, you know, sink or swim, you know, the cream rises to the top, and just all these cliched phrases.
[00:09:52.680 --> 00:10:01.960] But, you know, I just always envisioned myself like a baby bird that has to be pushed out of the nest in order for it to know it has, it can fly and there's going to be fear involved.
[00:10:01.960 --> 00:10:16.440] But my way of thinking is just like, you know, taking the road less traveled and, you know, creating footprints, you know, and just like, you know, not necessarily following like the beaten path, just like flying by the seat of my pant and following the beat of my own drum kind of thing.
[00:10:16.520 --> 00:10:18.680] I know I just threw a whole bunch of cliched phrases.
[00:10:18.760 --> 00:10:20.920] Yeah, every single one, back to back.
[00:10:21.640 --> 00:10:23.880] This is literally, this is literally how I live.
[00:10:24.360 --> 00:10:25.080] You have to do that.
[00:10:25.480 --> 00:10:30.520] Yeah, I mean, when I moved here, when I moved here, I had two suitcases, $25, and a one-way ticket.
[00:10:30.520 --> 00:10:32.600] Like, I really am that story.
[00:10:32.920 --> 00:10:36.360] And like I said, I was, I did not have permission from my country to leave.
[00:10:36.360 --> 00:10:38.040] I didn't have permission from this country to stay.
[00:10:38.040 --> 00:10:39.560] And people are like, well, it's just Canada.
[00:10:39.560 --> 00:10:44.800] I'm like, it is a totally different country with a totally different culture.
[00:10:44.440 --> 00:10:47.040] Like, we're owned by the queen.
[00:10:47.360 --> 00:10:48.320] You know what I'm saying?
[00:10:44.680 --> 00:10:50.480] Like, we may as well be Brits up there.
[00:10:44.840 --> 00:10:54.160] You know, it's very different from American culture.
[00:10:54.160 --> 00:10:58.640] And I had a lot of culture shock when I moved here.
[00:10:58.640 --> 00:11:13.040] But, you know, when it came to feeling fear or, you know, hesitation when it came to trying something new, I was just like, why did you leave your country if you're not just going to throw caution to the wind and just do it?
[00:11:13.040 --> 00:11:19.120] I'd rather suffer from the fear of failure than the fear of regret of not trying something.
[00:11:19.120 --> 00:11:22.960] You know, that's just, that's also how I kind of live my life.
[00:11:22.960 --> 00:11:26.160] And you just reminded me too, like, I'm also an immigrant.
[00:11:26.160 --> 00:11:28.000] Our family immigrated from Jamaica.
[00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:41.760] And there's something about when you come from another country that this, this fear of having to go, even though there's nothing wrong with it, like going back is a symbol of some kind of failure, of some kind of you didn't do what you came here to do.
[00:11:42.080 --> 00:11:43.920] And that motivates you.
[00:11:43.920 --> 00:11:44.480] It does.
[00:11:44.480 --> 00:11:44.960] It does.
[00:11:44.960 --> 00:11:50.960] And I just, I, I just had no intentions of ever going back, you know?
[00:11:51.120 --> 00:11:54.320] And people say that to me a lot: like, would you ever go back to Canada?
[00:11:54.320 --> 00:11:58.720] I'm like, no, no, no, never.
[00:11:58.720 --> 00:12:03.040] It's literally like a book I read a long time ago.
[00:12:03.040 --> 00:12:07.920] You know, close that chapter, just put that on the bookshelf, you know.
[00:12:08.640 --> 00:12:16.400] And it's just like the way that I've kind of like envisioned my life is, you know, that I have several lifetimes to live inside of this one.
[00:12:16.400 --> 00:12:21.680] And so the first part of my life was, I was born and raised in Canada.
[00:12:21.680 --> 00:12:26.000] I left there when I was about 21, 22-ish.
[00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:32.920] And so then I've lived in the States for shoot, like, I guess like 24 years now, something to that effect.
[00:12:32.920 --> 00:12:33.320] Yeah.
[00:12:29.520 --> 00:12:34.920] But this is not the last stop for me.
[00:12:35.160 --> 00:12:39.000] I do not see myself living the rest of my life in the U.S.
[00:12:39.160 --> 00:12:42.760] I see myself living Thailand.
[00:12:42.760 --> 00:12:43.560] Yes.
[00:12:43.560 --> 00:12:44.840] Why Thailand?
[00:12:44.840 --> 00:12:45.640] I don't know.
[00:12:45.640 --> 00:12:49.960] It just, everything I've ever, I have never been to Thailand.
[00:12:49.960 --> 00:12:59.560] I've been to, I've been to Bali, which kind of from the from what I've seen about Thailand, a lot of that reminds me of Bali.
[00:13:00.120 --> 00:13:03.720] And I thought that Bali was just, it was paradise.
[00:13:03.720 --> 00:13:05.560] I had the best time.
[00:13:05.560 --> 00:13:09.480] So I just feel like Thailand is just kind of like where I'm going to end up.
[00:13:09.800 --> 00:13:11.160] I just have this feeling.
[00:13:11.160 --> 00:13:19.080] Like I knew I was going to move to New York even when I was like in my teens, before I even knew that New York was made up of five boroughs.
[00:13:19.080 --> 00:13:22.360] I knew I was going to live in New York and live in Bed Sai.
[00:13:22.600 --> 00:13:24.600] I was like, wait, where is Bed Stai?
[00:13:24.600 --> 00:13:25.240] What is that?
[00:13:25.240 --> 00:13:27.320] It was like a premonition that I had.
[00:13:27.320 --> 00:13:29.080] And then I ended up living in Bed Saiya.
[00:13:29.240 --> 00:13:30.680] Was that song lyrics?
[00:13:30.680 --> 00:13:31.560] Or you were just like.
[00:13:31.880 --> 00:13:42.120] No, it wasn't even song lyrics because when I was 15, we didn't really have access to like hip-hop like it is here.
[00:13:42.120 --> 00:13:44.440] Like we didn't have video music box.
[00:13:44.440 --> 00:13:46.040] We didn't have BET.
[00:13:46.040 --> 00:13:51.240] We didn't get BET until like 1996 on our television.
[00:13:51.240 --> 00:13:53.720] So I was like, what, 20 at the time?
[00:13:53.720 --> 00:13:55.320] Wait, 20, 19, 20?
[00:13:55.320 --> 00:13:56.040] Something like that.
[00:13:56.040 --> 00:13:56.360] Yeah.
[00:13:56.360 --> 00:13:57.000] Yeah.
[00:13:58.120 --> 00:13:58.920] So yeah, it's.
[00:13:59.000 --> 00:14:00.040] So it was a different world.
[00:14:00.040 --> 00:14:00.280] Okay.
[00:14:00.920 --> 00:14:02.120] It definitely was a different world.
[00:14:02.120 --> 00:14:08.360] But I say all that to say, going back to, yeah, like the next chapter of my life is going to be living abroad.
[00:14:08.360 --> 00:14:11.240] And I have a feeling that it's going to be Thailand.
[00:14:17.280 --> 00:14:23.680] Now, walk us back to where you were when you left doing mini motion pictures.
[00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:30.640] Were you ever like at a point where you were kind of worried about money or finances as you figured out the next step?
[00:14:30.640 --> 00:14:33.360] Like, how do you get through those moments?
[00:14:35.600 --> 00:14:48.400] No, I was never really worried about money because when I came to the States, obviously, you know, I'm illegal, so I can't really get a job.
[00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:57.600] And I didn't do a lot, like enough music videos for that to be like a sustainable source of revenue.
[00:14:57.600 --> 00:14:59.680] Okay, that's what I'm trying to understand.
[00:14:59.680 --> 00:15:00.080] Yeah.
[00:15:00.400 --> 00:15:05.680] But I definitely, I was a bartender and I was a very, very, very good bartender.
[00:15:05.680 --> 00:15:07.680] I had been bartending in Toronto.
[00:15:08.000 --> 00:15:13.200] It was one of my jobs that helped me pay my way through university.
[00:15:13.200 --> 00:15:16.560] So when I got here, well, it was very easy to get a bartending job.
[00:15:16.560 --> 00:15:17.120] I was young.
[00:15:17.120 --> 00:15:18.000] I was hot.
[00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:19.280] Everybody wanted me at the bar.
[00:15:19.280 --> 00:15:21.760] Plus, it's just like, oh, she's that girl from the video.
[00:15:21.760 --> 00:15:22.480] Oh, hell yeah.
[00:15:22.480 --> 00:15:26.640] You know, so it was not difficult for me to get a bartending job.
[00:15:26.640 --> 00:15:34.400] And usually in bars, lounges, clubs where a major promoter had parties going on.
[00:15:34.400 --> 00:15:45.840] And so I ended up, you know, in a very, very, very, very short amount of time crossing paths with a lot of, you know, clientele with a high net worth.
[00:15:45.840 --> 00:15:54.000] You know, so rappers would be like my customers, you know, dope boys, like guys with a lot of money.
[00:15:54.800 --> 00:15:57.280] And they liked the tip really, really, really well.
[00:15:57.280 --> 00:16:01.720] So, there were nights where I would make my entire rent in like one single night.
[00:15:59.840 --> 00:16:06.600] And that was just, I first in Canada, they tipped me in toonies and loonies.
[00:16:06.680 --> 00:16:10.680] Okay, I was just walking around jingling like with change in my pockets.
[00:16:10.680 --> 00:16:14.600] And here guys were like, you know, peeling off like bills.
[00:16:14.600 --> 00:16:21.720] And I was like, wow, you know, so that really helped me kind of sustain, you know, being able to pay my bills and my rentals.
[00:16:21.960 --> 00:16:23.480] Certified side hustler.
[00:16:23.480 --> 00:16:27.880] That's why I asked because I think sometimes people see the glitz and the glam and they're just assuming.
[00:16:27.880 --> 00:16:35.960] But I know from working in entertainment, like there are gaps between each project and bills still need to be paid within those gaps.
[00:16:35.960 --> 00:16:38.600] So the side hustle instinct has to kick in.
[00:16:38.600 --> 00:16:42.440] Yeah, the life of a freelancer is not for the faint of heart.
[00:16:42.440 --> 00:16:45.240] The life of an entrepreneur is not for the faint of heart.
[00:16:46.200 --> 00:16:47.080] It just isn't.
[00:16:47.080 --> 00:16:50.600] There's just no promise or guarantee of anything.
[00:16:50.600 --> 00:16:55.400] So bartending was definitely like my main source of income.
[00:16:55.400 --> 00:17:09.560] And then when I transitioned from doing music videos to broadcast, like television broadcasting, so now I'm on BET as on-camera talent, that was paying me very nicely.
[00:17:09.560 --> 00:17:11.880] So I no longer was a bartender.
[00:17:11.880 --> 00:17:16.920] And that kind of started the next part of my career.
[00:17:16.920 --> 00:17:19.160] So tell us a little bit more about that next part.
[00:17:19.160 --> 00:17:23.640] So you did acting on camera for several years.
[00:17:23.640 --> 00:17:25.000] Was that where you saw yourself?
[00:17:25.000 --> 00:17:28.520] Like that was the sweet spot where you're like, this is where I want my career to go.
[00:17:28.520 --> 00:17:39.720] No, I really was kind of just flying by the seat of my pants a little bit, you know, and just throwing stuff at the wall to see what stuck kind of thing.
[00:17:40.440 --> 00:17:42.600] It was so-I appreciate this so much.
[00:17:42.600 --> 00:17:48.560] I just want you to know that I really appreciate that because sometimes that's still how my career feels.
[00:17:44.840 --> 00:17:50.880] I appreciate this conversation.
[00:17:51.040 --> 00:18:02.640] Yeah, so yeah, I mean, a lot of times, you know, it was really important for me for some reason to always make it look like I had it all together and I knew exactly what I was doing and where I was going, and everything was well thought out.
[00:18:02.640 --> 00:18:05.040] It is such a lie, it is not the truth.
[00:18:05.040 --> 00:18:07.200] I did not know my ass from my elbow.
[00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:12.800] I was constantly like, you know, just kind of looking up at the praying, somebody send me a sign.
[00:18:12.800 --> 00:18:34.400] You know, I had, I was alone in the U.S., I didn't have any family, I didn't have any mentors, I didn't have any guidance, nobody had done, there was no blueprint for what I was doing, going from music videos and having the audacity to try and make a career out of that.
[00:18:34.400 --> 00:18:40.480] Like, there was, there was nothing there, you know, in order to point me in any type of direction.
[00:18:40.480 --> 00:18:41.920] Nobody knew what to do with me.
[00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:53.200] Nobody wanted to manage me because they were like, I don't know what to do with you because what is like exactly like what is your talent and how do I sell it other than you being beautiful?
[00:18:53.200 --> 00:18:59.920] And I'm like, well, I, okay, well, then let me go on to the next opportunity, which is television broadcasting.
[00:18:59.920 --> 00:19:01.200] Did I know what I was doing?
[00:19:01.200 --> 00:19:01.840] Hell no.
[00:19:01.840 --> 00:19:03.120] Did they prepare me?
[00:19:03.120 --> 00:19:04.080] Hell no.
[00:19:04.080 --> 00:19:11.040] It was literally like Daniel in the lion's den, just thrown right in there and make it work for yourself.
[00:19:11.040 --> 00:19:21.200] And so I got a little bit of media training, but I had no like talent development for on-camera work.
[00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:32.600] That was literally just me winging it and also studying people, you know, so I had the benefit of free being at BET when I joined.
[00:19:32.920 --> 00:19:39.400] And I mean, she was free, free was free, you know, she was just such a consummate professional.
[00:19:39.400 --> 00:19:42.200] She was so amazing and she's so talented.
[00:19:42.200 --> 00:19:43.640] And I love to hear that.
[00:19:44.040 --> 00:19:52.600] And so all, yeah, literally all I had to do was just observe her and then kind of take my observations then and then apply it in my own style.
[00:19:52.600 --> 00:20:03.800] And so this was just how I, you know, honed the craft is by observing the people that I had an enormous amount of respect for, their talent, and just kind of applied it.
[00:20:03.800 --> 00:20:06.360] So that was, yes, those were the early days.
[00:20:06.520 --> 00:20:07.960] I totally relate to that.
[00:20:07.960 --> 00:20:16.760] And I think there's something to be said from when you don't have an official blueprint, creating one for yourself and saying, well, I'm going to study this person.
[00:20:16.760 --> 00:20:20.600] That's a sort of a career that, you know, that could be something.
[00:20:20.600 --> 00:20:24.280] So let me study that and putting together your own kind of curriculum.
[00:20:24.280 --> 00:20:28.920] And that's part of like being a hustler, being a side hustler, entrepreneur, or grinder, too.
[00:20:28.920 --> 00:20:32.120] Cause if you're creating your own path, you still need a curriculum.
[00:20:32.120 --> 00:20:34.360] Like you still need to piece it together for yourself.
[00:20:34.360 --> 00:20:35.080] Yeah, you do.
[00:20:35.080 --> 00:20:39.160] And, you know, and honestly, you can't be afraid of like failing forward.
[00:20:39.160 --> 00:20:40.280] You know what I'm saying?
[00:20:40.280 --> 00:20:57.480] Like, oftentimes, the most terrifying opportunities that presented themselves were the ones that I jumped at because, like, I like the analogy I gave of thinking about myself as a baby bird being pushed out of the nest to, you know, either drop dead or fly.
[00:20:57.480 --> 00:20:59.240] Those are the two options.
[00:20:59.880 --> 00:21:08.520] And that's just that, that's just how I had to live and had to, you know, approach opportunities that came my way.
[00:21:08.520 --> 00:21:16.000] So it just, sometimes it would seem like things were kind of like a little chaotic, but the whole purpose for me was to fail forward.
[00:21:16.320 --> 00:21:26.480] If it was going to be a quote-unquote failure, I was going to do it with forward momentum and learn a lot and apply the lesson to the next opportunity.
[00:21:26.480 --> 00:21:29.680] And hopefully it makes me better at what I do.
[00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:30.640] Yes.
[00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:43.280] And how do you manage the mental gymnastics that you have to go through to do this?
[00:21:43.280 --> 00:21:53.440] Because everything you're describing is like it's very easy to do on a good day, a good mental day, but on a day where you're like, ugh, what am I doing with my life?
[00:21:53.440 --> 00:21:54.720] Like, do you have those days?
[00:21:54.720 --> 00:21:57.520] And if so, how do you manage the mental gymnastics?
[00:21:57.520 --> 00:22:07.920] I struggled the majority of my life with my inner monologue being very, very, very negative.
[00:22:07.920 --> 00:22:16.800] Like, I was talking to my girlfriend the other day, and I remember feeling depression at nine, nine years old.
[00:22:16.800 --> 00:22:20.560] And it resulted, it was the result of being bullied at school.
[00:22:20.800 --> 00:22:22.720] And I didn't tell my parents.
[00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:29.920] And actually, I would classify what I did next as kind of a suicide attempt at nine.
[00:22:29.920 --> 00:22:36.160] It's so interesting that we just don't really kind of take into account the mental health of like children.
[00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:38.560] We just, they're kids and they're resilient.
[00:22:39.120 --> 00:22:39.920] They're having a good time.
[00:22:40.400 --> 00:22:40.880] Yeah.
[00:22:40.880 --> 00:22:41.440] Exactly.
[00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:45.040] But the reality is, is that children can suffer from depression.
[00:22:45.040 --> 00:22:54.320] They can be traumatized, not necessarily from, you know, obvious things, but just abandonment or neglect or whatever.
[00:22:54.320 --> 00:22:57.600] And for me, and or bullying that they just don't tell you about.
[00:22:57.600 --> 00:23:05.000] And, you know, like, just, so from that point on, I just had always been extraordinarily hard on myself.
[00:23:05.320 --> 00:23:09.560] Like, I would not let my, I would not give myself a break for a single second.
[00:23:09.560 --> 00:23:14.520] I would not let myself live down mistakes that I made or whatever.
[00:23:14.520 --> 00:23:31.480] Like, it just, as much as I thought that it made me more hard-charging and determined and stuff like that, there was also a, it also came at my, at a detriment to myself as well, because I did not know how to talk to myself nicely.
[00:23:31.480 --> 00:23:34.280] I did not know how to be kind to myself.
[00:23:34.280 --> 00:23:39.160] I didn't think I was worthy of me, of me showing myself kindness.
[00:23:39.160 --> 00:23:42.760] It seemed stupid and ridiculous.
[00:23:42.760 --> 00:23:45.640] And I didn't think that I deserved it.
[00:23:45.640 --> 00:24:03.800] It took me a really, really, really long time and an intense amount of therapy for me to understand how to reframe how I speak to myself, how to be kinder to myself, how to give myself grace.
[00:24:03.800 --> 00:24:09.560] I only discovered this in the last three, four years after my mom passed away.
[00:24:09.560 --> 00:24:19.080] So all the years prior to that, where the facade looked like there was never a crack in it, there was a category five hurricane going on inside.
[00:24:19.080 --> 00:24:24.280] And there were times where I could not recharge my social battery for six months at a time.
[00:24:24.280 --> 00:24:25.720] And I would just disappear.
[00:24:25.720 --> 00:24:32.920] And I would disappear and probably be self-medicating with a little too much weed and a little too much alcohol.
[00:24:32.920 --> 00:24:44.800] Like, I had some very significant, you know, self-soothing, bad coping mechanisms, like so many of us in this industry do.
[00:24:44.760 --> 00:24:47.600] Yeah, and you tell yourself, oh, it's just a drink.
[00:24:47.680 --> 00:24:53.200] I'm having a bad day, or it's just healthy, it's from the ground, or whatever.
[00:24:53.200 --> 00:24:54.480] Yeah, no, not so much.
[00:24:54.480 --> 00:24:57.840] You know, we really like to say, you know, it's wine.
[00:24:57.840 --> 00:25:00.160] It's antioxidants.
[00:25:00.160 --> 00:25:02.560] You know, it's got resveratrol in it.
[00:25:02.560 --> 00:25:04.080] It's good for our skin.
[00:25:04.080 --> 00:25:06.000] Yeah, no, no.
[00:25:06.800 --> 00:25:08.720] But not how you're using it.
[00:25:08.720 --> 00:25:12.240] Yeah, not how you're using it to like numb your feelings.
[00:25:12.720 --> 00:25:13.040] Exactly.
[00:25:13.040 --> 00:25:18.080] When you pick up your, you know, recycling bag and you hear clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink.
[00:25:18.160 --> 00:25:18.640] Oh, no.
[00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:22.480] Girl, you might need to see the people.
[00:25:23.440 --> 00:25:25.120] And the people are okay to see.
[00:25:25.600 --> 00:25:26.960] And the people are okay to see.
[00:25:26.960 --> 00:25:29.200] Just acknowledge you might need to see the people.
[00:25:29.200 --> 00:25:30.880] And then you are so much better off.
[00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:33.840] You know, that's when that's a half the battle.
[00:25:33.840 --> 00:25:42.000] Like I said, I am so appreciating your transparency here because the mental battle of how we talk to ourselves is real.
[00:25:42.000 --> 00:25:44.800] And it's something I really had to reflect on.
[00:25:44.800 --> 00:25:52.000] And I've been reflecting on a lot this year because I find, let's say, we're in a room with entrepreneurial women and they start talking down.
[00:25:52.000 --> 00:25:53.760] And I'm like, no, girl, blah, blah, blah.
[00:25:53.840 --> 00:25:55.040] I'm picking her up.
[00:25:55.360 --> 00:26:01.520] But then when I have, when I'm thinking of through, I'm talking to myself like, I'm like, why are you doing that?
[00:26:01.520 --> 00:26:02.160] You know?
[00:26:02.880 --> 00:26:10.720] One of the most, I don't know what I want to call this moment, but it was, it was very much a light bulb aha moment for me.
[00:26:10.960 --> 00:26:15.120] And it didn't, it happened very recently, maybe within like the last year or so.
[00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:24.320] I saw, I followed Viola Davis on Instagram because, you know, Auntie Vi, like she has the best posts.
[00:26:24.320 --> 00:26:24.720] Yes.
[00:26:24.960 --> 00:26:26.640] I love Viola Davis.
[00:26:26.640 --> 00:26:26.880] Okay.
[00:26:26.880 --> 00:26:32.440] I have loved Viola Davis since she was like a character actor on Law and Order SVU.
[00:26:29.520 --> 00:26:35.960] You know, like decades ago.
[00:26:36.520 --> 00:26:38.600] I've been following this woman's career.
[00:26:38.600 --> 00:26:55.000] And when she said during an interview that she suffers from imposter syndrome, I, mouth agape, I could not believe that the grand dame Viola Davis suffers from imposter syndrome.
[00:26:55.000 --> 00:27:00.360] At that moment, I was just like, that's the moment that I became crystal clear.
[00:27:00.680 --> 00:27:02.760] I need to give myself grace.
[00:27:02.760 --> 00:27:15.400] If this woman suffers from imposter syndrome, then I need to find ways to continue to give myself grace because that just was just kind of phenomenal to me.
[00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:22.360] And then after that, I had a conversation with several girlfriends and then just polling women that I had the opportunity to talk to.
[00:27:22.360 --> 00:27:28.680] And I just, and doing some research on imposter syndrome and how many women it affects.
[00:27:28.680 --> 00:27:32.840] It affects like 72% of women.
[00:27:32.840 --> 00:27:35.400] And usually it's high-achieving women.
[00:27:35.400 --> 00:27:40.360] Women of high net worth and high achievement are the ones that suffer from imposter syndrome.
[00:27:40.440 --> 00:27:43.400] They have all the qualifications in the world.
[00:27:43.400 --> 00:27:43.640] Yeah.
[00:27:43.640 --> 00:27:45.960] And it's, men don't suffer from it.
[00:27:45.960 --> 00:27:46.440] No.
[00:27:47.560 --> 00:27:50.920] No, they think I'm a great sliced bread.
[00:27:50.920 --> 00:27:51.800] You know what I'm saying?
[00:27:51.800 --> 00:27:57.960] I think a few of them suffer from like the Dunning-Kruger effect, but that's a whole other, you know, situation.
[00:27:57.960 --> 00:28:11.240] But yeah, I mean, that was, that was just a real, like I said, light bulb aha moment for me that where I felt I didn't feel as alone with my own, with, you know, my, my insecurities.
[00:28:11.240 --> 00:28:24.800] I realized that the greatest, grandest, most impressive women on this planet have the same issues, you know, and I thought that was, I love that she was that transparent to tell us all that.
[00:28:24.800 --> 00:28:25.360] Yeah.
[00:28:25.360 --> 00:28:25.920] Oh, yeah.
[00:28:25.920 --> 00:28:28.240] I've been finding myself too having this.
[00:28:28.240 --> 00:28:37.200] Well, why wouldn't I also aha moments where I'm like, and this is me being transparent here too, like, oh, well, such and such also had two babies and is still carrying extra weight.
[00:28:37.200 --> 00:28:38.080] Why wouldn't I?
[00:28:38.080 --> 00:28:40.880] Like, we're all in this age where it's harder to get weight off.
[00:28:40.880 --> 00:28:44.080] Like, of course, why wouldn't I also be experiencing that?
[00:28:44.080 --> 00:28:44.400] Right.
[00:28:44.400 --> 00:28:47.520] Like, so, and that's what you touch on on your new podcast too.
[00:28:47.520 --> 00:28:50.480] Like, hello, we're kind of going through something.
[00:28:50.480 --> 00:28:54.400] We're kind of going through, we're meeting this new person in our life, Perry, right?
[00:28:54.400 --> 00:28:57.760] And we, yeah, we got to acknowledge what's the elephant in the room.
[00:28:57.760 --> 00:28:59.840] We can't just act like this is not happening.
[00:28:59.840 --> 00:29:06.560] So, I mean, I mean, Perry, Perry.
[00:29:06.560 --> 00:29:07.280] Girl.
[00:29:07.280 --> 00:29:10.240] And I haven't officially met Perry yet, but I'm just preparing myself.
[00:29:10.240 --> 00:29:16.080] Everyone's telling me about him or her, whatever we want to call, like, so I'm getting my mind right.
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[00:32:10.320 --> 00:32:25.200] So I was talking to one of my girlfriends the other day, and I was talking about the first symptoms that I did not know that these were symptoms attributed to Perry, but in hindsight, I can now recognize.
[00:32:25.600 --> 00:32:35.120] For me, the very first signs, and Perry came along, just met me at the intersection of my mom passing away in grief.
[00:32:35.120 --> 00:32:38.960] So I literally wanted to check myself into like a mental health facility.
[00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:43.440] I didn't, I was, I did not think I was equipped to handle my life at that, at that time.
[00:32:43.440 --> 00:32:46.320] I should not, I should not be making decisions.
[00:32:46.320 --> 00:32:49.520] I shouldn't be handling, you know, heavy machinery.
[00:32:49.520 --> 00:32:52.480] I shouldn't, I shouldn't be walking and talking at the same time.
[00:32:52.480 --> 00:32:54.000] I was a mess.
[00:32:54.000 --> 00:33:01.840] But for me, the first signs was my hair falling out in strands, just strands of hair in the shower.
[00:33:01.840 --> 00:33:08.560] Just, and I had this big, huge, full afro, and it was just getting just like I was losing my density.
[00:33:08.560 --> 00:33:11.760] And I was like, what the is going on?
[00:33:12.080 --> 00:33:15.520] And then it was also very, very dry skin.
[00:33:15.520 --> 00:33:22.080] And my skin, my whole life, has been extremely balanced, you know, like just nothing affects it.
[00:33:22.080 --> 00:33:30.120] I can eat french fries, coat my skin in bacon grease, eat chocolate, and my skin is like, ooh, I got a glow, you know?
[00:33:30.120 --> 00:33:33.000] And so now I was like, Cryptkeeper.
[00:33:33.000 --> 00:33:35.000] I was like, what's going on?
[00:33:35.000 --> 00:33:44.760] You know, and then just like, I couldn't tell if the anxiety and depression was attributed to grief or if it was perimenopause.
[00:33:44.760 --> 00:33:48.040] I didn't know, I didn't know what my struggle was going to be for the day.
[00:33:48.040 --> 00:33:49.160] You know, I had no idea.
[00:33:49.160 --> 00:33:51.000] But those were, those were the first signs.
[00:33:51.000 --> 00:34:02.600] And then the next ones that kicked in was the temperature deregulation in your body, which basically results in hot flashes or night sweats.
[00:34:02.600 --> 00:34:03.800] I never got hot flashes.
[00:34:03.800 --> 00:34:06.680] I got night sweats and they were horrific.
[00:34:06.680 --> 00:34:16.760] I would wake up six or seven times in the middle of the night, mattress, like sheets soaked to the mattress, and I would wake up in terror.
[00:34:16.760 --> 00:34:17.320] And you know what?
[00:34:17.400 --> 00:34:20.840] Song would be playing incessantly in my head.
[00:34:20.840 --> 00:34:21.880] What song?
[00:34:22.200 --> 00:34:27.240] Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future.
[00:34:27.240 --> 00:34:30.360] And I'm like, I'm going to die alone.
[00:34:30.360 --> 00:34:31.480] Oh, my God.
[00:34:32.120 --> 00:34:33.320] Oh, my God.
[00:34:33.480 --> 00:34:34.040] What's so cool?
[00:34:34.120 --> 00:34:36.040] Or I'm not scared at all.
[00:34:36.360 --> 00:34:43.160] I'm so glad that I'm past that phase because I was like, somebody got to help me.
[00:34:43.160 --> 00:34:45.080] I'm not going to make it.
[00:34:45.400 --> 00:34:46.680] Oh, my God.
[00:34:48.600 --> 00:34:50.120] It is not for the faint of heart.
[00:34:50.120 --> 00:34:53.880] But I will say this: this is the advice.
[00:34:53.880 --> 00:34:55.400] I am not a medical doctor.
[00:34:55.400 --> 00:34:57.720] I will just say what worked for me.
[00:34:57.720 --> 00:35:01.440] When you start to see the symptoms creep up.
[00:35:01.440 --> 00:35:12.200] Talk to your either PCP or gynecologist or both about hormone replacement therapy and find out if you are a good candidate for it.
[00:35:12.200 --> 00:35:14.200] I am a good candidate for it.
[00:35:14.200 --> 00:35:22.640] The earlier that you start, the easier it becomes and your symptoms subside a lot faster than women.
[00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:24.400] Exactly does that entail?
[00:35:24.400 --> 00:35:27.840] Is that like hormonal?
[00:35:27.840 --> 00:35:28.560] It's different things.
[00:35:28.560 --> 00:35:30.480] Sometimes it's birth control pills.
[00:35:30.800 --> 00:35:33.600] Sometimes it's the, it's an IUD.
[00:35:33.600 --> 00:35:38.480] Sometimes it's transdermal, which basically means it goes in through your skin.
[00:35:38.480 --> 00:35:49.760] So you can either apply lotions or a spray, and it's progesterone, estrogen, and sometimes testosterone or what else.
[00:35:49.760 --> 00:35:56.080] Or there's a pellet that's very controversial and it's also a little cost prohibitive because it's not covered by insurance.
[00:35:56.400 --> 00:36:02.240] There's also the estradiol patches that you can put on and then take progesterone supplements.
[00:36:02.240 --> 00:36:08.480] There's many different ways that you can do HRT, which is hormone replacement therapy.
[00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:11.520] And different things work for different people.
[00:36:11.520 --> 00:36:13.440] You just kind of have to find your thing.
[00:36:13.440 --> 00:36:25.200] But my recommendation is when you start to feel like you're within that age range of perimenopause starting, make sure that you are getting your blood work done regularly.
[00:36:25.200 --> 00:36:32.960] Have your doctors check your blood work, have them check your sex hormones, which is estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone, the levels.
[00:36:32.960 --> 00:36:38.640] Have them check your thyroid, have them check adrenal glands, have them check your iron levels.
[00:36:38.640 --> 00:36:43.040] We start to decrease in vitamin D, like it drops.
[00:36:43.040 --> 00:36:45.920] Like these are the things that you watch out for.
