The Ramsey Show

How Do I Get My Boyfriend To Step Up and Make More Money?

February 18, 2026

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  • Filing for bankruptcy should be avoided if possible, as the long-term damage to future home loan ability outweighs the immediate relief from $25,000 in credit card debt. 
  • A caller struggling financially due to an unemployed, drug-using boyfriend is advised to prioritize her own and her children's stability, acting as though she is divorced, and aggressively seek increased income. 
  • Aggressive student loan repayment is deemed insufficient if the couple has significant margin in their budget, as the emotional security of being debt-free outweighs the fear of a short-term emergency. 
  • When facing financial crossroads with inherited money, splitting the difference between paying down the mortgage and investing for retirement can satisfy both partners' desires for security and growth. 
  • Couples with degrees should leverage their education to aggressively double their income through sheer effort rather than letting financial stress impact their family and baby. 
  • Leasing a vehicle is strongly discouraged as it creates financial inflexibility and often leads to costly mileage overages. 
  • When debt is overwhelming, the immediate focus must shift to aggressive debt payoff using all available income, even if it means temporarily pausing retirement investing (unless the employer match is significant). 
  • If a Home Equity Line of Credit (HELOC) balance is more than half of your annual income, it should be treated as a Baby Step 6 item, meaning you continue investing 15% before aggressively attacking the HELOC. 
  • A debt recovery agency threatening wage garnishment requires validation of the underlying judgment by checking county clerk records before making any payment arrangements. 
  • When settling a debt with a recovery agency, always negotiate a lower settlement amount based on what you can afford and secure the agreement in writing to prevent future claims. 

