The Ramsey Show

My Fiancé Won't Give Me Access To Any Of Our Money

February 19, 2026

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  • Denying a partner access to shared finances, especially when one partner is a stay-at-home parent, constitutes financial abuse and is a sign of a deeply toxic relationship. 
  • Whole life insurance policies are generally a bad financial idea for young adults who do not have dependents, as term life insurance is significantly cheaper and investing separately yields better returns. 
  • For those with significant consumer debt, the path to freedom requires intense sacrifice, including cutting lifestyle expenses and aggressively increasing income through side hustles or career changes. 
  • When investing beyond the 15% retirement contribution, prioritize tax-advantaged accounts like IRAs and HSAs before moving to a standard brokerage account, especially if the funds might be needed before retirement age. 
  • Couples facing financial distress, such as mortgage delinquency due to lack of unity, must immediately prioritize household security (like keeping the house) and establish financial teamwork, even if it means temporary, strict oversight of spending. 
  • For significant inheritances, the decision to pay down debt versus building savings should be weighed against the existing level of financial discipline and the timeline for debt payoff; if discipline is established, using a windfall to accelerate debt freedom is often recommended. 
  • For those receiving a large sum of money after a tragedy, the advice is to pause for a year before making major financial decisions, such as paying off the house immediately. 
  • The caller should consider keeping the $150,000 life insurance proceeds in a high-yield savings account initially to maintain liquidity while planning the next steps, like paying off the $237,000 mortgage. 
  • The hosts strongly recommend securing a 10 to 12 times annual income term life insurance policy, contrasting it with insufficient employer coverage or whole life policies, to adequately protect dependents. 

Segments

Financial Control in Relationship
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(00:00:14)
  • Key Takeaway: Requiring a stay-at-home mother to ask for money for necessities, even for six years, is financial abuse.
  • Summary: A stay-at-home mother must ask her fiancé for the exact amount needed for expenses like groceries, having zero access to joint accounts for six years. The hosts label this dynamic as financial abuse, comparing the situation unfavorably even to a paid babysitter who receives payment without asking. The caller is advised that leaving the relationship might be necessary, potentially leading to alimony and child support through court.
Insurance and Income Protection
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(00:09:01)
  • Key Takeaway: Long-term disability insurance protects income while alive and unable to work, complementing term life insurance.
  • Summary: Term life insurance should cover 10 to 12 times one’s income to protect against death. Disability insurance is essential because it replaces income if the insured is alive but cannot work, ensuring bills are still paid. If employer-provided disability insurance is insufficient or unavailable, individuals should secure their own plan through providers like Zander Insurance.
High Debt Payoff Strategy
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(00:10:53)
  • Key Takeaway: A mortgage consuming half of one’s take-home pay severely hinders debt payoff progress.
  • Summary: A caller with $110,000 in consumer debt, including $60,000 in credit cards, has a mortgage payment consuming 50% of their take-home pay. The recommended strategy involves intense sacrifice, cutting lifestyle expenses, and increasing income to aggressively attack the smallest debt first using the debt snowball method. The hosts suggest considering a housing change, as the high mortgage payment prevents throwing significant extra money at the debt.
Evaluating Whole Life Insurance
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(00:22:04)
  • Key Takeaway: Whole life insurance is a poor investment vehicle for young individuals without dependents, and surrender penalties should be absorbed to move on.
  • Summary: A 22-year-old who invested $21,000 into a whole life policy sold by a friend’s acquaintance should surrender the policy immediately, ignoring the remaining surrender charge. Life insurance is only necessary when someone depends on the income, making term life insurance the superior, less expensive option for protection. Investing separately in index funds or mutual funds will provide significantly higher growth compared to the low returns of a whole life policy.
Repair vs. Replace Vehicle
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(00:28:42)
  • Key Takeaway: A repair costing $6,900 on a $4,000 vehicle mandates replacement, especially with sufficient cash reserves.