[00:36:46.880 --> 00:36:51.040] And also get into the gym and start strength training.
[00:36:51.040 --> 00:36:54.640] Cardio is not your friend after the age of 40.
[00:36:55.360 --> 00:37:01.480] Strength training, heavy, heavy weightlifting, and also rebounding and Pilates.
[00:36:59.120 --> 00:37:02.680] What's rebounding?
[00:36:59.360 --> 00:37:06.920] Rebounding like get a mini trampoline and start jumping up on that sucker.
[00:36:59.760 --> 00:37:07.160] Yes.
[00:37:07.720 --> 00:37:11.800] Because yes, it helps us maintain bone density.
[00:37:11.800 --> 00:37:20.040] We are very, very susceptible to a dramatic decrease in bone density, especially if we're not doing the strength training in the gym.
[00:37:20.040 --> 00:37:35.480] We lose bone density very quickly and our risk of mortality increases by 20% after like a like a like a fall and like a broken hip or something like that.
[00:37:36.040 --> 00:37:39.240] I've seen that within my own you know network.
[00:37:39.240 --> 00:37:42.360] And so I thank you for sharing this.
[00:37:48.120 --> 00:37:51.720] You know what I really enjoy about watching your career from afar?
[00:37:51.720 --> 00:38:08.200] It's as you have gone through these major life events and shifts, not only have you been open in a way that most people aren't able, equipped, you know, emotionally or for whatever reason, but also it then informs what you do next.
[00:38:08.200 --> 00:38:20.200] So I love this current phase of you and all the things you're bringing to the world, both on the Joe Button podcast and the balance you provide there and also with your own hot and bothered show that you just launched.
[00:38:20.200 --> 00:38:28.680] So tell us about that journey from when you were doing acting on air work and now transforming into the world of podcasts.
[00:38:29.000 --> 00:38:32.440] Well, thankfully, I'm still, I'm able to do both.
[00:38:32.440 --> 00:38:33.280] You know, good.
[00:38:34.440 --> 00:38:40.760] Joe and the crew, they've been so awesome about giving me time off.
[00:38:40.760 --> 00:38:51.120] So last summer, I shot a film in Canada called Hunting Housewives with Denise Richards and Nene Leaks and Kim Johnson.
[00:38:51.440 --> 00:38:53.840] It was such a great opportunity.
[00:38:53.840 --> 00:38:55.120] It was so much fun.
[00:38:55.120 --> 00:39:00.480] I mean, I got my, I got bitten up by mosquitoes because we were in the forest for two weeks.
[00:39:01.360 --> 00:39:04.480] But I mean, it was just, it was so fantastic.
[00:39:04.800 --> 00:39:08.880] I spent most of my time with Denise Richards, and she is just a gem.
[00:39:08.880 --> 00:39:09.840] She's so awesome.
[00:39:09.840 --> 00:39:11.600] We had the best time.
[00:39:12.000 --> 00:39:16.400] And I really, really, really, really enjoyed working on that project.
[00:39:16.960 --> 00:39:23.680] And so I took three weeks off from the pod and, you know, they were like, come back and, you know, tell us all about it.
[00:39:23.680 --> 00:39:29.760] And then this past March, I went back to Canada as well to shoot another project.
[00:39:29.760 --> 00:39:41.280] So I've been really, really, really fortunate to just kind of have projects just kind of fall into my lap, like feature films for lifetime, which has been really, really great.
[00:39:41.280 --> 00:39:55.280] I mean, you just, you could not have told me that this was going to be my life, even maybe two and a half years ago, because I was, you know, still in heavy recovery from my mom passing away.
[00:39:55.280 --> 00:40:10.640] And we're all just kind of, you know, still, you know, trying to write, you know, kind of write ourselves after the pandemic and just what that did to all of us collectively, mentally, emotionally, physically, even.
[00:40:11.280 --> 00:40:22.800] And so that was a really, that was still a very rough time in my life, where I just did not know what my, like, you know, I just had no real outlook on what was going on.
[00:40:22.880 --> 00:40:24.960] Everything just kind of seemed dim and dark.
[00:40:24.960 --> 00:40:28.240] There didn't really seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
[00:40:28.240 --> 00:40:44.200] And if you told me within two years, you're going to have shot two major, you're going to have shot two feature-length films, you're going to be on the biggest pod urban podcast in the world, and you're going to buy your first investment property.
[00:40:44.200 --> 00:40:46.520] I would have said there's no way in hell.
[00:40:46.520 --> 00:40:47.480] There's no way.
[00:40:47.480 --> 00:40:48.600] There's no way.
[00:40:49.720 --> 00:40:54.920] I did not think that I was going to live to see 46 and 47 years old.
[00:40:54.920 --> 00:40:55.640] I really didn't.
[00:40:56.200 --> 00:41:04.360] My grief was that palpable and it had a like a stronghold on me.
[00:41:05.240 --> 00:41:13.240] So it's just really interesting to see just how much your life can pivot over a very short amount of time in such a meaningful way.
[00:41:13.240 --> 00:41:17.800] So I'm filled with, you know, so much gratitude about that.
[00:41:18.440 --> 00:41:22.280] But so I haven't really had to do any real kind of transition.
[00:41:22.280 --> 00:41:26.920] I've had, I've been able to do all the things I've wanted to do.
[00:41:27.480 --> 00:41:34.200] But as far as Hot and Bothered is concerned, I knew that I wanted to A-Mic my own show again.
[00:41:34.200 --> 00:41:38.760] I had my own podcast about four and a half years ago called I'm Here for the Food.
[00:41:40.040 --> 00:41:40.600] Yeah.
[00:41:40.600 --> 00:41:43.880] And I, and I mean, I love, that was my baby.
[00:41:43.880 --> 00:41:46.120] I loved I'm here for the food.
[00:41:46.120 --> 00:41:58.200] I loved, I felt, I just was so excited about how much people loved the show, the comments, like people would be writing me novellas about how meaningful the content was.
[00:41:58.200 --> 00:42:07.080] And that made me feel so good because I'm really not here to do like pop culture or talk about gender war stuff.
[00:42:07.080 --> 00:42:08.680] Like, I really have no interest.
[00:42:09.480 --> 00:42:24.800] Yeah, I want, I just really want to highlight people who might be like existing on the fringe of society or a marginalized, you know, group, or maybe they're an ordinary person doing extraordinary things.
[00:42:24.800 --> 00:42:30.480] And I feel like they need to be highlighted or celebrated or whatever the case is.
[00:42:30.480 --> 00:42:33.920] And that was the point of I'm here for the food.
[00:42:33.920 --> 00:43:09.040] I wanted to continue that kind of mission, but now, with my own personal experiences, the health issues that I had experienced from the car accident, the grief I experienced from my mom passing away, the pandemic and how it affected me, and then entering perimenopause and how little I knew about perimenopause, how I was literally like not prepared for it, and how I realized that no real, no woman is prepared for it because this was like a dirty little secret that we were expected to keep and just go off into pasture and shut up about.
[00:43:09.360 --> 00:43:14.000] And I was like, no, I think not.
[00:43:14.320 --> 00:43:20.080] And I think that the reason why we're hearing so much about menopause these days is because Gen X is pissed off.
[00:43:20.080 --> 00:43:26.000] We are so fed up with having to learn things in real time with nobody telling us anything.
[00:43:26.000 --> 00:43:37.920] We're the generation that, you know, our parents strung a key around our necks and said, get home on public transportation at the age of seven, cook yourself a meal, and don't burn the hell out.
[00:43:38.160 --> 00:43:38.560] Go home.
[00:43:38.560 --> 00:43:39.120] Right, right.
[00:43:39.440 --> 00:43:40.000] Stay quiet.
[00:43:40.000 --> 00:43:42.720] You know, exactly.
[00:43:42.720 --> 00:43:44.560] It's just like they had to have a commercial.
[00:43:44.560 --> 00:43:45.360] It's 10 o'clock.
[00:43:45.360 --> 00:43:46.640] Do you know where your children are?
[00:43:46.640 --> 00:43:49.120] Because our parents didn't know where the hell we were.
[00:43:49.120 --> 00:43:53.760] So, this is yet another thing that we had to learn all on our own.
[00:43:53.760 --> 00:43:55.040] And we're fed up.
[00:43:55.040 --> 00:44:08.760] And also, you know, you realize that the medical community, the medical industry, by and large, after your childbearing years, really, in no uncertain terms, lets you know that you have no value anymore.
[00:44:08.760 --> 00:44:19.640] That's the, you can't draw any other conclusion as to why nothing is taught to doctors about menopause at all.
[00:44:19.640 --> 00:44:25.400] Ever, like, they might, in their whole residency, they might spend 20 hours on menopause.
[00:44:25.400 --> 00:44:27.560] Like, that is, that is horrible.
[00:44:27.560 --> 00:44:28.840] That's horrible.
[00:44:28.840 --> 00:44:30.680] That is abysmal.
[00:44:30.680 --> 00:44:36.920] And so now that is what Gen X has discovered, and we're, we're pissed.
[00:44:36.920 --> 00:44:39.160] We're, we're, we're, we're, we're mad.
[00:44:39.160 --> 00:44:41.240] So, now everybody's gonna hear about menopause.
[00:44:41.240 --> 00:44:42.040] Everybody's hearing.
[00:44:42.120 --> 00:44:43.560] Well, it's not just about that, right?
[00:44:43.560 --> 00:44:51.320] It's about everything, your, your advocacy, how you feel about sex, intimacy, and just having candid conversations.
[00:44:51.320 --> 00:45:00.200] I'm curious, like, having the lens of someone who is on, you know, a top urban podcast, who you're doing a different level of podcasting, right?
[00:45:00.840 --> 00:45:07.400] Like, what's your perspective on the podcast landscape these days and the platform itself?
[00:45:08.680 --> 00:45:17.720] I think that, you know, the pandemic encouraged way too many people to go and buy mics on Amazon.
[00:45:17.720 --> 00:45:23.160] That they shouldn't have done that.
[00:45:23.720 --> 00:45:29.960] I think that there's so many people just kind of throwing their uneducated opinions into the ether.
[00:45:29.960 --> 00:45:32.520] They're just, they're leading with their trauma.
[00:45:32.520 --> 00:45:43.720] It's like, can you please go to therapy before you get on a microphone and start spewing all this crap into like the ether and people like absorbing it?
[00:45:44.720 --> 00:45:50.400] I mean, the reality is there's like 3 million podcasts and 1.8 million of them are like dormant.
[00:45:50.400 --> 00:45:54.720] Like most podcasts don't last past 21 episodes.
[00:45:55.040 --> 00:45:57.920] But I think that's what's a lot of things that people start though.
[00:45:57.920 --> 00:46:04.640] I think people overall underestimate what it's like to start anything, like a rap career, write a book.
[00:46:04.640 --> 00:46:06.800] Like it's not just going to happen.
[00:46:07.920 --> 00:46:09.520] No, it's not easy.
[00:46:09.520 --> 00:46:10.800] It's not just going to happen.
[00:46:10.800 --> 00:46:13.200] And also to me, it's a craft.
[00:46:13.200 --> 00:46:18.400] It's a craft that you have to develop your talent for.
[00:46:18.400 --> 00:46:22.880] And the way that you do that is partially through observation.
[00:46:22.880 --> 00:46:29.680] So you look at the best to do it, you know, and I sit next to one of the best to do it.
[00:46:29.680 --> 00:46:46.640] You know, I do have to say that sitting next to Joe is what made me feel comfortable to finally say, okay, I'm ready to go back to A-Making my own platform, my own podcast.
[00:46:47.440 --> 00:46:53.760] It took me a while to get back there, but sitting next to him is literally like a masterclass.
[00:46:53.760 --> 00:46:54.880] He's nuts.
[00:46:54.880 --> 00:47:01.600] You know, he is, he is, you know, with a genius breeds eccentricity type thing.
[00:47:01.600 --> 00:47:03.600] And he definitely is that.
[00:47:03.600 --> 00:47:09.920] But being able to just watch just even the technic, technical stuff that he does.
[00:47:09.920 --> 00:47:10.560] Right.
[00:47:11.440 --> 00:47:14.880] Yeah, it's, it's a masterclass and it's, it's amazing.
[00:47:14.880 --> 00:47:17.360] Like I'm getting like a free education, you know?
[00:47:17.360 --> 00:47:27.760] And so I think that that's what's all, what's important when it comes to podcasting is like, is honing the craft through observation of the best to do it.
[00:47:27.760 --> 00:47:28.240] Yes.
[00:47:28.240 --> 00:47:32.280] And it's back to what we were touching on about like you have to create your own curriculum.
[00:47:29.840 --> 00:47:36.360] Like you're literally, there's someone and multiple people that you're studying.
[00:47:36.440 --> 00:47:41.880] You're creating your curriculum because you want to develop this craft and continue to grow.
[00:47:41.880 --> 00:47:42.440] Yeah.
[00:47:42.440 --> 00:47:48.440] And with growth, you just, you also have to understand that perfect is the enemy of good.
[00:47:48.680 --> 00:47:53.000] And I have to keep reminding myself of that when I feel like things are going wrong.
[00:47:53.000 --> 00:47:57.640] It's like that, that sensible Melissa is like, girl, it's your fifth episode.
[00:47:57.640 --> 00:47:57.880] Yeah.
[00:47:58.680 --> 00:48:06.520] I was just about to say, you really can't compare yourself to someone who's been doing it for eight, however many years that is on their 500th, 600th episode.
[00:48:06.520 --> 00:48:08.200] Like that's exactly, exactly.
[00:48:08.760 --> 00:48:11.080] It sounds simple, but we all do it.
[00:48:11.080 --> 00:48:11.320] Yeah.
[00:48:11.320 --> 00:48:11.640] Yeah.
[00:48:11.640 --> 00:48:22.200] So it's what, that's one of the things that that's the grace that I talk about that I now have learned to apply and say, girl, calm down.
[00:48:22.200 --> 00:48:23.720] It's okay.
[00:48:25.080 --> 00:48:30.680] There's bugs, but they will be worked out and eventually we'll be in a plug and place situation, you know?
[00:48:31.080 --> 00:48:34.360] But right now, remember, perfect is the enemy of good.
[00:48:34.360 --> 00:48:36.600] That is not, you are not going for perfection right now.
[00:48:36.600 --> 00:48:37.240] You're just not.
[00:48:43.320 --> 00:48:49.640] Speaking of that, how do you think about and approach your quote-unquote personal brand, right?
[00:48:49.640 --> 00:48:54.200] Before you were just living your life, but at some point you had to start thinking about it.
[00:48:54.200 --> 00:48:58.360] So how do you think about it these days in terms of what do you post on social?
[00:48:58.360 --> 00:49:00.280] Are you overthinking it?
[00:49:00.280 --> 00:49:02.200] Are you planning it?
[00:49:02.200 --> 00:49:06.360] Or are you giving yourself a little bit of organic, just throwing stuff up there?
[00:49:06.360 --> 00:49:08.920] Listen, I am an old lady, okay?
[00:49:09.160 --> 00:49:11.400] I am an old lady.
[00:49:11.400 --> 00:49:14.280] I am not tech savvy at all.
[00:49:14.280 --> 00:49:20.240] I need to hire one of these Gen Zers to come in and like run my social media for me.
[00:49:20.400 --> 00:49:23.680] Just come in, record, just tell me what to do, okay?
[00:49:23.680 --> 00:49:26.400] What TikTok dance am I supposed to do?
[00:49:26.400 --> 00:49:28.880] What trend am I supposed to jump on?
[00:49:28.880 --> 00:49:29.680] You know what I mean?
[00:49:29.680 --> 00:49:38.480] Like, my personal brand, I feel like it's been so easy to get the guys, you know, like just be pretty and be sexy.
[00:49:38.480 --> 00:49:40.640] And, you know, it's easy.
[00:49:40.640 --> 00:49:41.680] They're easy.
[00:49:41.680 --> 00:49:44.160] But women, they're not easy.
[00:49:44.160 --> 00:49:44.480] Okay.
[00:49:44.880 --> 00:49:45.840] And that's not who you want.
[00:49:45.840 --> 00:49:46.800] You don't want the guys.
[00:49:46.800 --> 00:49:47.920] You're talking to the women.
[00:49:48.320 --> 00:49:48.480] Yeah.
[00:49:49.440 --> 00:49:50.720] I don't need them.
[00:49:52.240 --> 00:49:53.360] I love the guys.
[00:49:53.360 --> 00:49:54.720] I love the guys.
[00:49:54.720 --> 00:49:58.160] But, you know, women are my tribe.
[00:49:58.480 --> 00:49:59.280] They are.
[00:49:59.280 --> 00:50:12.400] And so when it comes to women and why they follow people on social media, they follow people on social media who they find engaging, entertaining, or aspirational.
[00:50:12.800 --> 00:50:16.000] And so whether that's, oh, I love the way she dresses.
[00:50:16.000 --> 00:50:18.640] She's so effortlessly chic and fashionable.
[00:50:18.640 --> 00:50:21.040] Or, oh my God, her skin.
[00:50:21.040 --> 00:50:23.200] I just want to know everything that she does.
[00:50:23.200 --> 00:50:28.880] And she posts all her skincare products and regimens and what she does from morning to night.
[00:50:28.880 --> 00:50:35.440] Or, oh my God, her hair and she, her hair care tips or whatever, or a combination of all of the things.
[00:50:35.440 --> 00:50:38.560] Or she's like a motivational speaker like Alex L.
[00:50:38.560 --> 00:50:39.440] You know what I'm saying?
[00:50:39.440 --> 00:50:42.800] And she drops these gems and all these things.
[00:50:42.800 --> 00:50:49.920] And I'm just like, I'm just over here winging it.
[00:50:49.920 --> 00:50:51.840] Like, winging it.
[00:50:52.240 --> 00:50:58.480] The most I find myself even able to do is if I'm doing something in the gym, I give my phone to my trainer.
[00:50:58.480 --> 00:51:00.440] I'm like, yo, get this before I die.
[00:51:00.440 --> 00:51:00.760] Okay.
[00:51:01.080 --> 00:51:05.320] I got about three, I got 20 seconds in me.
[00:50:59.920 --> 00:51:06.840] So get this right now.
[00:51:07.160 --> 00:51:15.800] And so I hope to, I don't know, find my way towards being aspirational that way, because that's the easiest thing for me to do.
[00:51:15.800 --> 00:51:20.520] I'm always in the gym and I encourage people to, you know, women to get into the gym.
[00:51:20.520 --> 00:51:26.360] Well, people to get into the gym, but all the other stuff, I am a mess.
[00:51:27.640 --> 00:51:28.760] I'm a mess.
[00:51:29.080 --> 00:51:39.160] It's one of those things where at this point, if you try to overly structure like here, my five-year goals, and here's what I want to, like, it would probably, first of all, none of it would happen that way, right?
[00:51:39.160 --> 00:51:42.600] It would continue to happen how it's supposed to happen and it would overcomplicate things.
[00:51:42.600 --> 00:51:45.160] So we plan and God laughs.
[00:51:45.160 --> 00:51:46.440] Exactly, exactly.
[00:51:46.440 --> 00:51:53.320] And you touched on it briefly, but you know, you were in a major car accident and that significantly impacted you.
[00:51:53.320 --> 00:51:56.360] How were you able to recover from that?
[00:51:56.360 --> 00:52:02.600] And how do you think it changed the trajectory of your career and your goals and what's important to you?
[00:52:02.600 --> 00:52:05.240] I was actually just talking to somebody about it yesterday.
[00:52:05.480 --> 00:52:07.800] I don't even remember why.
[00:52:08.520 --> 00:52:20.760] But it was, I remember when it was happening, you know, the impact and then realizing that my car was about to flip and there was nothing that I could do.
[00:52:20.760 --> 00:52:31.400] And so I just kind of took my hands off the wheel and I sat back and took my feet off the pedals and just sat there and just waited for the inevitable.
[00:52:31.400 --> 00:52:35.800] And the inevitable, what I thought at the time was, I'm not going to survive.
[00:52:35.800 --> 00:52:37.640] This is how I die.
[00:52:37.640 --> 00:52:45.520] And how peaceful I was with that, you know, with that realization.
[00:52:45.520 --> 00:52:47.360] There was nothing that I could do.
[00:52:44.840 --> 00:52:48.880] We planned, God laughs.
[00:52:49.120 --> 00:52:50.720] There's what was I going to do?
[00:52:50.720 --> 00:52:54.480] Sit in the sit in the seat and scream and whatever else.
[00:52:54.480 --> 00:52:55.920] That wasn't going to change anything.
[00:52:56.240 --> 00:52:57.520] It wasn't going to change anything.
[00:52:57.520 --> 00:53:05.200] So I feel like if I was ever on a plane that was going down, I would probably be the calmest person on that plane because I'd be like, what are you going to do?
[00:53:05.200 --> 00:53:06.800] What are we going to do?
[00:53:07.440 --> 00:53:12.960] So that was kind of like what was happening during that moment when my car started to flip.
[00:53:12.960 --> 00:53:18.160] I just had resigned myself to I have no control in this moment.
[00:53:18.160 --> 00:53:24.240] And so let me just ride it out and see whatever, what happened, what's supposed to happen.
[00:53:24.240 --> 00:53:32.640] And then it was about, it took about a year to fully recover and feel like I was okay enough to go back to work.
[00:53:32.880 --> 00:53:35.600] Recovery was extraordinarily challenging.
[00:53:36.000 --> 00:53:39.840] Having a traumatic brain injury, a lot comes with that.
[00:53:39.840 --> 00:53:49.760] A lot of like mental anguish, pain, and suffering comes with that, the rehab, and also just the mental health issues that came with that.
[00:53:49.760 --> 00:54:18.480] But I found so many people, strangers, incredibly supportive, like incredibly, like, I'm talking about like Gulf War vets like contacting me to talk about PTSD and to talk about brain injuries and how, and some of the, you know, the modalities that they used to put them on the path, like, you know, put them on the path towards improvement and stuff like that.
[00:54:19.440 --> 00:54:25.600] So, I think that what that did was I was always so private prior to that.
[00:54:25.600 --> 00:54:30.000] I never wanted anybody, like I said, to see a crack in the facade ever.
[00:54:30.920 --> 00:54:39.240] And what happened after the car accident was I realized that I just didn't have the bandwidth to hide anymore.
[00:54:39.240 --> 00:54:49.240] I started to like cry out for help because I truly did not know how to navigate this time in my life.
[00:54:49.240 --> 00:54:57.240] It was so foreign to me, and I wasn't around anybody who really understood what I was going through.
[00:54:57.560 --> 00:55:19.480] And so, inadvertently, by crying out and by being so candid and posting about my depressive episodes and what I was thinking and feeling, I endeared myself to people who really at that point didn't really give two shits about me, honestly.
[00:55:19.480 --> 00:55:24.120] Excuse my French, but like they really were like, Oh, yeah, I've heard her name, but I'm indifferent.
[00:55:24.120 --> 00:55:24.520] Right.
[00:55:24.520 --> 00:55:31.960] We didn't know Melissa, the person, the woman, you know, it's almost like you were, yeah, it's like you were like on a poster, kind of.
[00:55:31.960 --> 00:55:41.240] Yeah, it's like I was this one-dimensional, yeah, yeah, I was this one-dimensional, like, you know, just being on their wall, like sex symbol or whatever the case is.
[00:55:41.240 --> 00:55:53.880] And no, in reality, I was a three-dimensional human being who was who was wounded, gravely wounded, like emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, all the things.
[00:55:53.880 --> 00:56:00.360] I, I just, I was a, I was a mess and I was looking for help in like anywhere that I could find it.
[00:56:00.360 --> 00:56:11.080] And like I said, inadvertently, I didn't realize that what I was doing was endearing myself to people who may not have been familiar with me or really had been indifferent towards me.
[00:56:11.080 --> 00:56:25.120] And I can't really see that as being like a career trajectory, but it kind of was because what it showed me was that I could be a conduit.
[00:56:25.120 --> 00:56:40.160] You know, my ability to storytell and speak eloquently and express, you know, describe how I'm feeling made people feel seen and related.
[00:56:40.160 --> 00:56:42.960] Like, you know, they related their experience to mine.
[00:56:42.960 --> 00:56:46.400] And in that way, like I said, endeared them to me.
[00:56:46.400 --> 00:56:56.560] And they, I would get, you know, people saying to me all the time, like, when you talked about your traumatic brain injury, I have been trying to tell my friends and family what you expressed.
[00:56:56.560 --> 00:57:02.480] I now tell them, watch that interview because she said exactly what I've been trying to tell you all for years.
[00:57:02.800 --> 00:57:05.040] And I said, wow, that's really powerful.
[00:57:05.040 --> 00:57:27.600] And I said, if I can keep doing that and keep telling stories about my own personal experiences with, you know, a fractured sense of mental health or a fractured sense of self, just being transparent and honest and candid, I might actually help people.
[00:57:27.600 --> 00:57:34.560] And so I think that that was an unintentional change in trajectory of my career.
[00:57:34.560 --> 00:57:35.360] Yes.
[00:57:35.360 --> 00:57:41.280] How did you find the strength to seek help and to continue trying and fighting?
[00:57:41.920 --> 00:57:51.200] I've always been, I've always been like a strong advocate for therapy, always.
[00:57:51.200 --> 00:57:54.880] I've never been one of those people of like, how can therapy help me?
[00:57:54.880 --> 00:57:55.440] No.
[00:57:56.240 --> 00:58:06.760] I have discovered a lot about myself during therapy sessions over the course of like two decades.
[00:58:06.760 --> 00:58:11.720] And, you know, you go to therapists at different times for different reasons.
[00:58:11.720 --> 00:58:37.000] And so I feel like my sense of self-awareness has grown dramatically because of the intense therapy that I've gone through, shadow work and the whole nine, the use of psilocybins for the purpose of like as a natural antidepressant.
[00:58:37.640 --> 00:58:37.880] Yeah, yeah.
[00:58:38.120 --> 00:58:38.680] Exactly.
[00:58:38.920 --> 00:58:41.000] Plant-based medicine.
[00:58:41.000 --> 00:58:49.320] So I think that it's not even about finding strength.
[00:58:49.320 --> 00:58:58.680] Sometimes it really was just like making it through the day and going to sleep and then seeing, hopefully waking up and seeing another day.
[00:58:58.680 --> 00:59:12.360] And also just not trying to catastrophize everything and not trying to pile too many things up on my plate when I knew when I could finally acknowledge, girl, you're not super woman.
[00:59:12.760 --> 00:59:13.480] You're not.
[00:59:13.480 --> 00:59:14.360] You're not her.
[00:59:14.360 --> 00:59:18.840] And stop trying to be her because you're not going to win a prize at the end of the day.
[00:59:19.720 --> 00:59:34.040] And so sometimes the self-care for me or self-love was lay in bed all day or eat the cake or go for a hike, or go to a movie by yourself.
[00:59:34.040 --> 00:59:42.280] Just whatever self-indulgence was required for that moment, do it.
[00:59:42.680 --> 00:59:54.240] I would allow, I would give myself the permission to just do what I needed to do for the sake of my sanity at whatever point it was.
[00:59:54.800 --> 00:59:59.920] So, those just became like my rules of operation.
[00:59:59.920 --> 01:00:01.440] I love those rules.
[01:00:06.560 --> 01:00:14.880] Before we jump into the lightning round, I'm curious if there's one thing that you want people to take away from this conversation, what would it be?
[01:00:15.200 --> 01:00:17.280] Probably watch Hot and Bothered.
[01:00:20.800 --> 01:00:30.960] Yeah, I mean, definitely, definitely check out my podcast because, I mean, that's where I'm dropping all the gems that I possibly can.
[01:00:30.960 --> 01:00:41.760] I am mining my brain for stories and anecdotes that I can share with everybody that can, you know, that they can, you know, find, you know, and relate to.
[01:00:42.080 --> 01:01:01.200] I'm interviewing incredible guests, a lot of medical professionals that will teach you a lot about, you know, health, preventative health, screenings that you need to do, and ways to just kind of like, you know, increase your chances for living a long and healthy life.
[01:01:01.920 --> 01:01:10.960] That would be what I would want people to take away from this interview is just really to check out my show and see what we're offering over there.
[01:01:10.960 --> 01:01:12.640] I'm not talking about pop culture, people.
[01:01:12.640 --> 01:01:13.120] I'm sorry.
[01:01:13.360 --> 01:01:15.280] I'm not going to be talking about gender stuff.
[01:01:16.160 --> 01:01:16.560] I can't.
[01:01:16.560 --> 01:01:17.840] I just, I can't.
[01:01:17.840 --> 01:01:19.920] I'm going to be, I'm feeding your soul.
[01:01:19.920 --> 01:01:21.840] That's what I'm trying to do over there.
[01:01:21.840 --> 01:01:22.960] Well, trying to feed yourself.
[01:01:23.040 --> 01:01:24.400] I'm going to take a tagline right there.
[01:01:24.400 --> 01:01:26.400] I hope that's in your description.
[01:01:26.400 --> 01:01:28.800] Well, I mean, I'm here for the food.
[01:01:28.800 --> 01:01:30.120] That was the tagline.
[01:01:30.120 --> 01:01:31.400] It was like, welcome to another episode.
[01:01:29.840 --> 01:01:32.680] So feeding the soul.
[01:01:32.920 --> 01:01:39.160] Even though, like, this is where we talk about topics that feed your mind, your spirit, and your soul.
[01:01:39.160 --> 01:01:41.720] You know, but it's pretty much, it's the same thing.
[01:01:41.720 --> 01:01:42.440] It's the same thing.
[01:01:42.440 --> 01:01:49.080] It's just got to be a little bit more of like a medical kind of it's not literal food, but it's feeding the soul.
[01:01:49.160 --> 01:01:50.120] It's food for the soul.
[01:01:50.120 --> 01:01:51.160] It's food for the soul.
[01:01:51.160 --> 01:01:51.720] Yes.
[01:01:51.720 --> 01:01:52.280] Definitely.
[01:01:52.280 --> 01:02:00.360] If you enjoyed this conversation with Melissa, of course, you have to go and check out Hot and Bothered because she's going to continue to have these conversations and so much more.
[01:02:00.360 --> 01:02:11.000] And one thing I hope that you guys take away from this conversation is your mind, your health, and your business are not mutually exclusive.
[01:02:11.000 --> 01:02:20.760] So the reason I wanted to have you in the guest chair is to talk about the things that we often neglect as we build our businesses, which is ourselves.
[01:02:20.760 --> 01:02:26.760] And we can't be there for our business if we're not really honing in on taking care of ourselves.
[01:02:26.760 --> 01:02:31.720] So I hope this conversation inspires you to do that, especially leading into 2025.
[01:02:31.720 --> 01:02:35.160] Like, let's remember, we got to do this for us.
[01:02:35.160 --> 01:02:37.240] We have to put ourselves first.
[01:02:37.240 --> 01:02:38.200] Oh, yeah.
[01:02:38.200 --> 01:03:03.880] And if 2016 to 2020 was any kind of inkling as to what the next four years are going to be like, yeah, you really, really, really have to have a very, very, very, very, very strong set of self-care and self-love non-negotiables set out for yourselves.
[01:03:03.880 --> 01:03:04.280] Yes.
[01:03:04.280 --> 01:03:05.160] You know what I'm saying?
[01:03:05.160 --> 01:03:11.640] And it might just be: walk away from the TV, walk away from your phone, walk away from it all.
[01:03:11.960 --> 01:03:16.560] You know, just get to get a lot of Epsom salts and some bath bombs.
[01:03:14.600 --> 01:03:19.120] I think I've been in this space of denial.
[01:03:19.440 --> 01:03:27.280] Like, I have not watched a new, so I'm just in this space of like floating denial, unfortunately, because that's my coping mechanism right now.
[01:03:27.280 --> 01:03:32.320] I can't, I know it's gonna hit the fan in January, but I'm just listening.
[01:03:32.320 --> 01:03:34.080] We did what we were supposed to do.
[01:03:34.240 --> 01:03:36.160] Well, black women did what they were doing.
[01:03:36.400 --> 01:03:39.280] Black people, for the most part, did what they were supposed to do.
[01:03:39.280 --> 01:03:42.720] I'm not a citizen, so I was not, I was not allowed to vote.
[01:03:43.040 --> 01:03:48.560] But if I had been allowed to vote, Kamala would have gotten my vote without hesitation.
[01:03:49.440 --> 01:03:52.800] So we, you know, black women did 