Segments

Bankruptcy vs. Debt Relief
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(00:00:34)
  • Key Takeaway: Bankruptcy causes significant damage to future home loan ability, making it a worse option than letting credit card debt go to collections and settling later.
  • Summary: Nancy, separated from her husband, has $25,000 in credit card debt solely in her name and is considering bankruptcy. The hosts advise against bankruptcy, suggesting that allowing the debt to go to collections will cause less long-term financial harm. Nancy’s income fluctuates between $1,000 and $3,000 monthly, and she needs to urgently investigate increasing her income potential.
Income Generation and Loyalty
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(00:03:50)
  • Key Takeaway: Loyalty to an employer promising a future salary position should not prevent a person from seeking additional contracts now if there is no conflict of interest.
  • Summary: The hosts stress the urgency for Nancy to increase her income to tackle her debt, suggesting she clarify if her current employer’s promise of a full-time salary position is guaranteed. They advise her to immediately investigate if she can take on more contracts without violating any exclusivity clauses. Increasing income to $4,000 consistently would allow her to pay off the $2,000 debt in one year.
Prioritizing Four Walls
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(00:06:15)
  • Key Takeaway: When facing financial crisis, prioritize the four walls (food, shelter, utilities, transportation) before paying credit card companies, even if it means debt goes to collections.
  • Summary: The hosts emphasize that Nancy must cover her four walls—mortgage, utilities, and food for her two young children—before paying the credit card companies. They reassure her that collections and threats of lawsuits are less damaging than bankruptcy, especially since she is essentially financially independent. She is encouraged to seek community support for childcare, especially given her four-year-old has special needs.
Boyfriend’s Financial Dead Weight
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(00:10:28)
  • Key Takeaway: A boyfriend who is the father of a child but cannot sell cars, is not trusted to watch the child, and is not contributing financially should be immediately ended as a relationship.
  • Summary: Ashley, earning $145,000, is struggling because her car salesman boyfriend is not making sales, forcing her to cover bills, including a new $3,000 rent increase imposed by her father. Ken Coleman strongly advises Ashley to end the relationship due to four major issues: lack of trust, unplanned child, lack of contribution, and inability to sell cars. The immediate financial pressure is exacerbated by $3,000 daycare costs looming when Ashley returns to work.
Reducing High Expenses
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(00:17:39)
  • Key Takeaway: High expenses like $3,000 rent and $3,000 childcare can be drastically reduced by finding roommates and utilizing informal care options like a retired grandmother.
  • Summary: Ashley’s immediate expenses total $6,500 ($3k rent, $3k daycare, $350 car payment), leaving only $1,500 for all other necessities on her $145k income. George suggests finding roommates to cut the $3,000 rent in half and exploring shared nanny situations or utilizing a retired grandmother for childcare to slash daycare costs. Ashley must craft a plan assuming her boyfriend will not contribute financially.
Aggressive Debt Payoff Strategy
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(00:21:23)
  • Key Takeaway: A 0% APR balance transfer card is a delay tactic, not a solution; the focus must remain on aggressively attacking the remaining balance with extra effort and sacrifice.
  • Summary: Chelsea has $6,000 remaining on a 0% APR credit card due in October, currently paying $450-$500 monthly. The hosts emphasize that the 0% offer is a bet against her, and she needs to pay at least $1,000 monthly to avoid high back-charged interest. The required sacrifice is cutting eating out (which costs $200-$300 monthly) combined with adding extra effort via a side hustle.
Student Loan Aggressiveness Check
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(00:33:00)
  • Key Takeaway: If a couple has significant margin in their budget while paying student loans, they are not being aggressive enough, as the goal is to eliminate debt quickly to build financial peace.
  • Summary: Nick is paying $2,000 monthly toward $70,000 in student loans but worries about his $1,000 emergency fund with a wife and two-year-old. Ken Coleman immediately challenges this, stating that if they have more margin available, they are not being aggressive enough, as paying debt for three or four more years is too long. They confirm that if an HVAC replacement costing $6,000 occurred, Nick would pause loan payments to cash flow the repair, highlighting the need to address the underlying fear driving his conservative approach.
Handling Windfall Money Wisely
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(00:38:35)
  • Key Takeaway: When coming into a large cash windfall ($100k+) after clearing initial debt, splitting the difference between paying down the mortgage and investing in Roth IRAs satisfies both security and wealth-building goals.
  • Summary: Hannah and her husband will have an extra $100,000 after selling an inherited house and paying off debts, and they disagree on whether to pay down their mortgage or invest it. Since they are young (early 30s) and already have significant retirement savings, the hosts suggest splitting the difference. This involves maxing out two Roth IRAs, putting a large portion toward the mortgage principal, and retaining some for enjoyment or a 529 plan.
Priorities After Domestic Violence
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(00:43:15)
  • Key Takeaway: The immediate priority for a newly single mother leaving a DV situation is securing employment to cover the four walls, even if it means taking a lower-paying job temporarily, before pursuing expensive education.
  • Summary: Jessica, a newly single mother of two in a shelter program, has $20,000 in debt and is considering a $100,000, two-year dental hygienist program. The hosts strongly advise pausing school plans to focus on immediate employment to cover basic needs, as her housing assistance is temporary. They suggest leveraging her rural location by offering cleaning services to the wealthy residents nearby, which offers flexible, high-return income close to her children.
Urgency in Job Search and Debt
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(00:53:06)
  • Key Takeaway: A family facing a job loss deadline with $100,000 in consumer debt must adopt a mindset of urgency, prioritizing immediate income generation over long-term career moves or moving in with parents.
  • Summary: Sarah’s husband is losing his $45,000 ministry job in May, and they have $100,000 in consumer debt plus a mortgage. The hosts challenge the mindset that options like moving home or waiting for a better job are viable, noting that at their current income level, debt payoff would take a decade. Both Sarah (fashion merchandising degree) and her husband (communications degree) must immediately seek any available employment to generate necessary income, even if it means taking $18/hour jobs temporarily.
Urgency and Income Doubling
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(01:00:22)
  • Key Takeaway: Financial urgency, driven by debt and job insecurity, negatively affects children’s anxiety levels, necessitating proactive income generation.
  • Summary: The stress from debt and potential job loss is felt by the baby, even if the parents are unaware. Couples with degrees should focus on maximizing earning potential, even if it requires temporary, inconvenient childcare arrangements. Both partners should utilize their educational backgrounds to secure higher-paying jobs immediately.
Used Cars and Maintenance
