The Ramsey Show

I've Been Financially Supporting My Boyfriend For Years (He Refuses to Get A Job)

February 9, 2026

Key Takeaways Copied to clipboard!

  • A partner refusing to work and claiming a job wouldn't benefit him because the caller would misuse the money is a strong indicator of manipulation, even if not legally defined as financial abuse. 
  • When cohabiting without marriage, a partner has no legal right to shared money, and enabling irresponsibility replaces their urgency to provide. 
  • For major financial decisions made without spousal knowledge, like leveraging $250,000 in home equity for crypto speculation, immediate transparency and professional consultation are critical to assess the damage and rebuild trust. 
  • When considering having another child after experiencing postpartum depression, the caller must consult mental health professionals and doctors to understand the chemical and mental factors involved and create a proactive support plan. 
  • For side gigs involving physical labor or property interaction, like mobile welding, securing general liability and potentially professional liability insurance, along with proper business setup (like an LLC), is crucial to protect personal assets. 
  • When splitting assets from a co-owned home upon breakup, contributions to the down payment and renovations should be documented, as undocumented contributions can lead to a 50/50 split based on legal title, potentially costing the contributing party significant equity. 
  • Hard work creates financial luck, as exemplified by the debt-free scream success of Randy and Erica who paid off $380,000. 
  • When facing terminal illness, prioritizing the long-term financial stability of the surviving spouse and children (including future income streams) is more critical than immediately eliminating the mortgage. 
  • Individuals with significant negative equity on a vehicle ($20,000 underwater) earning $60,000 annually should prioritize eliminating the high monthly payment ($900 plus insurance) by taking the loss upon selling the asset to achieve immediate cash flow freedom. 