Prompt 2: Key Takeaways

Now please extract the key takeaways from the transcript content I provided.

Extract the most important key takeaways from this part of the conversation. Use a single sentence statement (the key takeaway) rather than milquetoast descriptions like "the hosts discuss...". 

Limit the key takeaways to a maximum of 3. The key takeaways should be insightful and knowledge-additive. 

IMPORTANT: Return ONLY valid JSON, no explanations or markdown. Ensure:
- All strings are properly quoted and escaped
- No trailing commas
- All braces and brackets are balanced
Format: {"key_takeaways": ["takeaway 1", "takeaway 2"]}

Prompt 3: Segments

Now identify 2-4 distinct topical segments from this part of the conversation.

For each segment, identify:
- Descriptive title (3-6 words)  
- START timestamp when this topic begins (HH:MM:SS format)
- Double check that the timestamp is accurate - a timestamp will NEVER be greater than the total length of the audio
- Most important Key takeaway from that segment. Key takeaway must be specific and knowledge-additive.
- Brief summary of the discussion

IMPORTANT: The timestamp should mark when the topic/segment STARTS, not a range. Look for topic transitions and conversation shifts.

Return ONLY valid JSON. Ensure all strings are properly quoted, no trailing commas:
{
  "segments": [
    {
      "segment_title": "Topic Discussion", 
      "timestamp": "01:15:30",
      "key_takeaway": "main point from this segment",
      "segment_summary": "brief description of what was discussed"
    }
  ]
}

Timestamp format: HH:MM:SS (e.g., 00:05:30, 01:22:45) marking the START of each segment.

Prompt 4: Media Mentions

Now scan the transcript content I provided for ACTUAL mentions of specific media titles:

Find explicit mentions of:
- Books (with specific titles)
- Movies (with specific titles)  
- TV Shows (with specific titles)
- Music/Songs (with specific titles)

DO NOT include:
- Websites, URLs, or web services
- Other podcasts or podcast names

IMPORTANT: 
- Only include items explicitly mentioned by name. Do not invent titles.
- Valid categories are: "Book", "Movie", "TV Show", "Music"
- Include the exact phrase where each item was mentioned
- Find the nearest proximate timestamp where it appears in the conversation
- THE TIMESTAMP OF THE MEDIA MENTION IS IMPORTANT - DO NOT INVENT TIMESTAMPS AND DO NOT MISATTRIBUTE TIMESTAMPS
- Double check that the timestamp is accurate - a timestamp will NEVER be greater than the total length of the audio
- Timestamps are given as ranges, e.g. 01:13:42.520 --> 01:13:46.720. Use the EARLIER of the 2 timestamps in the range.

Return ONLY valid JSON. Ensure all strings are properly quoted and escaped, no trailing commas:
{
  "media_mentions": [
    {
      "title": "Exact Title as Mentioned",
      "category": "Book",
      "author_artist": "N/A",
      "context": "Brief context of why it was mentioned",
      "context_phrase": "The exact sentence or phrase where it was mentioned",
      "timestamp": "estimated time like 01:15:30"
    }
  ]
}

If no media is mentioned, return: {"media_mentions": []}

Prompt 5: Context Setup

You are an expert data extractor tasked with analyzing a podcast transcript. 
I will provide you with part 2 of 2 from a podcast transcript. 
I will then ask you to extract different types of information from this content in subsequent messages. Please confirm you have received and understood the transcript content.