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(01:02:55)
  • Key Takeaway: Always buy used vehicles, and ensure proper, regular maintenance is performed to maximize longevity.
  • Summary: New cars should be avoided unless one has significant wealth. Regular, proper maintenance is crucial for used cars to last. Christian Brothers Automotive is recognized as a trusted partner for honest and transparent auto repair services.
Housing Market Trends
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(01:04:27)
  • Key Takeaway: Medium home prices dipped below $400,000 recently, but consumers should make logical decisions based on data, not emotional reactions to headlines.
  • Summary: Conflicting data about the housing market makes it difficult to know what is truly happening. Listeners are encouraged to use free tools to understand market trends before buying or selling. The hosts advise against making emotional decisions based on sensationalized news reports.
High Income, High Debt Cycle
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(01:05:12)
  • Key Takeaway: Earning a high income ($105K-$125K) while remaining paycheck-to-paycheck with significant debt indicates a critical budgeting and allocation failure.
  • Summary: John works three jobs but has $65,000 in debt, including a costly car lease, and no savings or retirement. The core issue is not income but a failure to properly allocate paychecks, leading to borrowing again after temporary progress. Using the EveryDollar paycheck planning tool can visualize bill due dates to prevent running out of money before the next paycheck.
Lease Pitfalls and Debt Attack
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(01:08:43)
  • Key Takeaway: Leases are the least favorable way to finance a vehicle due to mileage penalties and lack of good exit strategies.
  • Summary: John is paying $628.96 monthly on a lease and is already over the mileage allowance, compounding the cost. Because he lacks the lump sum to buy it out, options are limited, reinforcing why leases are disliked. The plan is to maintain the three jobs, aggressively attack the $65,000 debt with $3,600 monthly, completing the payoff in about 18 months.
Budgeting Discipline vs. Planning
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(01:11:04)
  • Key Takeaway: Creating a budget is meaningless if the discipline to follow it is absent, leading to cyclical debt accumulation.
  • Summary: Scott and his wife budget but do not follow the plan, causing them to fall behind and borrow again after making temporary progress. The issue is lifestyle creep and spending exposed by a reduced income, not the mortgage payment itself. They must stop saving/investing temporarily to aggressively clear $27,000 in student loans, which can be done quickly with their six-figure income.
Mortgage Ratio Rationale
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(01:35:55)
  • Key Takeaway: Ramsey Solutions uses net (after-tax) income for housing recommendations (25% max) because it is a more conservative and accurate indicator of true financial stability than gross income.
  • Summary: Net income accounts for varying state and local tax burdens, which gross income ignores, making it a better measure of usable funds. The 25% guideline is intentionally conservative to ensure buyers can still achieve Baby Steps 4, 5, and 6, such as investing and paying off the house early. Young buyers should not rush into homeownership if it compromises their ability to follow the Baby Steps.
Pausing Retirement Investing for Debt
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(01:37:42)
  • Key Takeaway: It is acceptable to pause retirement contributions (beyond the employer match) to aggressively eliminate debt when the debt load is significant ($68,000).
  • Summary: Jefferson has $68,000 in debt and is contributing 13% of his income, with only a 1% company match. Pausing contributions allows him to free up significant cash flow to attack the debt faster, potentially clearing it in two years. Given his age (33), he has enough time to resume investing at 15% or more later and still catch up on retirement savings.
Power of Focus and RAS
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(01:41:46)
  • Key Takeaway: The brain’s Reticular Activating System (RAS) causes people to notice things they focus on, turning perceived obstacles into visible opportunities when a clear financial goal is set.
  • Summary: The psychological effect of focusing intensely on a purchase, like a new car, makes that item suddenly appear everywhere, illustrating the power of focus. When listeners focus on a specific debt payoff goal (like $5,000), their brains begin to register opportunities to earn that money that were previously invisible. Focused intensity over time creates unstoppable momentum toward financial goals.
Millionaire Profile: Eric
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(01:46:58)
  • Key Takeaway: Net worth millionaires often drive reliable used vehicles (like Hondas), live below their means, and prioritize paying off their mortgage early over accumulating luxury assets.
  • Summary: Eric, a CFO, and his wife, a manager, reached a $1 million net worth by age 45, largely through diligent saving and investing, not inheritance. They drive used Honda Pilots and plan to pay off their $165,000 mortgage early using cash from a CD that earns more than the mortgage interest rate. The key advice is to use a budget, stay out of debt, and build wealth instead of trying to look wealthy.
HELOC vs. Mortgage Payoff
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(01:57:37)
  • Key Takeaway: When a Home Equity Loan (HELOC) has a higher balance and a higher interest rate than the primary mortgage, the HELOC should be attacked first.
  • Summary: Bill has a $135,000 mortgage at 2.75% and a $125,000 HELOC at 5.5%, taken out during a divorce. Because the HELOC is riskier (variable rate potential, higher rate) and has a large balance relative to his income, it should be prioritized. Since the HELOC balance is over half his annual income, it falls under Baby Step 6, meaning investing should continue while aggressively paying down the HELOC.
HELOC vs Mortgage Payoff
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(01:58:59)
  • Key Takeaway: Attack the HELOC first if its balance is higher and it carries a higher interest rate than the primary mortgage.
  • Summary: The caller’s HELOC rate (5.5%) was higher than the principal mortgage rate (2.75%), making it the priority debt despite similar balances. Because the HELOC balance ($125k) exceeded half the annual income ($155k), the caller must maintain 15% retirement investing (Baby Step 6) while aggressively paying the HELOC. The caller aims to clear the HELOC in five years while simultaneously paying down the mortgage.
Snap-on Tool Debt Judgment
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(02:01:21)
  • Key Takeaway: If a judgment exists from failing to appear in court, wage garnishment of 25% is a legal possibility that must be addressed.
  • Summary: A caller owes $17,500 on $7,000-$8,000 of original Snap-on tool debt due to interest and judgment fees after failing to appear in court. The immediate action required is validating the judgment’s existence by contacting the county clerk’s office. If the judgment is confirmed, the debt recovery agency can legally garnish wages.
Settling Tool Debt
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(02:04:05)
  • Key Takeaway: Settle debt with the recovery agency by selling assets, like the tools themselves, and securing the final agreed-upon amount in writing.
  • Summary: The caller should research the resale value of the tools they still possess to generate cash for a settlement offer. The agency previously offered to settle for $8,000, but the caller should counter-offer with a lower amount, such as $4,000, contingent on receiving written confirmation that the payment settles the debt in full. All communication, agreements, and payment methods must be documented, avoiding automatic debit authorization.