  • Summary: When a vehicle repair quote ($6,900) significantly exceeds the car’s private sale value ($4,000), replacement is the wisest financial decision. The caller has $40,000 saved, allowing them to purchase a reliable used vehicle with cash, adhering to the rule that total vehicle value should remain under half of annual income. They should grieve the loss of the old car and focus on acquiring a dependable replacement without incurring new debt.
Handling Spousal Financial Deceit
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(00:44:01)
  • Key Takeaway: A spouse lying about large sums of money, like $70,000, indicates a severe character issue that erodes marital trust.
  • Summary: Consistent financial lying, such as hiding the whereabouts of $70,000 or spending emergency savings on non-essentials like a guitar, signals a lack of trustworthiness in the marriage. The hosts stress that this is rarely just a money issue and often points to deeper problems like addiction or infidelity, requiring professional marriage counseling. The husband must fully own the damage and commit to radical transparency for the marriage to have any chance of healing.
Buying an Expensive Car
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(00:54:12)
  • Key Takeaway: Purchasing a high-end vehicle like a Tesla is acceptable if done debt-free and after securing retirement savings.
  • Summary: A newly married couple earning $90,000 in take-home pay (approx. $120,000 gross) can consider buying a $15,000 to $20,000 used Tesla if they pay cash. This purchase is permissible because they have no consumer debt, a six-month emergency fund, and are already investing 15% of their income into retirement accounts. The key is to ensure the total value of all vehicles remains under half of their annual household income.
Managing 1099 Income and Taxes
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(00:58:19)
  • Key Takeaway: A sole proprietor with moderate 1099 income should use a Schedule C and prioritize tax-advantaged retirement accounts before forming an LLC.
  • Summary: A social media manager earning $25,000 to $37,000 in 1099 income alongside a W-2 salary should operate as a sole proprietor using a Schedule C initially. Before considering an LLC for liability protection, the focus should be on maximizing tax-advantaged retirement savings, including matching employer contributions, Roth IRAs, and potentially an HSA. An LLC or S-Corp structure should only be considered if the self-employment income significantly expands.
Prioritizing Tax-Advantaged Investing
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(01:01:18)
  • Key Takeaway: Max out retirement accounts (401k, IRAs, HSA) before investing in taxable brokerage accounts.
  • Summary: Investors should prioritize maxing out all available tax-advantaged retirement vehicles, including the 401k, IRAs, and HSA, before contributing to a standard brokerage account. Funds in retirement accounts are locked up until age 59.5, making brokerage accounts better suited for money needed in the shorter term, such as within five years. Advanced strategies like the mega backdoor Roth 401k exist but also lock up funds until retirement age.
Churchill Mortgage Home Buyer Edge
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(01:04:03)
  • Key Takeaway: Churchill Mortgage offers rate capping and a $10,000 seller guarantee for homebuyers.
  • Summary: As mortgage rates drop, buyers should prepare by using Churchill Mortgage’s Home Buyer Edge program to cap their rate for 90 days, protecting against rate increases. If rates fall, Churchill automatically lowers the borrower’s rate. Furthermore, Churchill backs offers with a $10,000 seller guarantee if the loan falls through due to financing, strengthening the buyer’s position.
Introducing Ask Ramsey AI Tool
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(01:05:40)
  • Key Takeaway: The Ramsey Solutions website features a free Ask Ramsey AI tool trained on proven Ramsey principles.
  • Summary: Due to a full inbox and call queue, Ramsey Solutions launched the Ask Ramsey AI tool for free personalized financial advice. This tool is trained exclusively on Ramsey content, ensuring answers align with proven principles, unlike general search engines. Users can save their chat history by logging in for future reference.
Inheritance Allocation Strategy
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(01:07:32)
  • Key Takeaway: If financial discipline is already established, use an inheritance to aggressively pay off debt rather than immediately padding the emergency fund.
  • Summary: A caller with established budgeting and debt-payoff discipline was advised to use a $20,000 inheritance to pay down their $43,000 HELOC balance immediately. This approach accelerates the debt-free journey and maintains behavioral momentum, rather than pausing progress by building up the emergency fund prematurely. The interest saved acts as a benefit, and the discipline of rebuilding the emergency fund later is valuable.