Transcript section:
ut the things that we often neglect as we build our businesses, which is ourselves.
[01:02:20.760 --> 01:02:26.760] And we can't be there for our business if we're not really honing in on taking care of ourselves.
[01:02:26.760 --> 01:02:31.720] So I hope this conversation inspires you to do that, especially leading into 2025.
[01:02:31.720 --> 01:02:35.160] Like, let's remember, we got to do this for us.
[01:02:35.160 --> 01:02:37.240] We have to put ourselves first.
[01:02:37.240 --> 01:02:38.200] Oh, yeah.
[01:02:38.200 --> 01:03:03.880] And if 2016 to 2020 was any kind of inkling as to what the next four years are going to be like, yeah, you really, really, really have to have a very, very, very, very, very strong set of self-care and self-love non-negotiables set out for yourselves.
[01:03:03.880 --> 01:03:04.280] Yes.
[01:03:04.280 --> 01:03:05.160] You know what I'm saying?
[01:03:05.160 --> 01:03:11.640] And it might just be: walk away from the TV, walk away from your phone, walk away from it all.
[01:03:11.960 --> 01:03:16.560] You know, just get to get a lot of Epsom salts and some bath bombs.
[01:03:14.600 --> 01:03:19.120] I think I've been in this space of denial.
[01:03:19.440 --> 01:03:27.280] Like, I have not watched a new, so I'm just in this space of like floating denial, unfortunately, because that's my coping mechanism right now.
[01:03:27.280 --> 01:03:32.320] I can't, I know it's gonna hit the fan in January, but I'm just listening.
[01:03:32.320 --> 01:03:34.080] We did what we were supposed to do.
[01:03:34.240 --> 01:03:36.160] Well, black women did what they were doing.
[01:03:36.400 --> 01:03:39.280] Black people, for the most part, did what they were supposed to do.
[01:03:39.280 --> 01:03:42.720] I'm not a citizen, so I was not, I was not allowed to vote.
[01:03:43.040 --> 01:03:48.560] But if I had been allowed to vote, Kamala would have gotten my vote without hesitation.
[01:03:49.440 --> 01:03:52.800] So we, you know, black women did what they were supposed to do.
[01:03:54.000 --> 01:03:56.320] There's a collective rest going on.
[01:03:56.320 --> 01:04:03.600] There's a collective like pause and rest and you know, say what you want to say about it, but we need a moment together of thoughts and to feel our feelings.
[01:04:03.600 --> 01:04:04.400] And absolutely.
[01:04:04.720 --> 01:04:06.240] That's taken too long for some people.
[01:04:06.240 --> 01:04:10.320] I'm sorry, but you know, I got to do, I got to go through my process.
[01:04:10.320 --> 01:04:12.080] So exactly.
[01:04:14.960 --> 01:04:18.880] With that, we're going to do a quick lightning round where you just answer the first thing that comes to mind.
[01:04:18.880 --> 01:04:19.440] Are you ready?
[01:04:19.440 --> 01:04:19.920] Yep.
[01:04:19.920 --> 01:04:20.640] All right.
[01:04:20.640 --> 01:04:29.200] So, number one: what is a resource that has helped you in your career and business that you can share with the side hustle pro audience?
[01:04:29.200 --> 01:04:30.800] What is a resource?
[01:04:30.800 --> 01:04:33.840] Resource, tip, person.
[01:04:33.840 --> 01:04:34.800] I don't know.
[01:04:35.120 --> 01:04:36.160] Chat GPT.
[01:04:36.480 --> 01:04:37.360] What do you use it for?
[01:04:37.360 --> 01:04:38.560] I'm curious.
[01:04:38.560 --> 01:04:45.920] A lot of times, if I am interviewing a doctor, so I just interviewed a doctor who is a unicorn.
[01:04:45.920 --> 01:04:50.880] He's a black male oncologist who specializes in colorectal cancer and prostate cancer.
[01:04:51.200 --> 01:04:53.680] I was like, oh, hallelujah.
[01:04:53.680 --> 01:04:58.480] So, I listen, I know I'm out of my depths speaking to this man.
[01:04:58.480 --> 01:04:59.360] You know what I'm saying?
[01:04:59.360 --> 01:05:12.680] Like, I just decided to do a show talking about, you know, a lot of like medical issues that a lot of us might face in either our near or far future or know somebody that has had it.
[01:05:12.680 --> 01:05:16.840] But that doesn't mean that I'm going to know exactly what questions to ask this person.
[01:05:17.240 --> 01:05:20.040] So, Chat GBT came in handy.
[01:05:20.040 --> 01:05:20.360] Hello.
[01:05:20.840 --> 01:05:27.240] Giving me a template of what I could possibly ask this particular type of doctor.
[01:05:27.240 --> 01:05:29.880] So, that is how I use Chat GBT.
[01:05:29.880 --> 01:05:30.520] All right.
[01:05:30.520 --> 01:05:31.240] I love that.
[01:05:31.240 --> 01:05:38.680] Number two: Who is a non-celebrity black woman entrepreneur that you'd want to switch places with for a day and why?
[01:05:39.000 --> 01:05:41.400] My friend, Angelique Miles.
[01:05:41.400 --> 01:05:43.080] Ooh, I've heard that name.
[01:05:43.080 --> 01:05:50.680] Angelique Miles is first of all, if you go to her page and you realize that this woman is 58 years old.
[01:05:50.920 --> 01:05:52.040] Oh, I definitely follow her.
[01:05:52.040 --> 01:05:52.280] Yes.
[01:05:52.600 --> 01:05:55.000] Yeah, it's going to make you change your religion.
[01:05:55.000 --> 01:05:57.800] You're just going to be like, okay, girl, tell me what to do.
[01:05:58.120 --> 01:06:02.120] What do I do so that when I get to 58, I look like you?
[01:06:02.680 --> 01:06:05.560] She is like my goals.
[01:06:05.560 --> 01:06:09.320] She is a sweet, kind, just woman.
[01:06:09.320 --> 01:06:10.280] She's amazing.
[01:06:10.280 --> 01:06:17.080] Her life is just, it seems to be awesome because she's always traveling and she's always going out and she always looks so fashionable.
[01:06:17.080 --> 01:06:22.040] But she also just had a brain tumor and she had to have brain surgery.
[01:06:23.000 --> 01:06:27.320] And yeah, and so thankfully she survived.
[01:06:27.320 --> 01:06:34.120] But, you know, she's been very candid about, you know, how hard the road to recovery has been.
[01:06:34.120 --> 01:06:38.040] But she's done it with just such a warrior spirit.
[01:06:38.040 --> 01:06:56.400] And she has just looked so effortlessly chic, even like, you know, recovering from brain surgery and just having the opportunity to know her personally and just also seeing how, you know, she kind of just decided to try Instagram influencing.
[01:06:56.400 --> 01:07:05.920] And now she's like getting all of these opportunities to work with these brands like Warby Parker and Buick and Lincoln and whoever else.
[01:07:05.920 --> 01:07:12.000] And I'm just like, if she just did this from like, you know, grassroots, just, you know, her following is growing organically.
[01:07:12.000 --> 01:07:15.760] I would definitely say Angelique Miles is a source of inspiration.
[01:07:15.920 --> 01:07:20.640] If I was to switch places with somebody, you know, momentarily, it would be her.
[01:07:20.640 --> 01:07:22.000] Yeah, she is.
[01:07:22.000 --> 01:07:25.760] Number three, what's a non-negotiable part of your day?
[01:07:25.760 --> 01:07:31.360] A non-negotiable part of my day is time with my dog is non-negotiable.
[01:07:31.360 --> 01:07:34.720] Like I wake up, like she sleeps in her own bed.
[01:07:35.360 --> 01:07:45.680] And in the morning, when I know I've got like maybe about 20, 30 minutes left to kind of lie in bed, I go and pick her up out of her bed and I put her into bed with me.
[01:07:45.680 --> 01:07:49.360] And we just kind of like cuddle for the next 20 or 30 minutes.
[01:07:49.360 --> 01:07:55.200] And that's pretty much like how I, how I start my day is like, is just cuddles with my dog.
[01:07:55.200 --> 01:07:56.080] I love her.
[01:07:56.080 --> 01:07:58.480] She's my, she's my emotional support.
[01:07:58.480 --> 01:08:03.600] She's been there through my car accident, through the passing of my mom, all my things.
[01:08:03.600 --> 01:08:05.680] So I can't live without her.
[01:08:05.680 --> 01:08:08.400] She's, she's my baby, my doctor.
[01:08:08.640 --> 01:08:10.000] Yeah, doctor.
[01:08:10.720 --> 01:08:17.840] Number four, what is a personal trait that has really helped you significantly in life and business?
[01:08:17.840 --> 01:08:19.120] Resilience.
[01:08:19.120 --> 01:08:25.440] You know, sometimes as black women, you know, people constantly tell us how strong we are.
[01:08:25.440 --> 01:08:35.320] And to our own detriment, we shouldn't have to be as strong as we are all the time, you know, for everybody and ourselves.
[01:08:35.880 --> 01:08:46.680] And I really used to look at my resilience as, you know, as a virtue and then started to realize that a lot of times it was very much a trauma response.
[01:08:47.000 --> 01:08:48.440] This is therapy talking.
[01:08:48.440 --> 01:08:49.400] This is therapy talking.
[01:08:49.640 --> 01:08:50.520] Say it.
[01:08:51.080 --> 01:09:00.280] But still, my resilience does come along and help me in moments that I think would level other people.
[01:09:00.280 --> 01:09:04.840] You know, there's been times where it seemed like everything was just going to fall apart.
[01:09:04.840 --> 01:09:10.680] And, you know, I just kind of like breathe in through my nose, hold it, box breath, and then exhale through my mouth.
[01:09:10.680 --> 01:09:17.720] And then I start moving and I start to, you know, start planning and I stop catastrophizing.
[01:09:17.720 --> 01:09:24.200] And I'm just like, there is only one, only one option through.
[01:09:24.200 --> 01:09:25.320] Let's do it.
[01:09:25.320 --> 01:09:26.440] Let's go.
[01:09:26.440 --> 01:09:32.120] And so I would say that my resilience is definitely that trait that helps me the most.
[01:09:32.120 --> 01:09:34.120] And then finally, number five.
[01:09:34.120 --> 01:09:48.040] Now, what's your parting advice for black women, entrepreneurs, and side hustlers who want to fly by the seat of their pants and want to wing it, but are scared about not having a steady paycheck?
[01:09:48.360 --> 01:10:05.480] Oh, um, that is a challenge because we, you know, you, you always want to feel like, you know, your rent is paid, your bills are paid, you know, that you have a, you know, place to lay your head on the pillow at night and stuff like that.
[01:10:05.480 --> 01:10:11.320] But I mean, I feel like my life has been a life well lived.
[01:10:11.320 --> 01:10:26.480] And I realized this while my the accident was taking place, that one of the reasons why I felt like I was okay with if this was it for me, I did have the flash of my life.
[01:10:26.480 --> 01:10:32.400] And I saw just how extraordinary my life actually had been.
[01:10:33.040 --> 01:10:42.960] All of the travel that I had and all the places that I had seen, all the wonderful places I had been, the people that I had encountered and stuff like that.
[01:10:42.960 --> 01:10:54.400] And, you know, even though I just, I didn't seem to be regularly, you know, acknowledging a sense of gratitude in that moment, I really actually was full of it.
[01:10:55.520 --> 01:11:00.160] And so, you know, a life well lived is not done without risk.
[01:11:00.160 --> 01:11:01.520] That's, that's just it.
[01:11:01.520 --> 01:11:07.600] And when it comes down to it, the life best lived is full of experiences and not things.
[01:11:07.600 --> 01:11:14.320] You know, I stopped being like a clothes horse and needing like the newest bag and the newest pair of shoes.
[01:11:14.320 --> 01:11:19.520] Those things are wonderful, but nothing trumps experiences.
[01:11:19.520 --> 01:11:25.280] Those are just, those are valuable beyond measure.
[01:11:25.280 --> 01:11:34.480] So I would say keep that in mind when, you know, you, you're, you're weighing your options about something that might seem a little bit more risky.
[01:11:34.480 --> 01:11:38.080] Trust me, if you want it bad enough, you're going to figure it out.
[01:11:38.080 --> 01:11:38.720] You will.
[01:11:38.720 --> 01:11:41.760] Just have that much, have that sense of faith in yourself.
[01:11:41.760 --> 01:11:42.240] Yes.
[01:11:42.240 --> 01:11:43.360] Oh, I love this.
[01:11:43.360 --> 01:11:45.360] That's such a good note to end on.
[01:11:45.360 --> 01:11:57.200] And, you know, before I officially usher you out, I just want to say one last takeaway that I hope you guys get from this episode and that I've gotten is allowing yourself to be a conduit.
[01:11:57.200 --> 01:12:02.200] So many times we think, oh, I need to learn how to do X and then I can launch a podcast.
[01:12:02.520 --> 01:12:14.760] Whereas actually, there's something about your lived experience and your knowledge and your skill set that has given you that idea and that you are meant to serve as the conduit to these conversations.
[01:12:14.760 --> 01:12:16.840] You don't have to be an expert in anything.
[01:12:16.840 --> 01:12:17.240] Okay.
[01:12:17.240 --> 01:12:22.120] You just need to be the person that curates and moderates these conversations.
[01:12:22.120 --> 01:12:23.960] So allow that, okay?
[01:12:24.440 --> 01:12:24.760] Absolutely.
[01:12:24.920 --> 01:12:25.400] I thank you.
[01:12:25.400 --> 01:12:26.760] I thank you for that reminder.
[01:12:26.760 --> 01:12:27.480] You're welcome.
[01:12:27.480 --> 01:12:28.280] You're welcome.
[01:12:28.280 --> 01:12:33.400] With that, where can people connect with you and hot and bothered after this conversation?
[01:12:33.400 --> 01:12:36.840] I am at Melissa Ford on Instagram.
[01:12:36.840 --> 01:12:39.000] That is the app that I use the most.
[01:12:39.320 --> 01:12:42.920] All the rest drive me crazy, even though I am on Twitter as well.
[01:12:42.920 --> 01:12:45.000] I'm on Blue Sky.
[01:12:45.560 --> 01:12:47.160] Christ, there's so many of them.
[01:12:47.160 --> 01:12:47.960] I'm on TikTok.
[01:12:47.960 --> 01:12:48.600] I'm on all of them.
[01:12:48.600 --> 01:12:48.840] We're on the bottom.
[01:12:48.920 --> 01:12:51.640] I'm on all of them on Facebook somewhere.
[01:12:51.960 --> 01:12:54.120] But Instagram is the one that I use the most.
[01:12:54.120 --> 01:12:58.920] I also have an Instagram page for the Hot and Bothered podcast.
[01:12:58.920 --> 01:13:02.280] It's Hot and Bothered Podcast on Instagram.
[01:13:02.280 --> 01:13:06.680] And then from there, we have the links to the YouTube page.
[01:13:07.000 --> 01:13:11.800] And also, you know, the podcast, it's available on all DSPs.
[01:13:11.800 --> 01:13:15.400] Everybody, DSPs means digital streaming platforms.
[01:13:15.400 --> 01:13:20.600] That's Apple Podcast, that's Spotify, that's Google Play, that's SoundCloud.
[01:13:20.600 --> 01:13:22.280] We're on that on Tuesdays.
[01:13:22.280 --> 01:13:26.040] And then we drop our visual episodes on Thursdays on YouTube.
[01:13:26.040 --> 01:13:32.760] And the link is in the bio of both my personal page and also the podcast page.
[01:13:32.760 --> 01:13:34.280] Love it, love it, love it, y'all.
[01:13:34.280 --> 01:13:35.400] You learned something new today.
[01:13:35.400 --> 01:13:35.800] All right.
[01:13:35.800 --> 01:13:38.600] So go find your DSP of choice and check that out.
[01:13:38.600 --> 01:13:41.720] Melissa, thank you so, so much for being in the guest chair.
[01:13:41.720 --> 01:13:44.800] And friends, I will talk to you next week.
[01:13:44.440 --> 01:13:49.200] Hey, guys, thanks for listening to Side Hustle Pro.
[01:13:49.520 --> 01:13:54.240] If you like the show, be sure to subscribe, rate, and review on Apple Podcasts.
[01:13:54.240 --> 01:13:57.920] It helps other side hustlers just like you to find the show.
[01:13:57.920 --> 01:14:02.560] And if you want to hear more from me, you can follow me on Instagram at SideHustle Pro.
[01:14:02.560 --> 01:14:09.680] Plus, sign up for my six-foot Saturday newsletter at sidehustlepro.co/slash newsletter.
[01:14:09.680 --> 01:14:17.040] When you sign up, you will receive weekly nuggets from me, including what I'm up to, personal lessons, and my business tip of the week.
[01:14:17.040 --> 01:14:21.760] Again, that's sidehustlepro.co slash newsletter to sign up.
[01:14:21.760 --> 01:14:23.440] Talk to you soon.
[01:14:27.280 --> 01:14:32.320] Take control of the numbers and supercharge your small business with Zero.
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[01:14:59.840 --> 01:15:03.680] ACAST powers the world's best podcasts.
[01:15:03.680 --> 01:15:05.920] Here's a show that we recommend.
[01:15:08.160 --> 01:15:11.280] We're reconsidering everything right now.
[01:15:11.280 --> 01:15:13.520] What is time post-COVID?
[01:15:13.520 --> 01:15:16.000] What is truth in Trump's America?
[01:15:16.000 --> 01:15:20.800] Is You've Got Mail secretly a movie about a creepy gaslighting stalker?
[01:15:20.800 --> 01:15:25.120] We can't answer the first two questions, but we have opinions about the third.
[01:15:25.120 --> 01:15:32.680] We on Hot and Bothered are revisiting romance movies of the past and asking, What were these movies teaching us?
[01:15:32.680 --> 01:15:36.040] What did we not even realize they were teaching us?
[01:15:36.040 --> 01:15:45.480] Hot and Bothered is me, Vanessa Zoltan, a pop culture critic and nice lady with opinions, and Hannah McGregor, a bona fide professor of media studies.
[01:15:45.480 --> 01:15:50.200] Loving love stories and also just a little bit concerned.
[01:15:50.200 --> 01:15:52.600] Come listen to Hot and Bothered.
[01:15:53.880 --> 01:15:59.560] ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.
[01:15:59.560 --> 01:16:01.240] Acast.com.

Prompt 6: Key Takeaways

Now please extract the key takeaways from the transcript content I provided.

Extract the most important key takeaways from this part of the conversation. Use a single sentence statement (the key takeaway) rather than milquetoast descriptions like "the hosts discuss...". 

Limit the key takeaways to a maximum of 3. The key takeaways should be insightful and knowledge-additive. 

IMPORTANT: Return ONLY valid JSON, no explanations or markdown. Ensure:
- All strings are properly quoted and escaped
- No trailing commas
- All braces and brackets are balanced
Format: {"key_takeaways": ["takeaway 1", "takeaway 2"]}

Prompt 7: Segments

Now identify 2-4 distinct topical segments from this part of the conversation.

For each segment, identify:
- Descriptive title (3-6 words)  
- START timestamp when this topic begins (HH:MM:SS format)
- Double check that the timestamp is accurate - a timestamp will NEVER be greater than the total length of the audio
- Most important Key takeaway from that segment. Key takeaway must be specific and knowledge-additive.
- Brief summary of the discussion

IMPORTANT: The timestamp should mark when the topic/segment STARTS, not a range. Look for topic transitions and conversation shifts.

Return ONLY valid JSON. Ensure all strings are properly quoted, no trailing commas:
{
  "segments": [
    {
      "segment_title": "Topic Discussion", 
      "timestamp": "01:15:30",
      "key_takeaway": "main point from this segment",
      "segment_summary": "brief description of what was discussed"
    }
  ]
}

Timestamp format: HH:MM:SS (e.g., 00:05:30, 01:22:45) marking the START of each segment.

Prompt 8: Media Mentions

Now scan the transcript content I provided for ACTUAL mentions of specific media titles:

Find explicit mentions of:
- Books (with specific titles)
- Movies (with specific titles)  
- TV Shows (with specific titles)
- Music/Songs (with specific titles)

DO NOT include:
- Websites, URLs, or web services
- Other podcasts or podcast names

IMPORTANT: 
- Only include items explicitly mentioned by name. Do not invent titles.
- Valid categories are: "Book", "Movie", "TV Show", "Music"
- Include the exact phrase where each item was mentioned
- Find the nearest proximate timestamp where it appears in the conversation
- THE TIMESTAMP OF THE MEDIA MENTION IS IMPORTANT - DO NOT INVENT TIMESTAMPS AND DO NOT MISATTRIBUTE TIMESTAMPS
- Double check that the timestamp is accurate - a timestamp will NEVER be greater than the total length of the audio
- Timestamps are given as ranges, e.g. 01:13:42.520 --> 01:13:46.720. Use the EARLIER of the 2 timestamps in the range.