Segments

Boyfriend Financial Support Inquiry
Copied to clipboard!
(00:00:44)
  • Key Takeaway: Financial support for an unemployed partner who refuses to work raises concerns about manipulation and relationship viability.
  • Summary: A caller revealed her partner has been unemployed for two and a half years and resists getting a job, claiming it wouldn’t benefit him because she would misuse the money. The hosts immediately questioned the sustainability of the relationship, especially since they have children but are not married. The caller’s main question centered on whether this situation constitutes financial abuse.
Assessing Financial Abuse and Manipulation
Copied to clipboard!
(00:02:05)
  • Key Takeaway: Refusing provision while accusing the provider of misuse is a strong indicator of manipulation requiring immediate boundary setting.
  • Summary: The hosts concluded the boyfriend’s statement about the caller misusing his potential earnings is a clear case of manipulation, suggesting the partner is deeply broken and needs help. The caller was advised to set a firm boundary: she cannot continue to support him financially under the current arrangement. His response to this boundary—whether he takes ownership or resorts to blame/guilt—will determine the relationship’s future.
Insurance Advice for Life Changes
Copied to clipboard!
(00:09:01)
  • Key Takeaway: Long-term disability insurance is essential to replace income if one becomes unable to work while alive, complementing term life insurance.
  • Summary: The segment emphasized that while term life insurance protects against death, long-term disability insurance protects income while the insured is alive but incapacitated. If employer-provided coverage is insufficient or unavailable, individuals should secure their own policy to ensure bills continue to be paid if they cannot work.
Husband’s $250K Crypto Loss
Copied to clipboard!
(00:10:51)
  • Key Takeaway: Leveraging a Home Equity Line of Credit (HELOC) for $250,000 in speculative crypto trading, especially involving a ‘sell short’ error, signals severe financial recklessness and trust breaches.
  • Summary: A caller discovered her husband borrowed $250,000 against their home equity to invest in cryptocurrency, which he subsequently lost, allegedly by accidentally hitting the ‘sell short’ button. The hosts expressed extreme skepticism about the ‘accidental’ nature of the loss, viewing the action as degenerate gambling that jeopardizes the family’s security. The immediate action required is for the wife to investigate the transaction details directly with the crypto company and address the massive debt incurred.
Debt Management and Financial Discipline
Copied to clipboard!
(00:21:57)
  • Key Takeaway: Being significantly underwater on high-interest loans ($31k on a $25k truck) and having no savings requires immediate, aggressive asset liquidation and strict budgeting.
  • Summary: A new listener is overwhelmed by debt, including a 28% loan on a truck and negative equity on an RV, and has no savings while being behind on rent. The hosts stressed that the caller is not stuck but is in a bad place requiring discipline, prioritizing a $1,000 starter emergency fund over debt payments initially. The immediate focus must be on selling depreciating assets like the truck to eliminate the high monthly payments and free up cash flow.
Planning for a Second Child
Copied to clipboard!
(00:54:40)
  • Key Takeaway: Financial readiness for a second child is confirmed by being debt-free and exceeding retirement savings goals, allowing focus to shift to mental health support.
  • Summary: This couple is financially prepared for a second child, being debt-free and exceeding the recommended 15% retirement contribution, leaving lifestyle and mental health as the primary concerns. The caller’s prior experience with postpartum depression necessitates prioritizing professional mental health support this time around, ensuring resources are allocated for that need. They should defer major housing upgrades until the financial impact of the new child is fully assessed, as future income growth may mitigate the need to move immediately.
Postpartum Mental Health Planning
Copied to clipboard!
(00:58:09)
  • Key Takeaway: Proactive consultation with mental health professionals is essential before having a second child to assess the chemical and mental likelihood of recurring postpartum depression.
  • Summary: The caller needs to determine the medical percentages of experiencing postpartum depression again and secure tools, potentially including medication or therapy, before deciding to expand their family. Financial stability, which the caller currently possesses, should be leveraged to prioritize this necessary mental health support. White-knuckling through the experience alone, as done previously, is strongly advised against.
Side Gig Insurance and Setup
Copied to clipboard!
(01:08:12)
  • Key Takeaway: Starting a high-risk trade side gig, like mobile welding, necessitates obtaining general liability insurance and establishing a formal business structure like an LLC.
  • Summary: General liability insurance is mandatory for mobile trade work due to risks like property damage or fire caused by sparks. The caller should set up proper business protections, such as an LLC and a business checking account, to prevent personal liability from reaching their personal finances. This setup should be done correctly from the start, even if the side gig is not intended to become the primary income source.
Student Loan Payoff Strategy
Copied to clipboard!
(01:06:14)
  • Key Takeaway: Student loans should be paid off aggressively, regardless of low interest rates, because the associated risk of unemployment and the mental burden of looming debt outweigh potential investment gains.
  • Summary: Comparing debt payoff to investing by comparing oneself to a monkey is flawed because it ignores the risk of job loss, which makes student loans difficult to discharge in bankruptcy. The ongoing payment requirement keeps the debt living rent-free in the borrower’s head, hindering peace of mind. Aggressively paying off the $100,000 medical degree debt will lead to a more peaceful life and greater overall wealth accumulation.
Splitting Proceeds from Ex’s Home
Copied to clipboard!
(01:17:33)
  • Key Takeaway: If co-owned property sale proceeds are not governed by a written agreement, the contributing party risks losing significant equity to a 50/50 split if the ex-partner plays hardball.
