How to Be a Better Human

How to find small delights in an uncontrollable world (w/ Sarah Kay)

December 1, 2025

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  • Converting internal feelings of care or love into demonstrable behavior or action is necessary for those feelings to be experienced by others. 
  • Focusing attention and curiosity on other people's art, passions, or mundane burdens is a controllable way to combat feelings of hopelessness caused by the uncontrollable state of the world. 
  • Cultivating vulnerability—leaving one's arms open to be affected by the world rather than remaining cool and unaffected—is a crucial practice for noticing beauty and connection. 

Segments

Poem Introduction and Themes
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(00:07:09)
  • Key Takeaway: Sarah Kay’s poetry collection, A Little Daylight Left, focuses on seeking beauty amidst pain and connecting deeply with others.
  • Summary: The episode introduces Sarah Kay, poet and author of A Little Daylight Left, who discusses finding belonging, creating art during chaos, and seeking beauty when life is painful. The segment features her poem “Miles from Any Shoreline,” which explores noticing small moments of light despite internal struggles like loneliness or nihilism. The poem highlights finding awe in unexpected, solitary moments, such as a vivid sunset or finding a starfish on asphalt.
NYC Origin and Poetry Beginnings
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(00:10:43)
  • Key Takeaway: Growing up in New York City shaped Sarah Kay’s perspective on belonging, realizing that belonging to a place does not mean the place belongs to the individual.
  • Summary: Sarah Kay recounts growing up in New York City, a vibrant but indifferent environment that taught her about belonging without ownership. Her entry into spoken word poetry began at age 14 when she attended the New York City Teen Poetry Slam at the Bowery Poetry Club. This experience shifted poetry for her from a solitary activity to a communal one, emphasizing gathering, sharing, and creating shared experiences.
Combating Overwhelm with Community
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(00:17:15)
  • Key Takeaway: In-person community engagement is an effective antidote to the discouragement caused by focusing on uncontrollable global chaos.
  • Summary: The host expresses feeling overwhelmed by the state of the world and finds that in-person community interaction energizes hope. Sarah Kay suggests focusing time and attention on other people’s art, passions, or suffering, even in small ways, as a controllable action. This shared experience counters isolation, reinforcing that others are facing similar struggles.
Demonstrating Care Through Action
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(00:20:48)
  • Key Takeaway: Feelings of care must be converted into observable behavior or action to be communicated effectively to loved ones.
  • Summary: Sarah Kay learned through extensive touring that simply thinking of loved ones does not register unless converted into tangible gestures, like a text or a gift. This realization extended to physical presence, emphasizing the importance of demonstrating attention and presence when with someone. In poetry, finding language for an experience is an invitation for the audience to share that moment of focused attention.
Learning Presence from Improv
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(00:24:08)
  • Key Takeaway: The concept of ‘yes, and’ from freestyle rap improvisation informed the effort to communicate that a performance is exclusively for the present audience.
  • Summary: Sarah Kay credits watching freestyle rappers like Anthony Veneziali of Freestyle Love Supreme for teaching her stage presence. Veneziali excelled at communicating that the improvised performance was happening with and for the audience in that specific moment, making it unique and unrepeatable. This lesson translates to shining the spotlight of momentary presence onto another person, affirming, “I’m really here and I really see you.”
Community Focus vs. Global Issues
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(00:31:09)
  • Key Takeaway: Deep, focused care within one’s immediate vicinity, exemplified by Hanif Abdurraqib in Columbus, creates significant impact and reciprocal community support.
  • Summary: The conversation references a video series featuring Hanif Abdurraqib in Columbus, Ohio, as an example of focused community care. Abdurraqib’s love for his hometown is demonstrated through specific, personal landmarks and deep relationships with neighbors and mentees. This localized focus allows for making a tangible difference, contrasting with the feeling of ineffectiveness when spreading tiny efforts across too many large, abstract problems.
The Value of Openness and Delight
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(00:38:37)
  • Key Takeaway: Actively choosing to be porous and affected by the world, rather than remaining ‘cool,’ allows one to notice and share small, delightful phenomena.
  • Summary: Sarah Kay encourages shedding the societal pressure to remain unaffected, advocating instead for leaving one’s arms open to be impacted by people and events. This porousness, while risking heartbreak, enables noticing beautiful moments, like the starfish on the asphalt, which is a powerful symbol of making a difference to one entity. Sharing these personal delights encourages others to share theirs, reminding everyone that miraculous phenomena exist, even if they seem small or silly to others.