Return ONLY valid JSON. Ensure all strings are properly quoted and escaped, no trailing commas:
{
  "media_mentions": [
    {
      "title": "Exact Title as Mentioned",
      "category": "Book",
      "author_artist": "N/A",
      "context": "Brief context of why it was mentioned",
      "context_phrase": "The exact sentence or phrase where it was mentioned",
      "timestamp": "estimated time like 01:15:30"
    }
  ]
}

If no media is mentioned, return: {"media_mentions": []}

Full Transcript

[00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:04.800] You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday.
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[00:00:44.960 --> 00:00:54.320] Just go to Indeed.com/slash P-O-D-K-A-T-Z-13 right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast.
[00:00:54.320 --> 00:00:55.760] Terms and conditions apply.
[00:00:55.760 --> 00:00:58.720] Hiring, Indeed, is all you need.
[00:01:00.640 --> 00:01:04.480] ACAS powers the world's best podcasts.
[00:01:04.480 --> 00:01:06.720] Here's the show that we recommend.
[00:01:08.640 --> 00:01:11.760] Hey, everybody, I'm Naomi Acparrigan, and I'm Andy Beckerman.
[00:01:11.760 --> 00:01:16.720] We're a real-life couple and a real-life couple of comedians, and we're the hosts of the podcast Couples Therapy.
[00:01:16.720 --> 00:01:19.600] We're the only comedy relationship podcast ever.
[00:01:19.600 --> 00:01:20.720] Yeah, I said it.
[00:01:20.720 --> 00:01:26.320] And we're so good, we've been written up in both the New York Times and we made Grinder's list of top podcasts.
[00:01:26.320 --> 00:01:28.400] Yes, we're giving you that high-low appeal.
[00:01:28.400 --> 00:01:29.120] Trust.
[00:01:29.120 --> 00:01:37.520] On the show, we talk to guests like Bob the Drag Queen, Angelica Ross, Bowen Yang, Janelle James, Danny Pootie, Darcy Cardin, Paul F.
[00:01:37.520 --> 00:01:39.440] Tompkins, and more.
[00:01:39.440 --> 00:01:42.560] All about love, mental health, and everything in between.
[00:01:42.560 --> 00:01:45.040] And we answer your relationship questions.
[00:01:45.040 --> 00:01:48.480] We are two unlicensed comedians just trying to help you out.
[00:01:48.480 --> 00:01:53.840] So open your hearts, loosen your butts, because we got a lot of laughs and a lot of real talk just for you.
[00:01:53.840 --> 00:01:57.520] Download Couples Therapy wherever you get your podcasts.
[00:01:59.960 --> 00:02:05.720] ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.
[00:02:05.720 --> 00:02:07.560] Acast.com.
[00:02:09.800 --> 00:02:16.840] Sometimes it would seem like things were kind of like a little chaotic, but the whole purpose for me was to fail forward.
[00:02:16.840 --> 00:02:25.880] If it was going to be a quote-unquote failure, I was going to do it with forward momentum and learn a lot and apply the lesson to the next opportunity.
[00:02:25.880 --> 00:02:28.920] And hopefully it makes me better at what I do.
[00:02:29.560 --> 00:02:38.200] You're listening to Side Hustle Pro, the podcast that teaches you to build and grow your side hustle from passion project to profitable business.
[00:02:38.200 --> 00:02:41.160] And I'm your host, Nikayla Matthews Okome.
[00:02:41.160 --> 00:02:42.840] So let's get started.
[00:02:46.680 --> 00:02:47.240] Hey, friends.
[00:02:47.240 --> 00:02:47.800] Hey, welcome.
[00:02:47.880 --> 00:02:49.080] Welcome back to the show.
[00:02:49.080 --> 00:02:50.280] It's Nikayla here.
[00:02:50.280 --> 00:02:53.000] And today in the guest chair, I have Melissa Ford.
[00:02:53.000 --> 00:02:59.720] Melissa is a media personality, actress, and advocate known for her dynamic presence in entertainment.
[00:02:59.720 --> 00:03:09.560] With a career spanning television, film, and radio, she has captivated audiences as a host on the Joe Button podcast and various TV appearances.
[00:03:09.560 --> 00:03:21.000] And as a seasoned veteran in media and entertainment, Melissa has mastered the art of pivoting and identifying viable opportunities to launch into new and exciting spaces.
[00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:33.240] And now, Melissa is using her platform to foster meaningful conversations about wellness, intimacy, and health as we hurdle obstacles and enter our next stage of life.
[00:03:33.240 --> 00:03:41.480] With her relatable, candid approach, Melissa is passionate about empowering all through open dialogue and education.
[00:03:41.480 --> 00:03:49.440] And in today's episode, she gets into why her winding career has led her to exactly where she's meant to be.
[00:03:49.440 --> 00:03:54.240] I hope this conversation inspires you and reassures you as much as it did me.
[00:03:54.240 --> 00:03:56.000] So let's get right into it.
[00:03:58.240 --> 00:04:00.800] Melissa, welcome, welcome to the guest chair.
[00:04:00.800 --> 00:04:02.160] Thank you for having me.
[00:04:02.160 --> 00:04:04.080] I've been looking forward to this.
[00:04:04.080 --> 00:04:05.040] Me too.
[00:04:05.040 --> 00:04:08.960] And you know, everybody I mentioned that I was interviewing you two.
[00:04:08.960 --> 00:04:10.320] Everybody was like, oh my God.
[00:04:10.320 --> 00:04:12.480] And I'm like, okay, relax, calm down.
[00:04:12.800 --> 00:04:15.600] You have such a fan base across generations.
[00:04:15.600 --> 00:04:18.000] I'm talking across gender and generations.
[00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:20.240] And I was taken aback by it.
[00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:26.640] Yeah, it's sometimes it surprises me too, like when, you know, 20 and 22 year olds like know who I am.
[00:04:26.640 --> 00:04:33.360] But I think that I got kind of introduced to that generation by way of doing the Joe Button podcast.
[00:04:33.920 --> 00:04:41.680] So, you know, I've got my day ones that are in my age group and maybe a little bit older and a little bit younger.
[00:04:41.680 --> 00:04:48.320] But when I get like the same kids that are watching Kai Sanat, I'm like, wow, wow.
[00:04:48.640 --> 00:04:51.040] We have a broad audience here.
[00:04:51.040 --> 00:04:51.920] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:04:51.920 --> 00:04:53.120] It feels really good though.
[00:04:53.120 --> 00:04:54.560] And it feels really good to talk to you.
[00:04:54.560 --> 00:04:59.040] Like, I already feel like such a great rapport and I'm excited for this convo.
[00:04:59.040 --> 00:05:00.720] But let's take it back a little bit.
[00:05:00.720 --> 00:05:03.440] I always forget this, but you're actually from Canada, right?
[00:05:03.440 --> 00:05:07.760] So when did you actually move to the States and start working here?
[00:05:08.080 --> 00:05:17.040] I moved to the States on September 11th, 2000, a year to the day before the towers came down.
[00:05:18.240 --> 00:05:24.400] Had I didn't, had I known that was going to be my anniversary, I probably would have saved the plane ticket, you know?
[00:05:25.200 --> 00:05:27.680] But that was the day that I moved here.
[00:05:27.680 --> 00:05:31.640] Now, did I have permission from my country to leave and this country to stay here?
[00:05:31.960 --> 00:05:33.080] No, I did not.
[00:05:33.800 --> 00:05:36.600] But you know, that's that's that's part of the immigrant.
[00:05:36.840 --> 00:05:43.960] Yeah, you know, that yes, just part of the immigrant experience a lot of times is you figure it out once you're inside, you know.
[00:05:44.360 --> 00:05:45.320] Absolutely, exactly.
[00:05:45.320 --> 00:05:45.800] Yeah, yeah.
[00:05:45.800 --> 00:05:53.560] But I am now and have been for a very long time a tax-paying citizen of this country.
[00:05:53.560 --> 00:05:54.200] Yes.
[00:05:54.520 --> 00:06:01.080] And you classify yourself as a media personality, obviously, an actress, you're an advocate.
[00:06:01.080 --> 00:06:06.440] And when you started out, you started out making, I've heard you call them short films.
[00:06:06.440 --> 00:06:11.560] Tell us about these short films and your career and how it got started in the film industry.
[00:06:11.800 --> 00:06:19.800] Well, they were, I call them mini-motion pictures, and basically they were music videos, but it was at a, it was the golden age of doing music videos.
[00:06:19.800 --> 00:06:29.960] It was a, it was a very rare block of time in which music video, the music industry and labels were flush with money.
[00:06:30.280 --> 00:06:35.320] Exorbitant amounts of money was being spent on music videos.
[00:06:35.320 --> 00:06:40.120] And music videos were not like, you know, what they're like now.
[00:06:40.120 --> 00:06:44.600] Like, I don't, I don't even remember the last time I saw like a recent music video.
[00:06:44.600 --> 00:06:54.760] But I mean, they music videos at this time were such a big deal that like MTV would be like world premiere and everybody would just run to the TV to see this newest video.
[00:06:54.760 --> 00:07:00.120] And usually it was somebody huge like Nas or Jay-Z or, you know, whoever.
[00:07:00.520 --> 00:07:15.040] But it was really exciting to like to be a part of that world at that time, you know, not really knowing how impactful it was going to be for the culture forever.
[00:07:14.680 --> 00:07:17.520] You know, it just, it was, it was, it was a very specific time.
[00:07:17.680 --> 00:07:27.040] It was the golden age and it left an indelible mark on everybody's brains, you know, like for so many different, for so many different reasons.
[00:07:27.040 --> 00:07:39.440] For young girls watching videos, a lot of the time, this was the first time they saw any kind of real representation that where they saw themselves in that, which was wonderful.
[00:07:40.000 --> 00:07:50.160] And then for guys, well, I think it's pretty obvious what they enjoyed about watching us do music videos.
[00:07:50.640 --> 00:07:54.080] But it was a really, really, really, really, really wonderful time.
[00:07:54.080 --> 00:07:54.720] Really wonderful time.
[00:07:54.800 --> 00:07:55.520] It really was.
[00:07:55.520 --> 00:07:57.440] And I don't think I've unpacked that in a while.
[00:07:57.440 --> 00:08:00.240] The fact that I don't know what these artists are doing these days.
[00:08:00.240 --> 00:08:09.200] I'm sure someone is watching, but like, this was the main event for this was a huge part of us getting to know the artists and their album.
[00:08:09.200 --> 00:08:11.520] And like you said, I'm part of the TRL generation.
[00:08:11.520 --> 00:08:21.680] I remember having to be home by four o'clock, you know, the 106M Park generation to see those premieres, to see these artists, and to have videos running in the background.
[00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:23.920] Like that was part of your getting ready in the morning.
[00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:26.800] Nowadays, it's just not, it's just not the same.
[00:08:26.800 --> 00:08:28.080] It's not the same kind of thing.
[00:08:28.400 --> 00:08:32.640] When I see that there's a video for a song, I'm like, oh, there's a video for this one.
[00:08:33.280 --> 00:08:33.760] Yeah.
[00:08:33.760 --> 00:08:37.040] So, I mean, social media changed every social media just basically.
[00:08:37.040 --> 00:08:48.640] Well, before social media came along, the record industry has always kind of been in flux constantly, you know?
[00:08:48.640 --> 00:09:04.120] And I mean, just what we're seeing right now, we're seeing such a massive consolidation of the labels into just these huge conglomerates, you know, like, you know, Universal Music Group and everything that's kind of like all the subsidiaries underneath of it and stuff like that.
[00:09:04.440 --> 00:09:13.800] Whereas it wasn't like that 20 years ago, it was like, you know, capital and it's even crazy to hear you say 20 years ago.
[00:09:14.040 --> 00:09:16.440] I'm still wrapping my mind around it.
[00:09:22.280 --> 00:09:28.840] How did you, as a young woman coming to a whole new country, manage the pivot, right?
[00:09:28.840 --> 00:09:39.640] Once you started to feel like I want to move beyond this phase of my career, how did you manage the fear, the dauntingness of like figuring out what's next?
[00:09:40.600 --> 00:09:52.680] I just always, you know, I had all of these analogies in my head, you know, sink or swim, you know, the cream rises to the top, and just all these cliched phrases.
[00:09:52.680 --> 00:10:01.960] But, you know, I just always envisioned myself like a baby bird that has to be pushed out of the nest in order for it to know it has, it can fly and there's going to be fear involved.
[00:10:01.960 --> 00:10:16.440] But my way of thinking is just like, you know, taking the road less traveled and, you know, creating footprints, you know, and just like, you know, not necessarily following like the beaten path, just like flying by the seat of my pant and following the beat of my own drum kind of thing.
[00:10:16.520 --> 00:10:18.680] I know I just threw a whole bunch of cliched phrases.
[00:10:18.760 --> 00:10:20.920] Yeah, every single one, back to back.
[00:10:21.640 --> 00:10:23.880] This is literally, this is literally how I live.
[00:10:24.360 --> 00:10:25.080] You have to do that.
[00:10:25.480 --> 00:10:30.520] Yeah, I mean, when I moved here, when I moved here, I had two suitcases, $25, and a one-way ticket.
[00:10:30.520 --> 00:10:32.600] Like, I really am that story.
[00:10:32.920 --> 00:10:36.360] And like I said, I was, I did not have permission from my country to leave.
[00:10:36.360 --> 00:10:38.040] I didn't have permission from this country to stay.
[00:10:38.040 --> 00:10:39.560] And people are like, well, it's just Canada.
[00:10:39.560 --> 00:10:44.800] I'm like, it is a totally different country with a totally different culture.
[00:10:44.440 --> 00:10:47.040] Like, we're owned by the queen.
[00:10:47.360 --> 00:10:48.320] You know what I'm saying?
[00:10:44.680 --> 00:10:50.480] Like, we may as well be Brits up there.
[00:10:44.840 --> 00:10:54.160] You know, it's very different from American culture.
[00:10:54.160 --> 00:10:58.640] And I had a lot of culture shock when I moved here.
[00:10:58.640 --> 00:11:13.040] But, you know, when it came to feeling fear or, you know, hesitation when it came to trying something new, I was just like, why did you leave your country if you're not just going to throw caution to the wind and just do it?
[00:11:13.040 --> 00:11:19.120] I'd rather suffer from the fear of failure than the fear of regret of not trying something.
[00:11:19.120 --> 00:11:22.960] You know, that's just, that's also how I kind of live my life.
[00:11:22.960 --> 00:11:26.160] And you just reminded me too, like, I'm also an immigrant.
[00:11:26.160 --> 00:11:28.000] Our family immigrated from Jamaica.
[00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:41.760] And there's something about when you come from another country that this, this fear of having to go, even though there's nothing wrong with it, like going back is a symbol of some kind of failure, of some kind of you didn't do what you came here to do.
[00:11:42.080 --> 00:11:43.920] And that motivates you.
[00:11:43.920 --> 00:11:44.480] It does.
[00:11:44.480 --> 00:11:44.960] It does.
[00:11:44.960 --> 00:11:50.960] And I just, I, I just had no intentions of ever going back, you know?
[00:11:51.120 --> 00:11:54.320] And people say that to me a lot: like, would you ever go back to Canada?
[00:11:54.320 --> 00:11:58.720] I'm like, no, no, no, never.
[00:11:58.720 --> 00:12:03.040] It's literally like a book I read a long time ago.
[00:12:03.040 --> 00:12:07.920] You know, close that chapter, just put that on the bookshelf, you know.
[00:12:08.640 --> 00:12:16.400] And it's just like the way that I've kind of like envisioned my life is, you know, that I have several lifetimes to live inside of this one.
[00:12:16.400 --> 00:12:21.680] And so the first part of my life was, I was born and raised in Canada.
[00:12:21.680 --> 00:12:26.000] I left there when I was about 21, 22-ish.
[00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:32.920] And so then I've lived in the States for shoot, like, I guess like 24 years now, something to that effect.
[00:12:32.920 --> 00:12:33.320] Yeah.
[00:12:29.520 --> 00:12:34.920] But this is not the last stop for me.
[00:12:35.160 --> 00:12:39.000] I do not see myself living the rest of my life in the U.S.
[00:12:39.160 --> 00:12:42.760] I see myself living Thailand.
[00:12:42.760 --> 00:12:43.560] Yes.
[00:12:43.560 --> 00:12:44.840] Why Thailand?
[00:12:44.840 --> 00:12:45.640] I don't know.
[00:12:45.640 --> 00:12:49.960] It just, everything I've ever, I have never been to Thailand.
[00:12:49.960 --> 00:12:59.560] I've been to, I've been to Bali, which kind of from the from what I've seen about Thailand, a lot of that reminds me of Bali.
[00:13:00.120 --> 00:13:03.720] And I thought that Bali was just, it was paradise.
[00:13:03.720 --> 00:13:05.560] I had the best time.
[00:13:05.560 --> 00:13:09.480] So I just feel like Thailand is just kind of like where I'm going to end up.
[00:13:09.800 --> 00:13:11.160] I just have this feeling.
[00:13:11.160 --> 00:13:19.080] Like I knew I was going to move to New York even when I was like in my teens, before I even knew that New York was made up of five boroughs.
[00:13:19.080 --> 00:13:22.360] I knew I was going to live in New York and live in Bed Sai.
[00:13:22.600 --> 00:13:24.600] I was like, wait, where is Bed Stai?
[00:13:24.600 --> 00:13:25.240] What is that?
[00:13:25.240 --> 00:13:27.320] It was like a premonition that I had.
[00:13:27.320 --> 00:13:29.080] And then I ended up living in Bed Saiya.
[00:13:29.240 --> 00:13:30.680] Was that song lyrics?
[00:13:30.680 --> 00:13:31.560] Or you were just like.
[00:13:31.880 --> 00:13:42.120] No, it wasn't even song lyrics because when I was 15, we didn't really have access to like hip-hop like it is here.
[00:13:42.120 --> 00:13:44.440] Like we didn't have video music box.
[00:13:44.440 --> 00:13:46.040] We didn't have BET.
[00:13:46.040 --> 00:13:51.240] We didn't get BET until like 1996 on our television.
[00:13:51.240 --> 00:13:53.720] So I was like, what, 20 at the time?
[00:13:53.720 --> 00:13:55.320] Wait, 20, 19, 20?
[00:13:55.320 --> 00:13:56.040] Something like that.
[00:13:56.040 --> 00:13:56.360] Yeah.
[00:13:56.360 --> 00:13:57.000] Yeah.
[00:13:58.120 --> 00:13:58.920] So yeah, it's.
[00:13:59.000 --> 00:14:00.040] So it was a different world.
[00:14:00.040 --> 00:14:00.280] Okay.
[00:14:00.920 --> 00:14:02.120] It definitely was a different world.
[00:14:02.120 --> 00:14:08.360] But I say all that to say, going back to, yeah, like the next chapter of my life is going to be living abroad.
[00:14:08.360 --> 00:14:11.240] And I have a feeling that it's going to be Thailand.
[00:14:17.280 --> 00:14:23.680] Now, walk us back to where you were when you left doing mini motion pictures.
[00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:30.640] Were you ever like at a point where you were kind of worried about money or finances as you figured out the next step?
[00:14:30.640 --> 00:14:33.360] Like, how do you get through those moments?
[00:14:35.600 --> 00:14:48.400] No, I was never really worried about money because when I came to the States, obviously, you know, I'm illegal, so I can't really get a job.
[00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:57.600] And I didn't do a lot, like enough music videos for that to be like a sustainable source of revenue.
[00:14:57.600 --> 00:14:59.680] Okay, that's what I'm trying to understand.
[00:14:59.680 --> 00:15:00.080] Yeah.
[00:15:00.400 --> 00:15:05.680] But I definitely, I was a bartender and I was a very, very, very good bartender.
[00:15:05.680 --> 00:15:07.680] I had been bartending in Toronto.
[00:15:08.000 --> 00:15:13.200] It was one of my jobs that helped me pay my way through university.
[00:15:13.200 --> 00:15:16.560] So when I got here, well, it was very easy to get a bartending job.
[00:15:16.560 --> 00:15:17.120] I was young.
[00:15:17.120 --> 00:15:18.000] I was hot.
[00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:19.280] Everybody wanted me at the bar.
[00:15:19.280 --> 00:15:21.760] Plus, it's just like, oh, she's that girl from the video.
[00:15:21.760 --> 00:15:22.480] Oh, hell yeah.
[00:15:22.480 --> 00:15:26.640] You know, so it was not difficult for me to get a bartending job.
[00:15:26.640 --> 00:15:34.400] And usually in bars, lounges, clubs where a major promoter had parties going on.
[00:15:34.400 --> 00:15:45.840] And so I ended up, you know, in a very, very, very, very short amount of time crossing paths with a lot of, you know, clientele with a high net worth.
[00:15:45.840 --> 00:15:54.000] You know, so rappers would be like my customers, you know, dope boys, like guys with a lot of money.
[00:15:54.800 --> 00:15:57.280] And they liked the tip really, really, really well.
[00:15:57.280 --> 00:16:01.720] So, there were nights where I would make my entire rent in like one single night.
[00:15:59.840 --> 00:16:06.600] And that was just, I first in Canada, they tipped me in toonies and loonies.
[00:16:06.680 --> 00:16:10.680] Okay, I was just walking around jingling like with change in my pockets.
[00:16:10.680 --> 00:16:14.600] And here guys were like, you know, peeling off like bills.
[00:16:14.600 --> 00:16:21.720] And I was like, wow, you know, so that really helped me kind of sustain, you know, being able to pay my bills and my rentals.
[00:16:21.960 --> 00:16:23.480] Certified side hustler.
[00:16:23.480 --> 00:16:27.880] That's why I asked because I think sometimes people see the glitz and the glam and they're just assuming.
[00:16:27.880 --> 00:16:35.960] But I know from working in entertainment, like there are gaps between each project and bills still need to be paid within those gaps.
[00:16:35.960 --> 00:16:38.600] So the side hustle instinct has to kick in.
[00:16:38.600 --> 00:16:42.440] Yeah, the life of a freelancer is not for the faint of heart.
[00:16:42.440 --> 00:16:45.240] The life of an entrepreneur is not for the faint of heart.
[00:16:46.200 --> 00:16:47.080] It just isn't.
[00:16:47.080 --> 00:16:50.600] There's just no promise or guarantee of anything.
[00:16:50.600 --> 00:16:55.400] So bartending was definitely like my main source of income.
[00:16:55.400 --> 00:17:09.560] And then when I transitioned from doing music videos to broadcast, like television broadcasting, so now I'm on BET as on-camera talent, that was paying me very nicely.
[00:17:09.560 --> 00:17:11.880] So I no longer was a bartender.
[00:17:11.880 --> 00:17:16.920] And that kind of started the next part of my career.
[00:17:16.920 --> 00:17:19.160] So tell us a little bit more about that next part.
[00:17:19.160 --> 00:17:23.640] So you did acting on camera for several years.
[00:17:23.640 --> 00:17:25.000] Was that where you saw yourself?