  • Summary: The caller contributed $35,000 down payment plus $36,000 in renovations, while the ex-partner contributed $5,000 down payment and nothing to renovations, yet the legal title dictates a 50/50 split without documentation. The caller should seek advice from the couple’s former therapist on how to approach the breakup discussion to ensure fair recoupment of their documented financial contributions. The caller must be prepared for an emotional fight over the equity, despite believing the ex is generally logical.
Affordability of Golf Club Membership
Copied to clipboard!
(01:26:53)
  • Key Takeaway: A $500 monthly golf club membership is financially justifiable for a couple earning $215,000 annually with only a mortgage as debt and a five-month emergency fund.
  • Summary: The $1,000 initiation fee and $500 monthly cost represent a small percentage of the couple’s high income, making the expense affordable, especially since the wife is also excited to participate. The hosts suggest the proximity to other wealthy individuals at the club offers a potential return on investment (ROI) through networking opportunities. The couple needs to overcome their frugal mindset, recognizing this as acceptable fun money once their debt repayment and investing goals are being met.
Managing Irregular Sales Income
Copied to clipboard!
(01:32:32)
  • Key Takeaway: Salespeople with fluctuating income should maintain a separate ‘peaks and valleys fund’ to cover monthly deficits, distinct from the primary emergency fund, and then aggressively attack debt.
  • Summary: The ‘peaks and valleys fund’ should hold enough cash to cover the largest historical monthly deficit, as this is not an emergency but an expected fluctuation. After debt is cleared, the caller should continue investing 15% for retirement, use extra income to pay down the mortgage, and start a side business using cash only. Once debt-free, the lower monthly bills mean the peaks and valleys fund can be leaner.
Career Promotion vs. Anxiety Risk
Copied to clipboard!
(01:39:08)
  • Key Takeaway: A veteran should proactively seek therapy tools to manage potential anxiety from a new, higher-stress promotion, especially if the new role lacks the supportive environment of the current position.
  • Summary: The caller’s current success is linked to a supportive manager and workflow that mitigates past service-related anxiety, but the promotion involves a new team and increased customer-facing stress. The wife’s concern is valid because the known positive circumstances will change, making it crucial to gain clarity on the new environment’s leadership style. The caller should use the increased income potential ($120k-$125k plus $24k disability) to fund therapy immediately to gain the necessary tools.
Debt-Free Scream Celebration
Copied to clipboard!
(01:47:14)
  • Key Takeaway: Achieving debt freedom, even after paying off a $380,000 mortgage over 13 years while working in education, is possible through sustained, focused effort and accountability.
  • Summary: The Idaho couple paid off $380,000 in debt, including their home, over 13 years, motivated by a panic moment when they had to use credit for funeral expenses. Accountability was maintained by teaching Financial Peace classes to others, which reinforced their commitment to cutting up credit cards. Their children realized the privilege of their debt-free status when comparing their situation to peers burdened by student loans.
Family Support and Debt Freedom Realization
Copied to clipboard!
(01:55:20)
  • Key Takeaway: Children realize the value of debt-free living when comparing their situation to peers burdened by significant student loan debt.
  • Summary: The callers’ children, aged 20 to 24, recognized their family’s financial advantage after cash-flowing college and setting up Roth accounts. This realization solidified when they compared their status to a friend carrying $100,000 in student debt, highlighting the generational impact of financial discipline. This moment marked an emotional finish line for the parents.
Debt-Free Scream Celebration
Copied to clipboard!
(01:56:13)
  • Key Takeaway: Randy and Erica successfully eliminated $380,000 of debt over 13 years while increasing household income from $100,000 to $200,000.
  • Summary: Randy and Erica from Boise, Idaho, celebrated paying off $380,000 in debt. The hosts attributed their success to hard work, quoting the idea that hard work creates luck. This segment concluded the celebration of their major financial milestone.
Real Estate Resource Promotion
Copied to clipboard!
(01:57:05)
  • Key Takeaway: Ramsey Solutions offers free tools, guides, and a video course hosted by George Kamel to help individuals prepare for buying or selling a home.
  • Summary: George Kamel promoted the Ramsey Real Estate home base for free resources, including calculators and start-to-finish guides. This resource aims to reduce the overwhelm associated with major housing decisions. The resource hub can be accessed at ramseysolutions.com/slash real estate.
Scripture and Quote of the Day
Copied to clipboard!
(01:57:55)
  • Key Takeaway: The biblical mandate is to owe nothing except love, and Mark Twain asserted the world owes no one a living, as it existed first.
  • Summary: The scripture of the day, Romans 13:8, advises owing no one anything except to love each other. The quote of the day from Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) emphasized personal responsibility, stating the world owes individuals nothing. A bonus trivia fact revealed Mark Twain’s real name is Samuel Clemens.
Terminal Diagnosis Financial Planning
Copied to clipboard!
(01:59:30)
  • Key Takeaway: For a terminally ill caller with a $284,000 mortgage, the advice was to hold the $228,000 brokerage settlement funds rather than immediately paying off the house, focusing instead on securing future income streams for the surviving spouse.
  • Summary: Brooks, diagnosed with terminal cancer, received guidance on managing a $228,000 life insurance settlement alongside a $284,000 mortgage. The hosts recommended waiting to pay off the house unless the funds were sufficient to cover the entire balance, prioritizing due diligence on future disability income for his wife and four children. Seeking counsel from many and making decisions without fear were emphasized.
Negative Equity Vehicle Resolution
Copied to clipboard!
(02:04:50)
  • Key Takeaway: A caller underwater $20,000 on a truck with a $900 monthly payment should sell the vehicle, absorb the loss against house sale proceeds, and purchase a reliable used car with cash.
  • Summary: Chris, netting $66,000 from a house sale while owing $53,000 on a $35,000 truck, was advised to sell the truck immediately. This action frees up $1,130 monthly in combined payment and insurance costs, allowing him to buy a $10,000 to $15,000 cash car and establish an emergency fund. Saving for a future home purchase should only begin after establishing this clean financial foundation.