Handling Income Reduction Shock
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(01:10:51)
  • Key Takeaway: When income is drastically cut, focus on debt reduction and avoid downsizing the house unless housing costs exceed 50% of the new, lower income.
  • Summary: A couple whose income was nearly halved due to an employer commission error had $50,000 in debt ($30k car loans, $10k credit cards). The hosts advised against selling the house, as the combined income ($52k from the wife + husband’s new income) made the $3,000 housing expense manageable. The focus should be on aggressively eliminating the $50,000 debt without lifestyle creep.
Prenuptial Agreements for High Net Worth
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(01:15:35)
  • Key Takeaway: A prenup is wise when there is a massive discrepancy in net worth or significant business/asset empires involved.
  • Summary: Taylor Swift should consider a prenup due to her billionaire status and extensive business assets, which create a major net worth discrepancy with Travis Kelsey. A prenup provides clarity on handling assets if the unthinkable occurs, which is prudent at that level of wealth. The complexity of Taylor Swift’s assets necessitates a much thicker agreement than Kelsey’s.
Valuing High-Effort Project Management
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(01:18:18)
  • Key Takeaway: If working 80-100 hours per week yields only $52,000 annually, the employee is severely underpaid and should seek external offers.
  • Summary: A fencing project manager generating $2.8 million in revenue was earning only $50,000 base salary while working 80-100 hours weekly, equating to about $12 per hour. The hosts advised him to use his proven revenue generation as leverage to seek a new employer who will value his contributions appropriately. Empty promises of future raises from the current employer should be treated with skepticism.
Budgeting for Mortgage Payoff
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(01:23:02)
  • Key Takeaway: If debt-free and investing 15%, high monthly expenses consuming the remaining income require a detailed budget review to find margin for early mortgage payoff.
  • Summary: A couple earning $6,000-$7,000 monthly, debt-free, and investing 15% could not find extra money to attack their $2,000 mortgage. The hosts pointed out that the remaining $4,000-$5,000 in expenses must be scrutinized using the EveryDollar app against actual bank statements to find necessary cuts. They must choose between having a large house, private school tuition, or aggressive mortgage payoff, as they may not be able to afford all three.
Addressing Financial Infidelity and Mortgage Crisis
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(01:25:55)
  • Key Takeaway: Financial infidelity and lack of unity, where one spouse refuses to contribute to the mortgage, must be addressed immediately for family security.
  • Summary: A caller facing foreclosure because his wife stopped contributing financially, despite both having income, needs immediate unity to save the house. The first step is pulling credit reports together to reveal all hidden debts, followed by establishing a joint budget, as visibility alone does not solve the underlying unity problem. The couple must agree on a shared vision for their home life to reverse the current chaos.
Structuring Inheritance for Irresponsible Adult Child
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(01:35:07)
  • Key Takeaway: Use a revocable living trust with specific, non-subjective conditions and a professional third-party trustee to manage inheritance for an irresponsible adult child.
  • Summary: Parents concerned about their 19-year-old son wasting his inheritance due to poor money habits and lying should establish a revocable living trust. The trust must contain clear, measurable conditions (e.g., sobriety, debt-free status) for receiving funds, with a professional trustee managing disbursements. The inheritance should be split among the other siblings if the conditions are not met, and the parents should communicate these terms while they are alive.
Affording a Larger Home Upgrade
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(01:39:59)
  • Key Takeaway: Do not take financial risks based on others’ advice; instead, calculate affordability based on the primary income earner’s take-home pay and current mortgage payoff status.
  • Summary: A family with a small home ($60k mortgage on a $170k-$180k house) and a 2% fixed rate was advised against moving based on external pressure to ’take risks.’ The hosts emphasized calculating the new mortgage payment to ensure it does not exceed 25% of the primary income earner’s take-home pay. Since they have significant equity ($100k+), they should use the numbers to make a wise decision, factoring in current expenses like $15,000 annual private school tuition.