[00:17:25.000 --> 00:17:28.520] Like that was the sweet spot where you're like, this is where I want my career to go.
[00:17:28.520 --> 00:17:39.720] No, I really was kind of just flying by the seat of my pants a little bit, you know, and just throwing stuff at the wall to see what stuck kind of thing.
[00:17:40.440 --> 00:17:42.600] It was so-I appreciate this so much.
[00:17:42.600 --> 00:17:48.560] I just want you to know that I really appreciate that because sometimes that's still how my career feels.
[00:17:44.840 --> 00:17:50.880] I appreciate this conversation.
[00:17:51.040 --> 00:18:02.640] Yeah, so yeah, I mean, a lot of times, you know, it was really important for me for some reason to always make it look like I had it all together and I knew exactly what I was doing and where I was going, and everything was well thought out.
[00:18:02.640 --> 00:18:05.040] It is such a lie, it is not the truth.
[00:18:05.040 --> 00:18:07.200] I did not know my ass from my elbow.
[00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:12.800] I was constantly like, you know, just kind of looking up at the praying, somebody send me a sign.
[00:18:12.800 --> 00:18:34.400] You know, I had, I was alone in the U.S., I didn't have any family, I didn't have any mentors, I didn't have any guidance, nobody had done, there was no blueprint for what I was doing, going from music videos and having the audacity to try and make a career out of that.
[00:18:34.400 --> 00:18:40.480] Like, there was, there was nothing there, you know, in order to point me in any type of direction.
[00:18:40.480 --> 00:18:41.920] Nobody knew what to do with me.
[00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:53.200] Nobody wanted to manage me because they were like, I don't know what to do with you because what is like exactly like what is your talent and how do I sell it other than you being beautiful?
[00:18:53.200 --> 00:18:59.920] And I'm like, well, I, okay, well, then let me go on to the next opportunity, which is television broadcasting.
[00:18:59.920 --> 00:19:01.200] Did I know what I was doing?
[00:19:01.200 --> 00:19:01.840] Hell no.
[00:19:01.840 --> 00:19:03.120] Did they prepare me?
[00:19:03.120 --> 00:19:04.080] Hell no.
[00:19:04.080 --> 00:19:11.040] It was literally like Daniel in the lion's den, just thrown right in there and make it work for yourself.
[00:19:11.040 --> 00:19:21.200] And so I got a little bit of media training, but I had no like talent development for on-camera work.
[00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:32.600] That was literally just me winging it and also studying people, you know, so I had the benefit of free being at BET when I joined.
[00:19:32.920 --> 00:19:39.400] And I mean, she was free, free was free, you know, she was just such a consummate professional.
[00:19:39.400 --> 00:19:42.200] She was so amazing and she's so talented.
[00:19:42.200 --> 00:19:43.640] And I love to hear that.
[00:19:44.040 --> 00:19:52.600] And so all, yeah, literally all I had to do was just observe her and then kind of take my observations then and then apply it in my own style.
[00:19:52.600 --> 00:20:03.800] And so this was just how I, you know, honed the craft is by observing the people that I had an enormous amount of respect for, their talent, and just kind of applied it.
[00:20:03.800 --> 00:20:06.360] So that was, yes, those were the early days.
[00:20:06.520 --> 00:20:07.960] I totally relate to that.
[00:20:07.960 --> 00:20:16.760] And I think there's something to be said from when you don't have an official blueprint, creating one for yourself and saying, well, I'm going to study this person.
[00:20:16.760 --> 00:20:20.600] That's a sort of a career that, you know, that could be something.
[00:20:20.600 --> 00:20:24.280] So let me study that and putting together your own kind of curriculum.
[00:20:24.280 --> 00:20:28.920] And that's part of like being a hustler, being a side hustler, entrepreneur, or grinder, too.
[00:20:28.920 --> 00:20:32.120] Cause if you're creating your own path, you still need a curriculum.
[00:20:32.120 --> 00:20:34.360] Like you still need to piece it together for yourself.
[00:20:34.360 --> 00:20:35.080] Yeah, you do.
[00:20:35.080 --> 00:20:39.160] And, you know, and honestly, you can't be afraid of like failing forward.
[00:20:39.160 --> 00:20:40.280] You know what I'm saying?
[00:20:40.280 --> 00:20:57.480] Like, oftentimes, the most terrifying opportunities that presented themselves were the ones that I jumped at because, like, I like the analogy I gave of thinking about myself as a baby bird being pushed out of the nest to, you know, either drop dead or fly.
[00:20:57.480 --> 00:20:59.240] Those are the two options.
[00:20:59.880 --> 00:21:08.520] And that's just that, that's just how I had to live and had to, you know, approach opportunities that came my way.
[00:21:08.520 --> 00:21:16.000] So it just, sometimes it would seem like things were kind of like a little chaotic, but the whole purpose for me was to fail forward.
[00:21:16.320 --> 00:21:26.480] If it was going to be a quote-unquote failure, I was going to do it with forward momentum and learn a lot and apply the lesson to the next opportunity.
[00:21:26.480 --> 00:21:29.680] And hopefully it makes me better at what I do.
[00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:30.640] Yes.
[00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:43.280] And how do you manage the mental gymnastics that you have to go through to do this?
[00:21:43.280 --> 00:21:53.440] Because everything you're describing is like it's very easy to do on a good day, a good mental day, but on a day where you're like, ugh, what am I doing with my life?
[00:21:53.440 --> 00:21:54.720] Like, do you have those days?
[00:21:54.720 --> 00:21:57.520] And if so, how do you manage the mental gymnastics?
[00:21:57.520 --> 00:22:07.920] I struggled the majority of my life with my inner monologue being very, very, very negative.
[00:22:07.920 --> 00:22:16.800] Like, I was talking to my girlfriend the other day, and I remember feeling depression at nine, nine years old.
[00:22:16.800 --> 00:22:20.560] And it resulted, it was the result of being bullied at school.
[00:22:20.800 --> 00:22:22.720] And I didn't tell my parents.
[00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:29.920] And actually, I would classify what I did next as kind of a suicide attempt at nine.
[00:22:29.920 --> 00:22:36.160] It's so interesting that we just don't really kind of take into account the mental health of like children.
[00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:38.560] We just, they're kids and they're resilient.
[00:22:39.120 --> 00:22:39.920] They're having a good time.
[00:22:40.400 --> 00:22:40.880] Yeah.
[00:22:40.880 --> 00:22:41.440] Exactly.
[00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:45.040] But the reality is, is that children can suffer from depression.
[00:22:45.040 --> 00:22:54.320] They can be traumatized, not necessarily from, you know, obvious things, but just abandonment or neglect or whatever.
[00:22:54.320 --> 00:22:57.600] And for me, and or bullying that they just don't tell you about.
[00:22:57.600 --> 00:23:05.000] And, you know, like, just, so from that point on, I just had always been extraordinarily hard on myself.
[00:23:05.320 --> 00:23:09.560] Like, I would not let my, I would not give myself a break for a single second.
[00:23:09.560 --> 00:23:14.520] I would not let myself live down mistakes that I made or whatever.
[00:23:14.520 --> 00:23:31.480] Like, it just, as much as I thought that it made me more hard-charging and determined and stuff like that, there was also a, it also came at my, at a detriment to myself as well, because I did not know how to talk to myself nicely.
[00:23:31.480 --> 00:23:34.280] I did not know how to be kind to myself.
[00:23:34.280 --> 00:23:39.160] I didn't think I was worthy of me, of me showing myself kindness.
[00:23:39.160 --> 00:23:42.760] It seemed stupid and ridiculous.
[00:23:42.760 --> 00:23:45.640] And I didn't think that I deserved it.
[00:23:45.640 --> 00:24:03.800] It took me a really, really, really long time and an intense amount of therapy for me to understand how to reframe how I speak to myself, how to be kinder to myself, how to give myself grace.
[00:24:03.800 --> 00:24:09.560] I only discovered this in the last three, four years after my mom passed away.
[00:24:09.560 --> 00:24:19.080] So all the years prior to that, where the facade looked like there was never a crack in it, there was a category five hurricane going on inside.
[00:24:19.080 --> 00:24:24.280] And there were times where I could not recharge my social battery for six months at a time.
[00:24:24.280 --> 00:24:25.720] And I would just disappear.
[00:24:25.720 --> 00:24:32.920] And I would disappear and probably be self-medicating with a little too much weed and a little too much alcohol.
[00:24:32.920 --> 00:24:44.800] Like, I had some very significant, you know, self-soothing, bad coping mechanisms, like so many of us in this industry do.
[00:24:44.760 --> 00:24:47.600] Yeah, and you tell yourself, oh, it's just a drink.
[00:24:47.680 --> 00:24:53.200] I'm having a bad day, or it's just healthy, it's from the ground, or whatever.
[00:24:53.200 --> 00:24:54.480] Yeah, no, not so much.
[00:24:54.480 --> 00:24:57.840] You know, we really like to say, you know, it's wine.
[00:24:57.840 --> 00:25:00.160] It's antioxidants.
[00:25:00.160 --> 00:25:02.560] You know, it's got resveratrol in it.
[00:25:02.560 --> 00:25:04.080] It's good for our skin.
[00:25:04.080 --> 00:25:06.000] Yeah, no, no.
[00:25:06.800 --> 00:25:08.720] But not how you're using it.
[00:25:08.720 --> 00:25:12.240] Yeah, not how you're using it to like numb your feelings.
[00:25:12.720 --> 00:25:13.040] Exactly.
[00:25:13.040 --> 00:25:18.080] When you pick up your, you know, recycling bag and you hear clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink.
[00:25:18.160 --> 00:25:18.640] Oh, no.
[00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:22.480] Girl, you might need to see the people.
[00:25:23.440 --> 00:25:25.120] And the people are okay to see.
[00:25:25.600 --> 00:25:26.960] And the people are okay to see.
[00:25:26.960 --> 00:25:29.200] Just acknowledge you might need to see the people.
[00:25:29.200 --> 00:25:30.880] And then you are so much better off.
[00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:33.840] You know, that's when that's a half the battle.
[00:25:33.840 --> 00:25:42.000] Like I said, I am so appreciating your transparency here because the mental battle of how we talk to ourselves is real.
[00:25:42.000 --> 00:25:44.800] And it's something I really had to reflect on.
[00:25:44.800 --> 00:25:52.000] And I've been reflecting on a lot this year because I find, let's say, we're in a room with entrepreneurial women and they start talking down.
[00:25:52.000 --> 00:25:53.760] And I'm like, no, girl, blah, blah, blah.
[00:25:53.840 --> 00:25:55.040] I'm picking her up.
[00:25:55.360 --> 00:26:01.520] But then when I have, when I'm thinking of through, I'm talking to myself like, I'm like, why are you doing that?
[00:26:01.520 --> 00:26:02.160] You know?
[00:26:02.880 --> 00:26:10.720] One of the most, I don't know what I want to call this moment, but it was, it was very much a light bulb aha moment for me.
[00:26:10.960 --> 00:26:15.120] And it didn't, it happened very recently, maybe within like the last year or so.
[00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:24.320] I saw, I followed Viola Davis on Instagram because, you know, Auntie Vi, like she has the best posts.
[00:26:24.320 --> 00:26:24.720] Yes.
[00:26:24.960 --> 00:26:26.640] I love Viola Davis.
[00:26:26.640 --> 00:26:26.880] Okay.
[00:26:26.880 --> 00:26:32.440] I have loved Viola Davis since she was like a character actor on Law and Order SVU.
[00:26:29.520 --> 00:26:35.960] You know, like decades ago.
[00:26:36.520 --> 00:26:38.600] I've been following this woman's career.
[00:26:38.600 --> 00:26:55.000] And when she said during an interview that she suffers from imposter syndrome, I, mouth agape, I could not believe that the grand dame Viola Davis suffers from imposter syndrome.
[00:26:55.000 --> 00:27:00.360] At that moment, I was just like, that's the moment that I became crystal clear.
[00:27:00.680 --> 00:27:02.760] I need to give myself grace.
[00:27:02.760 --> 00:27:15.400] If this woman suffers from imposter syndrome, then I need to find ways to continue to give myself grace because that just was just kind of phenomenal to me.
[00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:22.360] And then after that, I had a conversation with several girlfriends and then just polling women that I had the opportunity to talk to.
[00:27:22.360 --> 00:27:28.680] And I just, and doing some research on imposter syndrome and how many women it affects.
[00:27:28.680 --> 00:27:32.840] It affects like 72% of women.
[00:27:32.840 --> 00:27:35.400] And usually it's high-achieving women.
[00:27:35.400 --> 00:27:40.360] Women of high net worth and high achievement are the ones that suffer from imposter syndrome.
[00:27:40.440 --> 00:27:43.400] They have all the qualifications in the world.
[00:27:43.400 --> 00:27:43.640] Yeah.
[00:27:43.640 --> 00:27:45.960] And it's, men don't suffer from it.
[00:27:45.960 --> 00:27:46.440] No.
[00:27:47.560 --> 00:27:50.920] No, they think I'm a great sliced bread.
[00:27:50.920 --> 00:27:51.800] You know what I'm saying?
[00:27:51.800 --> 00:27:57.960] I think a few of them suffer from like the Dunning-Kruger effect, but that's a whole other, you know, situation.
[00:27:57.960 --> 00:28:11.240] But yeah, I mean, that was, that was just a real, like I said, light bulb aha moment for me that where I felt I didn't feel as alone with my own, with, you know, my, my insecurities.
[00:28:11.240 --> 00:28:24.800] I realized that the greatest, grandest, most impressive women on this planet have the same issues, you know, and I thought that was, I love that she was that transparent to tell us all that.
[00:28:24.800 --> 00:28:25.360] Yeah.
[00:28:25.360 --> 00:28:25.920] Oh, yeah.
[00:28:25.920 --> 00:28:28.240] I've been finding myself too having this.
[00:28:28.240 --> 00:28:37.200] Well, why wouldn't I also aha moments where I'm like, and this is me being transparent here too, like, oh, well, such and such also had two babies and is still carrying extra weight.
[00:28:37.200 --> 00:28:38.080] Why wouldn't I?
[00:28:38.080 --> 00:28:40.880] Like, we're all in this age where it's harder to get weight off.
[00:28:40.880 --> 00:28:44.080] Like, of course, why wouldn't I also be experiencing that?
[00:28:44.080 --> 00:28:44.400] Right.
[00:28:44.400 --> 00:28:47.520] Like, so, and that's what you touch on on your new podcast too.
[00:28:47.520 --> 00:28:50.480] Like, hello, we're kind of going through something.
[00:28:50.480 --> 00:28:54.400] We're kind of going through, we're meeting this new person in our life, Perry, right?
[00:28:54.400 --> 00:28:57.760] And we, yeah, we got to acknowledge what's the elephant in the room.
[00:28:57.760 --> 00:28:59.840] We can't just act like this is not happening.
[00:28:59.840 --> 00:29:06.560] So, I mean, I mean, Perry, Perry.
[00:29:06.560 --> 00:29:07.280] Girl.
[00:29:07.280 --> 00:29:10.240] And I haven't officially met Perry yet, but I'm just preparing myself.
[00:29:10.240 --> 00:29:16.080] Everyone's telling me about him or her, whatever we want to call, like, so I'm getting my mind right.
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[00:32:10.320 --> 00:32:25.200] So I was talking to one of my girlfriends the other day, and I was talking about the first symptoms that I did not know that these were symptoms attributed to Perry, but in hindsight, I can now recognize.
[00:32:25.600 --> 00:32:35.120] For me, the very first signs, and Perry came along, just met me at the intersection of my mom passing away in grief.
[00:32:35.120 --> 00:32:38.960] So I literally wanted to check myself into like a mental health facility.
[00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:43.440] I didn't, I was, I did not think I was equipped to handle my life at that, at that time.
[00:32:43.440 --> 00:32:46.320] I should not, I should not be making decisions.
[00:32:46.320 --> 00:32:49.520] I shouldn't be handling, you know, heavy machinery.
[00:32:49.520 --> 00:32:52.480] I shouldn't, I shouldn't be walking and talking at the same time.
[00:32:52.480 --> 00:32:54.000] I was a mess.
[00:32:54.000 --> 00:33:01.840] But for me, the first signs was my hair falling out in strands, just strands of hair in the shower.
[00:33:01.840 --> 00:33:08.560] Just, and I had this big, huge, full afro, and it was just getting just like I was losing my density.
[00:33:08.560 --> 00:33:11.760] And I was like, what the is going on?
[00:33:12.080 --> 00:33:15.520] And then it was also very, very dry skin.
[00:33:15.520 --> 00:33:22.080] And my skin, my whole life, has been extremely balanced, you know, like just nothing affects it.
[00:33:22.080 --> 00:33:30.120] I can eat french fries, coat my skin in bacon grease, eat chocolate, and my skin is like, ooh, I got a glow, you know?
[00:33:30.120 --> 00:33:33.000] And so now I was like, Cryptkeeper.
[00:33:33.000 --> 00:33:35.000] I was like, what's going on?
[00:33:35.000 --> 00:33:44.760] You know, and then just like, I couldn't tell if the anxiety and depression was attributed to grief or if it was perimenopause.
[00:33:44.760 --> 00:33:48.040] I didn't know, I didn't know what my struggle was going to be for the day.
[00:33:48.040 --> 00:33:49.160] You know, I had no idea.
[00:33:49.160 --> 00:33:51.000] But those were, those were the first signs.
[00:33:51.000 --> 00:34:02.600] And then the next ones that kicked in was the temperature deregulation in your body, which basically results in hot flashes or night sweats.
[00:34:02.600 --> 00:34:03.800] I never got hot flashes.
[00:34:03.800 --> 00:34:06.680] I got night sweats and they were horrific.
[00:34:06.680 --> 00:34:16.760] I would wake up six or seven times in the middle of the night, mattress, like sheets soaked to the mattress, and I would wake up in terror.
[00:34:16.760 --> 00:34:17.320] And you know what?
[00:34:17.400 --> 00:34:20.840] Song would be playing incessantly in my head.
[00:34:20.840 --> 00:34:21.880] What song?
[00:34:22.200 --> 00:34:27.240] Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future.
[00:34:27.240 --> 00:34:30.360] And I'm like, I'm going to die alone.
[00:34:30.360 --> 00:34:31.480] Oh, my God.
[00:34:32.120 --> 00:34:33.320] Oh, my God.
[00:34:33.480 --> 00:34:34.040] What's so cool?
[00:34:34.120 --> 00:34:36.040] Or I'm not scared at all.
[00:34:36.360 --> 00:34:43.160] I'm so glad that I'm past that phase because I was like, somebody got to help me.
[00:34:43.160 --> 00:34:45.080] I'm not going to make it.
[00:34:45.400 --> 00:34:46.680] Oh, my God.
[00:34:48.600 --> 00:34:50.120] It is not for the faint of heart.
[00:34:50.120 --> 00:34:53.880] But I will say this: this is the advice.
[00:34:53.880 --> 00:34:55.400] I am not a medical doctor.
[00:34:55.400 --> 00:34:57.720] I will just say what worked for me.
[00:34:57.720 --> 00:35:01.440] When you start to see the symptoms creep up.
[00:35:01.440 --> 00:35:12.200] Talk to your either PCP or gynecologist or both about hormone replacement therapy and find out if you are a good candidate for it.
[00:35:12.200 --> 00:35:14.200] I am a good candidate for it.
[00:35:14.200 --> 00:35:22.640] The earlier that you start, the easier it becomes and your symptoms subside a lot faster than women.
[00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:24.400] Exactly does that entail?
[00:35:24.400 --> 00:35:27.840] Is that like hormonal?
[00:35:27.840 --> 00:35:28.560] It's different things.
[00:35:28.560 --> 00:35:30.480] Sometimes it's birth control pills.
[00:35:30.800 --> 00:35:33.600] Sometimes it's the, it's an IUD.
[00:35:33.600 --> 00:35:38.480] Sometimes it's transdermal, which basically means it goes in through your skin.
[00:35:38.480 --> 00:35:49.760] So you can either apply lotions or a spray, and it's progesterone, estrogen, and sometimes testosterone or what else.
[00:35:49.760 --> 00:35:56.080] Or there's a pellet that's very controversial and it's also a little cost prohibitive because it's not covered by insurance.
[00:35:56.400 --> 00:36:02.240] There's also the estradiol patches that you can put on and then take progesterone supplements.
[00:36:02.240 --> 00:36:08.480] There's many different ways that you can do HRT, which is hormone replacement therapy.
[00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:11.520] And different things work for different people.
[00:36:11.520 --> 00:36:13.440] You just kind of have to find your thing.
[00:36:13.440 --> 00:36:25.200] But my recommendation is when you start to feel like you're within that age range of perimenopause starting, make sure that you are getting your blood work done regularly.
[00:36:25.200 --> 00:36:32.960] Have your doctors check your blood work, have them check your sex hormones, which is estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone, the levels.
[00:36:32.960 --> 00:36:38.640] Have them check your thyroid, have them check adrenal glands, have them check your iron levels.
[00:36:38.640 --> 00:36:43.040] We start to decrease in vitamin D, like it drops.
[00:36:43.040 --> 00:36:45.920] Like these are the things that you watch out for.
[00:36:46.880 --> 00:36:51.040] And also get into the gym and start strength training.
[00:36:51.040 --> 00:36:54.640] Cardio is not your friend after the age of 40.
[00:36:55.360 --> 00:37:01.480] Strength training, heavy, heavy weightlifting, and also rebounding and Pilates.
[00:36:59.120 --> 00:37:02.680] What's rebounding?
[00:36:59.360 --> 00:37:06.920] Rebounding like get a mini trampoline and start jumping up on that sucker.
[00:36:59.760 --> 00:37:07.160] Yes.
[00:37:07.720 --> 00:37:11.800] Because yes, it helps us maintain bone density.
[00:37:11.800 --> 00:37:20.040] We are very, very susceptible to a dramatic decrease in bone density, especially if we're not doing the strength training in the gym.
[00:37:20.040 --> 00:37:35.480] We lose bone density very quickly and our risk of mortality increases by 20% after like a like a like a fall and like a broken hip or something like that.
[00:37:36.040 --> 00:37:39.240] I've seen that within my own you know network.
[00:37:39.240 --> 00:37:42.360] And so I thank you for sharing this.
[00:37:48.120 --> 00:37:51.720] You know what I really enjoy about watching your career from afar?
[00:37:51.720 --> 00:38:08.200] It's as you have gone through these major life events and shifts, not only have you been open in a way that most people aren't able, equipped, you know, emotionally or for whatever reason, but also it then informs what you do next.
[00:38:08.200 --> 00:38:20.200] So I love this current phase of you and all the things you're bringing to the world, both on the Joe Button podcast and the balance you provide there and also with your own hot and bothered show that you just launched.
[00:38:20.200 --> 00:38:28.680] So tell us about that journey from when you were doing acting on air work and now transforming into the world of podcasts.
[00:38:29.000 --> 00:38:32.440] Well, thankfully, I'm still, I'm able to do both.
[00:38:32.440 --> 00:38:33.280] You know, good.
[00:38:34.440 --> 00:38:40.760] Joe and the crew, they've been so awesome about giving me time off.
[00:38:40.760 --> 00:38:51.120] So last summer, I shot a film in Canada called Hunting Housewives with Denise Richards and Nene Leaks and Kim Johnson.
[00:38:51.440 --> 00:38:53.840] It was such a great opportunity.
[00:38:53.840 --> 00:38:55.120] It was so much fun.
[00:38:55.120 --> 00:39:00.480] I mean, I got my, I got bitten up by mosquitoes because we were in the forest for two weeks.
[00:39:01.360 --> 00:39:04.480] But I mean, it was just, it was so fantastic.
[00:39:04.800 --> 00:39:08.880] I spent most of my time with Denise Richards, and she is just a gem.
[00:39:08.880 --> 00:39:09.840] She's so awesome.
[00:39:09.840 --> 00:39:11.600] We had the best time.
[00:39:12.000 --> 00:39:16.400] And I really, really, really, really enjoyed working on that project.
[00:39:16.960 --> 00:39:23.680] And so I took three weeks off from the pod and, you know, they were like, come back and, you know, tell us all about it.
[00:39:23.680 --> 00:39:29.760] And then this past March, I went back to Canada as well to shoot another project.
[00:39:29.760 --> 00:39:41.280] So I've been really, really, really fortunate to just kind of have projects just kind of fall into my lap, like feature films for lifetime, which has been really, really great.
[00:39:41.280 --> 00:39:55.280] I mean, you just, you could not have told me that this was going to be my life, even maybe two and a half years ago, because I was, you know, still in heavy recovery from my mom passing away.
[00:39:55.280 --> 00:40:10.640] And we're all just kind of, you know, still, you know, trying to write, you know, kind of write ourselves after the pandemic and just what that did to all of us collectively, mentally, emotionally, physically, even.
[00:40:11.280 --> 00:40:22.800] And so that was a really, that was still a very rough time in my life, where I just did not know what my, like, you know, I just had no real outlook on what was going on.
[00:40:22.880 --> 00:40:24.960] Everything just kind of seemed dim and dark.
[00:40:24.960 --> 00:40:28.240] There didn't really seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
[00:40:28.240 --> 00:40:44.200] And if you told me within two years, you're going to have shot two major, you're going to have shot two feature-length films, you're going to be on the biggest pod urban podcast in the world, and you're going to buy your first investment property.
[00:40:44.200 --> 00:40:46.520] I would have said there's no way in hell.
[00:40:46.520 --> 00:40:47.480] There's no way.
[00:40:47.480 --> 00:40:48.600] There's no way.
[00:40:49.720 --> 00:40:54.920] I did not think that I was going to live to see 46 and 47 years old.
[00:40:54.920 --> 00:40:55.640] I really didn't.
[00:40:56.200 --> 00:41:04.360] My grief was that palpable and it had a like a stronghold on me.
[00:41:05.240 --> 00:41:13.240] So it's just really interesting to see just how much your life can pivot over a very short amount of time in such a meaningful way.
[00:41:13.240 --> 00:41:17.800] So I'm filled with, you know, so much gratitude about that.
[00:41:18.440 --> 00:41:22.280] But so I haven't really had to do any real kind of transition.
[00:41:22.280 --> 00:41:26.920] I've had, I've been able to do all the things I've wanted to do.
[00:41:27.480 --> 00:41:34.200] But as far as Hot and Bothered is concerned, I knew that I wanted to A-Mic my own show again.
[00:41:34.200 --> 00:41:38.760] I had my own podcast about four and a half years ago called I'm Here for the Food.
[00:41:40.040 --> 00:41:40.600] Yeah.
[00:41:40.600 --> 00:41:43.880] And I, and I mean, I love, that was my baby.
[00:41:43.880 --> 00:41:46.120] I loved I'm here for the food.
[00:41:46.120 --> 00:41:58.200] I loved, I felt, I just was so excited about how much people loved the show, the comments, like people would be writing me novellas about how meaningful the content was.
[00:41:58.200 --> 00:42:07.080] And that made me feel so good because I'm really not here to do like pop culture or talk about gender war stuff.
[00:42:07.080 --> 00:42:08.680] Like, I really have no interest.
[00:42:09.480 --> 00:42:24.800] Yeah, I want, I just really want to highlight people who might be like existing on the fringe of society or a marginalized, you know, group, or maybe they're an ordinary person doing extraordinary things.
[00:42:24.800 --> 00:42:30.480] And I feel like they need to be highlighted or celebrated or whatever the case is.
[00:42:30.480 --> 00:42:33.920] And that was the point of I'm here for the food.
[00:42:33.920 --> 00:43:09.040] I wanted to continue that kind of mission, but now, with my own personal experiences, the health issues that I had experienced from the car accident, the grief I experienced from my mom passing away, the pandemic and how it affected me, and then entering perimenopause and how little I knew about perimenopause, how I was literally like not prepared for it, and how I realized that no real, no woman is prepared for it because this was like a dirty little secret that we were expected to keep and just go off into pasture and shut up about.
[00:43:09.360 --> 00:43:14.000] And I was like, no, I think not.
[00:43:14.320 --> 00:43:20.080] And I think that the reason why we're hearing so much about menopause these days is because Gen X is pissed off.
[00:43:20.080 --> 00:43:26.000] We are so fed up with having to learn things in real time with nobody telling us anything.
[00:43:26.000 --> 00:43:37.920] We're the generation that, you know, our parents strung a key around our necks and said, get home on public transportation at the age of seven, cook yourself a meal, and don't burn the hell out.
[00:43:38.160 --> 00:43:38.560] Go home.
[00:43:38.560 --> 00:43:39.120] Right, right.
[00:43:39.440 --> 00:43:40.000] Stay quiet.
[00:43:40.000 --> 00:43:42.720] You know, exactly.
[00:43:42.720 --> 00:43:44.560] It's just like they had to have a commercial.
[00:43:44.560 --> 00:43:45.360] It's 10 o'clock.
[00:43:45.360 --> 00:43:46.640] Do you know where your children are?
[00:43:46.640 --> 00:43:49.120] Because our parents didn't know where the hell we were.
[00:43:49.120 --> 00:43:53.760] So, this is yet another thing that we had to learn all on our own.
[00:43:53.760 --> 00:43:55.040] And we're fed up.
[00:43:55.040 --> 00:44:08.760] And also, you know, you realize that the medical community, the medical industry, by and large, after your childbearing years, really, in no uncertain terms, lets you know that you have no value anymore.
[00:44:08.760 --> 00:44:19.640] That's the, you can't draw any other conclusion as to why nothing is taught to doctors about menopause at all.
[00:44:19.640 --> 00:44:25.400] Ever, like, they might, in their whole residency, they might spend 20 hours on menopause.
[00:44:25.400 --> 00:44:27.560] Like, that is, that is horrible.
[00:44:27.560 --> 00:44:28.840] That's horrible.
[00:44:28.840 --> 00:44:30.680] That is abysmal.
[00:44:30.680 --> 00:44:36.920] And so now that is what Gen X has discovered, and we're, we're pissed.
[00:44:36.920 --> 00:44:39.160] We're, we're, we're, we're, we're mad.
[00:44:39.160 --> 00:44:41.240] So, now everybody's gonna hear about menopause.
[00:44:41.240 --> 00:44:42.040] Everybody's hearing.
[00:44:42.120 --> 00:44:43.560] Well, it's not just about that, right?
[00:44:43.560 --> 00:44:51.320] It's about everything, your, your advocacy, how you feel about sex, intimacy, and just having candid conversations.
[00:44:51.320 --> 00:45:00.200] I'm curious, like, having the lens of someone who is on, you know, a top urban podcast, who you're doing a different level of podcasting, right?
[00:45:00.840 --> 00:45:07.400] Like, what's your perspective on the podcast landscape these days and the platform itself?
[00:45:08.680 --> 00:45:17.720] I think that, you know, the pandemic encouraged way too many people to go and buy mics on Amazon.
[00:45:17.720 --> 00:45:23.160] That they shouldn't have done that.
[00:45:23.720 --> 00:45:29.960] I think that there's so many people just kind of throwing their uneducated opinions into the ether.
[00:45:29.960 --> 00:45:32.520] They're just, they're leading with their trauma.
[00:45:32.520 --> 00:45:43.720] It's like, can you please go to therapy before you get on a microphone and start spewing all this crap into like the ether and people like absorbing it?
[00:45:44.720 --> 00:45:50.400] I mean, the reality is there's like 3 million podcasts and 1.8 million of them are like dormant.
[00:45:50.400 --> 00:45:54.720] Like most podcasts don't last past 21 episodes.
[00:45:55.040 --> 00:45:57.920] But I think that's what's a lot of things that people start though.
[00:45:57.920 --> 00:46:04.640] I think people overall underestimate what it's like to start anything, like a rap career, write a book.
[00:46:04.640 --> 00:46:06.800] Like it's not just going to happen.
[00:46:07.920 --> 00:46:09.520] No, it's not easy.
[00:46:09.520 --> 00:46:10.800] It's not just going to happen.
[00:46:10.800 --> 00:46:13.200] And also to me, it's a craft.
[00:46:13.200 --> 00:46:18.400] It's a craft that you have to develop your talent for.
[00:46:18.400 --> 00:46:22.880] And the way that you do that is partially through observation.
[00:46:22.880 --> 00:46:29.680] So you look at the best to do it, you know, and I sit next to one of the best to do it.
[00:46:29.680 --> 00:46:46.640] You know, I do have to say that sitting next to Joe is what made me feel comfortable to finally say, okay, I'm ready to go back to A-Making my own platform, my own podcast.
[00:46:47.440 --> 00:46:53.760] It took me a while to get back there, but sitting next to him is literally like a masterclass.
[00:46:53.760 --> 00:46:54.880] He's nuts.
[00:46:54.880 --> 00:47:01.600] You know, he is, he is, you know, with a genius breeds eccentricity type thing.
[00:47:01.600 --> 00:47:03.600] And he definitely is that.
[00:47:03.600 --> 00:47:09.920] But being able to just watch just even the technic, technical stuff that he does.
[00:47:09.920 --> 00:47:10.560] Right.
[00:47:11.440 --> 00:47:14.880] Yeah, it's, it's a masterclass and it's, it's amazing.
[00:47:14.880 --> 00:47:17.360] Like I'm getting like a free education, you know?
[00:47:17.360 --> 00:47:27.760] And so I think that that's what's all, what's important when it comes to podcasting is like, is honing the craft through observation of the best to do it.
[00:47:27.760 --> 00:47:28.240] Yes.
[00:47:28.240 --> 00:47:32.280] And it's back to what we were touching on about like you have to create your own curriculum.
[00:47:29.840 --> 00:47:36.360] Like you're literally, there's someone and multiple people that you're studying.
[00:47:36.440 --> 00:47:41.880] You're creating your curriculum because you want to develop this craft and continue to grow.
[00:47:41.880 --> 00:47:42.440] Yeah.
[00:47:42.440 --> 00:47:48.440] And with growth, you just, you also have to understand that perfect is the enemy of good.
[00:47:48.680 --> 00:47:53.000] And I have to keep reminding myself of that when I feel like things are going wrong.
[00:47:53.000 --> 00:47:57.640] It's like that, that sensible Melissa is like, girl, it's your fifth episode.
[00:47:57.640 --> 00:47:57.880] Yeah.
[00:47:58.680 --> 00:48:06.520] I was just about to say, you really can't compare yourself to someone who's been doing it for eight, however many years that is on their 500th, 600th episode.
[00:48:06.520 --> 00:48:08.200] Like that's exactly, exactly.
[00:48:08.760 --> 00:48:11.080] It sounds simple, but we all do it.
[00:48:11.080 --> 00:48:11.320] Yeah.
[00:48:11.320 --> 00:48:11.640] Yeah.
[00:48:11.640 --> 00:48:22.200] So it's what, that's one of the things that that's the grace that I talk about that I now have learned to apply and say, girl, calm down.
[00:48:22.200 --> 00:48:23.720] It's okay.
[00:48:25.080 --> 00:48:30.680] There's bugs, but they will be worked out and eventually we'll be in a plug and place situation, you know?
[00:48:31.080 --> 00:48:34.360] But right now, remember, perfect is the enemy of good.
[00:48:34.360 --> 00:48:36.600] That is not, you are not going for perfection right now.
[00:48:36.600 --> 00:48:37.240] You're just not.
[00:48:43.320 --> 00:48:49.640] Speaking of that, how do you think about and approach your quote-unquote personal brand, right?
[00:48:49.640 --> 00:48:54.200] Before you were just living your life, but at some point you had to start thinking about it.
[00:48:54.200 --> 00:48:58.360] So how do you think about it these days in terms of what do you post on social?
[00:48:58.360 --> 00:49:00.280] Are you overthinking it?
[00:49:00.280 --> 00:49:02.200] Are you planning it?
[00:49:02.200 --> 00:49:06.360] Or are you giving yourself a little bit of organic, just throwing stuff up there?
[00:49:06.360 --> 00:49:08.920] Listen, I am an old lady, okay?
[00:49:09.160 --> 00:49:11.400] I am an old lady.
[00:49:11.400 --> 00:49:14.280] I am not tech savvy at all.
[00:49:14.280 --> 00:49:20.240] I need to hire one of these Gen Zers to come in and like run my social media for me.
[00:49:20.400 --> 00:49:23.680] Just come in, record, just tell me what to do, okay?
[00:49:23.680 --> 00:49:26.400] What TikTok dance am I supposed to do?
[00:49:26.400 --> 00:49:28.880] What trend am I supposed to jump on?
[00:49:28.880 --> 00:49:29.680] You know what I mean?
[00:49:29.680 --> 00:49:38.480] Like, my personal brand, I feel like it's been so easy to get the guys, you know, like just be pretty and be sexy.
[00:49:38.480 --> 00:49:40.640] And, you know, it's easy.
[00:49:40.640 --> 00:49:41.680] They're easy.
[00:49:41.680 --> 00:49:44.160] But women, they're not easy.
[00:49:44.160 --> 00:49:44.480] Okay.
[00:49:44.880 --> 00:49:45.840] And that's not who you want.
[00:49:45.840 --> 00:49:46.800] You don't want the guys.
[00:49:46.800 --> 00:49:47.920] You're talking to the women.
[00:49:48.320 --> 00:49:48.480] Yeah.
[00:49:49.440 --> 00:49:50.720] I don't need them.
[00:49:52.240 --> 00:49:53.360] I love the guys.
[00:49:53.360 --> 00:49:54.720] I love the guys.
[00:49:54.720 --> 00:49:58.160] But, you know, women are my tribe.
[00:49:58.480 --> 00:49:59.280] They are.
[00:49:59.280 --> 00:50:12.400] And so when it comes to women and why they follow people on social media, they follow people on social media who they find engaging, entertaining, or aspirational.
[00:50:12.800 --> 00:50:16.000] And so whether that's, oh, I love the way she dresses.
[00:50:16.000 --> 00:50:18.640] She's so effortlessly chic and fashionable.
[00:50:18.640 --> 00:50:21.040] Or, oh my God, her skin.
[00:50:21.040 --> 00:50:23.200] I just want to know everything that she does.
[00:50:23.200 --> 00:50:28.880] And she posts all her skincare products and regimens and what she does from morning to night.
[00:50:28.880 --> 00:50:35.440] Or, oh my God, her hair and she, her hair care tips or whatever, or a combination of all of the things.
[00:50:35.440 --> 00:50:38.560] Or she's like a motivational speaker like Alex L.
[00:50:38.560 --> 00:50:39.440] You know what I'm saying?
[00:50:39.440 --> 00:50:42.800] And she drops these gems and all these things.
[00:50:42.800 --> 00:50:49.920] And I'm just like, I'm just over here winging it.
[00:50:49.920 --> 00:50:51.840] Like, winging it.
[00:50:52.240 --> 00:50:58.480] The most I find myself even able to do is if I'm doing something in the gym, I give my phone to my trainer.
[00:50:58.480 --> 00:51:00.440] I'm like, yo, get this before I die.
[00:51:00.440 --> 00:51:00.760] Okay.
[00:51:01.080 --> 00:51:05.320] I got about three, I got 20 seconds in me.
[00:50:59.920 --> 00:51:06.840] So get this right now.
[00:51:07.160 --> 00:51:15.800] And so I hope to, I don't know, find my way towards being aspirational that way, because that's the easiest thing for me to do.
[00:51:15.800 --> 00:51:20.520] I'm always in the gym and I encourage people to, you know, women to get into the gym.
[00:51:20.520 --> 00:51:26.360] Well, people to get into the gym, but all the other stuff, I am a mess.
[00:51:27.640 --> 00:51:28.760] I'm a mess.
[00:51:29.080 --> 00:51:39.160] It's one of those things where at this point, if you try to overly structure like here, my five-year goals, and here's what I want to, like, it would probably, first of all, none of it would happen that way, right?
[00:51:39.160 --> 00:51:42.600] It would continue to happen how it's supposed to happen and it would overcomplicate things.
[00:51:42.600 --> 00:51:45.160] So we plan and God laughs.
[00:51:45.160 --> 00:51:46.440] Exactly, exactly.
[00:51:46.440 --> 00:51:53.320] And you touched on it briefly, but you know, you were in a major car accident and that significantly impacted you.
[00:51:53.320 --> 00:51:56.360] How were you able to recover from that?
[00:51:56.360 --> 00:52:02.600] And how do you think it changed the trajectory of your career and your goals and what's important to you?
[00:52:02.600 --> 00:52:05.240] I was actually just talking to somebody about it yesterday.
[00:52:05.480 --> 00:52:07.800] I don't even remember why.
[00:52:08.520 --> 00:52:20.760] But it was, I remember when it was happening, you know, the impact and then realizing that my car was about to flip and there was nothing that I could do.
[00:52:20.760 --> 00:52:31.400] And so I just kind of took my hands off the wheel and I sat back and took my feet off the pedals and just sat there and just waited for the inevitable.
[00:52:31.400 --> 00:52:35.800] And the inevitable, what I thought at the time was, I'm not going to survive.
[00:52:35.800 --> 00:52:37.640] This is how I die.
[00:52:37.640 --> 00:52:45.520] And how peaceful I was with that, you know, with that realization.
[00:52:45.520 --> 00:52:47.360] There was nothing that I could do.
[00:52:44.840 --> 00:52:48.880] We planned, God laughs.
[00:52:49.120 --> 00:52:50.720] There's what was I going to do?
[00:52:50.720 --> 00:52:54.480] Sit in the sit in the seat and scream and whatever else.
[00:52:54.480 --> 00:52:55.920] That wasn't going to change anything.
[00:52:56.240 --> 00:52:57.520] It wasn't going to change anything.
[00:52:57.520 --> 00:53:05.200] So I feel like if I was ever on a plane that was going down, I would probably be the calmest person on that plane because I'd be like, what are you going to do?
[00:53:05.200 --> 00:53:06.800] What are we going to do?
[00:53:07.440 --> 00:53:12.960] So that was kind of like what was happening during that moment when my car started to flip.
[00:53:12.960 --> 00:53:18.160] I just had resigned myself to I have no control in this moment.
[00:53:18.160 --> 00:53:24.240] And so let me just ride it out and see whatever, what happened, what's supposed to happen.
[00:53:24.240 --> 00:53:32.640] And then it was about, it took about a year to fully recover and feel like I was okay enough to go back to work.
[00:53:32.880 --> 00:53:35.600] Recovery was extraordinarily challenging.
[00:53:36.000 --> 00:53:39.840] Having a traumatic brain injury, a lot comes with that.
[00:53:39.840 --> 00:53:49.760] A lot of like mental anguish, pain, and suffering comes with that, the rehab, and also just the mental health issues that came with that.
[00:53:49.760 --> 00:54:18.480] But I found so many people, strangers, incredibly supportive, like incredibly, like, I'm talking about like Gulf War vets like contacting me to talk about PTSD and to talk about brain injuries and how, and some of the, you know, the modalities that they used to put them on the path, like, you know, put them on the path towards improvement and stuff like that.
[00:54:19.440 --> 00:54:25.600] So, I think that what that did was I was always so private prior to that.
[00:54:25.600 --> 00:54:30.000] I never wanted anybody, like I said, to see a crack in the facade ever.
[00:54:30.920 --> 00:54:39.240] And what happened after the car accident was I realized that I just didn't have the bandwidth to hide anymore.
[00:54:39.240 --> 00:54:49.240] I started to like cry out for help because I truly did not know how to navigate this time in my life.
[00:54:49.240 --> 00:54:57.240] It was so foreign to me, and I wasn't around anybody who really understood what I was going through.
[00:54:57.560 --> 00:55:19.480] And so, inadvertently, by crying out and by being so candid and posting about my depressive episodes and what I was thinking and feeling, I endeared myself to people who really at that point didn't really give two shits about me, honestly.
[00:55:19.480 --> 00:55:24.120] Excuse my French, but like they really were like, Oh, yeah, I've heard her name, but I'm indifferent.
[00:55:24.120 --> 00:55:24.520] Right.
[00:55:24.520 --> 00:55:31.960] We didn't know Melissa, the person, the woman, you know, it's almost like you were, yeah, it's like you were like on a poster, kind of.
[00:55:31.960 --> 00:55:41.240] Yeah, it's like I was this one-dimensional, yeah, yeah, I was this one-dimensional, like, you know, just being on their wall, like sex symbol or whatever the case is.
[00:55:41.240 --> 00:55:53.880] And no, in reality, I was a three-dimensional human being who was who was wounded, gravely wounded, like emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, all the things.
[00:55:53.880 --> 00:56:00.360] I, I just, I was a, I was a mess and I was looking for help in like anywhere that I could find it.
[00:56:00.360 --> 00:56:11.080] And like I said, inadvertently, I didn't realize that what I was doing was endearing myself to people who may not have been familiar with me or really had been indifferent towards me.
[00:56:11.080 --> 00:56:25.120] And I can't really see that as being like a career trajectory, but it kind of was because what it showed me was that I could be a conduit.
[00:56:25.120 --> 00:56:40.160] You know, my ability to storytell and speak eloquently and express, you know, describe how I'm feeling made people feel seen and related.
[00:56:40.160 --> 00:56:42.960] Like, you know, they related their experience to mine.
[00:56:42.960 --> 00:56:46.400] And in that way, like I said, endeared them to me.
[00:56:46.400 --> 00:56:56.560] And they, I would get, you know, people saying to me all the time, like, when you talked about your traumatic brain injury, I have been trying to tell my friends and family what you expressed.