Aligning Business Investment Philosophies
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(01:47:00)
  • Key Takeaway: Entrepreneurial spouses must establish separate business bank accounts and agree on core financial values to prevent micromanagement over differing investment philosophies.
  • Summary: When spouses run separate businesses, they must maintain separate business accounts to avoid commingling funds, especially if one business is less formalized. The husband’s concern over the wife’s advertising spending likely stems from fear about inconsistent income, given both recently quit their jobs for their ventures. The couple needs to agree on core financial values; if aligned, they can agree to disagree on specific processes, with the caveat that the less successful venture may need reevaluation if income goals are missed.
Handling Life Insurance Inheritance After Loss
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(01:57:08)
  • Key Takeaway: After a spouse’s death, use temporary survivor benefits to maintain stability while planning to apply life insurance proceeds to eliminate the remaining mortgage balance.
  • Summary: A 54-year-old widow with $900,000 in assets (including $150,000 life insurance) and no consumer debt faces a $237,000 mortgage she cannot afford alone after survivor benefits end in 1.5 years. The advice was to keep the $150,000 in a high-yield savings account initially while riding out the survivor benefits. She should then plan to use the insurance money to pay down the mortgage significantly, making the remaining balance manageable on her $100,000 annual income.
Reviewing Financial Status
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(01:58:46)
  • Key Takeaway: The caller has $30,000 in savings, no consumer debt, and a remaining mortgage balance of $237,000.
  • Summary: The caller confirmed having $30,000 in savings designated as an emergency fund, separate from investments or retirement accounts. They reported having no consumer debt, only the outstanding mortgage balance of $237,000. A significant portion of past funds was used for the deceased spouse’s medical expenses.
Life Insurance Proceeds Strategy
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(01:59:29)
  • Key Takeaway: The initial plan suggested parking the $150,000 life insurance money in a high-yield savings account for one year before applying it to the mortgage.
  • Summary: The advice was to keep the $150,000 in a high-yield savings account while utilizing the survivor’s benefit for the next year. This strategy allows time for clarity before committing the funds to pay down the mortgage, which would leave $80,000 remaining if applied immediately.
Monthly Cash Flow Analysis
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(02:00:01)
  • Key Takeaway: The caller expects a $1,000 monthly margin initially, but the $2,200 mortgage payment will become unsustainable once the survivor benefit ends.
  • Summary: The caller anticipates having about $1,000 left over monthly after bills, including the $2,200 mortgage payment, while receiving the survivor benefit. Once the benefit ceases, the caller projects they will not have enough income to cover the $2,200 mortgage payment.
Retirement Access Options
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(02:00:50)
  • Key Takeaway: The caller should investigate the Rule of 55 with a financial advisor to potentially access retirement accounts to help pay off the house.
  • Summary: The Rule of 55 is presented as an option to access retirement funds, which could accelerate paying off the mortgage. The hosts emphasized that the caller will likely need to continue working for the foreseeable future, as the $900,000 inheritance could double in seven years if left invested.
Handling Inherited Roth IRA
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(02:02:08)
  • Key Takeaway: The $20,000 inherited Roth IRA should ideally be protected to continue growing tax-free, and the emergency fund should not be used for home repairs.
  • Summary: The caller has a $20,000 inherited Roth IRA and outstanding home maintenance needs like tree removal and masonry work. Listeners are advised not to touch the $30,000 emergency fund for these repairs but rather to cash flow them from future income to preserve the tax-free growth of the IRA.
Life Insurance Recommendations
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(02:04:39)
  • Key Takeaway: Adequate life insurance coverage should be 10 to 12 times annual income using a term policy, not whole life insurance.
  • Summary: The hosts stressed the importance of term life insurance coverage equaling 10 to 12 times annual income, contrasting this with the insufficient coverage the deceased spouse had through work. Stay-at-home parents should also be insured for $500,000 to $700,000 to cover the value of their contributions.