[00:56:56.560 --> 00:57:02.480] I now tell them, watch that interview because she said exactly what I've been trying to tell you all for years.
[00:57:02.800 --> 00:57:05.040] And I said, wow, that's really powerful.
[00:57:05.040 --> 00:57:27.600] And I said, if I can keep doing that and keep telling stories about my own personal experiences with, you know, a fractured sense of mental health or a fractured sense of self, just being transparent and honest and candid, I might actually help people.
[00:57:27.600 --> 00:57:34.560] And so I think that that was an unintentional change in trajectory of my career.
[00:57:34.560 --> 00:57:35.360] Yes.
[00:57:35.360 --> 00:57:41.280] How did you find the strength to seek help and to continue trying and fighting?
[00:57:41.920 --> 00:57:51.200] I've always been, I've always been like a strong advocate for therapy, always.
[00:57:51.200 --> 00:57:54.880] I've never been one of those people of like, how can therapy help me?
[00:57:54.880 --> 00:57:55.440] No.
[00:57:56.240 --> 00:58:06.760] I have discovered a lot about myself during therapy sessions over the course of like two decades.
[00:58:06.760 --> 00:58:11.720] And, you know, you go to therapists at different times for different reasons.
[00:58:11.720 --> 00:58:37.000] And so I feel like my sense of self-awareness has grown dramatically because of the intense therapy that I've gone through, shadow work and the whole nine, the use of psilocybins for the purpose of like as a natural antidepressant.
[00:58:37.640 --> 00:58:37.880] Yeah, yeah.
[00:58:38.120 --> 00:58:38.680] Exactly.
[00:58:38.920 --> 00:58:41.000] Plant-based medicine.
[00:58:41.000 --> 00:58:49.320] So I think that it's not even about finding strength.
[00:58:49.320 --> 00:58:58.680] Sometimes it really was just like making it through the day and going to sleep and then seeing, hopefully waking up and seeing another day.
[00:58:58.680 --> 00:59:12.360] And also just not trying to catastrophize everything and not trying to pile too many things up on my plate when I knew when I could finally acknowledge, girl, you're not super woman.
[00:59:12.760 --> 00:59:13.480] You're not.
[00:59:13.480 --> 00:59:14.360] You're not her.
[00:59:14.360 --> 00:59:18.840] And stop trying to be her because you're not going to win a prize at the end of the day.
[00:59:19.720 --> 00:59:34.040] And so sometimes the self-care for me or self-love was lay in bed all day or eat the cake or go for a hike, or go to a movie by yourself.
[00:59:34.040 --> 00:59:42.280] Just whatever self-indulgence was required for that moment, do it.
[00:59:42.680 --> 00:59:54.240] I would allow, I would give myself the permission to just do what I needed to do for the sake of my sanity at whatever point it was.
[00:59:54.800 --> 00:59:59.920] So, those just became like my rules of operation.
[00:59:59.920 --> 01:00:01.440] I love those rules.
[01:00:06.560 --> 01:00:14.880] Before we jump into the lightning round, I'm curious if there's one thing that you want people to take away from this conversation, what would it be?
[01:00:15.200 --> 01:00:17.280] Probably watch Hot and Bothered.
[01:00:20.800 --> 01:00:30.960] Yeah, I mean, definitely, definitely check out my podcast because, I mean, that's where I'm dropping all the gems that I possibly can.
[01:00:30.960 --> 01:00:41.760] I am mining my brain for stories and anecdotes that I can share with everybody that can, you know, that they can, you know, find, you know, and relate to.
[01:00:42.080 --> 01:01:01.200] I'm interviewing incredible guests, a lot of medical professionals that will teach you a lot about, you know, health, preventative health, screenings that you need to do, and ways to just kind of like, you know, increase your chances for living a long and healthy life.
[01:01:01.920 --> 01:01:10.960] That would be what I would want people to take away from this interview is just really to check out my show and see what we're offering over there.
[01:01:10.960 --> 01:01:12.640] I'm not talking about pop culture, people.
[01:01:12.640 --> 01:01:13.120] I'm sorry.
[01:01:13.360 --> 01:01:15.280] I'm not going to be talking about gender stuff.
[01:01:16.160 --> 01:01:16.560] I can't.
[01:01:16.560 --> 01:01:17.840] I just, I can't.
[01:01:17.840 --> 01:01:19.920] I'm going to be, I'm feeding your soul.
[01:01:19.920 --> 01:01:21.840] That's what I'm trying to do over there.
[01:01:21.840 --> 01:01:22.960] Well, trying to feed yourself.
[01:01:23.040 --> 01:01:24.400] I'm going to take a tagline right there.
[01:01:24.400 --> 01:01:26.400] I hope that's in your description.
[01:01:26.400 --> 01:01:28.800] Well, I mean, I'm here for the food.
[01:01:28.800 --> 01:01:30.120] That was the tagline.
[01:01:30.120 --> 01:01:31.400] It was like, welcome to another episode.
[01:01:29.840 --> 01:01:32.680] So feeding the soul.
[01:01:32.920 --> 01:01:39.160] Even though, like, this is where we talk about topics that feed your mind, your spirit, and your soul.
[01:01:39.160 --> 01:01:41.720] You know, but it's pretty much, it's the same thing.
[01:01:41.720 --> 01:01:42.440] It's the same thing.
[01:01:42.440 --> 01:01:49.080] It's just got to be a little bit more of like a medical kind of it's not literal food, but it's feeding the soul.
[01:01:49.160 --> 01:01:50.120] It's food for the soul.
[01:01:50.120 --> 01:01:51.160] It's food for the soul.
[01:01:51.160 --> 01:01:51.720] Yes.
[01:01:51.720 --> 01:01:52.280] Definitely.
[01:01:52.280 --> 01:02:00.360] If you enjoyed this conversation with Melissa, of course, you have to go and check out Hot and Bothered because she's going to continue to have these conversations and so much more.
[01:02:00.360 --> 01:02:11.000] And one thing I hope that you guys take away from this conversation is your mind, your health, and your business are not mutually exclusive.
[01:02:11.000 --> 01:02:20.760] So the reason I wanted to have you in the guest chair is to talk about the things that we often neglect as we build our businesses, which is ourselves.
[01:02:20.760 --> 01:02:26.760] And we can't be there for our business if we're not really honing in on taking care of ourselves.
[01:02:26.760 --> 01:02:31.720] So I hope this conversation inspires you to do that, especially leading into 2025.
[01:02:31.720 --> 01:02:35.160] Like, let's remember, we got to do this for us.
[01:02:35.160 --> 01:02:37.240] We have to put ourselves first.
[01:02:37.240 --> 01:02:38.200] Oh, yeah.
[01:02:38.200 --> 01:03:03.880] And if 2016 to 2020 was any kind of inkling as to what the next four years are going to be like, yeah, you really, really, really have to have a very, very, very, very, very strong set of self-care and self-love non-negotiables set out for yourselves.
[01:03:03.880 --> 01:03:04.280] Yes.
[01:03:04.280 --> 01:03:05.160] You know what I'm saying?
[01:03:05.160 --> 01:03:11.640] And it might just be: walk away from the TV, walk away from your phone, walk away from it all.
[01:03:11.960 --> 01:03:16.560] You know, just get to get a lot of Epsom salts and some bath bombs.
[01:03:14.600 --> 01:03:19.120] I think I've been in this space of denial.
[01:03:19.440 --> 01:03:27.280] Like, I have not watched a new, so I'm just in this space of like floating denial, unfortunately, because that's my coping mechanism right now.
[01:03:27.280 --> 01:03:32.320] I can't, I know it's gonna hit the fan in January, but I'm just listening.
[01:03:32.320 --> 01:03:34.080] We did what we were supposed to do.
[01:03:34.240 --> 01:03:36.160] Well, black women did what they were doing.
[01:03:36.400 --> 01:03:39.280] Black people, for the most part, did what they were supposed to do.
[01:03:39.280 --> 01:03:42.720] I'm not a citizen, so I was not, I was not allowed to vote.
[01:03:43.040 --> 01:03:48.560] But if I had been allowed to vote, Kamala would have gotten my vote without hesitation.
[01:03:49.440 --> 01:03:52.800] So we, you know, black women did what they were supposed to do.
[01:03:54.000 --> 01:03:56.320] There's a collective rest going on.
[01:03:56.320 --> 01:04:03.600] There's a collective like pause and rest and you know, say what you want to say about it, but we need a moment together of thoughts and to feel our feelings.
[01:04:03.600 --> 01:04:04.400] And absolutely.
[01:04:04.720 --> 01:04:06.240] That's taken too long for some people.
[01:04:06.240 --> 01:04:10.320] I'm sorry, but you know, I got to do, I got to go through my process.
[01:04:10.320 --> 01:04:12.080] So exactly.
[01:04:14.960 --> 01:04:18.880] With that, we're going to do a quick lightning round where you just answer the first thing that comes to mind.
[01:04:18.880 --> 01:04:19.440] Are you ready?
[01:04:19.440 --> 01:04:19.920] Yep.
[01:04:19.920 --> 01:04:20.640] All right.
[01:04:20.640 --> 01:04:29.200] So, number one: what is a resource that has helped you in your career and business that you can share with the side hustle pro audience?
[01:04:29.200 --> 01:04:30.800] What is a resource?
[01:04:30.800 --> 01:04:33.840] Resource, tip, person.
[01:04:33.840 --> 01:04:34.800] I don't know.
[01:04:35.120 --> 01:04:36.160] Chat GPT.
[01:04:36.480 --> 01:04:37.360] What do you use it for?
[01:04:37.360 --> 01:04:38.560] I'm curious.
[01:04:38.560 --> 01:04:45.920] A lot of times, if I am interviewing a doctor, so I just interviewed a doctor who is a unicorn.
[01:04:45.920 --> 01:04:50.880] He's a black male oncologist who specializes in colorectal cancer and prostate cancer.
[01:04:51.200 --> 01:04:53.680] I was like, oh, hallelujah.
[01:04:53.680 --> 01:04:58.480] So, I listen, I know I'm out of my depths speaking to this man.
[01:04:58.480 --> 01:04:59.360] You know what I'm saying?
[01:04:59.360 --> 01:05:12.680] Like, I just decided to do a show talking about, you know, a lot of like medical issues that a lot of us might face in either our near or far future or know somebody that has had it.
[01:05:12.680 --> 01:05:16.840] But that doesn't mean that I'm going to know exactly what questions to ask this person.
[01:05:17.240 --> 01:05:20.040] So, Chat GBT came in handy.
[01:05:20.040 --> 01:05:20.360] Hello.
[01:05:20.840 --> 01:05:27.240] Giving me a template of what I could possibly ask this particular type of doctor.
[01:05:27.240 --> 01:05:29.880] So, that is how I use Chat GBT.
[01:05:29.880 --> 01:05:30.520] All right.
[01:05:30.520 --> 01:05:31.240] I love that.
[01:05:31.240 --> 01:05:38.680] Number two: Who is a non-celebrity black woman entrepreneur that you'd want to switch places with for a day and why?
[01:05:39.000 --> 01:05:41.400] My friend, Angelique Miles.
[01:05:41.400 --> 01:05:43.080] Ooh, I've heard that name.
[01:05:43.080 --> 01:05:50.680] Angelique Miles is first of all, if you go to her page and you realize that this woman is 58 years old.
[01:05:50.920 --> 01:05:52.040] Oh, I definitely follow her.
[01:05:52.040 --> 01:05:52.280] Yes.
[01:05:52.600 --> 01:05:55.000] Yeah, it's going to make you change your religion.
[01:05:55.000 --> 01:05:57.800] You're just going to be like, okay, girl, tell me what to do.
[01:05:58.120 --> 01:06:02.120] What do I do so that when I get to 58, I look like you?
[01:06:02.680 --> 01:06:05.560] She is like my goals.
[01:06:05.560 --> 01:06:09.320] She is a sweet, kind, just woman.
[01:06:09.320 --> 01:06:10.280] She's amazing.
[01:06:10.280 --> 01:06:17.080] Her life is just, it seems to be awesome because she's always traveling and she's always going out and she always looks so fashionable.
[01:06:17.080 --> 01:06:22.040] But she also just had a brain tumor and she had to have brain surgery.
[01:06:23.000 --> 01:06:27.320] And yeah, and so thankfully she survived.
[01:06:27.320 --> 01:06:34.120] But, you know, she's been very candid about, you know, how hard the road to recovery has been.
[01:06:34.120 --> 01:06:38.040] But she's done it with just such a warrior spirit.
[01:06:38.040 --> 01:06:56.400] And she has just looked so effortlessly chic, even like, you know, recovering from brain surgery and just having the opportunity to know her personally and just also seeing how, you know, she kind of just decided to try Instagram influencing.
[01:06:56.400 --> 01:07:05.920] And now she's like getting all of these opportunities to work with these brands like Warby Parker and Buick and Lincoln and whoever else.
[01:07:05.920 --> 01:07:12.000] And I'm just like, if she just did this from like, you know, grassroots, just, you know, her following is growing organically.
[01:07:12.000 --> 01:07:15.760] I would definitely say Angelique Miles is a source of inspiration.
[01:07:15.920 --> 01:07:20.640] If I was to switch places with somebody, you know, momentarily, it would be her.
[01:07:20.640 --> 01:07:22.000] Yeah, she is.
[01:07:22.000 --> 01:07:25.760] Number three, what's a non-negotiable part of your day?
[01:07:25.760 --> 01:07:31.360] A non-negotiable part of my day is time with my dog is non-negotiable.
[01:07:31.360 --> 01:07:34.720] Like I wake up, like she sleeps in her own bed.
[01:07:35.360 --> 01:07:45.680] And in the morning, when I know I've got like maybe about 20, 30 minutes left to kind of lie in bed, I go and pick her up out of her bed and I put her into bed with me.
[01:07:45.680 --> 01:07:49.360] And we just kind of like cuddle for the next 20 or 30 minutes.
[01:07:49.360 --> 01:07:55.200] And that's pretty much like how I, how I start my day is like, is just cuddles with my dog.
[01:07:55.200 --> 01:07:56.080] I love her.
[01:07:56.080 --> 01:07:58.480] She's my, she's my emotional support.
[01:07:58.480 --> 01:08:03.600] She's been there through my car accident, through the passing of my mom, all my things.
[01:08:03.600 --> 01:08:05.680] So I can't live without her.
[01:08:05.680 --> 01:08:08.400] She's, she's my baby, my doctor.
[01:08:08.640 --> 01:08:10.000] Yeah, doctor.
[01:08:10.720 --> 01:08:17.840] Number four, what is a personal trait that has really helped you significantly in life and business?
[01:08:17.840 --> 01:08:19.120] Resilience.
[01:08:19.120 --> 01:08:25.440] You know, sometimes as black women, you know, people constantly tell us how strong we are.
[01:08:25.440 --> 01:08:35.320] And to our own detriment, we shouldn't have to be as strong as we are all the time, you know, for everybody and ourselves.
[01:08:35.880 --> 01:08:46.680] And I really used to look at my resilience as, you know, as a virtue and then started to realize that a lot of times it was very much a trauma response.
[01:08:47.000 --> 01:08:48.440] This is therapy talking.
[01:08:48.440 --> 01:08:49.400] This is therapy talking.
[01:08:49.640 --> 01:08:50.520] Say it.
[01:08:51.080 --> 01:09:00.280] But still, my resilience does come along and help me in moments that I think would level other people.
[01:09:00.280 --> 01:09:04.840] You know, there's been times where it seemed like everything was just going to fall apart.
[01:09:04.840 --> 01:09:10.680] And, you know, I just kind of like breathe in through my nose, hold it, box breath, and then exhale through my mouth.
[01:09:10.680 --> 01:09:17.720] And then I start moving and I start to, you know, start planning and I stop catastrophizing.
[01:09:17.720 --> 01:09:24.200] And I'm just like, there is only one, only one option through.
[01:09:24.200 --> 01:09:25.320] Let's do it.
[01:09:25.320 --> 01:09:26.440] Let's go.
[01:09:26.440 --> 01:09:32.120] And so I would say that my resilience is definitely that trait that helps me the most.
[01:09:32.120 --> 01:09:34.120] And then finally, number five.
[01:09:34.120 --> 01:09:48.040] Now, what's your parting advice for black women, entrepreneurs, and side hustlers who want to fly by the seat of their pants and want to wing it, but are scared about not having a steady paycheck?
[01:09:48.360 --> 01:10:05.480] Oh, um, that is a challenge because we, you know, you, you always want to feel like, you know, your rent is paid, your bills are paid, you know, that you have a, you know, place to lay your head on the pillow at night and stuff like that.
[01:10:05.480 --> 01:10:11.320] But I mean, I feel like my life has been a life well lived.
[01:10:11.320 --> 01:10:26.480] And I realized this while my the accident was taking place, that one of the reasons why I felt like I was okay with if this was it for me, I did have the flash of my life.
[01:10:26.480 --> 01:10:32.400] And I saw just how extraordinary my life actually had been.
[01:10:33.040 --> 01:10:42.960] All of the travel that I had and all the places that I had seen, all the wonderful places I had been, the people that I had encountered and stuff like that.
[01:10:42.960 --> 01:10:54.400] And, you know, even though I just, I didn't seem to be regularly, you know, acknowledging a sense of gratitude in that moment, I really actually was full of it.
[01:10:55.520 --> 01:11:00.160] And so, you know, a life well lived is not done without risk.
[01:11:00.160 --> 01:11:01.520] That's, that's just it.
[01:11:01.520 --> 01:11:07.600] And when it comes down to it, the life best lived is full of experiences and not things.
[01:11:07.600 --> 01:11:14.320] You know, I stopped being like a clothes horse and needing like the newest bag and the newest pair of shoes.
[01:11:14.320 --> 01:11:19.520] Those things are wonderful, but nothing trumps experiences.
[01:11:19.520 --> 01:11:25.280] Those are just, those are valuable beyond measure.
[01:11:25.280 --> 01:11:34.480] So I would say keep that in mind when, you know, you, you're, you're weighing your options about something that might seem a little bit more risky.
[01:11:34.480 --> 01:11:38.080] Trust me, if you want it bad enough, you're going to figure it out.
[01:11:38.080 --> 01:11:38.720] You will.
[01:11:38.720 --> 01:11:41.760] Just have that much, have that sense of faith in yourself.
[01:11:41.760 --> 01:11:42.240] Yes.
[01:11:42.240 --> 01:11:43.360] Oh, I love this.
[01:11:43.360 --> 01:11:45.360] That's such a good note to end on.
[01:11:45.360 --> 01:11:57.200] And, you know, before I officially usher you out, I just want to say one last takeaway that I hope you guys get from this episode and that I've gotten is allowing yourself to be a conduit.
[01:11:57.200 --> 01:12:02.200] So many times we think, oh, I need to learn how to do X and then I can launch a podcast.
[01:12:02.520 --> 01:12:14.760] Whereas actually, there's something about your lived experience and your knowledge and your skill set that has given you that idea and that you are meant to serve as the conduit to these conversations.
[01:12:14.760 --> 01:12:16.840] You don't have to be an expert in anything.
[01:12:16.840 --> 01:12:17.240] Okay.
[01:12:17.240 --> 01:12:22.120] You just need to be the person that curates and moderates these conversations.
[01:12:22.120 --> 01:12:23.960] So allow that, okay?
[01:12:24.440 --> 01:12:24.760] Absolutely.
[01:12:24.920 --> 01:12:25.400] I thank you.
[01:12:25.400 --> 01:12:26.760] I thank you for that reminder.
[01:12:26.760 --> 01:12:27.480] You're welcome.
[01:12:27.480 --> 01:12:28.280] You're welcome.
[01:12:28.280 --> 01:12:33.400] With that, where can people connect with you and hot and bothered after this conversation?
[01:12:33.400 --> 01:12:36.840] I am at Melissa Ford on Instagram.
[01:12:36.840 --> 01:12:39.000] That is the app that I use the most.
[01:12:39.320 --> 01:12:42.920] All the rest drive me crazy, even though I am on Twitter as well.
[01:12:42.920 --> 01:12:45.000] I'm on Blue Sky.
[01:12:45.560 --> 01:12:47.160] Christ, there's so many of them.
[01:12:47.160 --> 01:12:47.960] I'm on TikTok.
[01:12:47.960 --> 01:12:48.600] I'm on all of them.
[01:12:48.600 --> 01:12:48.840] We're on the bottom.
[01:12:48.920 --> 01:12:51.640] I'm on all of them on Facebook somewhere.
[01:12:51.960 --> 01:12:54.120] But Instagram is the one that I use the most.
[01:12:54.120 --> 01:12:58.920] I also have an Instagram page for the Hot and Bothered podcast.
[01:12:58.920 --> 01:13:02.280] It's Hot and Bothered Podcast on Instagram.
[01:13:02.280 --> 01:13:06.680] And then from there, we have the links to the YouTube page.
[01:13:07.000 --> 01:13:11.800] And also, you know, the podcast, it's available on all DSPs.
[01:13:11.800 --> 01:13:15.400] Everybody, DSPs means digital streaming platforms.
[01:13:15.400 --> 01:13:20.600] That's Apple Podcast, that's Spotify, that's Google Play, that's SoundCloud.
[01:13:20.600 --> 01:13:22.280] We're on that on Tuesdays.
[01:13:22.280 --> 01:13:26.040] And then we drop our visual episodes on Thursdays on YouTube.
[01:13:26.040 --> 01:13:32.760] And the link is in the bio of both my personal page and also the podcast page.
[01:13:32.760 --> 01:13:34.280] Love it, love it, love it, y'all.
[01:13:34.280 --> 01:13:35.400] You learned something new today.
[01:13:35.400 --> 01:13:35.800] All right.
[01:13:35.800 --> 01:13:38.600] So go find your DSP of choice and check that out.
[01:13:38.600 --> 01:13:41.720] Melissa, thank you so, so much for being in the guest chair.
[01:13:41.720 --> 01:13:44.800] And friends, I will talk to you next week.
[01:13:44.440 --> 01:13:49.200] Hey, guys, thanks for listening to Side Hustle Pro.
[01:13:49.520 --> 01:13:54.240] If you like the show, be sure to subscribe, rate, and review on Apple Podcasts.
[01:13:54.240 --> 01:13:57.920] It helps other side hustlers just like you to find the show.
[01:13:57.920 --> 01:14:02.560] And if you want to hear more from me, you can follow me on Instagram at SideHustle Pro.
[01:14:02.560 --> 01:14:09.680] Plus, sign up for my six-foot Saturday newsletter at sidehustlepro.co/slash newsletter.
[01:14:09.680 --> 01:14:17.040] When you sign up, you will receive weekly nuggets from me, including what I'm up to, personal lessons, and my business tip of the week.
[01:14:17.040 --> 01:14:21.760] Again, that's sidehustlepro.co slash newsletter to sign up.
[01:14:21.760 --> 01:14:23.440] Talk to you soon.
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[01:15:03.680 --> 01:15:05.920] Here's a show that we recommend.
[01:15:08.160 --> 01:15:11.280] We're reconsidering everything right now.
[01:15:11.280 --> 01:15:13.520] What is time post-COVID?
[01:15:13.520 --> 01:15:16.000] What is truth in Trump's America?
[01:15:16.000 --> 01:15:20.800] Is You've Got Mail secretly a movie about a creepy gaslighting stalker?
[01:15:20.800 --> 01:15:25.120] We can't answer the first two questions, but we have opinions about the third.
[01:15:25.120 --> 01:15:32.680] We on Hot and Bothered are revisiting romance movies of the past and asking, What were these movies teaching us?
[01:15:32.680 --> 01:15:36.040] What did we not even realize they were teaching us?
[01:15:36.040 --> 01:15:45.480] Hot and Bothered is me, Vanessa Zoltan, a pop culture critic and nice lady with opinions, and Hannah McGregor, a bona fide professor of media studies.
[01:15:45.480 --> 01:15:50.200] Loving love stories and also just a little bit concerned.
[01:15:50.200 --> 01:15:52.600] Come listen to Hot and Bothered.
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